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Trying....Again!!
Once again I am trying to quit taking lortab. Nov 2010 I quit for 4 months and in Sept 2011 I quit for almost 2 months. Each time I started taking them I thought I could just take one or two. I know I can not continue this pattern. I am so tired of taking pills, counting pills and worrying about where my next fix will come from or how I will pay for it. My husband thinks I have been clean since the week before Christmas. Truth is I have been taking more the past few weeks than I ever have. I have been taking 12-15 pills a day. I am at the of my rope. This madness must stop! I want the "normal me" back. I want to wake up and think about how blessed I am not wake up and make a mad dash for the pill bottle. I want to feel good. I just want to be normal and be able to function and play with my kids without having to take a couple of pills first. I took my last 10mg lortab about 3 hours ago so by the time I wake up in the morning I will be in withdrawl. I know the next few days are going to be terrible. Please just say a little prayer for me that I can get through this. I will be heading to bed soon so I can get a good nights rest before the insomnia starts. Tomorrow when I am feeling like death I will be on here reading posts. They inspire me so much!! Thanks to everyone here for sharing your stories and letting me know I am not alone.
50 hours. I cant believe I have made it 50 hours!! It is so hard. But I am keeping my eye on the prize and keep reminding myself why I am doing this. I will be a better person mother and wife. I am so tired I just hope I can sleep tonight. 5:00am comes early and I have to work tomorrow and all week for that matter. I took one excedrin pm before bed last night and it seemed to help some . Good night all. I will check in tomorrow when I get a break. Come on day 3!!!
GOOD for you! You'll get through today and can crash as soon as you get home. Then by midnight you'll have another day behind - that's kinda how I did it, each day that ended with me staying clean was a day closer to feeling well. And great that you made it to work - you'll feel good about that at the end of the day too.
Keep going - :)
Keep going - :)
I am 41 hours clean. I am at work and it is keeping my mind busy so that is a good thing. Getting out of bed and dragging my self to work was a challange this morning. I was awake almost every hour last night. I still have no appetite. I finally managed to choke down half a biscuit this morning. My head is not hurting as bad today but my anxiety is through the roof! and boy am I grumpy! Oh well. It will be worth it in the end.
I just hit 24 hours clean. I am so tired. It has been a very long day. I just hope I can sleep some tonight. Just want to stay thanks to every here for being there for me. It means so much!! Well on to the next 24 hours!! Gotta stay strong. I will not give in to temptation no matter how bad I feel. I never ever want to go through this again!!
Remember...seconds, minutes, hours will pass. If you would have told me on day three that I'd be sitting here, posting on this site on day 13, I would have called you a lier - probably from behind a locked bathroom door. It won't be easy; I went through hell. But it does stop. You are doing the right thing; stay strong. Keep posting. There are a lot of us here who will try to help. That's a promise.
20 hours just past a few minutes ago. I am getting there slowly but surely. The lack of energy is terriible. My stomach is starting to cramp so I guess the bathroom issues will begin soon. My whole body is aching.
You'll get there. I won't lie to you, it is a long road (recovery) but one we have to travel to get to the other side. There's no way around that and I don't think there should be. We NEED to remember these days. If it was easy, we'd keep going back and making the same mistakes over and over again thinking it's easy to get out. But it's not. And it's totally doable to do this at home. You just have to prepare yourself for all of it and find a really good aftercare program. And that's up to you what you think will benefit you the most. We all have different personalities and respond to different things when getting well. But one day at a time for now okay? Just take care of yourself like you would if you had the worst flu of your life (it kinda feels like that anyway right?) and for now, you'll need to put your recovery over everything else. Because until you're well, you aren't really there for your loved ones are you? They NEED YOU to be strong and healthy. So it's okay, for now, to make yourself the priority. The rest will come with time.
:)
:)
You really shouldn't beat yourself up. IF you were the only person on this site, then maybe. If you haven't already, read the posts here; hundreds and hundreds. The meds may be different, but the stories are the same. We are prone to addiction; it's how we address our cravings that defines us. As stated above, I too have a family. I can't tell you how many times I chose the meds over my family. Do I think about that sometimes? You bet. Do I regret the time wasted? Yep. Am I doing something to change that, and it will never happen again? Absolutely. Use what you've done to motivate you, a road map of sorts. Don't travel those roads again. You have something to look forward to.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are a good person Ladybug. Try and not beat yourself up about that. You are doing something now to change the old behavior. You will laugh again and be happier than you were before. Take baby steps, you can do this!!
