Going Cold Turkey!

[totalicsworks]

Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting. I wanted to start off with a little history. In jan off 99 I was hurt at work, had my first surgery in 2003 and 5th surgery feb of this year. I have been in pain management since 2003, been on just about every prescription pain med out there. I currently take roxi 15s and kadian 20s and soma which is a big step down from the fentenyl patches and actiq pops I was on before.
Like I said, im in pain management and it has gotten so bad I eat my entire script in about 2 weeks and then buy 30mg kadians to try and get me thru till my next appointment. I usually save a few roxis just to be safe incase they decide to urine test me.
Anyway, I am in pain, bad pain! But I also admit I love how these pills make me feel.
I want to get off these for good and im trying to mentally prepare myself because I am starting cold turkey tomorrow and don't have any one for support and I will be doing this alone at home. I dont work because I am on disability and workers comp.
I'm trying to figure out how to accomplish this and still go to therapy twice a week and live life.
What makes this tough is I have a legit need for the meds but go freakin crazy when I get them, I guess this is how I got here in the first place......

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Stop that!!  The only person you let down was yourself.  It is done...it is over with.  New Chapter in your Book.  Post as often as you need to....say whatever you have to say and don't apologize for it.  Do whatever it is you need to do in order to get through the WD process.  Once you are through that there are lots here who will help you figure out the different aftercare processes you can do.  Aftercare is the most important part for us addicts.

Now repeat after me:  I will not (I'm listening...you are NOT repeating!!!)....I will not (okay that's better) apologize for my disease.  I will not (come on...don't make me beat it out of ya)....I will not linger on what happened in the past.  I will (okay....I'm getting that birch stick out right about now!!!) I will focus on the now not on the past and I will succeed this time because I will humble myself and ask for and accept help!

Now see?  That wasn't hard was it?

Hugz

[totalicsworks]

Wow, what a nice post!
I tried talking to people close to me about my problems, nobody understands an addict like another addict. I hate putting it that way but I guess its true.

I need help! I just can't do this on my own, day in and day out of losing my mind. These past 9 days seemed like 9 months.
I just don't understand how I got this way, before I got hurt at work I was 6'1 260lbs of muscle, people used to ask if I left my neck at home hahaha
I hated medication of any kind.
and now im 200lbs and not even a shadow of my former self. I want this life of being clean and I will get to it!  I just need help and will do what it takes to get it.
I'm sorry for letting the people down who tried to help me
Donnie

[ChasingFreedom]

You're absolutely right, they don't give a f**k.  But you said yourself that you want to be done with these pills.  You've gotten to 3 weeks before and you felt pretty good.  You are 9 days in this time...that's HUGE.  If you decide to go back to day 1 the viscous cycle will never end (unless you die).  You will keep feeding the monster and the monster is never satisfied.  It is probably the biggest mental challenge we addicts will ever face in our lives.  But I'm telling ya, man, it is SO worth it when you get past the WDs.  Mine lastest for a good 3 weeks and so many times I had to keep talking myself off from the ledge of using again.  I HAD to tell my dealer "No More."  I eliminated the source that fed my addiction.  Please hang in there a little longer.  You WILL start to feel better...I promise.  Get out of the house.  I continued to work through the worst of the withdrawals because I just couldn't handle sitting around and dwelling on it all day.  I know exactly what you mean about the dreams.  They are so real...but again, it's our mind playing tricks.  You ARE doing this.

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Hi!  I think you and I may have come in here around the same time.  You must have been lurking because I don't think we've chatted before.  I just want to say one thing to you....do NOT feel ashamed...especially here.  We've all humbled ourselves asking for help.  This forum is for caring, sharing and helping.  No shame allowed okay?  Because all of us have done something you've done before.  We are all in the same boat.  We are all addicts...and you should be proud of yourself for opening yourself up and talking about your situation.  That alone takes a lot of courage and it is that important first step.

Please be proud of yourself...not ashamed...we all have a disease that is called addiction...and we all can conquer it!!!

Hugz!!!

[totalicsworks]

Well today is day 9 probably to be back to 1 if something doesnt happen soon.
I went to the pain management doctor who told me that it was my own fault I was in withdrawal and hurting and since it was my fault they refused to treat me for withdrawal.They said go to the ER but made an appointment for me in 7 days when I can get my refills! WTF is that? Does this make sense????

I went to the ER and they said to tough out the week until I go back to pain management.
I am so mad my blood is boiling, these people will fill your belly with these pills but when you have issues they dont give a f$ck.

I called a friend and got some morphine but havent taken it yet... I know that was a seriously wrong thing to do but I'm at the end of my rope.
It ***** being an addict

[totalicsworks]

Thank you so much!
You are right, I'm having a really hard time with everything. Pain, emotions, no energy, no sleep and dreams I actually have meds in my mouth and swallowing them only to wake up and realize it was a dream and then the reality sets back in.
I have an appointment with my pain doctor tomorrow morning to see what they can do to make this easier. I've read on posts here that you really see you're true pain level after you've stopped taking meds for awhile, if this is how my pain is going to be after stopping  I don't know how I'm going to even function.  Maybe they have something that will work for pain like lidoderm patches and ibuprofen 800 who knows. I'll post an update tomorrow after the doctors.
thanks again

[ChasingFreedom]

Clonidine is wonderful for helping with the blood pressure which is a normal symptom of withdrawal.  Once my blood pressure got under control the anxiety seemed to diminish too.  Right now you are probably asking yourself if this is even worth it, and I'm testifying to you that it most certainly is.  Your body WILL feel whole again.  You are going through the rebooting process.  Once your body is done ridding itself of the toxic drugs you've been feeding it you will be back up and running like new again.  And you'll most likely discover that you aren't in as much pain as when you were taking the meds.  They have a way of tricking us and keeping us in more pain than we would normally be.  Freedom is within your reach.  Only YOU have the power to get yourself there.  Awesome job on 7 days!

