can anybody help me?

[mushaaka]

i`m so messed up. i`m using brown since i was 16. and now i just want to die

[scaredstifless]

Stay strong. It may not seem like much but we are all behind you.

[gasezam]

If you  have dad try to share my common with him.In this world everything is possible.i hope you will quit your Methadone soon.hope to hear from you soon.

[mary577]

Thinking about you this morning.   Your story deeply touched me.   I want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying that you can beat this.   Keep posting.

[gasezam]

Individual counseling is important,family counseling too

[gasezam]

Do not worry i will help you to through counseling and also i will discuss with my doctor and let you know ka.

[gasezam]

i am working in drug and alcohol unit.i like to help addicted people.i want them to clean from their substance abuse.

[selfinduced]

Checking on you?

[selfinduced]

Me again, I just read your reply to Life about not having a Dr. and your situation. Seems rehab may not be an option. There is a member on here who has extreme knowledge of methadone, his name is Gnarly.....can you maybe PM him for more specific advise? Do you know how to send a private message?

[selfinduced]

Hey Mush, Your situation is not hopeless, please don't forget that. You kicked herion and that is such an accomplishment. Time to get serious and lose the methadone. Can you go into a rehab? You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. You don't want to live out the rest of your days trying to score drugs, watching your health decline and selling your soul in the process. The despair while using is overwhelming as you know. It can make even the most balanced person think suicidal thoughts. You know thats not the answer. Once you get started on your recovery, you will gain such self esteem, confidence and pride beyond believe for your efforts. I did not do Meth or her ion, but struggled with hydro's, ativan and alcohol. Like you I knocked off one demon at a time . We on this site have the personalities that will have us predisposed to a lifetime of addiction if we don't work on it. YOU CAN DO THIS! We are all here for you. Please keep posting. Your life is worth this.......Com'on!!!

[mushaaka]

i don`t a family doctor. i`m an alien in holland. illegal alien
greetings

[mushaaka]

hi hon. u have no idea how nice it feels. i know i`ve said that too many times. but gives me good feeling. i never thought anything in net can do it, laugh maybe, someting to think about, or **** u off. but not that. response is great, and unlike other network community- nobody is criticizing u. which is great
as for me. no change really. i`m still finding easy excuse (and i know that`s what it is), `cause i just manage to quit brown so i give my self a break to quit methadone, at least that`s what i`m saying to my dad- my poor dad all this time he is standing beside me (not all of as have that luck) and i just wish i could GIVE HIM A BREAK. i, know this and nothing is changing- almost nothing. that`s why i really, really think, i`m sure that best thing for all of us would be my death... but i couldn`t commit suicide, i`m not that selfish- i have only my dad  and he has only me ( poor man). well, i just really hate myself, i never pity myself- just really hate...
but whatever i write to much. let me know something about u
and take care

[sara752]

you CAN do this..its your time, thats why you found this site...addiction is a .itch for sure, but just think..you may have been high 4 this 1rst part of your life but you can be clean 4 the rest of it !!  you can have many years of happiness but 1rst you need 2 learn about your addiction..and sure it will b hard 4 a FEW months, but you will get YEARS of happiness after all the hard work is done..i no many addicts who can now say that they r glad they went threw ALL of it cause it made them the STRONG people they r today..you can do this.. i am..god bless  sara

[10356]

that is thank Thank the good spirits.......

[Life360_Dave]

A big part of this over as you are asking for help. You might think thats a small step but its really a big one. Those taking these drugs and not considering help are in a different mind set than you. Its like you just woke up. There are many things that seem small but you can lean on these to keep you in the right direction to recovery. Another thing you mention is that half your life was stoned. These are extremely important revelations that you are having about your situation. Its a start and lean on this. Its like the Rocky movie, remember when he started to get back, drinking the eggs and remember him walking outside as he begun his road to? That first step he began running and ended up a champion. Your doing the same. Be a champion to your self. This wont be easy in the beginning but each day will bring a lighter burden. There comes a time in our lives that we are called upon to do extrodinary things and this is one of these times for you. Keep posting

[10356]

you are very welcome Mushaaka.. I was really relived to read that you were no longer doing the H with methadone. that is such a deadly combo. i can understand how you feel having to go to the streets still. have you anybody left that you trust that can help you out with a taper off so you can get it down to make the jump. we have a lot of peps that have come off it they can help advice. i myself did not go that route that the good spirits.. i just wanted to add my support and let you know you are not alone. there is a life outside of drugs i have found it to be pretty good.. i hope you make that decision for yourself and make it happen....

[mushaaka]

thank You... all of You
i really wasn`t expecting so many people would answer

[mushaaka]

no darling. i was for a long time but now (not 2 long) it`s only methadone. i thought it would be better but somehow i don`t feel like that. as i said :maybe it`s because i still have to go ang it on the street; i don`t know. i`m 28 right now and very soon it`ll be half off my life that i`m stoned.

[dominosarah]

Your english is fine my friend.  I am so glad you found us.  So you are using both H and methadone at the same time?

[Life360_Dave]

Keep steping in the direction you are going. Its great your off the brown. See, you are helping youself. first  you posted and second your off brown. Just take the steps one by one. Keep posting as many here have been there and some still are.
God is Love!

[mushaaka]

thank u so much. actually i posted my call for help being sure nobody would answer it. i`m amazed how many people had written to me. thank u. i just find this website by chance. i was looking for people who have problem with methadone `cause after months of using it and H at the same time finally( it took me about 2 years) i`m swallowing pills only, but i don think it`s better (i`m buying it from the street- i`m not on the program because i`m polish girl in holland and i don`t have an insurance), my message was so short because i was certain i will not get any answer.
so thank u... all of u
[and sorry for my English]
once again: thank u

[akitagurl12]

please don't die before you get the chance to really live. This world needs you.  Please remember that you are here because of a reason.  I don't know what your reason is, but I can assure you it isn't to just be a slave to a chemical.  You deserve better.  Just make a few decisions today to get on the path back to your true self and everything else will start to fall in place.  You won't be alone. A little reaching out for help can go a long way.

[dominosarah]

Thank you lesa~

[10356]

Hi Musshaka.. Welcome to the forum.. I'm glad you found us I can hear the suffering in your words.. all it takes is for you to make a decision. although you do not feel stronger then the H you are. It has been a long time that you have done anything for yourself personally Your true self Your Spirit.. you are still in there and you are worth saving.. just make the decision.. sure the first 5 days s*uck. but that is all it takes is 5 days that is it then you are physically free.. 5 days compered to what Over half your life of slaving for Heroin.. of feeding the addiction.. You feel alone I'm sure but your not. You have this whole forum to support you thru this battle. we have suggestions on how to make it bearable.. i know when I was a active junkie, money I never had I fed it all to the drug that tried to kill me.. get angry get p*issed.. take your life back ok. You Deserve to live a Good Healthy life.. We all do.. Hope to see you back and reaching out for support for then.. Yes we can help you.. I wish you the very best on your journey to Freedom.. lesa