Ugghhhhhh

[Cricketk92]

Right when I was leaving work the woman who I used to buys oxys from came in.  I had ordered oranges from her for some fundraiser and she came to deliver them and to see if I wanted anything!  YESSSSSS  I do want something my brain screamed!!!!!   I told her that I stopped doing them and she said she wouldnt call me anymore!  All the ride home all I kept thinking about was how good the oxys used to make me feel....was kinda obsessing on my 35 minute ride.  But I got home and saw my son and my dog and all that I have and the obsession went away.  That was a rough ride home though!!!  I know...I know...AFTERCARE!!!!!  I am starting therapy next week and will get to a meeting on Saturday!   I had already deleted her number from my phone and wasnt prepared to see her!  Whew!!!!!  So just for today I am still plugging along towards day 10!!!!!   :)

[Cricketk92]

Thanks Weaver!!!!  I am sure that wont be my one and only test!  I have many more in my future I am sure!  I actually was at my sisters today and she is on pain mgt (not an abuser) and we were talking about me stopping and she was talking about her meds.....How I so  badly wanted to ask her for just one!!!  She wouldnt have given me one even if I asked....but the thought was there...so I know that cravings and thoughts are going to come at me again and again...and I can still hear the "head talk"  "just one pill, no one will know"!!!!  Bah humbug!!!!   I am clean today and am doing the right thing so just for today I dont need just one pill!!!!  Thanks for all your support!!!  :)

[weaver71]

An honest, hard working drug dealer doesn't need your sales, opiates sell themselves. I remember there was a waiting line to see what was left sometimes and I would put my order in a month in advance. It sounds like your dealer is an actual human being, that is wonderful. Anyway, I'm glad you are jumping into recovery with both feet, that will not be the last test. Feeling good at day 12 is awesome, guard that with all you have, your life depends on it. Congrats on your progress.

[Krissy_123]

That was nice of her....hopeful one day she will quit selling them all together and ruining other ppls lives!! Yay on day 12!!! :D so glad you're feeling better!

[Cricketk92]

Thanks Junip and Krissy!!!!  Yes, it was a long ride home that day!  But its passed and I feel good that I didnt cave!!!  The woman actually called me yesterday to see if I was feeling OK and to say Congratulations to me!!!  That was a surprise cause I was a good customer!!!!  So Im just plugging along at day 12 and feeling pretty good!!!  Thanks for all your support!!!!

[Krissy_123]

Yay cricketk that's awesome!! Good for you girl,proud of you. I can't even imagine how hard that would have been? I don't know what I would have done. I haven't even seen a oxy pill in a month. I like to think  I could have been as strong as you.

[Junip]

Way to go,that was a huge step for you!!!!

[Cricketk92]

Thanks Kelly!  I pulled the schedule up on my home computer and pretty sure I saw the one on the green in Guilford!  There are a few AA meetings in Branford too so Im sure I will find something!  I know for sure that I need them!!!  I dont want to have to do this over ever again so Im going to do all that I can!!!  Thanks!!!  :)

[kellygirll]

hey good job girl GOOD JOB!!!! i know this might be a tad late for you but my home meeting is in durham at 530 on weds and its great really great all women except one guy and there is also one i know of on the green in guilford at 1pm on sunday you can get a schedule from any NA meeting but you really need to go to them its so important and kind of impossible to stay clean without them believe me i tried for 4 years until this time........its sticking stay strong girl!!

[Cricketk92]

Thanks Carrie!  It sure has been an interesting 10 days!!!  Im sure there will be more to come!!!!   Have a great Day!!!!

[ScarrieAnne]

Congrats on day 10! I know it is hard to be tested so early in recovery, and you did great! Im glad you posted about it. Im proud of you for staying strong! Keep us updated. XO, C.

[Cricketk92]

Thanks all of you for your support and encouragement!  Im so glad that hurdle is over!  She is the only person I bought off of besides my Dr meds so now that is gone!  Im thankful for that!  She used to work at the place I work for so I know her pretty well but we really werent ever "friends"  just kind of drug buddies!!!  As far as getting to a meeting before Saturday....I have a strange work schedule so it would be hard to get to meetings at night!  I work from 4am-1230 pm and usually am in bed by 6 so I get enough sleep!  I am hoping that going to meetings on Saturday and Sunday I will find some good support and hopefully a sponsor!  Maybe I can find a lunch meeting around my job too!  I could maybe sneak out early for that!  Well Im off to start day 10 in this crazy world!!!  Thanks for all you support!!

[Merri123]

Totally awesome job girl!!

And it also shows that your source is more than just a dealer of sorts. You said I'm done and she said ok. Most would try to convince you or keep calling/asking.

Hugs and give yourself a big high five. That was a big hurdle you jumped.

[motye51]

Good job!!!!  You should be very proud of yourself.  

[Whollymolythathurt]

Nice work Cricket.  I have to say i give you folks who went to the street for your doc a lot of credit for saying no to the temptations that must pop up from time to time.  I never did & frankly didn't have the balls to do it.  I could never trust someone giving me pills...never.   I also have great respect for those who have overcome drinking problems because the will power to stay away from the store has got to be hard.  

Great respect...keep up the good work!

[IBKleen]

Why wait until Saturday for a meeting? Just my opinion but I think it is dangerous. You had the craving NOW so you should get to a meeting NOW. The best time to go to a meeting is when you don't want to.

Here is the link to find a meeting near you:

http://www.na.org/meetingsearch/

[VICourageous]

Nice Post!!!
I am SO proud of you!
That just goes to show how easy any situation can trigger that pleasure part of the brain (survival) and off it goes playing the tape over & over and over again until we re-direct ourselves. Keep it up you are doing a great job!

Bless

[weaver71]

Yeah, as an active addict, I heard all those sayings like, "Life is like a roller coaster," "everyone has their up's and downs," "some days are better than others," "sometimes life throws you a curve," but I didn't understand those simple phrases. Like a romantic love poem, a child who has never felt it cannot understand the words. When I was a child, I thought like a child, now that I am a man, I think like a man. Getting sober is like the teen years, but it sparks maturity. So, "there is only so much you can do in a day," "slow and steady wins the race," "Patience is a virtue." On drugs we hear, in sobriety we listen.

[Cricketk92]

Thank you so much!  Because it was a bad "romance"!  It got me where I am today.....still trying to climb out of the messes I have made and the people I have lied to and hurt and stolen from.  I do need to focus on the things that make me happy!  And be thankful for all the things that I didnt lose in my 7 years of hell!!!  How I was ever able to keep my job I dont know cause I was out at least one day a week for the last year and a half!  Im glad that you are sober too and are here to share your wisdom and hope and strength with all of us!  And your kids are so lucky to have you!!!!  Thanks so much!!!

[weaver71]

You done good, maybe don't feel good yet, but each victory brings more strength and hope. Romancing "that feeling," is very common. Fact is, they stopped working or turned against you, or why would you have ever wanted to quit? Keep on focusing on your son and dog, those things you do have and actually will make you happy, all the promises drugs make are lies and deceptions, they ultimately make happiness impossible. Glad to hear you're motivated to hit some aftercare, your willingness to go to any length will surely bring you limitless potential. I sure am glad I'm sober and seeing my kids get older. These teen years, my kids really need me to be my best, it is a confusing world out there. We are learning to cope together, instead of coping with each other, which I realize is kind of how it was on drugs. I am so happy to see you have victory today, keep up the good work and keep those eyes on the prize.