here we go --- again

[murphy667]

I do have a question (or more), but also just looking for the support this wonderful community provides.

My question is -- has anyone used Robaxin/methocarbamol for relief during WD? I have several (12-15), and from my reading, it helps with WD. and God knows I need the help!

Been taking 5-8 10mg vics/percs a day for months and months now. Some days it's 2 or 3, other days, I binge on 8 or 10. I decided a couple of days ago that that was IT, and I was done. I got half-way into day 3 and just couldn't cope, so I made a call and took 2 last nite and 1 this morning. Now I feel like crap (again....still) and am just terrified of what is coming.

I NEED TO take advantage of some time I have off -- if I can avoid taking, I hope to be at least ok by Monday. I am just not very confident that I have the willpower to get that far. I have done this a few times, where I can get to day 3 or 4 and just can't hang after that. I scramble and make ludicrous deals to get a few, and if I can't do that, I have some pretty dark thoughts. It is pretty humbling to realize that I am that weak, that I am incapable of getting through a few days of feeling bad.

Yeah, I need help.

[JeremyIndiana]

Hello again and long time no speak. You and gnarly are the people who I was following and listening to when I first started the program. I can tell you guys that a lot has went on with me in this last month, but one thing has stayed consistent: I'm still going to the clinic daily, I'm still at 30mg and I haven't wanted to use anything else since. I would say more, but the ads on this site refresh every few seconds and mangle what I type and its driving me nuts. Weather you guys know it or not, you helped me and I thank you.
Jeremy

[gnarly_1]

Hey are you still with us???? please post so we know how your doing
.....................................Gnarly............................

[murphy667]

i am here -- not doing so well, honestly. Was doing great, then....and it turned into a minor binge. now.....out, gotta work tomorrow, dread dread dread

[JeremyIndiana]

I just got back. It took about 3.5 hours to do the intake. As of right now, I think the hardest part of this is going to be the timing of it all. I have to go in every day between 12;30 and 2pm and still get to work before 3;25. Since my wife has to take me,this is more problems for her.I also noticed that there are people there who have no issue at all asking a stranger for anything from a smoke to helping them pay for their dose. At the end of it, I got my dosage and I'm home now. I have to go again tomorrow of course,but I'l worry about that a little bit before it comes. I cant spend all of this time worrying about every little detail. I can tell you it will interfere with your life and it will interfere with your finances, but this is a choice I'm willing to make in order to get better. so this is my day one post. Talk to you guys later.PS; I had a choice on my dosage to be between 30 and 40mg for my first week and I took the 30. Fingers crossed.

[JeremyIndiana]

Hi again.  Simply put, I found out at the last minute that the clinic wasn't doing intakes on new years, so I had to reschedule it for today at 5am. That very much did complicate things for obvious reasons being as I'm sure that what I had taken up until last wed was out of my body and they expect you to have something showing up when they screen you. I hope that what I did the other day was worth all of this.For anyone going CD like you are Murphy and like I have before, I do wish you all the luck and love you can  get. It is so hard and every time you relapse, even once, it's harder to do every time and that's why I'm going through all of this in the first place. I'll let you know what happened later. I have to go back to work today too and there is no way out of that.

[Cricketk92]

Hope you are doing OK!
That stinks about the ticket!  I haven't had one of those in about 20 years and I can only imagine getting pulled over when you are feeling so crappy!  You sound like you have a good attitude about it though so that is awesome!!!
Let us know how you are!!!!
Keep hanging on!!!  ♡
Karen

[Loritabloser]

Each day will get better! I am on day 10 and I feel great actually! There is the rainbow!!

[murphy667]

what a treat.....needed to go 2 miles to Walgreens, get some necessities. driving in the right lane, need to be in the left; a suburban in the left, needs to be in the right. we did the polite driver dance, each slowing or accelerating at the same time. comical. the driver waves me forward while she slowed down, smiling. so i accelerated to pass, got pulled over for speeding. nice man, polite man, $120 ticket and four points. sigh. at least i have not been pulled over in, like, 12 years, i am hopeful i can get it reduced or something. life goes on.

[murphy667]

struggling. watching lots of dumb tv, petting the heads of my dogs. got some bronchitis to go along -- maybe just the lungs doing their part to rid body of toxins. just really worried that come monday, i will be in the midst of hell and have to return to work. where the 9 hours will seem like, well, forever. but i have the day blocked off, to call students and stuff, so no one-on-one apptmnts. i can close the door and be miserable there instead of here. and maybe being a little productive will help.

haha, it tooks me hours the first day to realise the name was loritab loser. i thought it was something like, Loretta Bloser.

tomorrow will suck. just trying to get today done tho

[Loritabloser]

How are you today murphy??

