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Avatar universal

day 1 again agh

Hi not really a question I've been lurking on this site for months trying different methods to stop using hydros. I've been using about nine years now and everytme I've quit something happens to where I get prescribed them again and of course I think I can just take my prescription and walk away obviously an addict can't do that but likes to believe they can. Today I've had one and a half vicaprofen which some reason don't get me high like hydros so I have three 7.5 of them trying to use them when it's really bad probably another bad idea . I go back to work Sunday night I'm scared of wd at work **** I'm just plain scared of wd I've done it so many times now . Can a pill addict stay clean ...
Thanks for reading.

27 Responses
271792 tn?1334979657
Hi & Welcome,

So your way doesn't work huh? Surprise, suprise. I did just what youa re doing for more years then I care to count. It wasn't until I got humble and asked for help that I was able to get and stay clean. We have a disease for which there is no cure. We can't use once..we don't know what that means. We can't taper by ourselves because we want the high now. And on and on it goes. I truly hope you will take this time to ask for help and try something different. What do you have to lose?
Avatar universal
Thank you for the welcome and now nothing to lose your right about that :)
Avatar universal
I personally have to stay away from situations where I might be prescribed pain pills. I live with chronic back pain 24/7 but do not plan on surgery. Why? Because I would never take them as prescribed, but use more and more. I like the high, in fact I have spent my lifetime chasing that high. I have been clean a little more than a year now and I really don't want to lose all the benefits of sobriety.
Addicts cannot use "As Prescribed." We lost that option long, long ago.
9880688 tn?1414115647
I made sure the first thing I did when I decided to CT was to tell all my doctors what I was doing and I asked them not to prescribe anything addictive to me at all unless they felt it absolutely necessary.  When I went through my painful devinticulitis (I have no clue how to spell that) my hubby tested my doctor....called him...told him what was going on...asked for pain meds and was told NO.  Luckily we've been going to this doc for 8 years so when my hubby laughed and told him he was "just checking" the doc laughed and said "do you honestly think I'm going to do something when she said not to?  I want to live another day and when she means business she means it!"

Get rid of all the temptation in your life first and foremost.  Cut off all contact, throw away all drugs, get rid of tempting phone numbers and don't hang with anyone who uses.

Once you do that then it will seem like you are serious about all of this!

In my prayers and thoughts!
9880688 tn?1414115647
Oh yeah, the urgent care doc prescribed me 8 pain pills at my request...I was hurting badly...but I wound up having my husband lock them up....then when I was feeling a little better I ruined them so no one is able to take them now :-)

Gotta be dead serious about what you want hun....then you will be able to get clean!
Avatar universal
I'm definitely serious I have surgery coming up and have told them I can't have anything , I also cancelled all future appointments at my pain clinic . I'm sweating balls right now . The aches are awful soaking in Epsom salt and eating bits of bannas, multi vitamins taking xannax to try to sleep through it but up every couple of hours . My husband had never been addicted to anything and he is driving me a little nuts but I'm sure he feels the same I'm so scared of relapse I feel like there's only so many chances I have to quit and this probably my 50th at minimum that's why I finally stopped lurking here and decided to reach out. Thank you to all that have responded I really appreciate you taking time out for me.
Avatar universal
Don't take any more vicoprofen and throw out what you have in the house. It's absolutely necessary. To continue to take one here and there will prolong this state.

Have you participated in any recovery care/Aftercare programs or meetings?We seriously recommend it. We need all the help, support, and tools we can find.

