What do I do?

[finsfan4ever]

I had a plan to stop using this Thurs. I planned the time off with my wife, organized all the supplies, scheduled the off time with work. Felt very confident about being ready. Then yesterday, I woke up at midnight and decided I wanted to see how long I could go without one. Usually after 8 hours the aches etc... made me go and take one. I stayed busy, walked the beagles for 1 1/2 hrs last night before bed. About 5-6 miles. Took a tylenol pm and an old valium I had before I went to bed at 10pm.
I woke up this morning at six, and I made it without one! I am now approx. 28 hrs without.
I feel weird, my stomach is a little messed up.
Now I dont know what to do. The plan was Thurs. I could be off for 10 days and wife would be home because shes a teacher and school is out. The reason I didnt start this week was I had important meetings this week and wife had a class she COULD NOT MISS. Now that I'm 28 hrs in I want to keep going. Wife is a little upset, she has to go to her classes this week and I have to work till thurs. She said I made her feel guilty cause we had a plan, but now I kinda started and she feels guilty about having to leave me. I told her I would be ok and to please go to her classes. I dont know if I could make it thru my work on tues weds thurs anyway. Lotta rambling as usual, anybody got any ideas? Should I stick to the original plan or keep going now?

[tgtiffany]

If you feel like you're missing someone, post on the old thread that you made a new thread....and give a link, then they can follow.  HOpe today is good for you, i'll be back on later :) yard saleing today, hopefully no sunburn blisters!!!

[finsfan4ever]

I have no idea what protocol is here, but I thought with a new "DAY" should come with a new thread.
Is that what its called?
Hope I don't lose any of you by doing that. Was it a mistake?

[finsfan4ever]

YAY! Yes it was Shirley......
I was just thinking a few minutes ago that other than work, I don't have a hobby. Used to play golf before I hurt my back/neck/knee/elbow...lol
But you are right, I need a hobby to take up any slack time....what little there is:)
thanks for the thoughts and ideas.....

[Newabuser]

Shirley Booth, right?

For what it's worth, the mental part of it was by far the worst for me. I found that the best thing to do was to stop obsessing on the fact that I was quitting. Try and get yourself involved in something new and interesting and throw yourself into it. It can eat up huge chunks of time where you won't even think about pills. That alone showed me that a lot of it was all in my mind.

Good luck to you!

[finsfan4ever]

What do you think........picture is a pretty good likeness.....lol
Course....Homer is better lookin and a better dresser.....

[finsfan4ever]

Well I'm home.....
Mankind is safe for another 24 hours........well 11 hours anyway.....back in at 4 am...but only a few 2? hours.
Made the day, which was unbelievable! Both that I made the day and the day itself....ok..enuff
Didn't use after 930pm last night...ran some, ate something....
Thank you all for the comments/advice.....I got a sec to peek earlier, went to my journal..
I do have a tendency to over react a tiny little bit....I KNOW, YOU ARE ALL SHOCKED!....lol
OK, A LOT!
As i drove home, I drive along this huge canal, put the window down and slung my "car stash" into the water! Only 9-10, but made me feel 1 step closer.....(Hope I didn't get a bunch of fish stoned)
They are going down the drain when my wife gets home, about an hour. I was going to do it now, but I want her to SEE them flush.............
Funny, I "found" two somehow found their way into my aciphex(reflux med) bottle!
Now how did THAT happen?
Must have been the housekeeper........than darn Hazel! (I KNOW no one will get that name/reference)
I am so OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know any other way to say it other than God sent me to this site and ALL OF YOU!
To come here when I'm at work or home, and see someone cares, at 4am? Who in their right mind is up at 4am?   Well me, but than again there is that "right mind" thing working against me!
Gonna take a soak, take some "recipe" and then I'll be back......
PLEASE HANG WITH ME K?
me thinks humor is my shield?     funny/scared guy.