Thanks to you all for the encouraging words. It really does help to know I am not alone in this. This is the only place I where I can be completly honest. I feel so guilty for what I have put my kids and husband through. I just hope I can be happy again without pills. I want to laugh again. I remember six days into my last detox I laughed with my husband till cried over something silly. That was the first time had laughed like that in as long as I could remember. It was amazing. I have been crying a little today when I start beating myself up over what I have become. A liar a thier and horrible wife mother and daughter. Why? How did all of this happen? I just pray God is hearing my prayers to pull me throuh to the other side and make me a better person!!
P.S.
Just want to clarify the "work" reference...I too have a family, and going through detox and still interacting with your family is work. Good work, but work. It will test you, but in my case it made me do things, and that was also good.
Just want to clarify the "work" reference...I too have a family, and going through detox and still interacting with your family is work. Good work, but work. It will test you, but in my case it made me do things, and that was also good.
Congratulations on 18 hours. One of my favorite quotes, found on this site, is..."count the seconds, count the minutes, what ever it takes to get you through". Your story sounds a lot like mine - and a lot like most of the people on this site. Over the past ten or more years I've abused pain meds; most recently over a year of taking 8 - 10 Norco 10s a day. Like you I've detoxed several times, BUT this last time (I'm 13 days clean today) was horrible. Nothing like I've ever experienced before. So, all I can add is, I think as you get older, and the more you put your system through detox, it gets worse. You are doing the right thing, you know that. I hope your detox isn't too bad (considering you have to work), but at the same time most of us need to go through hell in order to stay clean. I wish you the best; I admire your desire to stop.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard one. So many of us fear the wd's and cant see past that. Once those pills are no longer in our system is when the addiction really kicks in. That is why we preach recovery care like we do. The mental game is hard and we need to learn the tools to stay clean. Doing it our way got us here in the first place. We cant turn to drugs to numb our pain anymore. We have to face our demons. You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore. sara
....(sorry...posted that on accident b4 I was done typing.) I found this forum & they are convincing me to just stop the Norco cold turkey. I don't know if I can...I want to, but I have an interview tomorrow morning & I am desperate for a job. I am going to try just taking 2 more today instead of 3, then 1 tomorrow to get me thru the interview. After these last pills I don't have anymore refills...& I don't know any drug dealers. So I'm gonna be quitting regardless of whether its cold turkey or tapering off. But just tapering off hasn't made me feel any better...I still feel incredibly sick. I'm here supporting you! My fiance doesn't know about my addiction either. He think I was taking the pills as prescibed, so I truly know how u feel. I'm here for you!
Hey keep it up! I'm right there with you. I've been 2 days with quitting 80mg of Oxycontin cold turkey. I have also been addicted to Norcos...taking 8-10 a day. I have a few left and planned to taper off, taking 1 less pill each day. Yesterday I took 7. The previous day I took 9. So I actually did better yesterday than I planned. My goal today was to take 5. I took two this morning, then I found this forum this morning when I was feeling like hell & couldn't sleep.
I just hit 18 hours. Only 6 hours away from 24! I know thats not very long but it seems to help me to count the hours atleast for now. My head is pounding! I have absolutly no energy. My legs are achy. My eyes are watery and I cant quit yawning. Its been a long time since I havent had a pill in 18 hours!!
The crappy part of all this is I have to work tomorrow and all week! But I also worked through my withdrawls in the past. It actually seemed to help me to get out and keep my mind busy. If I just sit around and dwell on it everything seemed much worse. I work in an office with only one other person so I can easliy pull off being sick. I just put a roast in the crock pot for dinner so I wont have to cook later and done the dishes. Hoping to just kick back for the rest of the day.
I was going to a pain clinic and getting an obsurd amount of pills. When those just didnt seem to be enough I went to another dr notorious for writing scripts. They both found out about the other one and I was dismissed from both offices. That was in November. Then when the day come I was almost out I went to my pcp in hopes to score. I told him what had been going on and asked for just a few so I could taper. I knew this was my only way of getting him to give me anything because he hates opiates!! He agreed and gave me a script for 60 7.5s and told me to make them last as long as I could because he wouldnt give me anymore. Well needless to say those were gone in less than a week. Since then I have been buying off the street. Yeah lots and lots of money. So I count it as a blessing that I have no dr to go to anymore to get pills. I have deleted my dealers number and told him not to call me anymore. Man that was tough!! I know I can not keep living this way. I must change. There is a place here that has meetings on Monday Wednesday and Friday. I plan on going once I get through withdrawls.
