getting back in the saddle again

[hopefullycleanagain]

Dear Ones.. as my grandmother used to say..I am here once again for support and encouragement from all you wonderful folks. Almost exactly one year later and 50 grand poorer, I am again trying to get off pain meds.  When I was 11 days clean last time I lost my beloved grandmother and just to keep it short, I made  a million excuses as to why I should just use during the funeral, to help my parents through it, blah blah blah.....all my bull#### addict mind talking.

This time I have decided that my recovery is my number one priority in my life and that of my family. Last time I was forced due to dealer, this time it is a choice. I will post everyday for your kind words of support and wisdom. I am determined to be a regular on this forum during my recovery and to be helpful thereafter for all looking forward to a life that is drug free!!!

I have cut my sources, began going to an addiction counselor and now see another doctor who will not give me pain meds. I have decided to close my business on March 1st, and move on to other endeavors. I have always had the money through my business to support my never ending drug addiction, and it has to stop. I have been stalking all of you for the past few months again Lol....but felt I could not post. I felt like a hypocrite while using.

Having been through withdrawal once before, I know that I cannot successfully close my business during this time, therefore I will begin on March 2nd. I am determined to never go down this road again, and I know I will succeed with the help of the people on this forum.

Thank you in advance to all you wonderful peeps!! Believe it or not, I am looking forward to the pain and all the crazy emotions that come with recovery, and if can give anyone advice, it would be to stay strong and Don't give in or give UP!!!! You can do this!!! Imagine what I could have done with the 50grand I spent this year. It is shameful.

See you all in two weeks!!!!  Michelle

[hopefullycleanagain]

Oh my goodness, you are so right about putting off the start day...have already thought that through....my husband is on board and he will be there to make sure that does not happen--! I am in it to win it this time!! !  Thank you for your kind words!! Michelle

[hopefullycleanagain]

Thank you so much for the kind words of support. I know that I can do this!! I feel like I am in for the ride of my life and it will not be easy,but so worth it. I  love to read about all the success stories here. It truly gives me the hope I so desperately need!!

[Charetti]

I can relate to you, I also had a few relapses. Always good reasons. In order for me to be successful this time I had to do things a little differently. I told some people what I was doing, called an old friend who had been through this, and got counseling.  I took 3 months off work because I could.  Alot of people cant do that but in hindsight I think it was the best thing to do.  It wasnt easy but I have 140 days today when all previous clean times never passed a month.  Good luck!

[Real180]

We will be here for you when your ready to go... It sounds like your determined to make this happen.. My only suggestion is to think about what you need to do differently this time... Other than that it seems like you have all the pieces in place for a successful recovery.. Cut sources, and aftercare.. The only other thing I would suggest is telling some people close to you so you have additional support... You sound determined and you know what to expect from the WDs.. Keep posting and don't let the mind play tricks on you to push back your start date... All the best..

[ariley13]

Welcome back! I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I'm also sorry you are back here going through this process all over again. It's great you are being honest, humble, and have made some serious changes to ensure a successful recovery. It really sounds like you have a great plan here. I wish you nothing but the best of luck! We are all here for you and want to see you succeed. Keep posting and keep moving forward always.