Aa
What did I do? Relapse.
I screwed up. Failed. Changing purses, found a bunch of norco. Well like 14. This was late last night as I was awake from lack of sleep still. Well every once in awhile. No sleep, still with zero energy. So I took 3 late last night. I woke up, took 2. Then another 2, not for pain. Just to feel warm fuzziness and energy. And I'm disgusted. I knew I would be. So why did I do this ? I messed up 22 days. Omg. No excuses. Just took them. I am ashamed and words can't express. 22 days was longest I went in 2 years. Now what? I feel like I failed my medhelp friends. And myself and family. They don't know . Omg.
Best Answer
Hi everyone - since this member is having reactions, she should definitely be talking to her doctor about these issues. We need to be very careful when making any sort of assessments about dosages. Just wanted to pop in with this little reminder. Enuffisenough - wishing you all the best on your journey!
Great! I'm glad it's being adjusted...
You'll do well because you really want this, have aftercare planned, and have a good attitude.
You'll do well because you really want this, have aftercare planned, and have a good attitude.
Thanks Vickie! So many great positive people here it's incredible. Yeah, the dose was WAY too high. I went lower today and lower again tomorrow. Until I find where i'm comfortable. I had some side effects, not great ones. Ugh. So we shall see. I just want to work this treatment accurately and be normal. Thank you so much.
You are right, maybe the cravings, but wow the effect of yesterday's dose really got me today. Fatigue etc.
You are right, maybe the cravings, but wow the effect of yesterday's dose really got me today. Fatigue etc.
Good for you! This is YOUR addiction and your recovery and, most of all, your choice.
I read your other thread and saw the doctor started you at 16mg. If you're feeling symptoms that tell you it's too much, just let your doctor know. Doctor's usually start people off between 12 and 16 mg per day, after titrating up. So your dose is not excessive compared to that. (Some go up to 32 mg...which is the max dose.)
You've already gone through detox for the most part. The Suboxone dose is not only based on relieving withdrawal symptoms but cravings, as well. Maybe that's what your doctor had in mind...relieving cravings...
In any case, I hope you do well and please stay in touch!
I read your other thread and saw the doctor started you at 16mg. If you're feeling symptoms that tell you it's too much, just let your doctor know. Doctor's usually start people off between 12 and 16 mg per day, after titrating up. So your dose is not excessive compared to that. (Some go up to 32 mg...which is the max dose.)
You've already gone through detox for the most part. The Suboxone dose is not only based on relieving withdrawal symptoms but cravings, as well. Maybe that's what your doctor had in mind...relieving cravings...
In any case, I hope you do well and please stay in touch!
I want to get better. I am going to NA. Everyone's opinion is different on here. Subs is not always going backwards, can help you move forward if taken correctly. I'm on my 2nd day and my dosage was and is too high, i lowered it a little today and will see my dr on thursday. I want to be free and clear and clean. My NA appt is in 2 weeks.
Using, or treatment? I feel as though i'm treating this by not taking pills and following this order. Thanks.
Using, or treatment? I feel as though i'm treating this by not taking pills and following this order. Thanks.
You do not want subs .. that is going backwards. But I think you may have already made up your mind.you have to change your thought process have you been to na? You will get a lot of support there.im sorry you feel so crappy but this gets better but only by not using so dont go to subs.
I did subs. Have another thread. Will post about my journey. And missed a huge meeting . Oh we'll, my health and recovery come first. No one is perfecto. Thank u all :) I felt totally normal today. After subs.
Awww girl. The worst is almost over. I know it's really tough but I hope you don't choose subs. That's a whole big problem on it's own. You don't want to have to go through that misery.
You are doing really well and you will start feeling better soon.
Just be really good to yourself. Get some Carnation Instant Breakfasts. They are so good and full of good stuff.
Take lots of vitamins. It's too bad you can't go for walks but just try and do what you can.
Glad you checked in. I've been thinking about you.
You are doing really well and you will start feeling better soon.
Just be really good to yourself. Get some Carnation Instant Breakfasts. They are so good and full of good stuff.
Take lots of vitamins. It's too bad you can't go for walks but just try and do what you can.
Glad you checked in. I've been thinking about you.
Thanks . I have zero desire to get out of bed. I did walking slowly today. Ankle still swollen but wayyyyy better. I don't want to work . Ugh. I need a month to clear my mind of this. At home. I'm really considering subs.
Well that out to keep you busy so the time goes faster and you are less focused on how you feel. I actually appreciated having a busy day even though I dreaded it while in wd. You CAN do this!
