Once I started to lie to my mom I knew I had problems- we are so close and I never lied about ANYTHING or did anything bad my whole life! i was using all my money and then money from her busienss to pay for my habit- then I was forging prescriptions- that was the biggie for me- I finally decided i cant do it ( i was doingabout 200mg a day of percocset, between perc 10s and roxys (40s)- i started SUBOXONE to get off even though i knew nothing about it and got it from a guy who was an addict- he charged me crazy- after 4 days it was helping but I had to have emergency stomach surgery for something seperate and I had to break the news to my mom what was going on, bc the meds they wanted to give me conflicted with SUBOXONE. It was awful and then they all treated me like a drug addict there!!! then they wouldnt even do the surgery, thinking it was drug related (which it wasnt), and then AFTER stomach surgery I couldnt even take pills to help the pain!! So i was going thru WITHDRAWAL, STOMACHC PAIN, and the DISAPPOINTMENT i caused my mother all within 2 days!!! it was the worse moment of my life- but it was finally over-
Its been 85 days since my last perc and 76 days since surgery- and my life is back- im finally almost a normal girl again, goign out with friends, studying, singing- i didnt know i lost myself that bad! im 26 and finally FREE!!
sorry for the long message but no detail could be left out..
I think mine was when I went to do my taxes and figured out I had made 3 trips to my IRA account and I only actually remembered one...being a capricorn, I am frugal as an old lady on a fixed income! LOL...that was it!
My bottoms were many but my final rock bottom was I was on so much oxy/morphine/others I would fall asleep in the eve. during dinner or guests over etc. But the night I almost totalled my vehicle with my little boy in the car was it. Iv'e been off opiates/other for just over a month now. It was the toughest thing I did but I could not put the people I love in danger any more.
Like the previous poster - rock bottoms were abundant! The last rock bottom I hit was when my boyfriend, family and even my using buddies were done dealing with my bs. No one was willing to play those games with me anymore. I knew that if I didn't get my act together I'd lose everyone I loved permanently. It had gotten to the point where I was sick and tired of BEING sick and tired all the damn time...
good post....i think it is good to remember this crud sometimes....as it is so easy to forget with time
My first rock bottom (this is my second time around) was when I started stealing pills from my mother's purse, my grandmother's purse and once from my boss' medicine cabinet at a company Christmas party. It still took me a long time to push myself to quit.
Second rock bottom was more recent. After I relapsed, I started stealing from my mom again (she gets about 200 hydro per month for legit chronic pain). Then, I tore my rotator cuff and had an open repair surgery. Horrible pain. I realized lying in the hospital that the reason the pain meds weren't working is b/c they were giving me about a third of the dose I had been taking for recreational purposes. Couldn't ask for more b/c they would have figured out the problem so I had to suffer way more physically than I should have had to.
Again, I started stealing from my mom to supplement extra pills to keep pain manageable. My mom told me she thought that her friend who had just been fired from her nursing job for stealing and over-prescribing narcotics had relapsed and was stealing from her. I actually let her believe that for a couple of days before I became so guilt-ridden that I broke down and confessed that it was me. I realized that I could have ruined their friendship and her friend could have lost her probation.
Nothing much better to make you feel like a total loser than guilt. But, it eventually motivated me to quit again. It took a few weeks to get there, but now I'm on day 4 and proud of it. My mom even offers pills to me now to help with my pain. I have to turn her down - hard as it is. I finally told her I am addicted and to stop offering them to me.
You make me cry! You have been through so much. You make me motiviated to stop this before it becomes too late!
i am glad u learned from this...i am a person most would look up to in real life..i am a nurse..in a prominent position who takes care of people..a good person in reality/go to church/take care of my parents/good mom...the things pills made me do..or the things i did on pills were not really me at all...they make u into someone u dont know anymore..when u look in the mirror and u dont recognize the person u c..it is a very very sad thing
im a coke addict. lemme tell ya, bottoms move LOL. i thought i had hit bottom when i lost my first wife and son, and started really throwin myself into the streets and dope. then i thought my bottom was when i was homeless and livin wit my girl in a tent. then i got it together a lil, and got a house. we had some babies, and i decided to quit , yeah right. after 25 years of smoking coke it ain that easy. so then before last christmas, i went to the store with my 2 year old daughter , and we ended up at a dope house . she was never in danger, and she was safe.... but i was high and for that I have a terrible time forgiving myself. everyone says i have to get past it and let it go, but it helps me to remember because it makes me strive that much harder to be the person I wannna be!!
so i guess my point is, sometimes when ya think your hitting bottom, it is possible to slide deeper.
I was going to die.........i had this bad feeling inside of me and all i could think of was leaving my 2 girls and grandson and they would of done an autopsy and found out my dirty secret. I just couldnt let that happen. It would of killed them. I decided it was time i got my head out of my a$$ and clean up. Today i am just shy of 200 days clean.
