day 2 no oxycontin

[Cassie415]

After a 2 week relapse i have stopped again. Today is the second day without it and i am`pretty sick and feel horrible. I am in mexico for a vacation which is helping me not to get it because there is no way i can get it here. but i am really sick and have no energy to even move. my dad and his gf want to go out every night and drink and all that mexico type stuff and i am just dying. I was snorting about 200mg of oxycontin before i stopped so i no this detox wont be easy but I will have 5 days clean by the time i get home so i am hoping thats enough to just stay away and not get any more. I am very weak and sick right now and I just keep thinking about how nice a line of oxycontin would make me feel. anywys i am going to try really hard to stay sober this time. just wanted to post an update, thanks everyone for all the help.

[windowsca]

Hi!  Are you being good? :o). Haven't heard from you today. Here's your quote of the day--
Actually this one is for everyone, so I'll have to find a second very special day 5 one after this--

"Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it"

OK, here's yours --

If you will call your troubles experiences and remember that every experience developes some latent force within you,you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstnces may seem to be"
John Heywood
M

[windowsca]

Guess it's a mom thing!  You're so cute!  I'm a bit anxious about your return to the dark side tomorrow (do ya hear that scary music in the background, like an Alfred Hitchcock movie . .dodododododododo)  You have to promise all of us, here and now, that you will stay on track and let us know if things get hard so we can talk you through it OK?  Happy Day 5 in advance <3 M

[Cassie415]

u always send me the perfect quotes for the day. how do u do that??? i sent u a quote lol but its not quite as deep or good as the ones u do, but i thot it was fitting for u and how helpful u are.

[windowsca]

Hey!  Happy Day 4!

Your Quote for the Day ;o)

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

Carl Jung

[SophieShine]

Hey there girl! Congrats on day 4 and keep up the good work!!!

[Cassie415]

thanks everyone for all the help and advice. today is day 4 now, i am feeling a little better. a couple days ago if i was home i would have gotten more oc for sure, but now i am feeling more confident that i wont do it. i really am going to try my hardest to stay sober and everything i learned not to do last time, i wont do this time. like thinking i can try it once. so again, thank u everyone sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for everything. i go home tomorrow and i am not going to get any.

[HelpinUtah]

WOW Cassie - you received a lot of great advice and tough love from people who care!  I am always in awe at the love and concern from people here.  I honestly cannot add any more to what was said.  So, I'll be your cheerleader and say YOU CAN DO THIS!  PLEASE DO IT FOR YOU!  I am happy you are on Day 2 - but I know how much it ***** to be going through what your going through right now.  Please, like everyone said, get help.  Even if you find NA, seek counselling, or something.  And know that you have many people here who will help you!

LOTS OF LOVE & HUGS,
Janet

[djd8080]

Smile though your heart is aching,
Smile even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by,

If you smile
through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness,
Although a tear may be ever so near,

That's the time,
You must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,

If you just smile,

We have to force ourselves to smile, have faith and keep a positive attitude. It takes practice but it doesn't take pills. We weren't meant to take pills to smile and feel good. Anything worthwhile takes effort...so let's not cry, let's be positive because we all know pills will only destroy us and our dreams. That's why we're here.

[peaceinknowing]

I want/need you to know that I wasn't crying over anything you'd done wrong to me.. It's just that your story has really [I know I keep saying this over and over again] put a dent in my heart for you.

[Cassie415]

also peaceinknowing, please do not cry. i dont want to make u sad and ireally dont want to cause u to cry. i will be fine and ill get thru this just like all u guys did. but plz dnt cry.

