45 day clean w/ Obsessive Thoughts...

[slim76]

I am 45 Days off Opiates and still find myself obsessively thinking on going back to them. I wonder if anyone with a good bit of clean time from opiates can tell me how long it was till you found yourself not thinking about them every single day? I mean, I probably talk myself out of using a dozen or more times per day and it doesn't seem to be getting easier. 2yr Oxycodone & Vicodin Addiction.

[Amandag78]

Sorry, i believe your almost 60 days clean now, even better, congratulations : )

[Amandag78]

Hey Slim, congratulations on 45 days !!!
For me, i stopped craving heroin 2 1/2 yrs ago, which was the day i started Subs.
Ive been clean from Subs quite a few months and still dont get cravings to ever use again.
Im so blessed to not have this an an issue for me.
I still think of my past which was using, but only because it was such a big part of my life for so long.
I just never crave them anymore, or have the urge to use.
I think it comes down to the individual.
I also think, the more you say no to yourself, the easier it is for the feeling to pass.
Also, anyone who can get passed 90 days, has less of a chance using, than someone who is under that time. This is why N/A sais, 90 meetings in 90 days.
Well done again on your clean time : )

[beatbutnotbroken]

"If you do what you have always done you will get what you always had."10 days off of methadone and I turned the cravings into shame and guilt. If ki pick up an opiaate its back to a prison buz that I am giving everything I got to prove to myself that I can beat. 45 days is bad ***.

[jugglin]

Kudos slim for being active in aftercare. Have you any other ways to unwind?  Hobbies?  Church? Do you exercise?  You need to find things to keep you busy and distracted....especially when life gets lifey.  When you feel this way do you hit a meeting or call an NA friend?  
Yes, it takes a long time for the brain to rewire - some folks more time than others.  You need to help it along by finding other things in your life that bring you joy, pleasure, peace, etc.
Your profile says you like to board (or used to?). Maybe skateboard when u r feeling this way.  Just a thought.
Wishing you the very best!

[lulu747]

Hey Slim-
Glad you are checking in...I've been thinking about you.  I am glad to hear that you have been attending meetings- do you have a sponsor yet?  Honestly, you have to give yourself some time.  Cravings don't last very long, and every time we don't give into them- and instead do something positive like go for a run, or call a friend, or take a hot bath and drink some chamomile tea to unwind- we rewire our brains.  You need to give your brain a hit to the pleasure centre with something HEALTHY.  This replaces the unhealthy habit and paves the path to recovery.
You KNOW the opiates are not going to help you.  If you go backwards the shame and pain will all come back.  It's just your addict brain looking for a quick fix.  And there are none.  You just have to keep pushing forward and find new things that make you feel good.
Life is always going to be stressful, but opiates do not deal with stress- they compound it.
Here's a list of GREAT HEALTHY stress relievers:

Exercise
Meditation
Spending time in nature
SEX
Journaling
Yoga

Try one, try them all.  Just don't use.  You've come so far- please feel the pride of that and continue to give yourself a fighting chance.
You are worth it.

Lu

[slim76]

I do have an aftercare program in place, as well as NA groups that I attend. Even with all the support I have It's like I still wanna go back... I don't get it. Seems like life gets stressful and I need a way to unwind with nothing that can work quite the same as opiates.

[jifmoc]

Wow, thanks Lulu!!:)

[lulu747]

Really well put.  It is ALL about rewiring.  It takes a LONG time to form new neural pathways and find things that reward the pleasure centre in our brain with something that isn't our drug of choice.

Exercise REALLY did this for me.  Also, returning to my art and immersing myself in it.  I lost my art when I was using.  Now I know, when I lose my art- I lose myself.  It saves me every time.

I hope you come back and post Slim.  I'm a little concerned for you.
Lu

[lulu747]

Great post.  I love your progress.  Proud of you girl.
xo
Lu

[jifmoc]

I agree w/ kellygirl. And sometimes the only saving grace for me is literally having no way to get any. Are you in that situation where you cut your connection/no access?

[kellygirll]

I'm almost 30 days clean i go to about 5 meetings a week and i too have to fight the cravings big time I'm in therapy too and i just wanna get high when I'm in certain situations sometimes i think its more of a habit cuz its only certain times i want them idk its all so hard worth it but hard i fight relapse a few times a week at least but I'm fighting it man tooth and nail and i will with this

[jifmoc]

Slim- I know how you feel. And a year ago I did the same thing. Finally, got so sick of the pill bullsh!t and detoxed. But, I changed absolutely nothing. So I was in my same routine minus pills. I too started to glamorize them, and craved them constantly. It's called "white-knuckling" it. So I relapsed, a tiny bit once. Okay, fine. Then, again and again and again until almost back to full usage when I REALLY bottomed out and the light bulb went off. If my feelings and life were healthy, I wouldn't be addicted to opiates. So I had to just change it completely. I don't want to go to NA or AA but I go because I tried EVERYTHING my way for the last 5 or 6 years using but wanting to get clean. And I always went back. If nothing changes than nothing changes right?

And yes, I have cravings, I have them today. But it doesn't mean I have to act on them. I can DO (not think, but DO) something different.

So, like Lulu said, any aftercare?

[jethro733]

It doesn't go away, not as such.  Thought does not remember suffering very well, so you'll see the pills with rose tinted glasses and not take into account the whole movement involved in the action of using.  You really just have to start observing your thoughts without acting on them, by observing you can understand.

I hesitate to suggest what your thoughts are, you are your our authority on that.  In the case of opiate thoughts though I'd imagine the process is rather similar, in that thought is seeking security.  Why is it seeking security?  It is fearful.  Why is it fearful?  Because it does not want to lose the known.  So security is with the known...    This may be more relevant to an active addict thought process so I'll try again.  

In your case of 45 days clean it's likely still a case of re-wiring.  Thought functions best under order, whether that order be neurotic or rational.  Your thoughts are probably still used to a neurotic kind of imposed order(pills) so you must work to give rational order (this just means getting involved with life on life's terms).