Will all addicts use if they have access to pills?

[Pat1956100]

I am really wondering about this.  I know if I have access to pills I will take them.  They will haunt me and I will end up giving in.  I have learned that because I have done it over and over again.  I have no control when I am offered pills.  I have no control when I know that they are available to me.
Does this get easier?  Do you reach a point where you can walk away?  If you had pills now would you take them?

[brandiroars386]

I am considering writing that break up letter myself.

[jethro733]

I can sympathize with your position Pat and can honestly say I understand your situation.

What you are romanticising is having a good day and not being screwed for weeks on end so to speak.  It just so happens that opiates are one route that you have found for this.  You must not forget the long term effects and ramifications or you'll keep romancing the short term in your head.  It's easier said than done, and often takes the actual experience of being sick and tired of being sick and tired to drive it home.  I'll assume you've being there though judging by you reaction to a tramadol script.

Maybe that break-up letter might be a good way to solidify the ramifications so you don't forget them when hear the short term calling.  

[Pat1956100]

Thanks brandi.  I am opiate free right now and really do want to stay this way.

[brandiroars386]

OMG Pat!!  Thats terrible. I wish you good luck on your journey to find the right med for u.

[Pat1956100]

Thanks for sharing Dana.  I have been on a roller coaster ride this last year trying to find something that works for fibromyalgia and I think that is contributing to my romancing percs.  I just want some damn relief and to be able to function.  I have a good day and then a bad couple of weeks.  I have been trying every non narcotic med there is and nothing seems to work and then I have HUGE withdrawal symptoms from them only they are very polite about it and call them discontinuation symptoms..
Then my doctor put me on tridural and I found out that it was tramadol after I had been taking it for awhile.  No wonder it was working,  It freaked me out so I stopped them on my own and I am back to square one.  All that time waiting for an appt, with a pain management clinic and then they recommend tramadol.  
Screw that.

[brandiroars386]

Oh no!  Please dont stop posting. I wld miss it truely. Its perfectly fine to express ur true thoughts and feelings. Like Pat said. We use an alias. Its times like these we need to post.

[Pat1956100]

Hey, I don't think it was TMI and besides that's why we use an alias.  Please don't be mortified or stop posting,  I have spilled my guts in this forum so many times and never had a problem,  I really hope you don't stop posting because I have really enjoyed your posts.

[msdelight]

Hey every one great job on all youre doing.  Sorry to hijack the train but I wanted to ask the MH censor to delete my post on this thread from yesterday. I am embarrassed well mortified this was TMI. I don't think I'm well enough to be posting here anymore. Going to take a break.  Please delete all.

[Heather8448]

Why put yourself in that position, I have a friend in recovery here in jax who keeps a bottle so she can show shes overcome it and good for her if shes THAT strong, I just PRAY GOD stays on her side because I feel thats playing with FIRE!!!
I feel like we should stay away from people places and THINGS!!!

[Dane74]

Pat,  please write that "break up" letter, it does help.  You have been battling this for so long, its really time Pat, to have the life you so deserve.  I am going to share with you the letter i wrote over a year ago, not much to it, but after i just read it again, it is powerful.....

   My break up letter to my addiction

Listen you stupid, careless, inconsiderate addiction I'm on to you now. You see I'm a good person, yes I've made mistakes but as they say I'm human and god died on the cross for my sins, my family, I love them more than anything, I enjoy their love, smiles, I love having a beautiful group of people share my life, all the beautiful things in life places we've been and yet to see. I don't deserve to shake, sweat and feel insecure I spent so much of my life feeling that already I've paid my dues where pain is concerned and I deserve to have the next half of my life off that kind of pain, my suffer/pain bank is full. I don't love you although in the beginning I fooled myself I did , I don't even like you your a insidious, evil, cruel entity in my life and quite frankly your ugly, you do nothing nice for people except take advantage and consume people your so needy,,, I have to let you go because there is another way to live one where I forgive myself for any bad choices I made in my past including dealing with you. I know you'll come back
In a few weeks and beg me to be with you but I'm stronger, wiser than you and I'm letting you know  FU CK off, you can't have me anymore I need me. Take care and drop dead.

[Pat1956100]

I am just really tired of failing.  They get in my head so bad and I am romancing them for sure.  I may just work on that goodbye letter,  I need to say goodbye to a lot of things.  Sigh.

[brandiroars386]

Absolutely wonderful post!  I am making sure the devil takes his bags.

[Dane74]

Hey Pat, For me I'm only 8 months clean (again) and man do i still crave them.  I am fortunate that i never used with friends or had a dealer as mine was all from a doctor with that being said there are still ways for me to get it....And yes, i have come up with very crafty ideas and ones that i am even to ashamed to even say.  I am learning that i have to change my mind set, i have to STOP the romance as they are the ENEMY!  Reflect back to why you stopped in the first place, remember your bottom, and i have to say all the times i had my bout of relapse the "high" just $ucked, i am not even kidding, i got sick and all it did was make me so darn mad and the feeling of being a failure is just not worth it.

Check this out!!!


You put the devil out, but you let him leave his bags. Never quite looked at it like this before...

