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Tramadol is going to kill me
I have to stop this. I am a chronic pain patient. Have access to anything from morphine, percocet, most recently Belladonna/Opium and pure oxycodone. nothing I take compares to my drug of choice for the past 3 years.. that evil little white pill, Tramadol
I am not a " high" type person. never enjoyed the stoned feeling. I have extreme lethargy from several chronic diseases and when I found this little speed pill that gave me super energy and feeling like a normal person again , I was hooked. I was able to get out of bed and have strength, clean my house , go out with my kids, be a normal mom again.
So here I am now , and have been for awhile now, desperately trying to make it until my next script, doctor shopping, E.R. visits just for the purpose of getting more tramadol because my pain managment doctor would cut me off if they knew id taken 150 tablets in a week ... Thats my usual now... its always been 4 at a time , at least 12 per day, but for the past year its usually 15-20 per day.
Ive tried to w/d on my own... its literal hell and I cannot take it. Ive used other drugs to replace tramadol ( vicodin, norco etc) and ive sucessfully done it , but I always go back to tramadol, only because of the energy it gives me. If I didnt suffer from debilitating fatigue, I wouldnt have ever started this junk. All I wanted was to be pain free and have a normal energy level. I once had ambition, I could do anything, Now , there are only 3 magic words I wait to hear, " your prescriptions ready"
Ive conned so many doctors, pharmacies, some at the same time... anything to get that pill that controls my life. Im so tired of being slave to a drug that is destroying my body. its exhausting... literally scared to look at my bottle, in case its getting low... then the anxiety sets in ," ok I have to start figuring out how to get another script before that runs out." Im running out of options.... and Im just TIRED.
and to top it all off , last week, I swore I would stop again ... BUT I NEED energy, because I DO suffer from chronic fatigue and I conned some Adderall.... I took the whole bottle of 40 in 3 days.
Thats when I realize , nothing is going to work , because , I AM AN ADDICT. thats the reality. I think it really set it when I was researching on google " how to call in your own prescriptions" AND I almost went through with it. If I had I probably would have been arrested.
So the question---- HOW do I stop this? Ive been trying to drag myself to the rehab clinic for methadone/suboxone.... I cant be chained to a methadone clinic... just wont work for me . and im scared that subuxone wont give me the energy I need. SO im literally terrified that I will move onto adderall , no matter if I do manage to quit the tram....
I need help
I am not a " high" type person. never enjoyed the stoned feeling. I have extreme lethargy from several chronic diseases and when I found this little speed pill that gave me super energy and feeling like a normal person again , I was hooked. I was able to get out of bed and have strength, clean my house , go out with my kids, be a normal mom again.
So here I am now , and have been for awhile now, desperately trying to make it until my next script, doctor shopping, E.R. visits just for the purpose of getting more tramadol because my pain managment doctor would cut me off if they knew id taken 150 tablets in a week ... Thats my usual now... its always been 4 at a time , at least 12 per day, but for the past year its usually 15-20 per day.
Ive tried to w/d on my own... its literal hell and I cannot take it. Ive used other drugs to replace tramadol ( vicodin, norco etc) and ive sucessfully done it , but I always go back to tramadol, only because of the energy it gives me. If I didnt suffer from debilitating fatigue, I wouldnt have ever started this junk. All I wanted was to be pain free and have a normal energy level. I once had ambition, I could do anything, Now , there are only 3 magic words I wait to hear, " your prescriptions ready"
Ive conned so many doctors, pharmacies, some at the same time... anything to get that pill that controls my life. Im so tired of being slave to a drug that is destroying my body. its exhausting... literally scared to look at my bottle, in case its getting low... then the anxiety sets in ," ok I have to start figuring out how to get another script before that runs out." Im running out of options.... and Im just TIRED.
and to top it all off , last week, I swore I would stop again ... BUT I NEED energy, because I DO suffer from chronic fatigue and I conned some Adderall.... I took the whole bottle of 40 in 3 days.
Thats when I realize , nothing is going to work , because , I AM AN ADDICT. thats the reality. I think it really set it when I was researching on google " how to call in your own prescriptions" AND I almost went through with it. If I had I probably would have been arrested.
