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Avatar universal

Tramadol is going to kill me

I have to stop this. I am a chronic pain patient. Have access to anything from morphine, percocet, most recently Belladonna/Opium and pure oxycodone. nothing I take compares to my drug of choice for the past 3 years.. that evil little white pill, Tramadol

I am not a " high" type person. never enjoyed the stoned feeling. I have extreme lethargy from several chronic diseases and when I found this little speed pill that gave me super energy and feeling like a normal person again , I was hooked.  I was able to get out of bed and have strength, clean my house , go out with my kids, be a normal mom again.

So here I am now , and have been for awhile now, desperately trying to make it until my next script, doctor shopping, E.R. visits just for the purpose of getting more tramadol because my pain managment doctor would cut me off if they knew id taken 150 tablets in a week ... Thats my usual now...  its always been 4 at a time , at least 12 per day,  but for the past year its usually 15-20 per day.  

Ive tried to w/d on my own... its literal hell and I cannot take it. Ive used other drugs to replace tramadol ( vicodin, norco etc)  and ive sucessfully done it , but I always go back to tramadol, only because of the energy it gives me.  If I didnt suffer from debilitating fatigue, I wouldnt have ever started this junk. All I wanted  was to be pain free and have a normal energy level. I once had ambition, I could do anything, Now , there are only 3 magic words I wait to hear, " your prescriptions ready"

Ive conned so many doctors, pharmacies, some at the same time... anything to get that pill that controls my life. Im so tired of being slave to a drug that is destroying my body.  its exhausting...  literally scared to look at my bottle, in case its getting low... then the anxiety sets in ," ok I have to start figuring out how to get another script before that runs out."  Im running out of options....  and Im just TIRED.

and to top it all off , last week, I swore I would stop again ... BUT I NEED energy, because I DO suffer from chronic fatigue and I conned some Adderall....  I took the whole bottle of 40 in 3 days.

Thats when I realize , nothing is going to work , because , I AM AN ADDICT. thats the reality. I think it really set it when I was researching on google "  how to call in your own prescriptions" AND I almost went through with it. If I had I probably would have been arrested.

So the question----   HOW do I stop this? Ive been trying to drag myself to the rehab clinic for methadone/suboxone.... I cant be chained to a methadone clinic... just wont work for me . and im scared that subuxone wont give me the energy I need. SO im literally terrified that I will move onto adderall , no matter if I do manage to quit the tram....

I need help
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Avatar universal
Found a wonderful drbqho can see me on Monday for subuxone. Only have to come up with a few hundred dollars....  But I'm losing my mind now and my whole body hurts , brain zaps , nasuea and feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin.  

BUT I'm NOT going to get tramadol..  I'm not ..

However I do have an opportunity to get a few sub strips ... I'm probably going to break down and get those    

Lord please help me ... I've fallen in the gutter and can't get out!! Ugh
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey, I'm confused. Why do you need subs to taper from tramadol?
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
You have been off the trams for what?  4, 5 days right?  By Monday, that will be a week!  Going on Subs at that point would be just going backwards.  Please give it a LOT of thought...and definitely don't start self medicating with subs you get off the street.

You need a more intensive recovery plan IMO.  You're not addressing all of the underlying issues, you're only looking for relief for how you feel.  While that's understandable.....that part of it WILL get better and eventually resolve.  The addictive tendencies will not....those you have to work on.
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Avatar universal
Not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet but those doses of tramadol could cause serotonin syndrome... Please be very careful x
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know that I need a very intensive program. I am definitely getting a treatment plan and sticking to it , counseling and the whole 9 yards.

I called the sub Dr that I'm seeing on Monday and told him what I was thinking. He said he'd rather me get a few sub strips than go back to tramadol or dose myself with lopermide....

so I did get 2 8mg strips.  I took 1/2 of it and a couple zofran for nasuea and I feel perfect.  Not high, not speedy , just pleasantly comfortable.  

I definitely need an intensive treatment plan ; I agree.  But I know myself , and I know that I will need maintaince on medication to prevent relapse until I can get this whole mess straightend out. I know that without meds of some kind that I will always go back to the tram.... Always have and always will UNTIL I can get strong enough to overcome the disease of addiction , not just withdrawal...  

There are so many aspects of this problem. But for me there is even more because it have to figure out how to control all my health problems and pain etc now without pain meds...  

This is the most difficult battle I've ever had to face   and I'm feeling like for the first time , I'm going to actually make it!  I've tried and failed doing it " my way"   and I think I'm going to finally win this time!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow. Where do you live that a doc would tell you to buy subs off the street?? It's to bad you couldn't have hung in there a few more days. I know how bad withdrawls stink but we all have to go through them. You were almost to the end of the physical part. Take care,whatever you choose I hope it works for you!!
Helpful - 0
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