Aa
You angels out there....
BUT YOU DON"T KNOW! YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE, YOU'VE NEVER FELT LIKE THIS AND CAN"T COMPARE IT! That's what I'm screaming inside my head to the people who try to tell me how I should feel, how they know how I feel...etc.
They mean well and I know this.
Instead, I try to smile sweetly and thank them for their kind words...that's on a good day.
On the bad days, I just say....whatever, and walk away.
Those aren't the days I'm proud of....but I am proud of being smart enough to join a forum like this. Reading your comments and encouragement, although from complete strangers....uplifts me beyond anything I could ever describe.
Fills my heart with courage and feeds my soul with determination.
Thank You. So very much.
For shining such a bright light of hope into my sleepless nights....and anxiety filled days.
They mean well and I know this.
Instead, I try to smile sweetly and thank them for their kind words...that's on a good day.
On the bad days, I just say....whatever, and walk away.
Those aren't the days I'm proud of....but I am proud of being smart enough to join a forum like this. Reading your comments and encouragement, although from complete strangers....uplifts me beyond anything I could ever describe.
Fills my heart with courage and feeds my soul with determination.
Thank You. So very much.
For shining such a bright light of hope into my sleepless nights....and anxiety filled days.
Peole who never had an addiction cannot begin to know how we feel.Friends and some family members thought that once I got out of Detox I was"cured".Never understanding that I still have a long way to go
I 've tried to explain it some close friends.......I still dont think they have a clue. thats why I will talk to people on this forum...people that know what its like. I never mentioned it to any of my family members. being the black sheep of the family, I just did not want to have to put my mom through it. i put her through too much when I was young.
when I was in the middle of notorious methadone/norco wd's, which can last for several weeks or more, some of them said"you'll be alright dude!!" they wanted me to hang out like its no F-G big deal.......I gave up. they have NO CLUE of what I went through. then I would have to hear about their problems or they needed help with something. oh,lets go do this and that. they just did not realize how much agony I was in. then it came to explaining why it took so long and explaining PAWS. "well your all right now,right?"---- F NO, I am not suddenly alright!!
I even had a boss, thats still on them and knows about wd's....expect me to be at work everyday!!! did not even offer me some time off or any understanding of the long term agony I was in. I guess one of these days, he will be asking me some questions,eh?
so I have concluded that only recovering addicts understand. everyone else,including most docs,still have no idea of WHAT its like!
when I was in the middle of notorious methadone/norco wd's, which can last for several weeks or more, some of them said"you'll be alright dude!!" they wanted me to hang out like its no F-G big deal.......I gave up. they have NO CLUE of what I went through. then I would have to hear about their problems or they needed help with something. oh,lets go do this and that. they just did not realize how much agony I was in. then it came to explaining why it took so long and explaining PAWS. "well your all right now,right?"---- F NO, I am not suddenly alright!!
I even had a boss, thats still on them and knows about wd's....expect me to be at work everyday!!! did not even offer me some time off or any understanding of the long term agony I was in. I guess one of these days, he will be asking me some questions,eh?
so I have concluded that only recovering addicts understand. everyone else,including most docs,still have no idea of WHAT its like!
When someone judges me, I say the following:
The last time I checked, only one person walked on water.
The last time I checked, only one person walked on water.
percocet and adderall....it all seems so far away now.
I don't even want the pills anymore.
But, I do want my life back.
I feel so incapapable.
I cry all the time.
I did go to the ER when I though I was going crazy and they gave me ativan and an appoitment to see a dr which I didn't have.
So, they gave me ativan and celexa.
Of course I took too much of the ativan to deal and now am almost out. The nurse freaked when I called her today and told me I took a months worth in a week and there was no way that the dr would give me more. I wanted to kick her in the head. How does she think she can judge me??????
I bet she doesn't know I have 3 kids and can't sleep worth ****.
Last night was the worst. I took 100 mg benadryl and 2 ativan, plus 2 10 mg ambien and still just tossed and turned. SO RESTLESS.
I hate it.
Some days I want to die.
Then I think of my kids and no way is some other woman gonna raise my babies. But they deserve a better mom than this. Thank god for my family.
I don't even want the pills anymore.
But, I do want my life back.
I feel so incapapable.
I cry all the time.
