addiction

[ponco]

Hi everyone I hope every one is ok, im not I used tyn. 4s to get away from the methadone wds, well I graduated to norcos 7.5 big mistake, I get 90 a month Im suppose to take three a day well that's a joke I should have known better, I ran threw 90 in 2 weeks, that's part of being a addict, theres know way of controlling it no way cant get enough as you all know, well I took my last 2 today I held off as long as I could, now the wds are kicking in I cant get any for 2 weeks, im surely not gonna buy any off the street, being unemployed, what can I get 5 at 7 dollars each whats that gonna do, good for a couple of hours, well im beating myself up over this that's why I haven't been on here that much, now im sick all over, I guess its a lessen to be learned, I screwed up, I should have known when I ran out to soon what would happen, that's part of our addiction, well wish me luck John

[nursegirl6572]

you only talk to us when you are detoxing or have used something..Come on now its has been a long time..

Excellent observation, very true!  

My observation John is that you're still only worried about how to deal with w/ds.  Beyond that, you don't really have a plan, or maybe even a desire to think about a long-term plan.  Everyone here is speaking the truth, some of it understandably may be hard to hear.

your next high could result in your death.....no one is exempt from overdosing............. .

Debbie makes a GREAT point.  Your tolerance levels would have drastically changed after the Methadone, so if you are using anywhere near what you were before, you are at risk for OD.

I hope you really take everyone's words to heart.  Something has to give.

[atthebeach]

your next high could result in your death.....no one is exempt from overdosing.............

[VICourageous]

Yes see John what is said..You know just like the rest that without cutting off all sources and stop thinking why you need this is only going to re-wind that tape in your brain back again & again to make all the excuses in the world Why it is all right..Most of us have been there and done this more then once!!
I bet you have not even got to a AA/NA meeting yet! John I know for a fact you can not do this alone..you only talk to us when you are detoxing or have used something..Come on now its has been a long time..You know how to work the Computer..Get into the webs and study all you can about the "Disease of Addiction and the Pleasures Pathway" This is a very Serious Disease..Many do think that after the Detox they will NEVER do it again because of the w/ds..BS It happens over & over and it creeps up slowly until it is full blown out of control again..Then the Obsession of not wanting to go through the w/ds keep us using for another 10 years..It is a waste of time that WE do not have..Like I say DO or DIE that is what will happen to me..Now take this into a way more serious consideration then you have in the past..GET TO THE MEETINGS!!!!
Learn all about this disease..Go Go Go Get it Done Now!!!!

[Clarityrocks]

I agree with Kyle 100%. Knowing what I know now. All the education, hard work, and pain has been worth it to be on the other side, clean and sober and HAPPY. I couldn't fathom a life without opiates, and nothing anyone said to me made me believe I could. It wasn't until I was faced with some harsh truths and consequences that I got clean, and I can't tell you how much better life is. Better than ever before. I wish we could drag you all into recovery, and it is so frustrating that it doesn't work that way! I really hope you are ready, Ponco, and sick and tired of the merry go round. It will never get any easier, you just have to get off the ride. It's no fun anymore anyway, is it?
I am pulling for you:)
Allison

[10356]

I think the rambling is good.. it is thru the rambling of others I learned all I have.. I had the experiences of being a junkie but had none in getting clean. It is a process... Thanks again Kyle for taking the time to speak with me and in the process Ponco you can see we all are working on staying well even thru support of you.. Take care, lesa

[kyle505]

I think it is a delicate balance between self-worth and being able to face the no-frills work that has to be done to get and stay clean. Prior to my initial post there was only one reference to his cutting sources mixed in with lots of we-are-here-for-yous. And then he admits that he's still looking.
As long as he has pills coming, he will not figure out how to fill the void, go to meetings, etc. This forum is easy; we can't look him in the eye. He can't see that even though I may be harsh, my heart is breaking because he's going to relapse - he's done nothing to prevent it.
Now, two weeks from now if John does not pick up his refill, I will gladly admit that I was wrong. Gladly.
John - didn't mean to hijack your thread. I'm sorry about all of my ramblings.
I do wish you only the best. I hope that you do what needs to be done and stop playing the game. You've been at it long enough.

[VICourageous]

Hi John as we discussed in many PMs you really need to get the aftercare.Now start looking at it like this..OK we are older and our bodys are torn down and our brains..This all can be fixed back up and give us more years added to our lives if we DO NOT put any chems that are not so called natural in our body..I was starting the Obsession of what to use for this and that for that and this and all it did was start opening the addiction thinking back up! I said STOP NOW!!!! I fell very sh**ty if I put anything in me that is not meant for my body..So John give it a try..You have 2 weeks then just detox for those weeks..Give you Body & Brain the Respect it so so Crys out for now..Come Clean, Stay Clean, and no more fooling around with all of this..Time is the Greatest Healer and I mean this with all my Heart & Soul as I am Crying..Please give it a chance like I am!!!  lol
vickie

[jifmoc]

"Find the evilest b@stard there that is 15 yrs older and ask him to be your sponsor."