[Cassie415]

I have read everryone`s posts a few times and i am really thinking about this. About a month ago I stopped and i was really into it, i had all the amino acid stuff, i was eating bananas, and i actually really did want to stay sober. I had some bad cravings but then i had some moments that were just filled with such natural happiness it was like everything was worth it. I maed it to around day 17 or 18 and then tried it again and then went straight back to old ways and continued using for about 2 wks. It was such a huge mistake because i am having such trouble getting back to  thaat same mentality that iwas at. But one thing djd said made me realize...I am letting myself think about using again. THe part of my head that wants me to keep using is winning because alll  i keep thinking about is oxycontin and how good it would feel and all that. Last time i didnt even let myself think like htis cuz it just wanst an option. as djd said i was just htinking NO ur not gonna do it so dont even think about it. i need toget back to that mentality so im not gonna let myself even think about it. the last few days i had some moments of weakness cuz i was so tired of fighting for this and have been back and forth and sober then relapsing for the entire summer and i just got so tired of it. but i will keep trying and fighting for this. thanks again everyone for all the support and advice, i promise ill get it right soon enogh and then i can help others liek all u do.

[peaceinknowing]

There are SO many members here that are amazing people. Each and every one of them to be exact. They're all here for many of the same reasons that we are and that is to help each other through everything. I'm glad to hear that you've grown to care for people here already, even though it's only your first day. It's really hard NOT to care for these people who are going through some of the same things. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing as well!

[rxqueen67]

Thank you. I am new here, just started today. But I already care about a few people on here a lot. I think that through each others experiences we can help see our own lives and heed advice that is given. I don't believe in attacking people, calling them names, telling others what to do, or pushing them around. All I want to do is share, and have others share with me because that is really the best way of support.

[peaceinknowing]

I agree that you don't have to hit your rock bottom just to be able to come to the realization that it's time to quit and give up the pills. There comes a point in time throughout one's life where they just know it's time to get away from the horrible lifestyle that comes along with taking pills, smoking them, injecting them and/or snorting them. This is a young girl who so many members here on the forums care about. I only hope that she listens to your tidbit of advice you've given her as well.

[rxqueen67]

I am also day 2 of oxy. I wasn't doing as much as you, only 60mg a day. But it is enough to have horrible body aches, sickness, fatigue, and all around pain (physically and mentally). But one thing I do know, is that we cannot keep binging to keep up our lives. Oxy is the easy way out. I've learned that many many times just from doing it for as long as I did. I was so energetic and happy on it, now that its day 2 cold turkey, I feel like my boring old self again. I want to go back, and have even been offered some (I am not away from it like you are). But I need to be strong for myself, just like you need to be strong for yourself. Us addicts are easily tormented by the rememberances of the good times on the drugs, feeling the need to do them, and just wanting to live the lifestyle. But its not a good or normal lifestyle. You don't have to hit rock bottom to quit. That is not true, and whoever says that is lying. You obviously know you are doing something wrong, and you haven't quite hit rock bottom yet. I am proud of your day 2 and wish you the best of luck

[peaceinknowing]

I wanted to check in on you, Cassie. I hope that you're at least enjoying the majority of your vacation right now with family. This is tough, but you need to come to the realization that you're tougher than what you're going through. The amount of advice and support you've received here is overwhelming to me and so many others. You're in my heart right now as I cry over my keyboard trying to find the words to bring you to the realization that this has GOT to stop immediately. I love you with all my heart even though you and I have never met -- Please post again and let us know how you're doing.

[gizzy32]

Hope your hangin in there Cassie. You got a lot of great advice here and I hope you think about it. Let us know how you are today. I know you can do this with some help, NOW STOP BEING STUBBORN, lol. Hugs

[windowsca]

Great post DJD!  

[Cissy373]

Boy will I pray for you and thanks for your post it truly helped me. We all have allowed a stupid pill to control our lives, really taking it away...........and like you I am sick of living in a pill stupor I want my life back.

Pray for me as well.