I did go to the ER when I though I was going crazy and they gave me ativan and an appoitment to see a dr which I didn't have.
So, they gave me ativan and celexa.
Of course I took too much of the ativan to deal and now am almost out. The nurse freaked when I called her today and told me I took a months worth in a week and there was no way that the dr would give me more. I wanted to kick her in the head. How does she think she can judge me??????
I bet she doesn't know I have 3 kids and can't sleep worth ****.
Last night was the worst. I took 100 mg benadryl and 2 ativan, plus 2 10 mg ambien and still just tossed and turned. SO RESTLESS.
I hate it.
Some days I want to die.
Then I think of my kids and no way is some other woman gonna raise my babies. But they deserve a better mom than this. Thank god for my family.
people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
Everyone has a bad vice, It could be enything, Addiction, whatever.
i wish people wolud open there minds & see the person not the addict.
Everyone has a bad vice, It could be enything, Addiction, whatever.
i wish people wolud open there minds & see the person not the addict.
You are right. I took my last hydro 10mg last Fri at 5am. I went to work but had to leave at 2pm due to beginings of wd. I told my sup the story of my pain pill addict, Today I called and said I might be out a couple more days and he thought I was faking something. People do not know what physical and mental agony this is.
seems as tho people often dont really say much about "our lil problem" which can make it even worse..people can just kinda skip over it cos it is uncomfortable for them to talk about
I made the mistake/i guess/of telling my mom about my habit last yr..i stopped ct and didnt tell her til weeks after..i live alone and i think i wanted someone to be accountable to as she lives down the street..I was the executor of her will as I am the oldest...i noted she changed it recently and made my sister the executor...u know being in charge of a will with 5 kids in a family wasnt really sumpin i wanted to do anyway///can be a pain in the rear end..but i know why she changed it..she judged me..that i am not responsible or sumpin ...i regret telling her as it really served no purpose anyway...
people who havent walked in someone elses shoes should never stand in judgement over the person who has walked many miles in a pair fo shoes that we never even chose to put on in the first place..no one regreats trying on that pair of shoes that seemed so dern attractive more than i do/and then wearing them for years ...this disease is not sumpin most can grasp unless they have been there..perhaps that is why the forum can be so refreshing for those of us whofeel like misfits...we r not/many have drug and alcohol problems just dont have the gonads to admit it like we do..and those who r not afflicted have no right to judge...the forum helps me..it is the only place where i can "come outa the closet" so to speak..wonderful place to be for many who need help..tons of support here
I made the mistake/i guess/of telling my mom about my habit last yr..i stopped ct and didnt tell her til weeks after..i live alone and i think i wanted someone to be accountable to as she lives down the street..I was the executor of her will as I am the oldest...i noted she changed it recently and made my sister the executor...u know being in charge of a will with 5 kids in a family wasnt really sumpin i wanted to do anyway///can be a pain in the rear end..but i know why she changed it..she judged me..that i am not responsible or sumpin ...i regret telling her as it really served no purpose anyway...
people who havent walked in someone elses shoes should never stand in judgement over the person who has walked many miles in a pair fo shoes that we never even chose to put on in the first place..no one regreats trying on that pair of shoes that seemed so dern attractive more than i do/and then wearing them for years ...this disease is not sumpin most can grasp unless they have been there..perhaps that is why the forum can be so refreshing for those of us whofeel like misfits...we r not/many have drug and alcohol problems just dont have the gonads to admit it like we do..and those who r not afflicted have no right to judge...the forum helps me..it is the only place where i can "come outa the closet" so to speak..wonderful place to be for many who need help..tons of support here
I no what u mean,I see the looks ov pity, Hate, Love ect on peoples faces, Oh there she goes whos she kiddin she'l slip & i have
But i have this place where even though i no not 1 of you i feel like your all my road 2 recovery, The love,advice & straight talking is what we need
Wel done day 20 keep up the hard work, Have u started 2 look better yet ?, I'm very self consious ovlooking like a addict What was your poision ?
But i have this place where even though i no not 1 of you i feel like your all my road 2 recovery, The love,advice & straight talking is what we need
Wel done day 20 keep up the hard work, Have u started 2 look better yet ?, I'm very self consious ovlooking like a addict What was your poision ?
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