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Why can I not stop taking adderall even though I want to and need to?

So I've been prescribed both 30mg Adderall and 60mg Vyvanse for 4-5 years now. I used to be able to take it normally, one 30mg a day in the morning, and if needed a Vyvanse mid afternoon to get me through the rest of the day. A couple years ago I found myself abusing it. More and more every time. I couldn't stop. I would go 2-3 days with no sleep (terrible I know). It ended up costing me basically everything. I hit rock bottom and despite knowing the reasoning why I was failing life, I continued to take it. Eventually I got back on track but it seems I'm stuck in a constant cycle. I'll do great for awhile, take it responsibly as prescribed. I'll end up with a good job, stay on track until one day I just randomly decide to binge again. 2-3 days of no productivity, calling into work, ditching friends and family. End up losing my job, fall into depression and repeat the abuse of the drugs for another month or two until I decide it's time to get my life straight.

I really don't know what to do, it's the cause of everything wrong that happens in my life. When I'm off it or taking responsibly, I do so well. Why in the hell can I not recognize this success and stop those temptations. Should I cancel the prescription completely? Please help me.
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Do you know the definition of insanity?  It is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Once we cross that line all hell breaks loose.  It is time to surrender and get some help.  Can you talk with your doctor about tapering down on these meds?  You need to do that.   There are natural alternatives you can do that will replace the meds.  Aftercare is very important so i highly stress getting involved in something, either NA or a counselor of some sort.   You dont have to live being chained to these meds.  You are worth fighting for.  We are here to help as we have been in your shoes~
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Avatar universal
Hi,
I just had written a really long response to your comment. But it's not letting me post it. I'm sorry you're going through this. But there is help out there.
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2 Comments
Bamame, i can see your posts here.   My concern is for the original poster and hope they come back.
Yes, I hope the other person comes back as well. Seems to me they're crying out for help. So sad. Have a good day.
Avatar universal
That's pretty much the definition of addiction , when one decides they want to stop, and makes a conscious decision to stop -- and then keeps doing it.

It's very confusing for everyone, both the afflicted one, and everyone around them, because it doesn't make sense.

Yet that's the way it is, which means our model of how humans think and make decisions is flawed. We don't understand ourselves.

I suggest check out videos on Youtube by Dr. Kevin McCauley. Best brain explanation of addiction I've found.
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495284 tn?1333894042
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