[tgtiffany]

Exactly as all the others have posted.  Take it minute by minute if you have to.  You're better than the pills and you CAN do this.  It's only a matter of time before you're completely FREE again!!!  You're freaking out for all of the reasons you think you are. The fact that you sold all the roxys probably is part of it too, nothing to fall back on, and that's a GOOD THING! You know that today is the day.  No turning back and your mind is trying to freak you out so you will use and won't go through with your plans.  Don't listen to it.  You're strong and you WILL get through this.  Keep your head up.  Flush the pills as soon as you can so you're not tempted to use any of them.  You've made it 48 hours before without one, you can do it again!!!  Just gotta keep the pills our of your head, stay busy and distracted.  Every time you think about them think about how much you HATE them.  Use that passion to NOT use them and to be rid of them for good.  Keep your head and and smile :) You're going to make it to the other side, and the other side is going to be beautiful :)

[gnarly_1]

so it sounds like you started this and are having a bit of a ruff morning .....remember attitude is everything your not going to feel that great for the next few days hang with us here for support it helps I just wanted to check in on you this morning to see how your hanging
where out here keep posting good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[theirmommie72]

How are you doing today?  Is everything okay?

[0421]

Just a quick post, YOU can do this, watch the panic it will send you over the edge, breath, walk, do what ever. You want this and you will be okay, not easy but do able.
good luck and prayers to you. Bethany

[unlikely]

You can do it.  Take it second by second if you have to.

If I can get off of ten years of heroin, methadone and crack...you can do some pills.

[cleaninitup]

You need to take a step back for a few minutes and take a deep breath. You are going to send yourself into a full blown anxiety attack. Getting off these pills is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done. It is hard but you can do it.You proved to yourself that you can go 48 hrs already so lets try for 49 then 50 then 51. You can do this!!!!! Deep breathes-run the beach do what you have to  to get through this. YOU CAN DO IT!! H

[selfinduced]

Sending you positive energy and peace for your day. Hour by hour. Remember why this is so important to you. No more chasing scripts, conning Dr. , spending hard earned money, missing important events etc. Stay strong! Routing for you!

[atthebeach]

hey palm beach
you have to take control. you are letting those pills control  every thought. you have to stand firm, you know you want this. take charge. claim it. it is yours. minute by minute, step by step.  they are your enemy not your friends. you are stronger than them. your emotions are going to be all over, crying ,angry, laughing,sad that is all normal. pray,pray..
breathe,
post as much as you can. even if you have to hid in the bathroom.lol
we got your back

[newchapter523]

Fins you need to relax. Everything your feeling is normal. It's going to be scary but you can do it. One day a time... Tell yourself to just get to tommorrow and dont think about any further now. YOU MUST GET RID OF PILLS....I'm rooting for you. Deep breaths. NOW is the time to be strong and responsible FOR YOU!!!

[finsfan4ever]

Taking deep breaths, one foot in front of the other.....
tell me it wont always be this bad. Is this part of my reaction of letting the roxys go last night? Or just cause its thursday? I have been looking forward to this afternoon for a week now, and now I wish it never came....
I can barely function.... hardly drive...
My responsibilities are overwhelming me.
left the house MAD... didnt bring any of my "recipe"....
WHAT A DOLT!
How can someone so strong,responsible for.....important stuff...be so weak?
Well its showtime... will be back soon as i can......
HELP ME!

[finsfan4ever]

Just got to work.... shouldnt even be here(on line)
dont know what happened last night. took my supps,went to bed @ 8 and by 930 i was crying,aching,kicking.........
am i just panicing cause i know this is the day?
dont know how im goonna do it,dont know how im gonna run things today here
dont know dont know dont know.......
im full of answers today,huh
already thinking of friday. still have to work 2-3 hrs fri and 2-3 hrs sat.
already scheaming in my head how id save one or two to make the weekend.
was proud to get rid of the roxys, but feel like i took a giant step backwards....
thought i was the only one up at this hour......
Thanks for being here....cant control emotions....I LOVE YOU MAN.....LMAO!
am i really gonna be able to floush them tonight?
told my wife how bad last night was,we went in hot tub.
i asked her when we are off will she get up @ midnight with me if i am going crazy. it was earlt,she wasnt awake, told me "ill try"...
I went nuts, TRY! I need you to tell me youll be there every step of the way....
what an a** hole i am...
already called her and apoligized. tole her I have to get out of this by myself, i got myself to this point
lotta rambling...sorry
lousy spelling too  lol:(
going nuts.... didnt take any for work, but probably still on the 3 from 930
still have em in my briefcase....i want them soooo bad and i HATE THEM SO BAD