THANK YOU for making me laugh!! I know you meant what you said but the way you wrote it made me LOL. And guess what? I haven't laughed in a week. I needed that. Gee laughing...what a concept in feeling better!!!

[atthebeach]

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/Just-one-more-time--could-be-your-last/show/1943779

[jifmoc]

I gotta say, I'm on day 4 and 1/2 and it blows but I gotta reference Kyle505, he gave me some harsh **** last nite, I didn't like it, told him so and he told me that was the point. To shake us into what we are REALLY doing.

Sometimes the harsher sounding stuff (I've found) can be the most life-changing. (Not that I wanna hear any harsh stuff from you, Kyle, ha!)

[1sorryperson]

Kyle, i'm an old friend with a new name.

Ponco, i know your past, you are a tough guy, the truth hurts and i know you can take it.  Go to an AA meeting, find the evilest b@sturd there that is 15 yrs older and ask him to be your sponsor.  Talk to him daily for a month.  

[10356]

Thank you Kyle. I understand the frustration. But until Ponco realizes he is worth saving, for he has heard all the words spoken. it is on in the inside he has to figure out how to fill the void of not using and for many it is thru meetings. but for many that means exposing ourselves to others and for some this is very frightening.. every-time I fell and got up I learned a lil more. My prayers is that we live thru the relapses to learn our worth..

[kyle505]

I agree, and apologize if I came across too harsh (such is my style). I see these kind of posts and want to reach out and shake the person at the other end. John has been given an opportunity to stop the madness; a couple of weeks wherein he can make the changes necessary to live a full life - BUT - I since I see nothing in his posts that even hint at long term recovery (in fact, everything point to the contrary), I have to ask the questions and maybe even get him pissed a bit - get him thinking. And the fact that he openly admits that he is in the process of looking for more makes me wonder why he is here.
Just a personal observation.

[10356]

many use this forum for a interim. a stepping stone a way of keeping ones addiction to a minimum our even to gain the courage to try... I hope and Pray we all continue to use this forum in the interim until we are strong enough to use it to stay clean... Keep trying Ponco do not give up ! lesa

[kyle505]

So, are you on here just to get some help or encouragement til the next script? Is this forum something to do in the interim? It sounds like it to me. What I haven't heard are the steps you've taken to help your recovery, i.e., calling and telling the doc to cancel your script - that would be the first step. Or at least letting the doc know that you want to stop the meds and getting a taper plan worked out. And you know as well as I do, even if you make it through two weeks without using, unless you have a plan in place to stop, the minute the script is ready you'll be there to pick it up.
This is an open forum; anyone can come here and post. But most of us are trying to change our lives, not just trying to make it until our next script is ready.

[ponco]

Thank you it does s--k its part of our addiction you can never get enough, I know I have a high tolerance, to pain meds. I can take them like a bag of jays chips, but that dosent make it right I do get a buzz if I take 3 at once but that only last a hour its not worth it it just progress to takeing more, so your not sick. I was on Norco 325\10 before I was takeing methadone so now im takeing less 325\7.5 it dosent matter its all the same. I know I have to stop now while I can. thanks john

[nursegirl6572]

Time to make some real changes John, as what you've been doing obviously isn't working.  Have you gone to a meeting?  Sought out any addiction counselling?  You need to put some effort into your recovery hon...more than just coming off "x" drug or "y" drug.

We're all here for you!

[1sorryperson]

LUCK!   You aint no different than the rest of us, wth, a 2 week relapse.   Get back on the horse.  

tell people that have an effect on your supply that you dislike running short and have a high tolerance, (ie, you are powerless over addiction to opiates)

I've seen you since your first day here and know you have inner strength,  we're in a battle that never ends, we can get involved in family, remodeling, vacations, etc that will distract and buy time against our disease, but it can only go into remission, it's always harder to pick yourself backup, but maybe we realize it's a lifelong illness.  Take a step and hit some meetings.

[ponco]

your right I am looking for more but I know I cant get any for 2 weeks but then again the wds by then will be over so knows the time to nip it in the bud, I will just have to deal with it at least it wont be as bad as the methadone thanks john

[ariley13]

Toothy said it all. We are here for you! We want you to succeed, but in order to do that, you will need to change what didn't work last time. What are your plans for aftercare this time? Hang in there and take care of yourself!

[nursegirl6572]

Also, you say you cannot get the Norco for another 2 weeks...are you WANTING to quit or just trying to get througfh to your refill?  I sure hope you're ready to make some changes, you've been on this ride long enough John!

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with toothfaire that you need to get off the merry go round.  We told you that with the T4's.  You got off the Methadone, now you have to put a plan in place to get off these.  You need to cut your sources, as obviously you still have some big ones.  Without doing that, you will continue to be tempted.  Have you considered inpatient maybe?  For a more intense program?

[toothfairie]

i'm so sorry you are going thru this again John....but you know the drill...pick yourself up and move forward!  don't beat yourself up about it...what's done is done...just gotta change things now and figure out what you can do diff to stay clean....once you stop yo-yo-ing back and forth between diff opiates and stay clean for a good amount of time, you will feel much better ok?  hoping the best for you....keep posting for support...take care

Lisa