Aa
Tramadol is going to kill me
I have to stop this. I am a chronic pain patient. Have access to anything from morphine, percocet, most recently Belladonna/Opium and pure oxycodone. nothing I take compares to my drug of choice for the past 3 years.. that evil little white pill, Tramadol
I am not a " high" type person. never enjoyed the stoned feeling. I have extreme lethargy from several chronic diseases and when I found this little speed pill that gave me super energy and feeling like a normal person again , I was hooked. I was able to get out of bed and have strength, clean my house , go out with my kids, be a normal mom again.
So here I am now , and have been for awhile now, desperately trying to make it until my next script, doctor shopping, E.R. visits just for the purpose of getting more tramadol because my pain managment doctor would cut me off if they knew id taken 150 tablets in a week ... Thats my usual now... its always been 4 at a time , at least 12 per day, but for the past year its usually 15-20 per day.
Ive tried to w/d on my own... its literal hell and I cannot take it. Ive used other drugs to replace tramadol ( vicodin, norco etc) and ive sucessfully done it , but I always go back to tramadol, only because of the energy it gives me. If I didnt suffer from debilitating fatigue, I wouldnt have ever started this junk. All I wanted was to be pain free and have a normal energy level. I once had ambition, I could do anything, Now , there are only 3 magic words I wait to hear, " your prescriptions ready"
Ive conned so many doctors, pharmacies, some at the same time... anything to get that pill that controls my life. Im so tired of being slave to a drug that is destroying my body. its exhausting... literally scared to look at my bottle, in case its getting low... then the anxiety sets in ," ok I have to start figuring out how to get another script before that runs out." Im running out of options.... and Im just TIRED.
and to top it all off , last week, I swore I would stop again ... BUT I NEED energy, because I DO suffer from chronic fatigue and I conned some Adderall.... I took the whole bottle of 40 in 3 days.
Thats when I realize , nothing is going to work , because , I AM AN ADDICT. thats the reality. I think it really set it when I was researching on google " how to call in your own prescriptions" AND I almost went through with it. If I had I probably would have been arrested.
So the question---- HOW do I stop this? Ive been trying to drag myself to the rehab clinic for methadone/suboxone.... I cant be chained to a methadone clinic... just wont work for me . and im scared that subuxone wont give me the energy I need. SO im literally terrified that I will move onto adderall , no matter if I do manage to quit the tram....
I need help
I am not a " high" type person. never enjoyed the stoned feeling. I have extreme lethargy from several chronic diseases and when I found this little speed pill that gave me super energy and feeling like a normal person again , I was hooked. I was able to get out of bed and have strength, clean my house , go out with my kids, be a normal mom again.
So here I am now , and have been for awhile now, desperately trying to make it until my next script, doctor shopping, E.R. visits just for the purpose of getting more tramadol because my pain managment doctor would cut me off if they knew id taken 150 tablets in a week ... Thats my usual now... its always been 4 at a time , at least 12 per day, but for the past year its usually 15-20 per day.
Ive tried to w/d on my own... its literal hell and I cannot take it. Ive used other drugs to replace tramadol ( vicodin, norco etc) and ive sucessfully done it , but I always go back to tramadol, only because of the energy it gives me. If I didnt suffer from debilitating fatigue, I wouldnt have ever started this junk. All I wanted was to be pain free and have a normal energy level. I once had ambition, I could do anything, Now , there are only 3 magic words I wait to hear, " your prescriptions ready"
Ive conned so many doctors, pharmacies, some at the same time... anything to get that pill that controls my life. Im so tired of being slave to a drug that is destroying my body. its exhausting... literally scared to look at my bottle, in case its getting low... then the anxiety sets in ," ok I have to start figuring out how to get another script before that runs out." Im running out of options.... and Im just TIRED.
and to top it all off , last week, I swore I would stop again ... BUT I NEED energy, because I DO suffer from chronic fatigue and I conned some Adderall.... I took the whole bottle of 40 in 3 days.
Thats when I realize , nothing is going to work , because , I AM AN ADDICT. thats the reality. I think it really set it when I was researching on google " how to call in your own prescriptions" AND I almost went through with it. If I had I probably would have been arrested.
So the question---- HOW do I stop this? Ive been trying to drag myself to the rehab clinic for methadone/suboxone.... I cant be chained to a methadone clinic... just wont work for me . and im scared that subuxone wont give me the energy I need. SO im literally terrified that I will move onto adderall , no matter if I do manage to quit the tram....
I need help
You need to get in treatment. That's #1. You've admitted that you can't do this alone and are going to die. If you continue conning doctors and pharmacies, you will end up in jail, which is NOT a fun place to detox.
Secondly, you need to figure out why you're so tired to begin with. Drowsiness can be a symptom of opiate withdrawal...did you suffer from fatigue BEFORE starting tramadol? What other reasons are you self-medicating? Quitting drugs is easy, but you won't be able to STAY off them until you address the reasons you started abusing them in the first place. An addiction specialist or psychologist can help you work through these issues.
Tapering gradually off the Ultram will reduce the severity of withdrawals, but you're still going to feel like **** for a while regardless. Maybe for a month or more, but it DOES get better. You just have to be willing to ride it out.
Tramadol is nearly identical in structure to the antidepressant Effexor. They act on the same parts of the brain and both have an energizing effect. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor about trying an SNRI like Effexor once you're off the tramadol. (You can't take them together due to the risk of serotonin syndrome, so wait until you're off the tram before trying this).
Secondly, you need to figure out why you're so tired to begin with. Drowsiness can be a symptom of opiate withdrawal...did you suffer from fatigue BEFORE starting tramadol? What other reasons are you self-medicating? Quitting drugs is easy, but you won't be able to STAY off them until you address the reasons you started abusing them in the first place. An addiction specialist or psychologist can help you work through these issues.
Tapering gradually off the Ultram will reduce the severity of withdrawals, but you're still going to feel like **** for a while regardless. Maybe for a month or more, but it DOES get better. You just have to be willing to ride it out.
Tramadol is nearly identical in structure to the antidepressant Effexor. They act on the same parts of the brain and both have an energizing effect. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor about trying an SNRI like Effexor once you're off the tramadol. (You can't take them together due to the risk of serotonin syndrome, so wait until you're off the tram before trying this).
Wow. I don't think I've ever seen a first time post that so perfectly describes active addiction. You are among people who will read every sentence and say "yep" "that was me" or "that is me" "exactly" "been there." In/patient rehab may be best for you if it is at all possible. Tramadol is tough to kick on your own at those doses and (only because I relate so well to everything you've said) I think that (like me) you are probably not a good candidate for tapering down on your own. There are much wiser people on this forum than me though - I'm sure you will be getting lots of input soon. For now - hugs and prayers your way.
Hi!! OMG your story sounds so similar to mine! Tramadol was also my drug of choice, my neurologist would call them in and they'd be gone in days. I was taking 50-60 pills per day, I had no choice but to cold turkey it, however, I wouldn't recommend that because of the high risk of seizures, tapering is the way to go if you can. The withdrawals from tramadol are horrible to say the least, but mine got a little better around day 30. I'm 5 years clean, so I'm proof it can be done, just be strong and keep posting to let us know how your doing. Good Luck! ~Sherry
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