[newchapter523]

Don't worry that's your brain in panic mode. I took everything I could on my last day. Just take a deep breath and DUMP them when you get home. You made it 48 hrs before just start with that.... YOU CAN DO IT. Go for it!!

[finsfan4ever]

3am let myself  downn night from hell having huge doubts
dont know if i can make this took 3 thru the night gotta go...........
yeah im a laugh riot im hating myself right now

[tgtiffany]

TEN dollars each?!!!  My goodness that's a lot of money!!!  Great idea with the laptop though!  I love your sense of humor, I know it's your way of dealing with all the stress and crap that you have to deal with every single day, but it's awesome.  I think it's going to be what gets you through all this.  That and your wife ;) I hope that you have a good night, dream of the amazing life you're going to have after all this is over :)  Have a great day tomorrow and don't forget to SMILE!!!!

[0421]

You are going to be okay, I started my detox on thursday so thursday is a good day, I missed calulated and 90 days is today!!! I  know it does not feel like you will ever and I mean ever get to 90 days but I can't believe how fast it has been. Just know how many prayers are coming your way and how we all have faith in you, now have faith in yourself and you will be fine.  
good luck and prayers to you, Bethany
ps I even went to see , Engelbert Humperdink !!!!!

[finsfan4ever]

Bedtime....
Looking forward to tomorrow afternoon....
worried about the night, I think if I can't sleep or wake again at midnight I'm just going to go to work
Keep busy......
night all, Bless You and Love You
Talk again in the morning

[finsfan4ever]

Thank you for the encouragement! I am gonna be ok, I didnt get to be an addict in a couple of days and realize I won't get clean in a couple of days.
Baby steps.......................................all I got!

[finsfan4ever]

How dare you have a life!
Just kidding debbie. Oh yeah, talking to me is thrilling huh?
I keep referring to my "work", maybe someday I can explain, but there is EXTREME security issues,etc..... NO ONE is beyond suspicion. If you act odd in anyway, you will be checked out. Even when you are the  Big Dog lol   woof woof.......
The "supplier" called 10 times today. When I finally got home I called him and explained the situation. We have been friends for 23 years, long before any of this started. He understood.
GET THIS! He just came over (wife is home now) and he bought the 60+ roxys I had stashed. My wife gave them to him so I didn't have to touch them. But @ $10.00 a pop, I felt good to recoup some of the insane money I had spent. Gonna buy my daughter a laptop(for college in England) with the money. I only did this after discussing it with my wife......
Feels good for them to be GONE! Now only the hydros to flush tomorrow.
It feels great to be an honest husband again. Like I've said before, I have some money, I'm not taking food out of my family's mouth,etc.... But I hated lying to my wife. Have i said she is amazing yet?
I have terrible eating habits. I blame it on the pills. Didn't want to ruin that glourious high i guess.
Guess i COULD blame everything on them huh? But its all ON ME!
You know I tried to take a little nap earlier, and slept about an hour, then woken by the whole rls.
I got up took some supplements and got in the hot tub and guess what? I'm ok! Thats why I am encouraged by having the time off. Past few nights i would wake with the same problem but go to my pills. I see now that while i am off if I wake up with problems, there are other options, AND I don't have to go to work the next day. I think my beagles are going to get worn out during the next few weeks....LOL
And no, I never used to have to wake up to take one cause I was taking so many I was getting thru the nights ok, then running to my bottle first thing in the morning.
Again, THANK YOU, and I hope you'll bug me tomorrow as often as you can:)