So the question---- HOW do I stop this? Ive been trying to drag myself to the rehab clinic for methadone/suboxone.... I cant be chained to a methadone clinic... just wont work for me . and im scared that subuxone wont give me the energy I need. SO im literally terrified that I will move onto adderall , no matter if I do manage to quit the tram....
I need help
I started with 2 50 mg tablets as needed , usually 6 a day .. Then 8 .. Then I lost control.
If you are at a point that you can taper , and you sound like you can... Then that's your best bet .
There are many other options for pain than this insidious drug. I was sold a bill of goods. Its the most addicting drug I've ever been on. Ive been on alot for pain. Now please don't take what I'm saying as an all or nothing because SOME people aren't even affected by it .
Having said that... I have recently spoken with several recovering addicts on other boards and a few were grown men that said they had come off of much harder illegal drugs and it was nothing compared to the horror of tramadol withdrawal. I know how horrible it is. I'm a very strong person with many illnesses and am no stranger to suffering and I cannot take it. The withdrawal is just too horrible.
Its recently been controlled by the FDA and with the research I've seen lately and the doctors I've spoken with , everyone wants it off the market. Im even reading about possible class actions against the drug company (again.. just what I'm hearing)
All you have to do is google "tramadol withdrawal"
You'll be amazed at how many hard core addicts are on the internet talking about how they feel like they are dying from stopping this drug and that even their withdrawals from illegal drugs were easier to tolerate.
I wish someone had warned me but doctors are only recently waking up and stopped handing it out in a pez dispenser.
I just so happened to start taking it when it was considered to be a "non habit forming wonder drug "
If you are at a point that you can taper , and you sound like you can... Then that's your best bet .
There are many other options for pain than this insidious drug. I was sold a bill of goods. Its the most addicting drug I've ever been on. Ive been on alot for pain. Now please don't take what I'm saying as an all or nothing because SOME people aren't even affected by it .
Having said that... I have recently spoken with several recovering addicts on other boards and a few were grown men that said they had come off of much harder illegal drugs and it was nothing compared to the horror of tramadol withdrawal. I know how horrible it is. I'm a very strong person with many illnesses and am no stranger to suffering and I cannot take it. The withdrawal is just too horrible.
Its recently been controlled by the FDA and with the research I've seen lately and the doctors I've spoken with , everyone wants it off the market. Im even reading about possible class actions against the drug company (again.. just what I'm hearing)
All you have to do is google "tramadol withdrawal"
You'll be amazed at how many hard core addicts are on the internet talking about how they feel like they are dying from stopping this drug and that even their withdrawals from illegal drugs were easier to tolerate.
I wish someone had warned me but doctors are only recently waking up and stopped handing it out in a pez dispenser.
I just so happened to start taking it when it was considered to be a "non habit forming wonder drug "
I happened to come accross this site when I was looking up info on tramadol. As a child I was diagnosed with charcot marie tooth disease it's progressive muscular dystrophy. With it comes lots of pain and off and on struggles with walking. As well as insane restless leg syndrome. So I had started seeing a neurologist who prescribed me Tramadol for the pain about 6 years ago. Ive been taking 2, 50 mg tablets 3 times a day since the start. Occasionally I would have to take a couple extra because on pain in the middle of the night. I had NO IDEA this was an addictive medication until lastnight. I have never tried to come off of it because I didn't think it was doing any bad for me. Now I have seen other posts of people saying Tramadol has changed them and their lives negatively. I haven't experienced that. It has allowed me to be able to walk and function better. It hasnt affected my mood. However I do find myself counting them to make sure I have enough until my next refill. And if for some reason I run out early I get super scared. I have gone a couple of days without before and it was ugly. But at the time I didnt think "addiction". Ive never been addicted to anything ever. So seeing these posts does strike lost of concerns and fear in me. I dont know what I should do now. I haven't taken my morning dose today because im scared to. I actually got myself away from having to take my afternoon one. So really I take 2 in the morning and 2 at night. What should I do? my big fear is the withdrawal symptoms. I dont do well with being sick.
Well...