Stay in touch here. Stay hydrated and take some ibuprofen for those aches.
Avatar universal
I went thru the vicoprofen yesterday so they are gone I'm not going to lie one my old connects text me this morning n I said I need 5 pills to get me thru to take half a day I know this is totally wrong but I can't move I see straight I want to cry constantly.  I can't call my pain management doctor at this point, I haven't picked up the hydro's cause  my husband is home from work does anyone think I could call a urgent care and get some help I feel like **** setting up a secret deal n scared I keep telling myself I can take half to ease this so I can work tomorrow I know its a lie to myself and everyone else but I can't take it n I can't miss work don't know where to turn yes I have though bout NA and things like it but can't get out of bed to go I'm at such a bad place right now I know a lot of people make it thru n it gives me hope but right now I just hurt.
2083449 tn?1381354708
Hi there, I'm sorry you are feeling bad. Like Vicki said above, taking one here and there is only prolonging this process. You've got to cut off ALL your sources. You need to tell your connection, talk to your doctor, etc.  5 pills, at 1/2 per day will not help. This cycle will continue, and it will get worse until you get serious and take the necessary steps to quit.  The physical withdrawals last a few days, and then you will slowly feel better.  We have had members who work during this process because they had to. The mental withdrawals can last much longer, and that is where aftercare kicks in. Don't think about NA meetings, go to one. You will get the support you need. I hope you will consider all of this. I wish you the best, and we will help support you through this. Take care.
Avatar universal
When you're up to it, you can go to the meetings because you definitely need them.

Listen. This is very hard and we know that. We've been through it or are going through it. It's hard to taper and for some it's nearly impossible. You need to have your safeguards and I promise you, if you have 5 pills you'll take them. So if you want this, don't take any more! Forget about picking up some pills or getting the hydro or going to Urgent Care or sneaking around.

Call in sick to work. Plan on being sick (as though you had the flu) for at least 3 days. Stay in bed, drink your fluids and go easy. It can be done but not if you fight it like you are now. You need to let the process play out and I know you feel terrible right now but it passes and every day feels better.

Get yourself some Imodium for tummy issues. It really makes you feel better... and just keep posting here. There's a lot of support.
Avatar universal
Just wanted to tell you I agree w/ Sonrissa 10,000%. PLEASE take her advice!!!
Avatar universal
Yes you can stay clean. I was bad 30 oxi's a day for 13 years. I finally came clean to my PM dr and told her I was abusing. Sure I have a real spine injury but nothing warrants the amount I was taking. She wanted to set me up on a taper but I just said I have to start sometime and said no. I just posted a thread that I'm on day 38 clean. Life is soo much better not chasing the pill. Yes it was so hard and I've WD many times but like you always had a script coming. Never made it more than a week before going to my dr. Now that I'm clean my dr will not prescribe me anymore. The best move ever was being honest and cut it off at the source. My family is now my focus along with my health and nothing stronger than Advil goes in my body. Day 11 was the relief day for me. Yes it's hard but it's not BS when I say every single day gets better. My not feel like it but your body knows and when that day comes you will know it and say damn I am doing this.. Stay strong, I wasn't a religious freak but did turn to the lord and yes he helped me. One way was he lead me here and I was here every minute for the first 15 days and everyone helped me an ways I couldn't imagine. You are now in my prayers and I will be thinking of you. I'm going to keep checking so post often. I'm 45 and lost 13 years of my life to addiction. I will always be an addict but for now have no desire to use and god willing will never again.. God bless and good luck you can and will do this..
Avatar universal
Thank you so much I told my husband what I had planned on doing ( getting the pills ) he feels awful since he don't understand it and he knows I have legit pain but your right there are other ways to fight pain I'm going to try really hard to tough it out it really helps hearing it from people who have actually been thru it until you go thru this you can't understand even if you want to . thank you
Avatar universal
Although our loved ones want to understand it's just not possible. But just having someone to comfort you is a tremendous help. I put my spruce through so many WD and always let her down. That feeling is awful butt somehow she still loved me. This last time I kept her and my children in mind and told myself they don't deserve to keep going through this pain because of my selfishness. I too have a real pain a fused spine but was lying about the severity and pain level to feed my addiction. There are days when it's pretty bad and I'm in construction and that's all I know since 15 years old. But Advil and hot showers and baths help. I am 39 days clean and the though of days 1-13 keep me away from the pill. The real pain is nothing compared to those days of hell. You can do this and when you DO you will be so proud of your accomplishment you will forget about the high. Once you feel the high of having your life back it dwarfs that short term high from that little pill. Not to mention the feeling of your family being free as well. I you were in my prayers last night and will continue to be. I'm checking in on you and cannot wait to hear you progress. Please keep fighting and posting so I can celebrate along with you. I'm a stranger but trust me the feeling of freedom is like nothing you've felt in a long long time.. God bless sfreeze20...  
Avatar universal
Best friend came over I told her what was  going on she helps me decide taper is way to go since I was so sick and can't call in to work so of course this sounds like great plan to me and popped a pill my body feels  a little better I otook half then other half two hours later mentally feel like a loser have to tell hubby he isn't going to freak out on me but I know him and everyone else will be disappointed in me fml
Avatar universal
I kept telling myself pain is weakness leaving your body I read all your wonderful supportive post but when it came down to it I caved I feel so ******
2083449 tn?1381354708
Does your best friend have any experience with addiction?  Tapering is fine, but it requires a detailed plan, and help and support to be successful. You will need to come up with a schedule for tapering, hopefully with the assistance of your doctor, you need to have someone trustworthy, who will not cave to your pleading for pills, hold them for you and dispense them exactly to the schedule. You can not do this on your own. I recently had to taper, and it was difficult to say the least. However, I had the support of my doctor, and I had a very strong person hold my pills for me.  I still experienced withdrawal symptoms.  It certainly can be done.  I wish you the best. Let us know how it's going.
Avatar universal
So you're going to taper now instead of just stopping?  Where are you getting the pills and what's your taper plan?  I have to say...if you were really serious about tapering, you wouldn't feel so guilty right now...

