Help me!!!

[Betty850]

I am 28 year old, and due to perscribed percocet to me about 4 years ago.  Over the past 4 years I have become completely out of control.  I usually go through my 120 percocet within about a week (at MOST), then buy or bargain for anything else the rest of the month.  I am a high dosage user of percocet, oxycotin, vicodin, Ultram, Tramadol, Gabapentin (as I am perscribed that as well for tremors and seizures), and Xanax.  My husband and I have decided that it is time (after I confessed all that I was taking) to come down to only taking as prescribed.  However, I do no not have insurance or money.  I am trying to do this at home, and I am not ok!  I am only about 24 hours into without any pills.  I am trying to research on here what is best to do, and my poor husband to have some tips.  We have 2 little kids, and I am trying to lock myself up in room and just sweat it out.  Is it safe??  What do I do?  PLEASE HELP!

[Betty850]

Hey guys!  

I am doing much better now!  I appreciate all the comments.  Just to clarify things: Yes, I was able to pay for my prescriptions (that is legitimate) every month.  The rest were taken illegally, and I rarely had to pay for any of them.  So for those who give me a hard time saying I am can afford a habit but not help are mistaken!  I can afford my prescriptions but nowhere close to what a clinic would be.  

I did decide a CT way, as I didnt want to prolong anything.  I did have a doctor on call who knew about situation.  My refill is at end of week, but my husband is the one who is in control.  He will dish them out as prescribed, nowhere near to where I was.  

Definately hell for awhile.  No sleep, pain, sick...no fun.  Yesterday I felt like a fog lifted.  I honestly had no clue how out of it I really was until I came out of it, if that makes sense.  I was even alone with people yesterday and had horrible headache, but did not even ask for a Tylenol or anything minor, just in case someone HAPPENED to offer something else.  I am in process of cutting certain "friends" out of my life, and moving on.  

Thank you!!

[imrprod]

You say you don't have money but you have been able to support your habit...Find a free clinic as there are many out there in these bad times.  Call a hotline for addiction and they might be able to help find one.  Taper down but let your husband hold the pills.  If you have a siezure problem you need to be very careful which is why you should find a clinic to get a doctor involved.  If you can get some suboxone it is controversial but with everything you are taking you may need it to stabalize and get off of everything for a while then start going to NA meetings which are free and also a good source of inrfo on free or cheap clinics....Get help you really do have a great ffamiliy and they deserve and you deserve to be a part of it.

[Radiostar55]

Betty, I feel your pain day 4 for me..My Doc prescribe Diazipine and has really helped with wd..I feel like a zombie, no sleep, running nose yawning alot anf had diarhea for the first time today..Hot baths help alot so do lots of vitimins..You can do it. I was taking 4 60 mg of Oxycodone and 2-3 soma muscle relaxers for 2 years.  It hurts for a while but today I feel alittle bit better. 77 hours clean and sober wish me and you lots of luck..when you feel bad just think of your kids.  One of the reasons I quite my oldest daughter is getting married in April and didn't want to walk her down the aisle as high as a kite.  our children deserve better...Much Love keep us posted

[worried878]

Nite

if u r without until next week..i would think hard about re-filling those pills...tapering after a week is pointless..when u r at 0 you can not taper any lower..so why r u gonna refill the pills? cutting off supply is part of this whole quitting thing

Dont get it??? guess I misunderstood...nite

[Betty850]

Thanks for everything guys.  Pretty much everythign was said correctly.  I do need the actual percocet and gabapentin for issues I have.  However, my hubby will dispense them to me as its prescribed.  I am not due for my refill until next week, and he will pick them up and start right off the bat.  I plan on going to my first meeting tomorrow night.  I will post and see how it goes.  

I just took hot bath and drank some tea.  I feel calmer than I did when this started, so I am hoping I acn maybe get a little sleep tonight.  Good night everyone, talk to you tomorrow.  Thanks again

[worried878]

I took off for a long weekend...4 days..went back to work day 5..I am glad I took off work cos I woulda been worried the whole time bout making it to work..and i needed to worry bout me right then..work is important...but u r worth lots more than a paycheck

sometimes we gotta slow down and get our priorities in order..I see peeps post that they can not quit using cos of work..when in reality if we dont quit using we r gonna lose alot more than our job..we will lose ourself...and dunno bout you guys///but my soul is more important than any job I have ever had..jobs come and go...but we r stuck with "ourself" for the rest of our lives..so we may as well like who we r stuck with!   I finalloy like myslef...it took some work//some reflection///but i found out i am not so bad to be with..so i think i will keep myself
After a bout with addiction u realize how close u were to losing that person inside of u//so close to losing me...and I think I wanna hang around for a while!  think u do too!

[ikdogg]

It would be safe but its going to be hell for a few days, i would recommend if your really going to go through taking sum time off work to withdrawal.  But if your going to keep taking them you should maybe set up a plan to ween urself down to your recommended dosage.  that will be alot less painful and easier on urslef then just quiting cold turkey.  I quit cold turkey and it was HELL, but i was taking them illeagly and got hooked, u sound like u actually need them just not as many as ur taking.  Also i be careful taking percecet, that sounds like ur putting alot of tylonol in ur body which is really hard on ur liver.  Be strong and remember ur not alone there are alot us out there and its a hard habit to quit.

[worried878]

Do know..u r defintiely not alone!   lots of peeps lurk here and do not post..they r reading everything u post...and even tho u r reaching out for help///in a way u r helping others..cos they read//they may not post//but they read every word here
U mean business//it is clear..domino and I have been posting here so long..we feel it in our bones!..andyone who fesses up to a loved one..comes out of hiding and asks for help///they mean business...and u may not realize what a huge step that is! many never reach this huge step in an entire lifetime of life on a merry go round that is like a horror movie....congrats on smelling the roses!

