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Avatar universal

Where to from here?

As I journey Back...

I remember my first VICODIN.  It was right after an out patient surgery.  I had an operation in a very sensitive part of my body.  Not a vasectomy.  Anyways, I remember rolling in my bed in pain, and my wife calling the doctor for help.  This day was the first day  of the Worst Part Of My Life.  I remember taking 2 Vicodin, and 25 minutes later, the pain was GONE.  I was in heaven.  Little did I know what the next 5 years would be like.  

The Hunt...

After I ran through my first bottle of Vicodin, I was clean for a while.  Didn't really give it much thought, but then I had oral surgery, and there was my 2nd bottle.  I got one refill and really only needed the pills for 2 days.  The rest I saved and took Only at around lunch time.  I enjoyed the "calm" it gave me.
Later, I started taking a dose in the morning...
... and then in the evening.   At this point I was at around 100 a month, (Lorcet 10/650).  Didn't even know what NORCO was at this point.
But, I was now looking to fill in my habit.  I was able to get a prescription for IBS symtoms, and it did help my symtoms.  Always has.  AND this has been my rationalization for taking them all along.

Giving up...

Several times over the past 5 years I quit for a short time.  The longest I went was 2 months.  I remember having several bottles stashed away, and being proud I didn't "dive" in.  Feeling like I was under control.  

My last attempt...

I guess it would be silly to say I will NEVER take another Hydrocodone Pill again.  Afterall, they do have their place.  And after surgery, they are a tool that one must use on occasion.  BUT, I am now off of a really bad run of 10-15 NORCO a day.  A bad divorce, and tough times found me eating them like candy.  In the morning without fail, I poured my cup of coffee,  and swilled down 3 NORCO,  After my first cup of coffee, many time I had already reached for another 1.5 tabs.  By 9 am most mornings over the past month, I already had 45mg hydrocodone in my system.  By noon, around 70, and by the evening, around 120-150mg (12-15 tablets 10/325).  This past month was out of the ordinary, and up until then I was steadily popping around 6-7 a day.

I am hoping for answers...

Because My supply ran out unexpectedly, I was forced into a spiral taper.  I went from the 12-15, down to 8 a day, for 3 days, and then 5 a day for 3 days.  At this point I was starting to feel "fluish".  Then I went to 3 a day.  and then stopped 2 days ago.  For the past 3 days, I have felt very weak, sore, tender skinned, and massive headaces.  I can barely function, and I am a single dad, (mom ran off to find her happiness).  This weekend, I spent the best part of it in bed.  I have such bad diareah that I can't go out if I wanted to.  My lower back and gut are in turmoil..  I am really trying to stay the course and give this up for good. I am afraid of what my liver and kidneys must look like.   Luckily, I don't drink or smoke, or do other drugs.

Has anyone gone through a detox at the level I took these?  I know everyone is different, but I can't hardly stand the discomfort.  No sleep for several days, and rest is impossible because of the pain.

Today is day 2 of complete abstinence.  I feel like I have been run over by a train.  What is next for me?  I can't go to the doctor. I cannot afford treatment.  

Another concern is , I can refill my prescription next week on Wednesday.  Part of me wants to take it and try to taper slower.

Any help would be appreciated..

Decisions.
18 Responses
Avatar universal
Well only you know what you can take physically. I could not handle the withdrawl at 3 pills/day. But many here have and even more. I tappered down to 1 pill/day and then quit. Mine were also 10mg. The withdrawl wasn't too bad at all. Tappering got most of it and it was a struggle to stay with it and not take more.

452063 tn?1324074916
Welcome and sorry you are going through this. You stated that you are in wd bc you ran out of pills. Have you ever thought of quitting? This will likely make the difference on the path you choose. Recovery is tough. You have to really want to quit and see how negativly it has effected your life and it's still not easy. We will support you no matter what you decide.

By Wednesday the physical part of your wd will mostly be over so you really wouldn't need to taper for physical withdrawls.

There are some things that you can put into place to make yourself more comfortable. Immodium, lots of fluid, take lots of hot baths. If you have any Valium, Xanax or any type of benzo it will help with the anxiety and might help with sleep. There is something that they are selling otc for rls now. Some people on here got relief by ace wrapping their legs real tight.

