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Watching them fall - hydro addict

What do you do when you love someone that hasn't hit the bottom yet?  She uses, she hates that she does, but she "needs" it.

She's just not ready to commit to a better life, she doesn't see her falling apart like i do, she doesn't believe she deserves any more than to make it through the day...

I'm reading countless countless posts of mothers saying  "i just had to get through the day for everyone esle" -that's her

the pain is just so bad i can't be without them - that's her

no one will love me if i'm a miserable &%$# while i'm trying to get off them...

excuses excuses excuses to any outsider, but the only reality a user sees...

So what, just "hang in there"?  where's the line between support and enabling?  i care for her so so so much, at this point it's way more than she cares for herself..  

I get that it's impossible to bring someone out, and what's way more likely is that they just end up bringing you down with them...

Guess i'm just looking for some communication about it.
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642393 tn?1227032656
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Avatar universal
i had to leave - i had been with my b/f for 2+years, lived with him for 1 year and nov 07 i had to leave.........it was hard (i thought it was hard then)

he supposedly got clean and we got back together 7 months later BUT today he is in rehab..........1st time ever for him and i pray daily that this works or that he at least learns something........i busted him out a week ago monday and i told him that was it i was leaving b/c i wasn't going down that road with him again and he decided that he needed help so off he went - alone - to rehab.  

it is a hard place to be and nothing you do or say will make a difference - i am sorry to say that but it is true.  an addicts mind does not rationalize the same way a  NON addicts mind does........i am learning that.............

God bless you but remember that you can only save yourself - i have to remember that each minute of each hour of each day.....

**i am really not even at a place in my own life to even be offering advice to anyone but i thought it would help to let you knwo that you are not the only one in love with a addict......
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
All that has been said is very true,  and I really learned it the hard way. For me, everyone I love in my life has an addiction including myself, most of my family, & past/present loves, but luckily, I havent fell off the wagon yet and  I still have a good, healthy life for myself the most part. I dont think I know the line btw support and enabling. its different for every person I think, and some addicts go farther then others, I know some who've completely lost themselves while others seem like they'll always be the same...I just hope very much in things, take care of myself and try to give as much understanding,comfort,and care as I can to my loved ones...as hard as it is to watch someone killing themselves and not realizing, in the end it is their addiction and life and ultimately they make the choices for it...theres only so much you can do. Just don't burn yourself out, don't ever give up, and things can always get better.
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Avatar universal
Its called tough love, tough for the ones who love those using and tough for those using when they realise the ppl around them really cant do anymore for them and the decision to stop using has to be theirs.  Its hard to watch someone you care for sink lower and lower until they hit rock bottom, but for some that is the only way to recovery.  Partners of users can become co-dependent which isnt good, you can be dragged down and although you may feel guilty and selfish, you have to think about yourself, if you dont, it wont just be one person that is ill, it will be two and that two will have a knock on effect on other people, so on and so forth, break the chain before it starts.

All The Best

Helpful - 0
498385 tn?1362449404
It sure is a hard place to be! I have been there on both of the sides the using side where my bf wanted me to quit then on the other where I wanted my new bf to quit !!. Addiction is such a cunning enemy.There is no known cure however it can be arrested!.I am a member of a 12 step program and without that I wouldn't have woken up this morning warm , happy and peaceful.Maybe you should try AL ANON. it wouldn't hurt to see and get some support from others in the same situation as yourself and maybe you can find some answers there . I wish you well, and I;ll pray for your friend God bless.
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