Addiction / Isolation....

[motye51]

So i am an addict and have been in recovery for 6 1/2 yrs. Ive been trying to be strong and have been attending n/a zoom mtgs regularly...but its just not the same. Im not comfortable with what isolation has been doing with my brain! The life i earned back with alot of hard work i feel is slipping away from me? For me, this isolation is unsustainable. Im not wanting to use...but i am starting to feel empty. I hope that makes sense b/c that was the best word to describe it. It wiuld be nice to know if others are having similar issues? The old using me would have used isolation to her benefit....thats not who i am anymore.
I guess i miss the life i was so truly enjoying....FINALLY!

[dominosarah]

Fear of the unknown is so scary.  We havent ever been thru something like this and it is very uncomfortable, so many what if's.  This virus will go away at some point.  We need to get creative in our thinking as an idle mind is the devil's playground.   I've had to get more fresh air, am planting some flowers, playing frisbee with the dogs etc.  I am giving a few of my walls a new color.  

I couldnt imagine what it would be like to have a new grandbaby and not be able to see or hold them.  I do know that when the time happens that baby will see his/her (you failed to mention what she had!) grandma who is CLEAN!!  There is no greater gift than that.

Today we can all be grateful for waking up, being clean, our family, having a roof over our head, food in our bellies and clothes on our back.  

My pity party was yesterday by the way!!!

[mombojombo]

Love this post.  Thank you for speaking up!!  Fear fear fear.  Eats away at us.  Makes it hard to do what we need to do.  Nothing is the same. Will it ever be the same again?  Day to day feels like a struggle.  

I'm also very sorry you haven't seen your grandbaby!  That's painful.  And babies are healing!  Maybe you will see them soon?  I hope so.  Happy mothers day by the way!  

I do really REALLY appreciate this post and the reaching out.  I think we all need to talk to one another and be there for one another.  Sending you hugs.

[motye51]

So glad to hear from you....you have no idea!  Im trying to have faith but then im constantly surrounded with fear. Let me be specific....not my fear!
I miss the life i had worked for and earned back. Not seeing many newcomers in the zoom mtgs but i did do 2 mtgs outaide of the US which was pretty cool. I find it funny that the woman that hated everyone and everything misses the new people in her life. My daughter had her baby on March 11th, the day our hospital shut down for corona...i got asked to leave the hoapital and havent gotten to see them since except through the phone.
Having a pity party dammit!!!! Lol

[jifmoc]

Hey girl! I haven't been on here in so long. I clicked and there you are. I will have 6 years next month: we have a lot of similarities. I'm sorry you are feeling so empty. I get it. Boy do I get it. I attend my zoom meetings almost daily and I always tell my fellows: "I miss hugging you guys!" It's not the same. No matter how many allowances, how many substitutions, this is all a mere knock-off of real life.

For us natural isolators, you'd think this would be a dream. Perfect for an addict. But we're clean now and have our crystal clear brains to contend with. For me, what it comes down to is that old goody, fear. I'm afraid life will never go back to normal. I'm afraid we will never hug or hold hands. I'm afraid I'll be starting at a screen my whole life. I'm afraid other people will want life to stay this way. And on and on. So what's the opposite? Faith. And don't forget acceptance.

Remember how HELLISH detoxing was? And how did we handle that? One minute at a time. Now it's a distant memory. I think it's the same, as we learn in the program: one day, one minute at a time. If we go beyond a minute, we spiral.

As someone who has been clean a long time said to me: right this second, you're fine. And this too shall pass. Despite what our drug addict brains like to tell us!

Btw, whenever I feel like you (which is often) my sponsor says to me: hello? Do service! Can you imagine how hard it is for peeps who are newly sober now?! Not easy.

Hang in there, honey. And your 6 1/2 years is awesome!!!!

[mombojombo]

Thank you for sharing.  Over 6 years for you both, terrific.  I miss people. And I don't.  I'm not sure if that is good.  I"m now almost afraid to begin getting back to normal if that makes sense.  I feel off kilter.  

[motye51]

Off kilter is a good description!