Omg, I don't even know how to start this!! As some of you know I'm on day 13 yay me, of cold turkey detox. I was taking 15 20mlg ocycodone, and 10 tramadol a day, I know that ridiculous. I know I write on here a lot about my progress, strengths and feelings. I want to help others succeed as well. But this one is a must share: I "woke up today", holy ****! I don't know how I can even express what I mean, I know I couldn't remember what it felt like to be "normal", who i used to be, and I knew I wanted to be there, and I never realized exactly what I was missing. Please if you are detoxing, even if you relapsed, please don't give up, don't stop trying, there is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING more worth it, seeing the gleam, cheer and happiness in your children's eyes, or families eyes when they realize their mom, wife, husband, sister, child, whom ever IS BACK! I didn't not realize how far gone I was, how different I was, distant and changed, child almost like your asleep but awake, when I was taking pain meds. Today something changed, something clicked, with that click I blasted our music and have been dancing with my children ALL DAY. Cleaning, cooking doing whatever with them, and being truly WITH them and feeling amazing Happiness. I have never felt happier, more awake, more alive, more with my children in so long. I finally REMEMBER who I was before, what I felt like before. This is glory, heaven. Please guys, all the veterans say, sober is the best, it is true! I'm not back to normal, per say, but I'm close. I seen true awe and glimmer in my children's eyes at my energy and happiness, like they were thinking, "mommy is back!". I will never turn back, please everyone don't give up trying. This is the BEST feeling in the world. Today I got to "wake up" and it is the best feeling in the ever! Thanks to everyone who has guided me, and supported me through this. You all rock!