Monday fail

[Anything0228]

So....I thought the bite I took this morning to calm my bathroom issues would do it but then came the rushing thoughts. What if I have to go to the bathroom during my interview? How can I sit still long enough to get my nails done? I've got to run errands before my husband gets home. I have to fix dinner....so...the answer was to pop a half of a pill. Now I feel a lot more satisfied in my body but angry in my head.
I'm so weak. Now I have to tell this to my counselor tomorrow and I don't know what will happen.

I wish that after this interview tomorrow I could just use my Thomas recipe nf get it over with. Can someone remind me.....If I take a 5 hydrocodone before my eleven o'clock interview...say at 10 am....how long before I will start feeling horrible? I've been down to taking one 5 a day for over a month. I usually take a half of a five in the morning and another one before dinner...
I wish I could do this without my kids noticing...they are teens so I think they will.
Yesterday this seemed doable and after today's absence of success I am just freaking out.

[Anything0228]

Thanks for the encouragement! I had a good visit with my counselor. Is it weird that I know that Im 10 hours from a bite of my last pill. I'm settled down to watch my DVRed Days of Our Lives and Americas Got Talent when my son and husband come in from Football practice.
Is it ok if I take the Hylands nite leg stuff even before I have symptoms?

[glamisgirl]

You can do this and i think you are going to be surprised with how well you hold up. Don't dwell on what you think you might or might not feel in W/D. Our minds can sike us out into thinking it's going to be so much worse them it is. Like you said try to keep yourself busy doing things. A positive attitude can go a long way.

[waterview4326]

   I think it's great that you have a apt today. Boy I wish I were going to a therapist, the things I would say LOL!!!!!!!  I wish you luck with your job as well. Yes being busy helps but also I think just being prepared is everything. What helped me most is having meals ready in advance. My family is spoiled and I always have a meal for the day so I did a lot of cooking BEFORE I took my last tram. Also be prepared to not have huge expectations on yourself for the next few days, it just takes time to go through it. Another thing Four Jays said to me have clean pj's and sheets handy, I know if I am clean I feel so much better. Don't underestimate a hot bath, my saving grace. Please keep posting, routing for you!!!!!!

[Anything0228]

I did take a bite off the pill as planned...I guess that equaled a 2. Then I went to my Interview  that I thought went well. I'll know something by Friday. I stopped and got everything I need...leg cramp stuff , more Epsom salts, ibuprofen and Gatorade and pedilite Popsicles . I'm not planning to take any more pills.  I see my counselor at four so I'll get some support there.
I have a busy schedule today and tomorrow so that is good. I should probably go ahead and plan something easy for Thursday..just to have a reason not to lay in bed and think all day.  I really want this job and if anyone prays feel free to do that.
Thanks for checking on me...my attitude is much better... Just trying not to think about I'll effects starting.

[waterview4326]

Just thinking of you and wondering how you are today?

[Anything0228]

True to you and the above responses. I need to break up with the pills. I'll tak immodium in the morning instead. Praying I get this job!

[VICourageous]

If you have the bathroom issues a pills is not going to stop that right away..Why are you not taking Imodium instead of a pill???Do you want to be free of these pills forever???

[dominosarah]

So you still have pills in your possession?  That doesnt work well as they call our name.

[glamisgirl]

I would think that you are on such a low amount that it shldnt be to bad to make the jump and stop all together now. Maybe a little discomfort but nothing you can't just play off as being sick with a touch of the flu with your kids.
This is so doable.....you can totally do this. Are you really ready to say goodbye to the pills??? I think that may be what's holding you back more then anything. Even with only 1 a day you still have a relationship with them and sometimes it can be so hard to finally sever that tie. It can be depressing and make you feel lost with out it but that all passes in time. Until you make that jump you can't be free of the burden those pills bring.

Stay positive, you can do this if you really want to!!!