A positive attitude that what you are doing is a good thing really helps. Every day you are healing. You gotta be ok with not being ok for a bit. Learn about what to expect so you can be fully armed and ready for it. Im sure tomorrow will be a better day. :)
i relapsed between 20 and 58 days more times than i can count. i didn't know it at the time, but it was PAWS that took me back out. if you're not familiar with it goto http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm for a good article. for my first year and a half, PAWS would hit me every 25-30 days and i'd be stuck in it for about 3 days. it always felt like i was at the end of my recovery rope . . . but once i knew to expect it, and knew that it would be over in a day or two, i was able to see it as a sign of progress (even though it felt like abrick wall) and i could push through it.
that depression you describe is useful too. we addicts have to get really sick and tired of being sick and tired before we have the capacity to make the changes necessary to find a life in sustained recovery. if we had the ability to just stop as soon as we figured out there was an issue, addiction wouldn't be such a big deal. but addiction is a big deal and if it's not arrested by recovery, it never ends pretty.
the key is surrender . . . the one who surrenders the most wins.
CATUF
2819
that depression you describe is useful too. we addicts have to get really sick and tired of being sick and tired before we have the capacity to make the changes necessary to find a life in sustained recovery. if we had the ability to just stop as soon as we figured out there was an issue, addiction wouldn't be such a big deal. but addiction is a big deal and if it's not arrested by recovery, it never ends pretty.
the key is surrender . . . the one who surrenders the most wins.
CATUF
2819
Thank u . I'm on day 2. Agitated again. Funny, I thought I would have min withdrwals. But RLS crazy!!! No energy
Dnt let the harseness of some comments get u mad.Read what I wrote as its exactly what u said.ur an addict early n ur clean time.dnt beat urself up.Get to ur meetings.U r starting over with clean time.U CAN DO THIS!!
Amazing clean time. I'm working on it. Thank u sooooo much for kind words! I am going to meetings starting on 2 weeks. I am moving forward. Thanks for kind response.
That's what I'm trying to do obviously. As I'm not proud and relapsed! i realizw we need pur guard up! workimg on that! *****. Thanks for ur point .
For what it is worth, if I found pills in that amount I probably would use also. I am in aftercare, have 8 months clean, but it is a process and I am it there yet.
Boo hiss on the subs, you can do this. If you have really cut all sources then this should be a fluke. Aftercare is key, because it is giving me the tools to one day flush them if ever it happens to me. It just takes time.
And what others have said about romance? So friggin' true! I took some advice and wrote the hydro a letter telling theme still loved them, but I had to leave.....it helped, for real. It isn't fair for me to say what your thinking, but being a addict who relapsed plenty of times, I always thought one day I could use again recreationally. It took a long time to let that go, beacuse it is not true......I can never take it again.
Get back on the horse, you can do it.....I relapsed last time at day 56 and now I am at 230 something. It can be done.
Bryan
Boo hiss on the subs, you can do this. If you have really cut all sources then this should be a fluke. Aftercare is key, because it is giving me the tools to one day flush them if ever it happens to me. It just takes time.
And what others have said about romance? So friggin' true! I took some advice and wrote the hydro a letter telling theme still loved them, but I had to leave.....it helped, for real. It isn't fair for me to say what your thinking, but being a addict who relapsed plenty of times, I always thought one day I could use again recreationally. It took a long time to let that go, beacuse it is not true......I can never take it again.
Get back on the horse, you can do it.....I relapsed last time at day 56 and now I am at 230 something. It can be done.
Bryan
we are addicts....we know every one....it ususally always starts in our minds and only till later are we able to reconize those thoughts and or moments do we learn about ourself to be better on guard and aware... was my point.
Ok..now pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start over. Now that you have no more, no way to go but forwards and on! :) don't be ashamed...now that you know you can't have those around, you learned something. Addiction is about deciding to just be done and willpower.
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I would NOT recommend Subs. You've already detoxed. IMO.. that would just be going backwards. You have to get serious now about putting a plan in place and trying to stick to it. Eliminate all of your sources...someone made the good suggestion above of having someone help you look through your house, as best you can, to see if you have anymore stashes.
You MUST get serious about aftercare. You already looked into meetings, great! So pick one, and go! You may have to go every day for a while. It seems that the people who have been successful in staying clean really took advantage of those programs and went often...that adds accountability. You could even get a sponsor, which would be great. You could have called your sponsor last night when you found the pills, that may have made a difference.
You have to tell your secret..not to the whole world, but to people who will help to keep you accountable...the doctor is a GREAT place to start, and the pharmacies...anywhere you would get a script filled. Call them and have them flag your profile for no narcotics...tell them you are an addict. If you have any close loved ones you can confide in, that would be great too. Any doctor, dentist, clinic where you have sought pills from before (or could in the future), you need to contact them and have them make a notation about no opiates. That will be empowering to do that.
You absolutely can do this...but you need to pitch the rest of those pills. Like others have said, you WILL find a way to talk yourself into taking the rest. Just because you relapsed doesn't mean you have to take the rest of them. Get rid of them now!
Very best to you...hang in there...time to move forward...dwelling on this won't help you. You'll have feelings of regret, but you can turn that into motivation to make the necessary changes.
P.S....I think you should read (and print off) those journals here...the one that is a letter from my addiction, I think it's amazing...very powerful. Others would be more help with that...maybe someone can post the links for you to those very poignant writings.