i accidentally flushed my "stash" lol

[smartgirlbadecisions]

ohhh my god i just wrote the longest thing and i deleted it all F*********!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway, long story short, i had a stash of percs in a tissue and i wass cleaning my room for the first time in months, i accidentally threw away the tissue of about 7 15 mg oxycodones along with a bunch of receipts and tissue..... well, i cried and laughed at the same time (dumb blonde moment) but honestly, it was  a blessing in disguise.. i dont have a 'clean time' but i am definitely more sober than i have been in three years. i felt so sad and stupid but then i felt like, wow, what a blessing in disguise... anyway, just wanted to post a crazy moment for me. BUT, i mowed the lawn and went for a run with my dogs and i felt better. im heading on up guys!!! whooO!!! sobriety is like the sweetest love that i cant get enough of... i must admit, i have had slip ups, but i never let it stop me from my journey to being clean and happy. i hope you all feel strenght tonight. lets make it another day, guys!!!! good for us for being strong, even at our weakest points. i love you all. sorry i dont post much, but honestly, this forum makes me want to use. i hate to admit that, but when i first joined this website i was using, so it sorta reminds me of being high. but i need to face that demon.
god bless,, heres to another day in the books.
u can make it a great day or not, the choice is OURS!!!

[dominosarah]

Oh little one we hear you, you just keep talking to us, we care about you~

[smartgirlbadecisions]

thak god that jac person left the group. i said i was leavng the convo, and he said 'good, leave then'/////// i would NEVER say that to someone who was hurting the way i am. i cant believe people can be so hurtful. i am in a daze. i dont know whats real, i ddont know anything i am rock bottom and sobbing so hard i have to wipe my laptop from my tears. im so hurt. i want to die.... how will i ever want to live anther breath

[Sonrissa]

What you can do is talk to us. We can help. Please try to forget the other person, they are not one of us! Is someone with you?

[littlebit667]

You have NOT failed anyone here.  Emotions are always crazy when we are detoxing.  It is part of the game hon.  Just take a few deep breathes and tell us what we can do to help.

[smartgirlbadecisions]

i am smoking a cigarette which is not like me, and i am just crying so jhard i just feel such rejection and hate ansd i am only here to help other people and myself. i am not erfect and i dont expect others to be perfect either......i would NEVER expect perfecton out of anyone else and i just feel so low i csnt pul mysf out of this. i feel suicidal. i feel nothing. i am so hurt. the last thingi need is someone else making me feel worse than i i already do. i a m a mess tonight i am cryinf all over my dads computer i just can =t live another moment.. im so so sorry i have failed you all, i am just tryinfg my best and i just want to die. i dont know what else to do

[smartgirlbadecisions]

wow.....that really hurt me

[kyle505]

I don't understand.  You have a stash, but you are clean or are getting clean? And you "accidentally" threw the stash away? You don't have clean time, and you have had slip ups, but ...  And the forum makes you want to use, you need to face that demon.  What's the point of your post ? Are you tapering? You sound high. Forgive me but I don't understand this.