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Vicodin and how I feel now being rapidly detoxed

I am desperate, please reply if you have any ideas.  I have been on Vicodin for about fifteen months and nine days ago was rapidly detoxed. I had a long history of depression etc for many years.  I was prescribed Vicodin ES for migraines and chronic hip pain for these last 15 months. Before the vicodin, I was tried on every combination known to man and psychopharmacology never proved to be beneficial. About fifteen months ago, I was hospitalized at Cedars sinai Psych unit for depression, cutting and suicidal ideations.  I was perscribed 100mg od demerol for about 33 days which would addict anyone to narcotics.  They switched me to Vicodin and supprisingly enough during the time I was on the Vicodin all of those intolerable feelings of wanting to end my life went away. I was fully functional, I also happen to be a medical professional which makes the whole situation worse.  I am not at all in trouble at work for this Vicodin issue.  They don't even know about it.  My issue now is that the feelings of cutting myself and wanting to take my life are back and very strong. I have a PHD and an aneshesiologist which believe the treatment is psychotherapy and more psych meds. I am tired of that. I just want to end it. I'm nervous about going back on Vicodin because that type of drug is not acceptable to society but the drugs that they want me one prozac etc are useless to me. My delemma Vicodin vs suicide.   Thank you for listening.
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Avatar universal
Hello my name is Veronica and I have seen your darkness and I want you to try what I did to get out of it, I took a herb called SAM-E that my brother told me about of course I had to ween myself off of the anti-depressant and anxiety pills (that were not working anyway) and I also read JOEL OSTEENS book "Your best life now" the bible is a big place and its hard to know where in the book to read for help. Joels book has everything you need to know. By the way I was at one time told I had manic depression and the combination of these two things brought be out of the darkness and I am Thankful to God I made it! I am truly a survivor with help from God,Joel Osteen and SAM-E (you can find it at any walgreens or cvs in the vitamin isle and ask about the buy one get one free sales) please believe me when I say I HAVE been there. Good Luck and God Bless!! :) Veronica
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Avatar universal
the original poster is long gone as this was written 2000.  read what liscamdave wrote.

Kova
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210982 tn?1280983895
If the vicoden takes away the depression and the urge to cut, then take it. Your life is more important that worrying about what your collegues will say. Besides, no one even has to know you are taking it. Many people take all kinds of meds...I am in the mental health field and I am on percocet and avinza and I still hold down a full time job and go to school and I am a mom of two girls. You can't worry about others, take care of yourself and do whatever it takes to save yourself, you are worth it!
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214607 tn?1287677559
YOu need to post this as a question so others will look at it and help you. No one will look at this because its an old post...you need to go to the top of the page and click on post question and then re-type this in....

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Avatar universal
i have been taking darvocet for about 7 years, then switched to vics for about the last year, my doc gives me 60 a month and i also get more from friends, i am sick and tired of this i want to quit so *****bad, i have a great life, i want this deman of my back...i have been reading all your stories i feel like im not alone and maybe can have a support team good luck to all of you
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Avatar universal
hello I am also an addict of opiates i have back problems but also take them when im not in pain because like everyone is saying it makes you feel like you have energy and can be super mom and super wife, no one in my family knows what I am going through i feel so alone, i hide them from my husband and no one would ever think i am in my own living hell, i am going to quit and try to get my life back please help me anyone, god bless
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Avatar universal
Jim
Iam also  addicted to vicodin. i went through cancer  and chemo. the vicdin made me normal and functional,Now it is dificult.  to get prescription.the withdrawls are bad to the point where i cannot even make myu own breakfast........  help
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Avatar universal
Jim
Iam also  addicted to vicodin. i went through cancer  and chemo. the vicdin made me normal and functional,Now it is dificult.  to get prescription.the withdrawls are bad to the point where i cannot even make myu own breakfast........  help
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Avatar universal
Hi,
I also was prescribed vicodin for pain. I have Endometriosis its very painful however, I to am afraid of addiction. I have only been on them for the past 10 days and already I notice a change in my behavior. I am jittery. depressed, and quiet grumpy.
I think I will not take them again. I also have a hard time concentrating Im afraid to go through  withdrawals though. I can already feel it. Good Luck to you. God there has to be an easier way for people to get help.

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Avatar universal
Rebekkah,
I don't know about the confidentiality stuff. I know how easy it is to get a hold of records, and how people talk at the hospital.  I do not have much hope in that area.  On the other hand I do know of a few MDs and nurses who still work and were addicts.  They kept their licenses.  Regarding L.A., I can't believe that happened to you Rebekkah, I'm so so so sorry.  If you wan't to talk about the assault here we will give you all the support we can, I promise.  If not, I understand and won't mention it again.  