We'll be here to support you when you decide to stop-
Avatar universal
She does have addiction experience different d.o.c . I'm going to try tapering talked with husband and he plans on helping I feel guilty because I planned on C.T. Told my family I could go C.T. and failed .  I have been in pain management for over a year so that's where pills come from I've canceled all future appointments with them as they don't see an end to me needing pills which I believe is because I pay cash four times a month to see them so why would they want me to feel better without them , maybe I should explain the biggest reason for me wanting to quit. My spouse and I are paying a lot of money and having a lot of faith next month to have the chance to conceive and while technically I could stay on meds throughout I don't want that to be part of my hopeful pregnancy and child's life . I rationally know what's going on my father was a heroin addict and eventually died from its effects I know but that doesn't stop withdrawal I wish it did . I did sub last year it was horrible then sub Dr told me he didn't think I was addict he thought I have fibro and chronic pain bam pain clinic I felt huge relief not thinking I was an addict but now I don't care if its illness or addiction I just know I want clean but I also can't feel like a bedridden zombie for a week or so my job does not work like that . I definitely feel like I find ways to justify it while I'm also wanting off more then anything ..... There pretty much all of it once again thank you for taking time out regardless of how you feel about my motives or actions I appreciate it and hope one day soon I can say I did it.
Avatar universal
I know how you feel.
Avatar universal
Im 28 and ive been taking hydros since i was 15. Its hard to quit. The longest ive been sober in 13 yrs when i was preg with my son. That was almost a year but relapsed. Please try to quit. I beg you. Ive lost my little family bcus of this. I miss my husband and my son. I was almost beat to death trying to buy some off of a dealer. It gets you nowhere. The high only lasts a little while. Im going on 3 days clean. Started mixing adderal with hydro and the withdrawls are horrible. I just wish i wouldve quit sooner. I hope you keep clean. Im trying my best too just have your family by u. Thats whats helping me.
2083449 tn?1381354708
Honey, we will support you no matter how you chose to get clean. It's really up to you. Get a specific and detailed plan, and stick to it no matter what. Tapers must be structured. You can't just make things up on the fly. It's not one of those see how it goes kind of things. You Definately can succeed, and we will help you in any way we can. Stay positive and focused. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please continue to reach out for help.
Avatar universal
Thank you I almost didn't log back in because I was leery of what people would say and I can't take much right now so I appreciate the acceptance so much . I'm currently at work with slight WD since taking meds at 2 pm I am proud to say I didn't take a extra pill with me "just in case " and left them to my hubby to keep  I'm making it with little discomfort I wrote out taper plan today one a day for next 7 days then half a day the following 7 then completely off by sept 15 :) I got this
2083449 tn?1381354708
We don't judge here. You may get different opinions and perspectives on the way to do something, but you will always get caring support. The key is to take what works for you, and go with it.  Sounds like you've got a plan.  Now, move forward. With tapering you will still experience withdrawal symptoms along the way, but they should be fairly mild. Stay strong, don't hesitate to ask any questions, and reach out for support. All the best!
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