[totalicsworks]

Thank you, and yes the clonidine helped alot!

[Missy1231984]

Congrats on your 7 days!   Did the clonodine help a lot?  

[totalicsworks]

7 days clean of roxicodone, morphine and 3 days since I took my last soma! Having a much better handle on things since I called the doctor and got this clonodine patch. I know I'm far from out of the woods but life to me is already 100% better.

Thanks to everyone whi took the time to respond to my post it really helped....

[totalicsworks]

I broke down and called my pain management doctor, she wanted me back on the meds but I refused and just asked for something to help this anxiety and lack of sleep.
She prescribed clonidine patches, I hope it helps will be getting them any minute.
Tomorrow is day 7, guess my body was more destroyed than I thought......

[totalicsworks]

Day 6 and it feels as though I backed up 3 days, my body is so worn out but my brain is going 100mph. I just want some sleep and nothing otc is even touching it.....
I'm not giving up just complaining a bit

[totalicsworks]

Thanks! I know I am far from the finish line, at this point I am happy to have gotten this far, it's got to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

[61chevy]

Just a quick CONGRATS on day 6.  U pushed thru n got thru!  Just go day by day n have realistic expectations.  It's way awesome u r feeling better but remember u r in a marathon, not a sprint.  Knowing I would experience highs n lows helped a lot when the lows hit.  Reading these posts n getting support from this forum was very helpful to me.  Hope it will b to u too.  Great job on getting your U back!

[totalicsworks]

Glad to hear it! I took about 12 mg of melatonin and 2 simply sleep pills at 830pm because I was soo exhausted I couldn't take being awake anymore. Guess what it didn't work lol I didnt fall asleep till almost 1am but slept till almost 7.
I think we are past the worst parts of this, guess we will know tonight lol

[stuckleyr]

Totalicsworks, great news. I am on day 6, I too actually slept 5 hours lastnight. First time for that. I did take a melatonin 10mg at 1130am. Im not sure it helped or I a m hoping I am on the up swing here. Im still weak as hell.

[totalicsworks]

Today is day 5, I'm feeling much better and actually slept over 6 hours last night. My muscle spasms have pretty much gone, all I have now is power sneezes and goosbumps which are easy to deal with.
I'm not trying to jinx myself but I hope the worst is over, I had some seriously crazy dreams, some about taking meds and actually having them in my mouth and swallowing. I guess thats my brain screwin with me lol
But I wont cave I've come way too far now to turn back!

And to those of you trying to beat these demons, stand strong it will get better, you are not powerless against this, the key is WANTING it!

[totalicsworks]

Well its day 4 and I still feel awful. I notice the waves of intese anxiety to an almost normal calm. Its an emotional roller coaster for sure. I think I slept an hour and a half total last night.
Today is a new day and I will continue the fight to be free of this misery!

[Sonrissa]

Hang in there! Can you soak in the tub? Epsom Salt baths will help relax you. Take some deep breaths. You are doing great! Don't give up now. Keep posting, we will get you through this.  Hugs!

[totalicsworks]

Thinking about going, this is getting ridiculous

[jifmoc]

For now, I know this sounds dumb, but can you breathe into a brown paper bag? Not kidding. Also, make sure you are watching movies. And listening to your fave music. And no caffeine!! And lots of water. More water than you can stand. Flush out all the sh!t.

Let us know if you go get the clonidine. Great job! Great 'tude:)

[totalicsworks]

I took a bunch of hot showers today and they do help a bit, I'm just going crazy with this anxiety and muscle spasms, I feel like I want to punch holes in the wall its soo bad, I'm grumpy but trying to be nice to those around me which is tough. I dont think I said ten words all day.
I will beat this I just need something to calm me down

[jifmoc]

Hi, what you are experiencing is totally normal. I know it blows! Have you sat in a VERY hot bath yet? Some folks live in the bath while detoxing. Or the shower.

Getting Clonidine isn't drug-seeking so, if you need it, go get it. It will help all the symptoms calm down a bit. But you'll still be weak etc for a while unfortunately. But, it will pass and the wd's will be over!!! Yay! You don't ever ever have to do this again. Just stick w/ what you are doing and let yourself get better.

Yeah, you can try Valerian. It may help a bit. It just depends on you because all of us have different reactions to stuff during detox. Can't hurt.

Good job!

[totalicsworks]

Man this *****! I cant get comfortable no matter what position I sit or lay in. My back is just constantly in spasm. I have soma and I'm taking that but it doesnt help. Also I'm really full of anxiety, can anyone tell me if valarian root works for anxiety or is there somethin better out there?
I'm at the point that id go to the emergency room to try and get some clonidine but would probably get labeled a drug seeker and sent home in no better shape than im in now.....