I have not checked the forum in a while since you stopped writing, but checked in tonight because I had a relapse a couple weeks ago.  I started using vicodin again and got up to 12 pills a day.  Last night my wife found out.  She found my stash and confronted me.  THANK GOD!!!  I have never lied to her about anything and can't believe what a relief it is that she is so understanding and willing to help.  Most of all that she is not mad at me.  I'm now tapering myself off the pills again over a few days, and have strong hopes of being able to remain sober.  I'm so glad to find out that I can talk to her.  She is my best friend but I was so affraid to disapoint her, and to admit that I'd broken our trust in eachother by lying about it.  I can't believe how wonderful she is about all this.  We also had a long talk about my depression (that she knew about but never understood).  She is an amazingly upbeat, stable, and well grounded person and just can't grasp the concept of being unhappy with yourself despite having everything going for you.  She CERTAINLY can not understand social anxiety.  She is trying though.  Luckily her best friend has depression (well, not *LUCKILY* but you know what I mean) and she has been going through it with her.  She understands a lot more now, and is much more receptive to the idea that people can have emotions and feelings that don't make sense to her.  

Anyway, I wanted to stop in and let you know about my relapse.  Just in case you thought I was strong for being able to do it in the first place; you were wrong.  Time for try number two.  I'll be checking back more now that I know you have returned to the board.  Please keep me posted and let me know how I can help.  I'll let you know how my second try at it is going.  With my wife now supporting me I am feeling a bit better and might be able to call you one day.  Not yet, but maybe. -Jerry
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Avatar universal
Hi Jerry, I completely understand your fear, just keep my number if you like and call whenever you feel comfortable. I hope that you do because I would really like to talk to you!  You are not a wuss by any means probably just smarter than myself ie putting my phone number on line!!  After I wrote the response, I got nervous myself but I need to be able to trust someone at this point. I am doing ok Jerry but was sexually assaulted in LA when I was staying in a hotel for a nursing convention and my Vicodin use has increased. I really need to commit to a more appropriate amout each day.  I am thinking about going into a detox program for 3 to 7 days and than begin the Revia as I was prescribed after the rapid detox. I have only one concern Jery. Will they keep my cofidentiality so I am not in jepordy with the board. I hope you are doing well.  Write back ok!! I hope everyone else in the forum is doing as well as can be expected with this affliction. Thanks for all the support and sorry it has taken so long to respond.
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Avatar universal
I have been reading all of the posts on this site for about a month now. I am also an addict. I have been abusing opiates for as long as I can remember, (I am 26 now). Over the last year and a half my abuse of mainly Vicodin has escalated dramatically. I honestly dont even know how it happened. I used to just take one pill a night when I had a tough day at work, just to unwind and relax...the euphoria was the most amazing feeling I had ever experienced...I fell in love with the drug. I have now reached the point of taking anywhere from 3-8 pills per day. I told myself that I would never take vicodin while at work, but lately I have found that I have a much better day if I take a Darvocet N100 every 4-5 hours while working, it makes the day just fly by, I am much more open and cheerful, and I can rationalize this by telling myself that Darvocet is basically just aspirin with a little kick, and I dont get "that feeling" or become unsafe like I would if it were vicodin. Darvocet also helps to prevent uncomfortable withdrawls while at work. I should say that it keeps getting harder and harder to get "that feeling" even with the vic's (damn tolerance!. I suffer from chronic migraine headaches so in addition to vicodin I frequently go to the ER for Demerol injections. The highest dose doesnt even treat my pain or get me high anymore...I think Im screwed. I go thru my lowly 30 tabs of vicodin in about a week, leaving me with 3 weeks to suffer or scam pills from friends, etc...I hate being addicted and pill counting, but I cant see life without them!  Opiates and I have a wild love affair, and short of any future pregnancy, I can honestly say that I will probably never get clean. I just dont know how this happened to me. I dont like alcohol and have never been interested in or even tried any "street drugs". I take antidepressants for anxiety disorders, and feel that opiates are the best thing going for such afflictions. While Prozac and the like have been EXTREMELY helpful in treating my previously debilitating anxiety, NOTHING comes close to Vicodin. I am 100% in agreement with all of the others who have posted here advocating for opiate use as an antidepressant. IT WORKS!  It makes everything beautiful and worthwhile...I always ponder how others can live their lives sans opiates...they dont know what they are missing!  (They probably arent sitting up nights contemplating schemes to get more pills out of their trusty MD's either)  :)
Anyway, finding this board has been a Godsend for me...kudos for all of you who are quitting/contemplating quitting...you are amazing.  As for me, Im just gonna curl up with my opiate buzz and read some more of the postings on this board. (Sorry for the longwinded-ness of my comments, I just feel like I have a lot of bottled up stuff to spew about right now!)  I plan to write again soon, hope no one minds!
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Avatar universal
Rebekkah,
