help i messed this all up

[coldturkeycoldduck]

So I'm on day 11 after cold turkey dumping a 10 year habit that ended at about 120mg oxy a day. It sucked but I roughed it out even worked through it. I  just took the 30 I had kept back to be my will power. What a joke huh ? I won't take another I have no excuse. I didn't sleep, I hurt like crazy yeah but that is normal with drugs too. I have Lupus and my joints are awful I also have a toothache. I just am tired of taking these meds that really don't fix anything and I'm pretty sure make my perception of my illness worse anyway. Will I get sick all over again? I roughed it out like a pro but it was all bravado, I can't take it again. Is this going to be bad? Will it be withdrawal?

[msdelight]

I don't think you messed everything up entirely. Like many people, you quit, but you kept that stash as back up just in case. Big mistake. Hopefully you haven't got anymore and now you have no choice but to commit 100% . You left the window open. Hopefully you have learned a valuable lesson.  You should be back on track very soon. Just keep swimming.

[jifmoc]

I really can't say. You may have some setback but WHATEVER it is, keep moving forward so you don't have to do this again.

[coldturkeycoldduck]

Yes I am committed I messed up. Please I am really anxious will this start all over again?

[jifmoc]

Hey, duck. 100% agreement to what Krissy said. It wasn't an awful impulse for you to take it: we are addicts, that's what we do. If you've read on here, the very first piece of advice for quitting and staying clean is get rid of all meds and all contacts to meds. Are you willing to tell you dr no more? Won't work if you just try to tough it out...you just tried that.

Like Krissy stated, are you checking out aftercare? We cannot do this alone, that is a fact! Keep posting here for support:)

[coldturkeycoldduck]

Yup I took a 30. I don't have any more but my doctor prescribes them to me. I know I am dependant most likely addicted but I thought the fact that I made the choice to quit on my own was a good sign. It was an awful impulse to take it.

[Krissy_123]

If you have any in your house I'd get rid of them now. Do you mean you took a 30mg oxy tab? You've been clean 11 days and that's a really high dose becareful. You shouldn't have any around you and cut all your contacts on how to get more. Have you been getting outside help? N/a a/a? Were addicts we no will power, I'm 20 days clean and if you stuck oxy infront of me right now,I don't know if I could say no yet. I don't know if it will set your withdrawl back or not? It was a mistake you're only human get back in there and try again.