Cissy

[djd8080]

I'm on DAY 4 of quiting, what started as, 40 mg of percocets, then up to a couple OC 80's a day last week and even tried snorting H last week for the first time. I was spinning out of control worst than ever before. I've been taking pills off and on for 2 years. Before I quit Thursday, I was on a month or so binge. I thought there was no way I could quit this time. I've probably withdrawed 20 times in the last 2 years. I'd go a month or so and realize this isn't for me and quit but this time it felt impossible. I think it gets worse everytime. I'm 29...I'm athletic, outgoing and probably the last person you would imagine becoming addicted to pills but it happens. Don't feel bad about telling your parents...you're human. I'm a guy, like I said...an athlete, strong and felt unstoppable before taking these things but it crushed me. I had to tell somebody..so I told my Mom and she helped me through the weekend. Without her, I think it wouldn't have been possible this time. Cassie, you have to understand this is just a decision. Last night was so bad I thought I would die. I slept maybe a 1/2 hour. But you have to make your mind up and sometimes you need help. You're thinking right now isn't what it's going to be a couple days from now or even a month from now...it gets more positive everyday. Withdrawing is not going to kill us but the pills could and probably would. Each day will get better. I had to shut my cell off, I've got to cut the people I use with or that enable me out of my life. We are not going to live the lives we are meant to live taking pills like this. It's kind of funny but just say no. Don't think about it. When it's the middle of the night, you're suffering and can't think of one reason why you shouldn't take something or snort an OC to feel better, just say no and remember what no means. No I'm not going to let these things direct my life, no I'm not going to die and break my family's heart, no I'm not going to live my in a pill induced coma, no I'm not going to damage my body anymore, no I'm not going to sell everyone short including myself, my friends, my family, my God and everyone I'll meet and everything I'll do in the future. It's just what has to be done, you don't have a choice and the pain will be over and a distant memory before you know it. Someone mentioned divorce and using because of emotional pain. That's the trap I fell into. My sports career failed, my best friend died, my 6 year relationship, we have 2 kids, ended a couple years ago and so on...we all have problems and someone out there is always going to have more. The pills make the problems a billion times worse and only cover up your pain. It's still there and it has to be dealt with sober, plain and simple. No other choice. It *****...I know, but pill addiction is just one of life's tragic pitfalls. If you're going to live, you can't be addicted to pills. So to sum things up...you are strong enough, dig deep and find your inner strength, tell your parents or someone who can be with you and help you through it, keep your dreams and goals alive, remember to just say no and finally and most important...trust in God. If you don't have a relationship with God, get one. I'll pray for you and thanks to anyone who has helped me and please pray for me.

[peaceinknowing]

I agree with what windowsca is telling you here. We are here right now for you, and I think you realize throughout everything you just posted here, that it's time for this to change right here and now. You're headed down a path to death, and if you love yourself and your parents that much, then you're going to do this for them and for you. You ARE important, whether your sister seems better off than you in your parents eyes. I have been there before, but never took on the attitude that you are right now. You have to look at it in this way -- your mother and father love you no matter what, and probably love you even more so than your sister because she never does anything wrong, period. HAHA! Don't get me wrong though, I love a goody two shoe every now and then but sometimes they are downright annoying, yeah?  LMAO!

You're going to get through this if I have something to say about it. The same goes for windows as well -- she and I have grown to know one another and if she has anything to say about it, you're going to get through this! I think that right now, you're so down and out because you're detoxing while on vacation and you don't have the "happy pills" in your system to give you that euphoria, and this might be the reason why you're coming off the way that you are, at least I'm hoping this is the reason why..

I have to get off of here to go to work, but you keep posting and give me some posts to come back to, please. Just remember that you are my sister in God and we are going to get through this. I'll even pretend that I'm still on my first day of sobriety and you're on your what... Third now? God! You're doing better than me girl. Go ahead with your bad self now!  <3  wink wink. We will talk when I get home from work.

[windowsca]

I'm here,too.  It's time.