Thanks for the reply.  I have to be honest, I'm too afraid to call you.  It was huge hurdle for me just to respond to this forum.  I'm definately not ready to talk about it aloud.  It took months until I admitted to myself that I had/have a problem and it's very hard for me to even type about it.  I'm sorry.  I know I'm a wus, but... <sigh>.  Thank you so much for your support.  I may take you up on the offer later on if I become stronger inside.  Right now the anonymity is the only thing that comforts me.  Meanwhile let's keep eachother posted here as we go on.  -Jerry
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Avatar universal
It was such a relief to read your story. Of course, I would never wish anyone else to have this Opiate issue, but it feels more tolerable to know that I am not the only medical professional that is or has battled with Vicodin. I also work in Southern California as a nurse.  If you ever want to talk in confidence with me about this issue call me at (949)709-4838. I know that I shouldn't give such personal info but I am going to take this chance because I would really like to talk with you and it might help you to know that your not alone either.  So, if your willing to take a chance give me a call. Take care of yourself and again anything you tell me if you call will be kept in the stricted confidence ok. Take care of yourself and thanks for the reply.               Rebekkah
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Avatar universal
so glad to hear from you! I knew if you could talk to your doctor the way you talked to us, you would get some meaningful help. I learned something from your last post. Opiate deficiency? I've thought that, tolerance and physcial dependence aside, I simply felt "normal" when I took a relatively small dose of an opiate -- not euphoric, but just ... complete. I'm going to check into this ... thanks for the tip. Keep in touch.
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Avatar universal
Rebekkah,
I am also a medical professional (an emergency physician in southern california) who was addicted to Vicodin.  Hearing your story was supprising as I too have had a life long battle with depression (maybe it's better characterized as disthymia).  I have tried psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, and multiple medications but nothing helped.  I have felt suicidal many time, but would never do it; I just wish[ed] I was dead.  About 2 year ago I saw a patient who had a bad reaction to Vicoden and gave me her bottle to throw away.  I didn't throw it away.  I tried it, and as you said, my depression and social anxiety went away.  I was floored.  I thought, "Wow, THIS is probably how MOST people feel!"  I started enjoying my work and enjoying my family so much more.  Well, I started using vicoden weekly, then daily, then up to 12 pills a day.  I realized it was a problem about 6 months ago, and recently I tapered myself off over 3 days it and am now clean, but terrible depressed (for some odd reason I did not experience any of the classic opiate withdrawl symptoms).  I have not shared my problem with friends, family or colleagues.  I do not feel I can even though I know some of the other physicians I work with have had the same problem.  Unlike you, I don't feel that my choice is suicide or vicodin, and I know that if I keep taking vicodin I will destroy my liver and die, so it's not an option anymore either.  I just don't know what to do.  I guess I'm just writing, Rebekkah, to let you know that you're not alone and my thoughts are with you.  Please please let me know what is happening with you.
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Avatar universal
Hello everyone, I just wanted to thank all of you for your support, concern, prayers and all the time taken to respond to my issue. I only wish that I had all of you for my close friends.  I am doing well, no more suicidal ideations which is a G-d sent.  I have read all of the responses and all of the support from everyone in the forum was the one deterrent from my committing suicide. I cannot thank you all enough!!!  I have  recently seen a psychologist, a physician who specializes in physical pain, the Waisman Institute who did the rapid detox as well as my own family physician who I have known for 13 years.  All have come up with the idea that I probably am opiate deficient but as I mentioned before there is not enough study on the subject of opiate defiency. So, to make a long story short, I am being prescribed Vicodin once again.  I am not happy with myself that I seem to need opiates to function normally. However, if this is what it takes to not experience depression, suicidal ideations etc on a daily basis than I will take the Vicodin. To weigh the lesser of two evils. I would rather resign myself to taking Vicodin rather than death.  At least I am alive and functional!!  The one issue that I do need to work on is the amount that I take.  Opiate dependency is a progressive disease which means that it requires more and more to get the same feeling. So, in short, I need to reprogram my thinking about the reason for taking the Vicodin; getting that high feeling vs taking an appropriate amount to maintain my emotional stability.  At some point I will try again to come off of the vicodin, but for now I have been advised to stay on it. Unfortunantly, what I have observed is that opiate deficiency is a hush hush disorder which I believe is due to the fact that the FDA does not allow the prescribing of opiates for psychiatric symptoms. Hopefully, that will change or maybe someday soon a new med will come on the market that will deal specifically with this problem.  Thankyou again for all of the support and I will keep in touch via this forum. Just to let you know, medical professionals like myself are great when it comes to handling others issues, but most of us are incompetent to say the least when it comes to healing ourselves.
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Avatar universal