Under Health Topics there is and amino acid and vitamin protical titled Thomas Recipe.
I also found reading PAWS Post Acute Withdrawl Symptoms helpful as it will help you know what to expect. They can be found under Health Topics top right of the forum. Best of luck to you. If you were really planning to get off anyway you will be through thephysical part anyway. Let me know if I can help in anyway. Corey
352798 tn?1399298154
Welcome to the forum.
I have to agree not to refill the Rx. By Wednesday, most of your w/d will be over. No sense in starting it back up. Typically w/d last 5-7 days. After that you will not feel great but nothing like the first week. Drink lots of fluids. Hot baths w/Epsom salts helps the chills and the muscles.
Avatar universal
Thank you for the support.

Yes, I want to quit, and running out, was planned.  I forced myself to run out.  I could have made arrangements to find more.  I chose to go it without, hopefully for the last time in my life.  I lost 5 years of my life to this drug.  Actually , I did live my life good enough, but still the constant seeking and trying to get a hold or more became part of the daily grind.  

So, yes the taper was my choice.  If by Wednesday I feel better, then I will just be done.  If I go trough 3 more days of hell, I am not sure what to do. It is hard to "waste" those days of being clean.
I don't have access to any benzos.  I was taking Ativan for a while but stopped them several months ago.  I never got hooked on them.  Never.  I don't miss them and don't plan to take another one ever again.  As far as Hydrocodone, I hope to stay strong, and tough it out.  going from about 12 or more a day to the taper I did has been horrible.

If what you said is true, I will just leave the prescription there so as not to be tempted.

Thanks again for your support.  I can see there are a lot of good people in the same boat.
Avatar universal
PS, the ammonium has done nothing for me.  I have been taking them with lots of water... to no avail.  My lower back and gut are in major pain, and this is preventing me from sleeping.  The rest of the wd/s are tolerable, headache, nausea, weakness, etc..
Avatar universal
I think you have made the right choice in quitting. It will take some time to totally get your life back but it will be worth it for you and your child. Keep up the good work you will start to feel better physically soon. I would not suggest getting that refill at all. You may even call the pharmacy and cancel it. Keep posting on here and you will find lots of info and support! I saw where someone directed you to the health pages and there is lots of good info in there as well. Best of luck to you!
452063 tn?1324074916
Day 4 was the turning point for me. I started to feel alot better then. Day 2 and 3 were the worst though. Everyone is different and some take 5 or 6 days to get over the physical. Does moist heat help your back? They sell these 8 hour heat packs at the pharmacy that adhere to your skin. I think they're great. See if heat helps before you get one. They are about $6 for 2 otc. Hope you have a good night. If you can't sleep try not to get frustrated and relax and at least rest. That will help. Corey
364326 tn?1222659873
Decisions-
Wow, it's amazing to read other peoples' posts here and feel like I'm reading own story.  Not exactly but very close.  Maybe hearing the brief version of mine will help you...

Me: Same # of Norcos, by the end 20 a day + some Tramadol + some Fiorinal (whatever was most abundant although I could get it all), I used to make little pill cocktails...it's was "fun."  (NOT SO MUCH)

Stopped (solo except for the cool folks on here) 6 months ago, but fell off the wagon after 21 days (1st 10 days of w/d sucked, the 1st 3 were a living hell).  So, off the wagon for a couple of months, got right back up to the same level as before of all of them, WAY faster than before....Ran out...w/d...again...pill-free didn't last as long...took more again.

Then got caught w/ my hand in the cookie jar.  Hearing, "I think you have a problem" was VERY motivating.  Then, with family knowing and by intentionally cutting off my supply, continuing to post here, read here and keep in touch with this place and by getting back into the gym and back to my life...I'm now on day 42.  I feel better than ever.  Got cravings over the weekend and so have stayed on here all weekend long....keeping my head in the right space.  

Obviously it's going to be a (life) long battle but it's do-able, it's win-able once you are ready, determined and then take it one step at a time.

Use the Thomas Recipe, the Amino Protocol, LOTS of hot soaks, banans, etc.  Realize that it will all pass...the RLS quickly the anxiety and insomnia might take longer but look how much more productive you can be with all that extra time on your hands!  Hang out here and talk it through.  