[murphy667]

i wish you much luck, JI. I am needing it myself.

[JeremyIndiana]

Hello and thank you for responding, be it good or bad news, I've been waiting to hear from someone. I was told by an 3rd party answering service to go in this morning at 7;30am and so I am. This is a very difficult thing for me to do because I find the hassle of it daunting and my wife is not as supportive of it as I wish she was. It's not that she doesn't care I don't think. I believe she just doesn't understand enough about addiction and shes stubborn to boot. She thinks if I can CT it like I did before, it'll pass. Do you hear that? I had nothing to lose before and had no choice but to go CT. No job and she left me when we were just together and not married and I was virtually homeless. Now, I have a good paying job and she works with me and weve been married since Halloween of 2013. I have everything to lose and at the end of all that, my life one way or another and I know it. Like a lot of people, I fear my past and current experiences with depression and all that comes with my addiction. Not to mention I suffered from depression before I ever was hooked on opiates. I've had a roughly 13 year love affair with opiates and man I am just wore out in my mind and in my body. I mean really truly at the end of my endurance with this. I turned 40 on Dec. 7th and you can imagine how I was that day. Then here I am on Christmas Eve and day in bed all day. So I break down at work and fess up to everything last Monday and it's been on ever since between us. I just want to try this thing. I feel like it's my last hope. I've done so many opiates and so many kinds, I can even say that I feel I'd be okay with 20-40 mg a day. As long as I have something, I function. when I don't I'm a hot mess and ready to jump off a bridge.If I don't post anymore for a few hours, you know where I am and I'll tell you what went down. I hope I wont have to stand outside waiting to get in for too long. I've weighed 135 my whole life and I don't do well at all in the cold.Wish me luck and thank you for talking to me. I don't have to see your face to know you. I know who you are by how you talk to me. See you.

[murphy667]

jeremy -- i am not the authority, but i think you will be ok. it's part of the deal that people who check themselves into treatment are often taking several things, even if the 'problem' is w one in particular. so, no, i do not think it will be an issue AT ALL upon entry. Now, once a part of a program, do not chance it (of course). my father was a drug/alcohol counselor for 35 years, and i have some familiarity w protocol.

as for me, some setback -- major or minor, depending on perspective. i "owed" someone a few pills, and yah, got 3 for me. bc i am a *******. i am hoping it will not be TOO much of a setback and by monday, this will all be behind me. my dogs deserve better, and so do i.

jeremy, you have enough to stress about, so get the whole XNX things outta mind. you are doing the necessary things, and the Cosmos is going to recognize that, and start aligning things on your behalf. you hold up your end of the gig, and TOTS will be kind to you, i am certain. bless you (and all of you). HNE

[Cricketk92]

Yep, the depression..... that S**KS big time!!!  But hang in there and keep posting!!!  For me many of the "firsts" were difficult....first time going back to work, first time going grocery shopping, first time being with family..... but keep in mind what your goal is!  To be drug free!!!!  You can do this!!!
Read through old posts on here...I did that for hours at a time and got lots of good information and ideas on how to make it a little easier!  There is a LOT of wisdom in the shares on this forum!
If you want to try an online meeting here is the link for AA (I go to these online because there are more of them)  http://www.aaonline.net/chatguests.php  
There is one tonight at 6:30 and 9:30 (EST)
Try to get to a meeting tomorrow!  They are all over the place!  
Keep on going forward...even if it is one minute at a time!!!!  ♡
Karen

[JeremyIndiana]

I have been an opiate addict off and on for 13 years now. I made an appointment to go to the clinic this Friday at 7:30 am. I am not a Xanax fan, from this past Monday up until this afternoon, I have taken roughly 4-5 mgs of Xanax by way of breaking them into little pieces, to try to get some sleep since Ive been going through major dt's. I know they are going to screen me. What I want to know is will they drop me all together if they find it or will they work with me at all. I don't even like Xanax. I just wanted to try to get some sleep and it didn't work anyhow. Opiates are my issue and I just want to live normal like everyone else here. My wife,as angry as she is with me, is going to support this, but I'm scared out of my freaking mind they they wont help me because I may have Xanax in my system. I have no intention of taking them anymore regardless. They didn't help at all.

[Loritabloser]

I was there too! Still there. You can do this!

[murphy667]

doing so so. depression stuff has set in. feeling like hell

[Loritabloser]

How are you? Let me know how you're feeling. Today makes day 8 for me. FYI....detox soup def. worked!