I thought I had hit my bottom many times but they say your bottom is when you quit digging so I kept digging. It happened when I went out last time and I had this feeling in my stomach that said to me girl if you don't quit somebody is going to kill you over something stupid, and I just really knew it! So that is when I surrendered to the fact that I could never use drugs successfully no matter how many times I tried to change how I used , how much I used, who I used with etc etc .Then I had a freedom to start to live life clean and sober what a gift!!!!!!!!
your mom sounds like my mom. She gets a ton of perks for lergit pain and tends to offer them up I worry some day the wrong person is going to find out. People do some crazy things for drugs..even to the elderly.
My rock bottom one of many as others have said was when i went to jail for marijuiana charges intent to sell. Then i got transfered from that jail to another for using somebodys credit card to get some cash to buy drugs. I was in jail for 2 months. I got lucky because credit cards can be a felony. I got out and thought i was going to be staight. You would think after all that time i would have learned something. Some times i think i would have been better off if they gave me a harder punishment i might have stayed clean. But got in trouble again this time when i got out my grandpa moved us to N.C. Ive been living here for 2yrs. I quit doing all the drugs except for the pills. 8 days clean today!! And havent been in trouble down here!! Hope i stay that way
im there tite now ive been clean so far going on 2 weeks tomorrow well where do i start....hmmm ok well im 25 yrs old and i recently bought a condo not evn a full year ago im so far into debt with the bank to loan people every credit card all my friends close and far and everyone in between who would lend me money see i was eating 30-40 norcos(10/325) a day i work nites so i never slept that was in a 24hr period id say on average i ate 28-32 of em and that was for 5-6 years i wasnt able to get a dr. to write me enuf to last so i had many street dealers as many as 12 at one point so u no what they charge u per pill so imagine 30ish a day everyday for couple years. well it was ALOT of money and debt, and i was doing this all secertily noone knew not my girlfriend who we were geting engaged we already rented a place in the fla keys to get married it was a destinationwedding we booked it up had guest list done and the works we were together on and off for bout 7 years, also my mom and dad had no idea my brother and all my family and friend all had no idea that i was an addict of almost 6 years of doing alot of pills. i told everyone that the reason i never had money was that i was in debt for gambling i figured well id rather people think that i gambled than pooped pills all day everyday so they belived it. i tried quiting so many times half hartedly tho i always kinda knew in the back of my head that i was gona go back to em and i did. but this last time sum 2 weeks ago i just felt like wow im going to lose my condo that i just bought to forclouseur i cant even afford to put gas in my car let alone eat or pay for my habit my loans were pilling up and debt was eating away at me. i knew that if i told my girlfriend that shed probly leave me cause in the begeging of our relationship i was addicted to cocaine for a few years when i was in high school and college i beat that but promised her to never do any of that **** again. so i was very unsure how shed take it so i waited till she got home from work and i told her everything, and than told my family everything it was hard to see what this did to them especially not having any idea. needless to say my girlfriend packed up and left me when i needed her most that really hurt. my family very good bout it but just the way they look at me now like im sum piecr of **** theyd never say that but i can see it. im going to loose my condo lost my fiancee more debt than i can count to more people than i can count and all by myself not a person that knows what im going thru. so i went to my dr got on sub 2wks ago and just taking it a lil at a time but that was my final rock bottom i hope... i just wish that the person i loved most wouldnt of bailed on me when i needed her most but i guess i deserved it and got what was coming to me i guess. i dont no. well im sure there are alot worse stories but this was enuf for me to stop...
it see3ms we all have different bottoms...jt that is a sad story but the happy thing is u r clean...i am glad i had no relationship worth having while using...but my using was probably why i didnt have a relationshipo worth keeping
when i first went to meetings i was in shock at the bottoms i heard...i never went that low...but geez...i coulda had i been on them another year or 2....saw it coming...stories of detoxing in jail while inmates put them in a garbage can and filled it with cold water to try and help...stories of killing ur lil sister is a car accident while high....a prositute who couldnt quit for years and this lady she did not even know brought her to her home and kept her for 40 days..the kindness is what kept her clean she says..there is a higher power...just gotta find it and stay clean
kitty, you don't need making any comparisson at all, each one of us has our own path in whatever...what we have in common is having a rock bottom ( or a long road to the basement ... ) when we stopped/asked for help, right ? :)
mine was a long one until i realized of my mental state, the state of my life and the state of my health and i think the basement is whenever we stop abusing cause we realized a change is needed for the sake of our lives, as simple as this. i believe in what i have experienced more than what i've been told , just my opinion ;)
You know I didnt actually quit when I hit rock bottom. The addiction was completely unmanagable, but the day I decided to quit it was not after something awful or anything. There were things I did throughout the years of my addiction that are unspeakable and disgusting and hurtful and things I did that I will never talk about, but none of those things made me quit or made me want to quit in fact they probably made me want to use more..
I just decided one day enough was enough and I wanted to find my soul again and be free. No pressure from anyone. My decision. Then and only then was I able to.
Well said refusing...
The point of it all is that you have to finally want to stop, from WITHIN- that make happen by hitting "rock bottom" and that may not- but whatever it is, it has to be because you INTERNALLY decided you cant be drugged up or held back anymore-
Whatever anyone calls it, it doesnt matter- but I think everyone can agree that drugs ARE NOT GOOD FOR YOU and a person will find that out one way or the other, and if they dont do it in time, they may not live long enough to tell their story...