You can do it, F the Rx, it's only prolonging the problem and keeping you away from YOU longer.

Good luck!
Avatar universal
Today is day 3 for me w/o vicodin 10/500 and I am having a very bad day too.  More so depressed than anything.  Lower back muscle cramps are killing me and running down the backs of my legs but other than that I'm ok or that's what I keep telling myself. So I through myself into cooking all day to keep my mind off of it and I took my kids for a 1 hour walk.  Try too get up and move if you can or maybe try some tylenol pm to sleep that might help too.  I did not even feel like posting today.........but everyday gets better and better YOU WILL BE OK you can do this. Do not get that other rx filled if you can cause you will have to start all over with the w/d's even w/ tapering.  Your story give or take was the story of my life.  I have a chronic pain disease that will be with me for the rest of my life and I stopped 3 days ago and I still have infected open wounds from my surgery 7 weeks ago. You can do this and you will do this if not for you then for your kids. But doing it for you is good too :) We are in the same boat right now so if you would like to pm me you can we could talk more. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you have the best night you possibly can. God speed. (Oh I also have been doing crossword puzzles to keep my mind off of the pills) Anything that keeps your mind occupied will help a ton and if you can try some of the Thomas Receipe some of the supplements have really helped.  Jennifer
Avatar universal
I think by wednesday you won't feel so bad..You said you tapered and felt like ****..so for sure by wednesday at the most you'll feel like you did while you were tapering..It is very tempting to know you have a rx..let alone getting it filled..please don't. Like everyones said..the worst will be over..definately keep your mind busy..something really that doesn't take alot of thought helped me..I played alot of Mah Long on the computer..I went cold turkey off about 14..I was alot better on @ the 5th day..
230262 tn?1316645934
i was taking 10 regular vicodin a day for a couple years, then at least 8 of the higher dose vics (7.5 mg) at the worst of my addiction. And yes i went CT off these, never could taper, i couldnt control myself to taper i just kept eating the pills non stop til they were gone.  Day 3 was always my worst. horrible pain and all the other usual symptoms too. btw try PEPTO BISMOL instead. I cant take immodium either but the Pepto helped my diarrhea.
dont get your refill. you will be sorry to have suffered this clean time only to do it all over again. dont make yourself start over again. I battled that demon when i was in the throes of severe WD.  I had drove to a friends house that i knew had some vicodin and was gonna ask for some. I drove past the house and parked in a lot and sat there crying and shaking and made myself think of my kids back at home and what a loser i was. I made myself start the car and drive right on past thhat house of his and come back home without anything. Im so glad i did that. It just would have made me start over. a few more pills arent worth it.    
Avatar universal
Thank you all for your strong support.  It is 5:30 in the am for me. Still can't sleep because of lower back pain and spasms.  Also gut pain.  I have IBS.  So, I am sure the nerves in my gut are going haywire.  I would never consider myself or anyone else a loser for taking this drug.  I have never been addicted to anything, and wouldn't consider myself an addict peronality.  These pills give a certain feeling of well being, that is hard to let go of.  
BUT, what made me quit, was, constantly trying to get "that" feeling.  And the reality, was, I wasn't getting it anymore.  The feeling after you take a dose, of AHHHH, I feel relaxed, wasn't there anymore. Now, I was taking to just feel OK.  I won't even go into the money this has cost me.  
I am getting a bit clearer in my head this morning.  Still in pain, but hopeful.
I am going to the health food store to get the "recipe", and see if it helps.

Again, thank you all and I will be around here for a while looking for your support and understanding.  Can't go anywhere else.

