Meth. What should I do to help my son

[Meekme2]

My son just called and said he needed help and wants to come home because he said he was done using drugs (meth is the newest drug of choice he is on).  He also asked if he his girlfriend (whom I have never met) could move into because she wants to quit and be done too.  He said he wants to get clean and look for a job.  My son has been in and out of jail since he was 16, he is 31 now.  Since Dec 14, he has been using Meth, I don't know much about drugs, but just a few days ago, when he stopped by he looks in pretty bad shape.  Sunk in eyes, very thin, and very nervous.  My son has a learning disability and dyslexic.  He has a low esteem and now seems angry an defensive.   I don't know how to help him.  He has no relationship with his father, who has not been in his life for a very long time.  I told him I want to help him, but I don't want the girlfriend to move in and I said he is asking a lot from me to suggest her moving in too.  How can I help him?  What should I do?  He said he could stop cold turkey without going to rehab. Can he?  

[gnarly_1]

Hi...well I went threw this with my daughter when she was only 13  meth is a hard drug that is hard to quit   rehab would be the right move  check with the state run mental health care and they should have a free progam to get him into.....the bottom line is he has to want to quit for this to work....I would not alow him to move in until he goes it will give you a fighting chance to get your son back I agree with the others you dont want a methhead moving in with you as for the girlfriend it rarly works if they both try to kick  in most cases 1 fails and drags the other down with them if he really wants to quit he will go to rehab if not he has not hit his rock bottom yet  do not offer money  or other help like paying for rent  it will only enable him to keep doing what he is doing  once threw the rehab he will need to get involved with N/A and work a 12 step progam this is a life time comitment  without that your chance of success is nil  keep posting for support all I know is it was hell when we went threw it  ...it took 3 rehabs and a near fatal auto accident for my daughter to get clean  but today she is clean and a great daughter as well as the mom of 3 she works her progam and always knows she will be a addict in recovery  please feel free to message me I have walked in your shoes.............Gnarly

[luvdolphins58]

Hi just wondering did you allow him to move in? Just praying for you and your family

[mandi66]

Sweetheart, I can feel the love you have for your dear son.  I can also feel your fear and pain.  I have been in this same situation with my youngest son AND his girlfriend.

Against my better judgement, I let both of them move in to my home.  The circumstances they were in were horrible, and it was breaking my heart hearing his pleading.  His girlfriend (they claimed) was completely clean of meth and they were going to do everything right from now on.

My husband had to have a hip replacement and they were going to do everything they could do to "help" us.  Long story short, nether one of them ad changed.  She stole 150.00 from my husbands wallet while he was in rehab, trashed my house while I was gone (that is what meth addicts do)

I know how it is breaking your heart to have to tell him no.  It is just not in a mothers heart to turn our children away.  BUT--listen to what all these posters are telling you.  Meth changes our children and everyone else who uses.  It will be a disaster for you.  It was for my husband and me.

Talk to him, pray for him, and encourage him to get help.  Don't let him move in.  I do understand your pain and will be praying for you and your son.  Please keep posting--it will be so good for you.       Mandi

[Junip]

So sorry to hear about your son; addiction definitely affects the whole family. I just read a really powerful book called "Beautiful Boy" written by the father of an addict whose DOC was meth. His son, Nic Sheff, also wrote a book from his perspective called Tweak and a follow up called We All Fall Down about relapsing. I would highly recommend both you and your son read them, and anyone else. Best of luck, you will find a lot of support and information here. If they are using Crystal Meth, these books could have an impact. Be sure to take care of yourself, that is so important.

[BluCrystal]

I'm sorry, Mama.  Your son may think he can quit cold turkey and have it be over like hitting a light switch, and you may want to believe him.  THAT WON'T WORK.  What will work is this: deny him EVERYTHING, besides speaking to you on the phone, or to request you take him to rehab RIGHT NOW (whenever right now is).  I know that is counter-intuitive.  Truth is that he's not on the bottom yet, and simply moving in with you is 'enabling' his addiction by taking the pressure off him to find REAL help.  You have to be STRONG, and STAND FIRM, FOR HIM, right now.  He is going to think you don't love him, etc.  Tell him that is not true, even if he refuses to believe that after you tell him you can't have him move in, let alone a meth-head girlfriend.  Addictions to hard drugs are INSIDIOUS, and will cause addicts to steal from their own mothers to get a fix.  This is why he can't move in, he MUST go to rehab, or tough it out on his own.  God, I have watched more family members than I care to count get hooked on meth, and the crap can drag down entire families.  I watched them lose spouses, children, homes, cars, jobs, walking the streets to find another fix, and not caring one whit.  Until that ONE day comes: the one that's freezing cold, and they are broke and BROKEN, feeling just SICK, sick of the whole mess, and it's REAL this time.  You will get that call from your weary child, begging for rehab.  That is what needs to happen, as much as it makes us cry and wish there was something that feels to us as loving, and not just bull-headed denial to help the kids.  Tough love, Mama - this is the hard part of this thing, and you will weather this storm as you have many before.  Hugs - Blu

[Krissy_123]

Yup I agree 100% with BF1966. They need to go to rehab. Is it crystal meth? That's a very very scary drug. If he can get through rehab and stay clean,then I'd tell him you'll "discuss" him coming to visit. I can't imagine being in your spot and I'm so very sorry you're here. I pray to god everyday my kids stay away from drugs. You should check out alanon as well. It will give you a good idea on what to expect from him so you're not blind sided.

[BearsFan1966]

Great to see you and welcome!
First off I would not let anyone I did not know to live in my house, especially being on drugs. Being an addict means you will do any thing to get your drugs. Steal, lye, cheat, anything.
As far your son goes all I can tell you is what I would do and that is he would have to get clean first! He needs to get into rehab and save himself!
Remember addicts will do anything to get their drugs!