The health pages r great..lots of info on natural stuff for sleep, anxiety etc...exercise helps alot...did for me..i had to yank my bu11 off the couch and MOVE....do feel confident that this is sumpin many here have done and survived..and many r doing what u r doing right now at this very moment..u r not alone

[nataliev]

Betty:
I feel your pain hon! I've been there- I went ct and lasted 10 days. I relapsed and am doing a slow taper as the CT was too much for ME. But we're all different. I have someone to give me the pills as I know I would NEVER be able to do it on my own. If that's what your hubby is going to do for you then do it. It should be much easier on you as you seem to have a lot going on (med wise), and I wouldn't think going CT would not be the smartest or I should say safest thing for you right now. Or if nothing else just stop one thing at a time. I'm definately no expert and am on here asking for advise probably more than most but you're taking very similar meds to what my mom is on and her doc suggested cutting out one thing at a time and to taper off of each. YOU WILL do this. You're a strong beautiful woman and we all deserve the chance, another chance.
God is watching you and with you every step of the way.

[dominosarah]

warm baths or showers help too.  Try and get up and move around as much as you can.  Exercising actually helps and i can just about see your face when you read that but it does help, even if it is just for a short walk or moving around......Try and stay away from anything with caffeine in it.  If you like gatorade drink that.  Im so happy that your husband knows about this as that will really help.       sara

[Betty850]

Thank you, I told him so expext to see him too.  I am trying sleepy time tea and a hot bath.  I feel like I cannot get comfortable in my own skin.  I know I have been in a sedated state for so long, but its like my mind has no control.  Its racing, and the fever feeling.  Shakes, chills, sweats...its ridiculous.  Thank you, even being reminded that I am not only person here who has this going on helps

[dominosarah]

Your husband can post on here too as we have other family members on here who have loved ones who are addicted too.  We have alot of good info in the health pages on the right hand side of the page about all aspects of addiction.  Make sure you are drinking plenty of fluids and try to eat some bland foods.  If you get diarrhea try Immodium.  Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.........We are here to help and support you          sara

[Betty850]

Thanks for the comments.  I have never really blogged or whatever before.

First off, Blu-

I do not spend a lot of money on the drugs.  I am prescribed for osteoarthritis in both knees and scoliosis of spine and Fibromyalgia. I am justified in the prescription.  And, it is quite easy to meet other addicts and bargain with each other.  I spend about $90 a month for my prescription, and probably $100 total rest of month to buy others. So I am not sure who is snowballing you on your pills!

I do plan on finding a meeting.  I have plenty I plan on checking out, however, I hurt now.  I agree with worried, as to go without my kids in a psych ward?  I do not htink they would help but more just throw me in a diffrerent room to detox.  Pretty much what I am doing right now.  I have movies, hot bath and my husband.  However, I am crying, in pain in general, and of course withdrawl symtoms.  I am taking a few IBuprofen every few hours for pain, and a few hot baths.  I have sleepytime tea and all that jazz.  However, I needed someone to just vent to.  I feel bad for my hubby.  we have already discussed he will hold onto pills once I am refilled, and duel out the dosage as its is supposed to be.  I have over a week so hopefully I will be on a better track by that time.  I just needed to vent out the sadness and fear I feel right now.  I have read a lot of people doing it at home, but I know its rough.  Just looking to hear positive words, this night is hard.

[dominosarah]

It is dangerous to come off the benzo's and Tramadol cold turkey.  Those need to be tapered down.  I would highly recommend you getting ahold of your doctor and having him help you due to your other medical issues of tremors and seizures.  You are on alot of meds and this is to complicated and dangerous to do by yourself.  Please contact someone and so you can safely get off these pills.........sara

[worried878]

I do know we r all different..I just read the post before mine..I detoxed from a habit close to urs//no benzo//and I did it at home alone//as did many here//a psyche ward is available but that would send me into a panic..especially since u have kids..this is not as awful as it seems..peeps will join in and u will know u r not alone..so many here have stopped ur dose plus tons more at home..it can be done...takes support..but it is so Do-able...please do not panic...be safe and keep piosting

[worried878]

So u r taking about 15 pills a day?..r ur percs 10 mgs or 5 mgs?  percocet is loaded with tylenol so liver damage alone is a good reason to let go
It does not take alot of money to stop doing drugs?  It does take alot of money to do drugs in the amount u described unless u r doing some serious dr shopping//but u state u do not have insurance..so even if u r getting scrips u r paying alot...and most dr shoppers get caught//and that is a very expensive thing to get out of//can mean jail time as well

Meetings r free....if u google NA or AA u will find plenty of meetings near u...if u stopp this madness u will save money big time in the long run...and I know it is easier said than done

But I can tell u mean business cos u told ur hubby//so u r accountable now//u r lucky to have him for support

The health pages under DISCUSSION are full of great tips//the thomas recipe being the first I would read...u may need sumpin for sleep/anxiety//the gabapentin is ok to stay on as it is not addictive...the xanax can not be stopped cold turkey//it has to be TAPERED//u did not state ur dose///often those with a narcotic and benzo addiction (being xanax) stop the narcotic first then the benzo as narcotics can be stopped CT...the dr who prescribes ur xanax would be the best bet to help u getting off of it if ur dose is high
Imodium is a must for narcotic wd...if u have phenergan it would do u a world of good for the next few days///Most Drs will call phenergan in for a tummy virus//perhaps a week at most and u will feel better physically...benadryl over the counter can help or some type of sleep aid...Moving helps tons//exercise//staying busy...u gotta get up whether u feel like it or not..read thru the health pages

hang tight..do not panic..finding a meeting will help a whole lot..please hang tight..keep posting