You got out of a bad relationship because it was bad, but you are still resentful and angry. You let the devil leave his bags.

You got out of a bad habit or addiction, but you still long to try it just one more time.You let the devil leave his bags.

You said, I forgive you, but you can't seem to forget and have peace with that person. You let the devil leave his bags.

You broke off your relationship with that hurtful and abusive person, but you are suspicious and distrusting of every new person you meet. You let the devil leave his bags.

You decided to let go of the past hurts from growing up in an unstable family environment; yet you believe you are unworthy of love from others, and you refuse to get attached to anyone. You let the devil leave his bags.

When you put the devil out, please make sure he takes his bags. ~Author Unknown~

[JenKitty92]

It justs depends on the person,  how far they were addicted and how far they are in their recovery. For me, no, I have access and have no intention of taking them again. Why?  Because the withdrawal scared the living **** outta me.  I NEVER EVER EVER want to feel like that again.  The racing heart freaked me out so bad, I actually thought I was going to die.  I know that's normal, but not for me.  I'm on a different pain management regime and feeling good.  If I ever were to think about taking a pill, I will remember that withdrawal feeling.  Your mind has to be in a place where it will reject that thought of using again. Me taking another pill is NOT an option.  

[Pat1956100]

OH I am so sorry.  Thank you so much for taking the time to share that.  I will be thinking of you and of course you will be in my prayers.  I would want pills to numb me too yet I know that would be the last thing your father would want for you right now.  You are a brave lady and I hope you will post on here and keep us updated because I can tell how much you are loved by everyone here.  
Hugs
Pat

[dominosarah]

Have you thought about writing a goodbye letter to those pills?  I see you spending so much time romancing them.  Try and refocus.  Spend that time on recovery Pat.  You deserve that~

[VICourageous]

Hi Again..Openmind reminded me about my drinking days..It has been about 9 years and I do not crave that at all..The thought makes me sick..But last summer when I went to that concert it triggered the drinking days..I did not drink and from there on I have not. OK so today I get a bad call about my Dad. He will be gone anytime now..They sent him to the Hospital..So I put the phone down and all I could think of was I wish I had a pill to numb me. I jumped on here for support and to read. I also called a few friends. So the thought can come when life is not going to good too!!! I will be heading out praying all the way for my sobriety and how proud he is of me right now.
Bless

[ActingBrandNew]

I guess your question boils down to where an idividual is at with themselves and in their recovery. I mean, its probably best to avoid all situations no matter how long you've been clean but I will say there is no one size fits all answer to your question. There are probably addicts who need to stay away from pills for the rest of there lives...whereas there may be some that can handle being around them. I think the key is just understanding and realizing your limitations and keeping somebody in the loop that will hold you accountable.

I can only speak for myself. My mom takes narcotics and it a chronic pain patient. I visit her every weekend and see her pill bottle sitting out on the counter. I have not once thought about taking any....My dog had surgery and the vet prescribed a bottle of 50mg Tramadol....I never once thought about taking them....

So can it be done....sure. But you just have to be honest with yourself. Ive been clean for almost 4 years. I was not in these situations at 1....2 years clean. This is years later....so, I guess Im just answering your question from where Im at in life.

I dont fantasize about using or none of that stuff anymore. The more distance I put between myself and the last time I used....the easier it gets.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving

[Pat1956100]

Thanks to all of you for sharing and for being so honest.  
Like I said before it's nice to know that my feelings are "normal".
I truly admire all of you that have so much clean time and I know it hasn't been easy for any of you.  

[Ben727]

My heart has always gone out to alcoholics because of the access issue. Booze is everywhere, especially if you live in a western state. I think OpenMind really captured that struggle. This is why I never counted on a lack of access to be the thing that prevents me from using. I "built in" to my own recovery a series of roadblocks that I'd have to clear before using, because I assumed (correctly) that access would happen periodically.

If I were you, I'd spend some time talking to recovering alcoholics about how they deal with the access issue. I think everyone's recovery should have contingency plans to deal with access if and when they comes up.

[Sonrissa]

Great reply, OpenMind! Very honest and insightful. Thanks.

I love this post!

[needhelp144]

Yes lets just say all addicts will use stay far far away from any pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kbusymom]

Thanks for the post, and at this time in my recovery- I don't know.  I would like to think I wouldn't use, but don't know if I'm that strong.
My sponsor  has me working on triggers and what to do about them.  One of the biggest ones for me is isolation; it seems to be a big one for all of us.  Since I can't get to many meetings, she told me to call a person in recovery every day so I can get used to reaching out.  It is so hard to reach out!!  She said if I get in the habit of doing this, when I am craving and having triggers that it will be easier to call someone for help. I will be in the habit of reaching out and won't jump head first into a bottle of pills.  

[ricart70]

That's kind of the way I am Rosy. I also try to think about being different and try to concentrate on wanting to live without a chemical crutch of any kind. and just be a clean operating person. It helps but there are times when moods drop and things become less predictable. I definitely steer wide of any of the blatant areas where I have gotten into trouble before. This is a great post.  Thanks Pat