I think I'll hold off on the sub doctor for now.... I AM going to talk to him about what is going on though..
Started the sub strips Friday night ... I felt great other than vomiting once .
For my second dose yesterday , I took only a small piece of the strip , around 1mg ( half of what I took friday)
Yesterday I was a zombie ... Knocked out , literally like I was floating and could hardly hold my body up. Slept most of the day because I couldn't lift myself out of bed.
I got a great night sleep and just woke up feeling really good. I'm going to hold off until this afternoon to take another dose and its going to be a tiny sliver! Can't afford to be a zombie and even with strong anti emetic meds I've still been so sick.
This is definitely NOT going to be a habit... Honestly , I can make these last for awhile... I started with 2 8mg strips and still have 1 and 1/2 left!
I hate the high feeling ... Don't want it...
One good thing... I feel good now... Out of the pill haze I'm usually in... I feel clear headed and even though I have no energy , its still good to feel normal...
I think I'll hold off on the sub doctor for now.... I AM going to talk to him about what is going on though..
Started the sub strips Friday night ... I felt great other than vomiting once .
For my second dose yesterday , I took only a small piece of the strip , around 1mg ( half of what I took friday)
Yesterday I was a zombie ... Knocked out , literally like I was floating and could hardly hold my body up. Slept most of the day because I couldn't lift myself out of bed.
I got a great night sleep and just woke up feeling really good. I'm going to hold off until this afternoon to take another dose and its going to be a tiny sliver! Can't afford to be a zombie and even with strong anti emetic meds I've still been so sick.
This is definitely NOT going to be a habit... Honestly , I can make these last for awhile... I started with 2 8mg strips and still have 1 and 1/2 left!
I hate the high feeling ... Don't want it...
One good thing... I feel good now... Out of the pill haze I'm usually in... I feel clear headed and even though I have no energy , its still good to feel normal...
Wow. Where do you live that a doc would tell you to buy subs off the street?? It's to bad you couldn't have hung in there a few more days. I know how bad withdrawls stink but we all have to go through them. You were almost to the end of the physical part. Take care,whatever you choose I hope it works for you!!
I know that I need a very intensive program. I am definitely getting a treatment plan and sticking to it , counseling and the whole 9 yards.
I called the sub Dr that I'm seeing on Monday and told him what I was thinking. He said he'd rather me get a few sub strips than go back to tramadol or dose myself with lopermide....
so I did get 2 8mg strips. I took 1/2 of it and a couple zofran for nasuea and I feel perfect. Not high, not speedy , just pleasantly comfortable.
I definitely need an intensive treatment plan ; I agree. But I know myself , and I know that I will need maintaince on medication to prevent relapse until I can get this whole mess straightend out. I know that without meds of some kind that I will always go back to the tram.... Always have and always will UNTIL I can get strong enough to overcome the disease of addiction , not just withdrawal...
There are so many aspects of this problem. But for me there is even more because it have to figure out how to control all my health problems and pain etc now without pain meds...
This is the most difficult battle I've ever had to face and I'm feeling like for the first time , I'm going to actually make it! I've tried and failed doing it " my way" and I think I'm going to finally win this time!
I called the sub Dr that I'm seeing on Monday and told him what I was thinking. He said he'd rather me get a few sub strips than go back to tramadol or dose myself with lopermide....
so I did get 2 8mg strips. I took 1/2 of it and a couple zofran for nasuea and I feel perfect. Not high, not speedy , just pleasantly comfortable.
I definitely need an intensive treatment plan ; I agree. But I know myself , and I know that I will need maintaince on medication to prevent relapse until I can get this whole mess straightend out. I know that without meds of some kind that I will always go back to the tram.... Always have and always will UNTIL I can get strong enough to overcome the disease of addiction , not just withdrawal...
There are so many aspects of this problem. But for me there is even more because it have to figure out how to control all my health problems and pain etc now without pain meds...
This is the most difficult battle I've ever had to face and I'm feeling like for the first time , I'm going to actually make it! I've tried and failed doing it " my way" and I think I'm going to finally win this time!
Not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet but those doses of tramadol could cause serotonin syndrome... Please be very careful x
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