[Cassie415]

First, thanks for your post, thanks for caring enough to read through all my posts, and respond. everyday i am shocked when i come on here and see how much people care for others. i wish my parents were like half the ppl on here but i am mostly independent from them and they are not so much in my life. that being said, i have learned a lot about myself from this website and this whole thing the last few months and i know what it is i probly need to do, and i think i have just been putting it off for months now thinking i can do this all on my own. i realize i cant. i dont even no wat to say anymore. i just sat with my head in my hands for about 10 minutes after reading this cuz i know what it is everyone says, and everyone has been so nice to give adbvivce and i just havent done anything with it. i just run in circles and i am literally unable to help myself. i dont no why but i am like self destructive. i am lucky enough to come from a good family, they are all alive and healthy, they are well off and have been able to provide everything i have ever wanted in my life and yet i am just self destructive and have had these problems for years and hide it all. even my mexico trip right now, my dad set this vacation up, and i knew about it all summer and was trying to stay clean for it so i wudnt be detoxing on it, and now i am doing exactly what i was afraid of and completely detoxing on the trip and have ruined it. my family thinks im sick. my sister has turned out so normal, shes like the good kid that does all the sports and gets the good grades. i can nevr stand out in anything i do. i feel like i dnt rly have a place here anymore because when i started out i really wanted to get clean and help myself and i had a great 17 days off oc, but i havejust lost it recently, i cant help myself, i dont do anything ppl on here tell me to do. honestly i feel bad that i waste everyons time. but, i want u to no, i really aprecaite ur post and ur caring, it means a lot.

[peaceinknowing]

You're not going to like what I have for you in response to your posting, but I also feel that after experiencing tough love from some of the members here that it goes a long way in comparison to when people sugarcoat the truth that lies within their hearts for another member. We are all sitting behind a computer screen reading your story, but let me tell you I can hardly see the keys from crying as hard as I am for you right now. After reading this particular thread of posts from you to everyone, I took it upon myself to go to your actual profile page and read EVERY single one of your posts since you joined the forums here, the very first to this one above me. Don't view my words as an attack against you, but take them as my concern for you right now...

I've seen you post so many different things to members here on the forums. All in which you've cried out for help. The one bit of advice that I can give to you right now is to take this amazing advice that you've received [over and over and over and over again] and run with it, allowing for yourself to save your life. I've seen in several of your posts where you proclaim to love your parents to such an extent that you'd do anything for them, so I'm suggesting to you that you go to them with your issues and be completely honest about everything. If you're unable to do this for whatever reason, then your parents will eventually end up burying you at a VERY young age that you are right now - Especially if this condition has turned up to the point where you can hardly keep your eyes open throughout your days.

Right now, you're not living a life you're living in an addiction and turmoil route for a path less travaled. From what you're saying in some of your posts, you're doing the OC all day everyday and it's effecting your ability to be a 19 year old woman who has so much to look forward to in the days she has on this beautiful and amazing earth.

If it's one thing you MUST understand through all of this, then it would be the following:

You came here to the forums for help, and you've received numerous responses to your cries for help. We all have to face the music at one point or another and realize that members can only offer the advice, information and education on our addictions. The rest of the work is up to us to fulfill, whether we want to believe this or not. It is the God's honest truth. I don't know you and I do not know your life. But if it's one thing I've come to realize over the past [now] 21 days that I've been sober from percocets, it's that sobriety IS something we're all able to ahcieve if we just put our minds to it and follow through with everything we say we're going to do on the forums. It's always easier to post what you're going to do online behind a computer screen, whereas the tough part comes when the computer is shut off and you feel like there is no one else around you once you've logged off of the forums. You HAVE to get sober from these pills is my case and point here. You have far too much to strive and live for as far as I'm concerned, and no one at your age should be enduring what you are right now.

Please seek help, whether it be from your parents or an actual doctor. My thoughts, hopes, prayers and hugs are coming to you right now. I wish I was in Mexico with you and not because I feel like I need a vacation. It's because someone needs to wrap their arms around you and take your hand. Just imagine that someone is there doing just that for you, will you? Take MY hand and run with it.