Best to you all.
Avatar universal
It's not easy. I miss the way I use to feel. But I don't miss the fact that every morining I got up, I HAD to have the methadone to even function. If I went 1 day without, I could'nt even get out of the bed, and if I did, my legs were so heavy, I could'nt even walk. I was not prepaired for the w/d's from Methadone. If I had known, I may not have quit, but now I'm glad I did. Don't get me wrong, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Today is day 26 for me and it's still extremely hard. I'm going through the depression. This weekend was horrible, but today I feel better. I'm just trying to keep a positive attitude and appreciate this website and the people here. They are so caring and helpful. We are all here for you no matter what you decide to do.
Karen 1964
Avatar universal
Hang tough I too went through the w/d back in Dec and thought after a month clean I could use just to control the pain.  Wrong!  It starts out about controlling the pain then it moves to looking for that warm fuzzy feeling. You know what I mean. By Wed you will see a big improvement don't go get the pills you will just start the cycle over again.  This last time I got rid of all my extras and plan to stick with the program.  Keep fighting the fight and good luck!
Avatar universal
The one thing I didn't elaborate on, is that they help me function in spite of my IBS symptoms.  My mother is prescribed 90 a month for what seems to be my inherited IBS symptoms.  She NEVER takes them all.  She is not an addict.  But she has been able to use them a a tool to help her problem.
My problems is I have to face IBS head on, without medicine, and it scares me.  I am trying to remember just how bad it was BEFORE taking this medicine.  I guess I survived for 42 years, without...  and can do it again, but I am scared.  I want to live a normal life...
funny, It all started with 2 5/500's for a minor surgery. I NEVER abused before that.  But they "taught" me, hey, these help control the IBS pain too!!!

Life is tough.

Avatar universal
keep kicking butt, i agree with all dont get the refill cause you will be through the roughest physical part. and go to the health pages to find info, the thomas recipe did help sooo much, hot baths, force yourself to eat even though i know you dont want to, and walk, it took everything inside of me to get up and do it (hated the whole time i was walking at first) but after i was done sooo much better. the sleep part was the longest part to come back also but it will get better. try an over counter sleep aid for as nite or two might help.
little of my story i was same as you have chroinc kidney stones since i was 16 (now 33) and for about first 7 years i would get them and pass them or have surgery for them and get the "wonder pills" which i knew then i liked them but didnt get more after they were gone. well about 5-6 years ago had a really invasive surgery to get them out cause thery were huge. i had to be on them for almost 2 years cause i had 1 invasive surgery and about 7 outpaitient surgey to get them out, anyway just rambling now. so when it was oover i found myself loving them dang things and wanted them all the time. i dont blame the doctor cause he was keeping me out of pain i choose to be the addict after.  so to have had ups and downs to get off them but to day been clean 42 days!!!! and feel the best i have in a long time. i was taking about 10-14 pills a day and sometimes more, i couldnt do the tapper thing cause if i had them i ate them up. went cold turkey and the first week was rough but by day 6 it was light at the end of tunnel. i wont lie and not trying to scare you but you have to be strong cause the mental parts takes alot of effort to stay off of them , but can be done. this is my 3rd time around, but this time i have done alot of work on myself to see what inside i didnt like about myself and try to find out why i felt the need  to numb my self through life. i have lost alot because of them damn pills but i refuse to loss any more. you have to deal with things in yor past and then let it go, we can never change it no matter how much we would like to, but we can change today and the future.  hope this helps a little, you are in my prayers. hang in there it will get better but it takes time.
Avatar universal
Great note.
Thanks.

I am going to do everything I can to stay the course too.  I hope you do too.  Sounds like you have a good hold of what got you to your place in life.  I wish you the best as well, and that each day, both you and me, heck all in this mess, can stay the he** off of these things.

By the way, is/are your stones calcium based?  And if so, have you ever tried the soda, and asparagus cleanse?  I personally know 2 people who use this recipe, and it worked for them, saving them the knife.  
Avatar universal
NOw that my mind is clearing up...

I am really afraid of what the "Tylenol" in these pills may have done to me.
for 5 years, mostly on, I took an average of 4,000mg plus,of Tylenol.  Maybe more.
In the last month especially, I am sure I topped out at around 7-8k mgs.  

In all your experience, what are the chances I have damaged my liver or kidneys,etc.?

I realize no one can say for sure.  Funny, you'd have to twist my arm to take a couple extra strength Tylenols, BEFORE I got hooked.   To this day, I still won't pop a couple Tylenol, to break a headache, etc.  I alway grab aspirin, or Ibuprofen.

Thanks again everyone.  If I didnt' answer a post, please forgive me.  I DID read it.
I am still  having to work and get through this, so my posts can't be many.
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