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i understand addiction sadly to well, i was addicted to opiates for many years, and when my addiction controlled me and i reached my darkest days i reached out with great hesitation and told my husband and i went to rehab, that was 2 year ago, i had two slips along the way.  Growing up i drank socially at times i would get drunk but i never drank daily or blacked out, alcohol just didn't do it for me like pills, i never dabbled with drugs other than pot, but my love for opiates that was my found love affair. I cut my source (doctor)  so i cant get pills and i l had it put on my medical records.  Fast forward to present day i am now a drinker, too much at times, i try to skip days but the mental battle is a struggle, i have been drinking more and more frequently and yes i am scared, i don't want to be an alcoholic on top of an opiate addict.  I go about 3-4 days without a drink then i am ready to crack open the bottle, and so the cycle continues.  if i am going to be honest here i have to add that i twice and twice too much i mixed wine with xanax, not good i know, i am very much aware.  I see a therapist weekly sometimes even twice when I'm not ok, i am going through intense therapy and facing my childhood trauma and trying to process it all.  I am hopeful today but only because i screwed up last night, i did take action, i called my therapist and she got me in today and i confessed.   UGH, just typing this seems like a confession and one that i am not proud of and one that i am scared of.  So now what???  What do i do?
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Avatar universal
Hey Dana I was thinking about you the other day too! Good to hear you're still here.  Fill the hole in your soul with the ones who love you on here. You have been missed! Love. MsD
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Avatar universal
Hey Dane!!!!!  I've missed YOU,,,,,  I FOUND YOU......DONT LEAVE.....
girl. You were one of the first members I met.  You helped me see the light.  When I needed support, there you were.  Now I will support YOU.
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1235186 tn?1656987798
COMMUNITY LEADER
Dana please don't isolate hun. We are here to support you.
You are loved.
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Avatar universal
Honestly, NA/AA was not a good fit for me either, though I suggest everyone try it. It doesn't stop there though, when something isn't working, we have to change it and change it to find what does work. I find I continue to change my recovery, now it feels more like changing my life in general, but I always am doing something for recovery and to improve myself. There are many other ways to live than with drugs, we just gotta work a little more on finding what new way of life you groove with. I took classes an the local college about addiction, that was what really helped me awhile. I found some neighbors who know my story and chat with them sometimes, I have my therapy and doctor, and then I always try to learn one new thing about my condition each day. I am trying to start a bipolar group in my town, though we are a shifty bunch. Keep searching, you will find your life somewhere.

Lets give her some more ideas about aftercare options, I know she knows a lot of them, but she just heard of SMART. How about you Dana, any ideas you haven't tried yet?
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
COMMUNITY LEADER
hey huni, you now signed in under dana. you had started a new screen name I love you and was just thinking about you the other day.
I am so sorry I didn't reach out. we are here for you sweetie.
I love it, keeping the faith. you know that has always been my motto
much love, xoxoxo
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Avatar universal
Hi All,

Thank you for responding!  I am not a AA/NA type, i went to a few before and i just didn't fit in.  I don't know what smart is i will look into that.  I am not detoxing as i am not in WD, today is day 2 without substances.  "a hole in your soul" aint that the truth, i know why i was abusing and i am in the process of healing but that doesn't happen overnight.  its an eye opener for sure that i have an addict brain, sadly.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi honey:   Weaver has it right.   You need an AA meeting; there are tons of them out there, and you might need to try out a dozen before you find the ones that feel right to you, but DO IT.  Trust me, it will save your life.

Alcohol is a pain killer.    You're drinking for a reason.  We can support you through a detox, but the REASON you drank will still be there.  A "hole in your soul" that you are filling with booze.  

There are millions of us out there and we can help each other deal with life on life's terms by talking to each other.  

What do you think?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Go to an AA/NA meeting, SMART recovery, Celebrate Recovery, ask your therapist what other recovery options are available near you. Try them all, one at a time. Find what works for you and stop drinking and using. We each have to do what it takes and often that entails doing things we really don't feel like doing or are afraid to do. If it was easy, there wouldn't be billions of dollars made in rehabs, maintenance drugs, and self-help materials. Once we actually do recovery, not just a few hours a week, but as a lifestyle, it gets easier.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey there. interesting that you differentiated between opiate addict and alcoholic. What you learned, the hard way, was that an addict is an addict is an addict. You just substituted one drug for another. You still have your brain and your addict thinking, which is the root of the issue.

We can't just remove alcohol or opiates and think we are okay. That's when the real work begins. You went to rehab so I'm sure it was explained that you would need aftercare?  On here we always say that aftercare is the difference between those who make it and those who don't.

You will find lots of support on here so please keep posting:)
Helpful - 0
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