What to do?

[sara0278]

My cousin is addicted to pain pills and she drinks with them.  She has started stealing pain pills from my friend and she has stolen from another family member.  She doesn't know I am on to her.  Today she stole 40 hydros from my friend and my friend will not confront her because she is afraid of causing trouble within my family.  I think she needs to confront her so we can get her help.  So what should I do?  I promised my friend I wouldn't say anything to her.  I don't have drugs at my house but I am afraid she will steal my jewelry or something to pay for drugs.  I am so confused.  She lost her very good job that she had had for 20 yrs because of drugs and is now unemployed.  She still denies that is why she lost her job but I know for sure that is how she lost it.  I can't say anything to anyone else.  Help

[Westguy1003]

Freedom said it very well: "An addictive mind does not care." They'll rationalize to themselves any way they can that: "It's not really stealing," "It's not important," "They don't need it anyway," "I deserve it," etc....Clearly she needs help and Domino is right, the more its ignored, enabled, or just generally allowed to continue the further she will spiral.

[dominosarah]

Covering this up for her is only making it easier for her to keep doing this.  Please get together with the other family members and talk this over and come up with a plan.  The more you all ignore this the further your cousin will spiral downwards.....sara

[freedom007]

Confront her...but think about how.  I stole from friends, family members, strangers...about the only thing I did not do was Break into houses...but it wasn't far from my mind.  Every house I would go into I would sneak around into medicine cabinets...always keeping an ear open for recent surgeries, chronic pain, etc.

My wife's family finally "set me up" and confronted my wife about it...she confronted me and kicked me out of the house.  The day I was kicked out...I stole more pills from my neighbor.  It sounds ludacrist...but an addictive mind does not care.  And certainly will not care if she does not face the music.  But be prepared...she will lie, squirm...anything to keep using.  Just keep persistant until she admits it...

The group approach would not have worked with me.  Sleeping in my friends unfinished basement, with only my clothes, losing my job, being estranged from my kids and basically becoming a shell of my former self was enough for me.  But everyone has a different rock bottom...let's hope hers isn't fatal.  The shame of stealing could be, though.

[Westguy1003]

If I was you I'd get the family together (without her) and talk this out. See if they're all aware of it and get on the same page. It certainly sounds like she needs help but don't gang up on her or you'll just turn it into a fight. Have one or maybe two family members approach her in private about her addiction and voice their feelings calmly and clearly. Have it be the family member she respects the most or is closest too and most likely to listen to. See how she responds. She might know (on some level) that she has a problem but hasn't admitted it yet or feels helpless to do anything about it.

Al-Anon might be a good place to start looking for some help. www.ALAnon.Org will help you find a meeting near you. Also, call up your local hospital and see if they have a chemical dependancy unit (sometimes called a substance abuse clinic/unit, etc) and see if they offer programs or rehab or support groups. Most large hospitals will have some sort of program / unit.

Grab the yellow pages (or use google) and check out the phone numbers for support groups, hotlines, etc. Theres some very good alcohol and depression hotlines available that can also refer you to local health services and counseling. Your local church or other religious facility might offer similar information and services.

Again, Al-Anon can help you out with these things too. They're mostly dedicated toward friends and family of people with a drinking problem.. not sure if there's a similar program for medication absue but it sounds as though drinking is def. a part of the problem. At the very least they might be able to refer you somewhere more suited.

It certainly sounds like she needs help so I wouldn't wait around too long. Get the family together and try Al-Anon, see what they have to say. She's certainly doing damage to her body by overdosing on pain meds and mixing it with alcohol. If she damages her liver or her pancreas things will get bad quickly. An intervention might be on the horizon but thats something to talk over at Al-Anon or through one of the support hotlines or hospital units I was talking about earlier.


Good luck!

[vicki595]

Hi~  In my opinion,she needs to be confronted by someone,either you,your friend,or the entire family. By not speaking up,all of you are enabling this behaviour.  I know it's hard
but you shouldn't tiptoe around her. What she's doing is very dangerous.
When she's at your house,don't leave her alone.
Good luck~
Vicki