[murphy667]

is there no one left? no one here? sigh.

starting to get the uglies, eyes watering, can't focus either vision or mind. distractions less distracting. i will probably fill pages here, not sure how much sense it will make soon.

i hope you are all well.

[Loritabloser]

You and I are very similar. I used them mainly for work reasons. To have more energy and feel happy. Going in on Monday is going to be torture, especially since exams are in a week. The one thing I keep reinforcing in my mind is the bad side effects of the pain killers. I only wanted them for the high, but what goes up, must come down. Those crashes suck! We don't want those again!

[murphy667]

i work at a university. monday i get to call all the students who were suspended (GPA) and meet with them to prep appeals. it should be fun.

i just keep reminding myself that this really is just a blessing, to have a few days to make some progress before going back. but every time i think about returning to work, without being on pills, i get just so freaked out, anxious, etc. i try to zen-out, get out of my head and observe myself like some idiot on a sit-com. i really will feel better about EVERYTHING if i can get through the next few days.

i will be here, often if not always.

[Loritabloser]

I was lucky also for my detox time. I'm a school teacher and have been off for the last week and a half.  My body is starting to recover. Your mind will be the last to "detox."  Keep it up. Keep posting updates as much as possible. When you feel like taking one....put a message on here. I'll be here a good bit, at least until I go back to work!

[murphy667]

thank you much. you should consider changing your handle here -- you are no loser in my book. thank you for your kindness. the cool thing is, i think i have almost everything the soup calls for on hand, and i will be making some very soon.

so i get to play 'possum for the next few days. indisposed. nope, can't do that. a bit under the weather. just super busy, phone was uncharged, blah blah blah. someone lent me seasons 1 and 2 of Buffy, so i guess i am about to buff-out for a couple days. my dogs are confused, used to going out every single day to run and play. they will also become familiar with Buffy. the only people i will have contact with for a few days are here.

van halen had no idea what they were asking.....

[Loritabloser]

I'm following your story now! I posted the recipe for the detox soup on my thread for you!

[VICourageous]

Welcome and I am SO glad you posted. It has been a bit slow due to the Holidays. When I went c/t from 3 meds at once it was NO fun and the fact that I started using at a very young age did not help either. When I started my Journey I got real involved with looking up Addiction and the Brain in a more Scientific way. Been going to both AA/NA for yrs & yrs since I first detoxed. I had all these natural plant based vit and good min around here already. Yes they are spendy..SO now I have been looking at the Airborne and the Emergen-C ones. They have some great ones that are for the Immune system and others that are called Electrolytes. I have found that Magnesium really helps the Brain and the Magnesium and D-3 together really helps relax us and helps with sleep. Amino Acids all compounded in one is a good start. Protien shakes are really good too. You can add some Berries to the shake, as berries are full of Antioxidants. YOU will find out what vit/min help relax you and ones that will help with energy. I think these are OK and you can add them to water. Make sure you eat very Healthy too. The vit/min take time to kick in. The physical is over way sooner then the Mental part. Lots of Brain Chems get knock out of whack and this will take time to adjust back after we remove these stims. You will find out that the detox is the easy part..Ha! Yes, uncomfortable, but working on staying clean is what takes the cake. Try to get out to some AA/NA meetings. I found this to help me so much right away. My detox was a bet different then some, as I did not even kick in until 10days and the physical went in stages for around 6 months and then the Mental took over 2 yrs. I was told by a Head Dr (lol) that it would take me this long and he was so right one it. Also as the Brain tries to adjust back it can send some false single to your body. YOU just got to get past that first week and then you should notice a BIG difference day by day. Drink tons of fluids and mostly water. Exercise, Sun and Music will help stimulate those "Happy Chems" that we have knocked down or suppressed during our using. I would try to stay away from the Pot or Booze. You need Time for your Brain to adjust back and putting something altering in it will not help. However, to each their own I guess. Getting out of our Head is a Big one. This is why we push those meetings on here. You can go and listen and/or vent out how you are feeling. Even for just that hour it really does help. Talking with others that have walked our shoes is so important because they understand what is going on in our head. It will take Tons of work and life style changes to make it work. Those old behaviors have got to be thrown out and replaced with new ones. I still have to keep my Guard up every single day and wear my Armour against this disease at all times. It is not easy but it is sure worth it in the long run. WE will be cheering you on all the way. Just know the w/ds will be gone soon enough but working on staying clean..Well I said it already. Sending a prayer out. Go hit some meetings or any outside Support. You will be so glad you did.
Bless
Vickie