Ultram CR addiction

[scooby8511]

I have been taking Ultram CR 300mg a day for over a couple of years. Sometimes taking more and chewing up the pills for a quicker high, I guess you could say. I have been off of the ultram for almost two weeks now, and I am still struggling. I am in no pain, mentally and emotionally I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I'm married and stay at home with my son, who is six, and my daughter, who is three. I am taking a lot of vitamins (we called a rehab, and that was their instructions), I did read something about amino acids, and I'm curious if those can help? Which one should I get?
When do I feel normal again? The guilt and hurt I feel for doing this to my family is almost overwhelming at times. I can't go to rehab, even though I feel like I should, between cost and no one to watch our kids, it just isn't an opnion.

[scooby8511]

Thanks for the advice Vicki, its so hard to talk about this and admit that I am addicted. You mentioned AA/NA meetings, where do I look for those? I looked into out patient rehab and couldn't find anything in my town. I've even checked into the newspapers with no luck.
Taking pills and drinking was always recreational, until I started having kids. I had my son when I was 26 and my daughter at 30, now I'm 33 and between drinking or pills, thats the only way I have been able to get through. When I was drinking, it wasn't major, a few glasses of wine a couple of nights a week. But I couldn't get through without those 2 or 3 glasses of wine if I had a bad day. Which was often. When I got my hands on the ultrams (which I had taken long ago), everything was better, I quit drinking, and seemed happier. In December of 09 I had a terrible seizure between the ultrams and antidepressant I was on. I was taking more ultrams then prescribed and was chewing them up. I'm trying to stay off everything, and I'm taking a lot of vitamins, fish oils, and extra calcium. I spoke with my doc and she recommended GABA (Sam-e), which I will look into. I'm really hoping and praying my marriage can survive this, I've never been completely sober for more than a week since we've been together, over 9 yrs, I just don't feel like the same person. I have so much guilt about all I have done to this wonderful family of mine, and now I just feel like I'm ruining everything.

[vicki595]

Hi and welcome!   To answer your question re: amino acids,just go to the health pages on this page and read the protocol.  Many swear by them.  I have upped my vitamin intake and feel pretty good.
In answer to your struggles: it's still early in your recovery and you took tram for a few years so it takes some time,maybe a few more weeks. Also,AA/NA meetings are free and you should go. Aftercare is really important. You also need to ask yourself why you took tram in the first place to the point of becoming addicted. Do you think you may have an underlying depression?
Going to mtgs. will help that guilt.  In the meantime...forgive yourself.  You're on track now and off the pills!!  Good for you!

Vicki