I was going to a pain clinic and getting an obsurd amount of pills. When those just didnt seem to be enough I went to another dr notorious for writing scripts. They both found out about the other one and I was dismissed from both offices. That was in November. Then when the day come I was almost out I went to my pcp in hopes to score. I told him what had been going on and asked for just a few so I could taper. I knew this was my only way of getting him to give me anything because he hates opiates!! He agreed and gave me a script for 60 7.5s and told me to make them last as long as I could because he wouldnt give me anymore. Well needless to say those were gone in less than a week. Since then I have been buying off the street. Yeah lots and lots of money. So I count it as a blessing that I have no dr to go to anymore to get pills. I have deleted my dealers number and told him not to call me anymore. Man that was tough!! I know I can not keep living this way. I must change. There is a place here that has meetings on Monday Wednesday and Friday. I plan on going once I get through withdrawls.
i did the same thing. i went into each of the pharmacies i was using [and one of them i actually worked at, believe it or not] and talked to them as well. definitely helped for the better.
I agree - removing access by admitting to my Dr.'s I had a problem, and by letting the pharmacies I used (yes pharmaCIES I had a few) - but I had to let them know as well I could no longer trust myself to take the meds responsibly. It was scary as hell but actually made me feel empowered too - that surprised me because I actually felt sick to my stomach when talking to those Dr.'s/pharmacies and so ashamed. But afterward? It was a HUGE relief and made me feel pretty good about myself and in control of myself for the first time in a very long time.
But if you're not getting the drugs by prescription, then you have to remove yourself and cut all ties with those who are supplying you. No way around that. Either way, just taking some form of control of your life again is going to feel great.
But if you're not getting the drugs by prescription, then you have to remove yourself and cut all ties with those who are supplying you. No way around that. Either way, just taking some form of control of your life again is going to feel great.
good for you on making the decision to get off the pills again.
do you mind if i ask how you're getting so many pills, to where you're able to take 12-15 pills each day? the reason i ask, is because you're going to have to eliminate that resource from your life before you can do anything else. i kept lying to myself, saying that i was going to get off the pills this time once and for all [about 14 months ago] and ended up going right back to the pill bottle because the resource i had was right there. my PCP was easy to get in contact with and go to see with my amazing health insurance.
either way, just wanted to try and help you out.
do you mind if i ask how you're getting so many pills, to where you're able to take 12-15 pills each day? the reason i ask, is because you're going to have to eliminate that resource from your life before you can do anything else. i kept lying to myself, saying that i was going to get off the pills this time once and for all [about 14 months ago] and ended up going right back to the pill bottle because the resource i had was right there. my PCP was easy to get in contact with and go to see with my amazing health insurance.
either way, just wanted to try and help you out.
Yeah that watery eyes, the yawning, and sneezing might even start as well. Weirdest symptom of all, at least for me, was the sneezing.
It's okay lady - just try to do as little as possible for a few days and reserve any energy you might have for what you absolutely have to do. Other than that, rest where you can, take those hot showers and/or hot baths with the epsom salts, stay hydrated and nourished as best you can. And now might be a good time to pick up anything you think you might need for the next week or so. You probably won't feel like going out tomorrow so it's always good to be as prepared as possible.
Have you thought yet about what kind of aftercare you're going to get? You'll need to get through the physical stuff for the first 3 to 5 days and then some form of aftercare will be imperative from there on out. You CAN do this. You just need a strong support system, a good plan in place and aftercare. :)
It's okay lady - just try to do as little as possible for a few days and reserve any energy you might have for what you absolutely have to do. Other than that, rest where you can, take those hot showers and/or hot baths with the epsom salts, stay hydrated and nourished as best you can. And now might be a good time to pick up anything you think you might need for the next week or so. You probably won't feel like going out tomorrow so it's always good to be as prepared as possible.
Have you thought yet about what kind of aftercare you're going to get? You'll need to get through the physical stuff for the first 3 to 5 days and then some form of aftercare will be imperative from there on out. You CAN do this. You just need a strong support system, a good plan in place and aftercare. :)
Here I am on day 1. It has been 16 hours since my last pill. I dont feel as bad as I anticipated. Well not yet anyway. I am sure its coming. Right now my head hurts and my legs are achy. I am sure it will get worse as the day goes on. When I woke up this morning I immediatly came here and began reading post. They always inspire me so much. I will check in later.
Good luck from me too! And don't beat yourself up anymore about that relapses. It's self-defeating and has no purpose. What you do TODAY is what matters. And one day at a time from here on out. If you think of it in terms of just "I choose NOT to use TODAY" it's much easier on you, mentally speaking. All that matters is that you've made the choice now to quit. :) (oh and I agree - be honest with your spouse so he can help you - he might be upset at first and understandably so but I'm sure he only wants to see you get well and be happy so please think about giving him that chance to be there for you - as I'm sure you've read here already our secrets DO keep us sick).
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