I have been on them for 7 years and Iam going in to rehav to try to get off of them Iam also on soma, ultrm, and zanax, and  prozac and can't even name them all and I get them for my workerscomp doc I hope you get though this good luck.
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Avatar universal
Thank you, Tom.  I've already told him that he's blowing his liver but he doesn't seem to care.  I cannot force him to stop taking the vics and he's not ready to quit. I've even talked to him about the clonidine or catapress patches, but he's just not interested.  He knows he's addicted but has decided that he is functioning well with his addiction.  The truth is: he is still extremely irratic, he's had an affair and I'm tired of it all.  Pardon me folks, but if he blows his liver and dies - he'll be doing his family a favor.
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Avatar universal
20 Vicodin three times a day? You mean he's taking 60 pills a day? That means 60 Tylenol per day! Take this seriously: His liver (and his life) are in real jeopardy. It's true that some people can work up to taking vast amounts of substances such as Tylenol, but he won't know he's killed his liver until it's too late. Then he'll have a few days to think about it as he dies. Not a good end. At least have him disolve them in water, drinking the water with the narcotic in it and leaving the Tylenol sediment at the bottom of the glass. That will take the majority of the tylenol out of the equation but not all of it. There will still be a powerful dose of Tylenol in what he's taking. If he is doing 60 per day, he must accept the fact that he's had his run on Vics and should stop or switch to something else. He really is playing with death at that dosage. Go to a health food store and get some milk thistle. That will help his liver heal -- but it's not a substitute for quitting. It won't really help if he keeps taking all that Tylenol.
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Avatar universal
I also believe they should look into narcotics for depression.  I have been depressed for most of my life and I have been through all the medications and therapy's but nothing works like Vicodin for happiness, motivation and all the other normal feelings.
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Avatar universal
Listen, don't take your life for anything. I too am just starting
to taper myself off the vicodine. I have been hooked on this
before only not as strong and I was not as old. I quit smoking
several years ago (and believe me that took some doing) and I feel like I can take care of this. I have noticed too that work seemed alot more tolerable than before I was taking the Vicodin and now that my surgery is up my doctor informed me that the drug supply was also comming to an end. So, here I am back at trying to get rid of something in my life that only should serve a purpose for a short time. But I will be ok because My Faith in God is powerful. No I am not a religious nut, I just simply love God and have total faith in him. He has never let me down before and I am 35 years old. Put your heart into his hands and let him take care of this problem. He will do it. I know he will. Taking your life is not the answer. It never is. Watch Touched by an Angel sometime on Sunday nights and you will see what I mean. God found me at a young age. I was a child with alcoholic parents and my mother was an athiest. How he found me I will never know. But I have loved him my whole life. There is Power in prayer and you don't have to go to church for it. It is simply available where you are right now. Take care of yourself and trust in HIM. Good luck and God Bless you
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Avatar universal
I know what you mean. OxyContin to me keeps me from being depressed and moody like I have always been and it gives me the energy and ambition to do things. I think the medical community should look into opiates for curing depression rather than just pain because it certainly works wonders for some!
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Avatar universal
Pat
I have the interesting distinction of seeing your dilemma from two different sides.  My husband is addicted to Vicodin and has been for several years.  He is fully functioning even though he doses himself with at a minumum of 20 750mg tablets at least 3 times a day.  At times, he is rather irratic.  Lately, he has become increasingly irratic.  He doesn't want anyone to know that he hops from pharmacy to pharmacy trying to get refills.  He doesn't want anyone to know that he hops from specialist to specialist trying to forge complaint about some injury (he is quite athletic).  Since he is into sports, he always has a little water inflammation in a joint somewhere and the doctors keep prescripting the vicodin to him.

I have issues with cutting and suicide.  I first cut when I was 18 and it was only occasionally.  Suicidal thoughts were there most of the time but I worked through them.  Recently, I have started cutting again in earnest.  I cut with razor blades, box openers, knifes,anything.  I cut at work and at home.  I was completely out of control before I saught therapy.  It helped. I haven't cut again and that's been almost 2 weeks.

You should know that if a doctors keeps refilling a prescription for narcotics too frequently (time span less than 30 days), it is  grounds for a malpractice suit. The least the physician prescripting the drug to you could do is suggest a good detox program. Good luck and don't kill yourself - the world can be a beautiful place.
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