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heroin addiction

Hi all. I am a mother of 3 and my husband of 16 years..the love of my life for 18 yrs has fallen into heroin.I discivered the problem back in october of 2008 and he went to a treatment center for 30 days in January.The past few months I have seen this addiction re-surface.
I have begged him to talk to me..have begged him to let me help him.Have told him I would support him in any way I caould to stop this.Finally after many broken promises, lies and many many tears I told him he had to leave the house.He started seeing a phsyciatrist for help, but I discovered he was taking the co-pay money I was giving to him and cancelling the docs appt. and using the money for heroin.That was when I reached my breaking point.
I love this man with everything that I am..he has been my everything for so many uears.I feel betrayed, I feel as though he just tossed aside his family for this.He was clean for a few months and I feel so hurt by the fact he let this happen again.
Upon leaving the house he did check himself into a detox center for a few days..he was just discharged this morning.I am uncomfortable with him returning home..he puts of some of the blame on me because he said I was always questioning him about it.I know that everytime he leaves the house I will wonder and worry.He says his mind is made up and he done.He wants no part of it anymore.But how do I know that this time is real? How do I believe and trust what he says to me?
He says he is going to visit his father out of state..he wants to take my 14 yr old son with him.Says he needs his reasons to stop by his side.This worries me..i am afraid to trust him to do whats right..I am afraid to trust my son in his care.I am torn. How do I find the belief in my husband again?
I guess I am here for support more then anything.I have noone to turn to that knows what this feels like.
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Avatar universal
I am currently dealing with a heroin addict. My life has been taken away as well as his. Everyday I ask him  to leave, he won't. he refuses help. He has destroyed me emotionally, physically, and financially. Don't let the addict abuse the innocent. I dont drink, or do any drugs what so ever. i work everyday. He threatens me and tells me I am fat. He makes me sick. He is pitiful and disgusts me. I am getting ready to have the police take him out. This is my home. He has ruined it. Heroin is the nightmare i relive every day and night. I wish everyone the best of luck with dealing with this dragon.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Has he ever considered NA or AA?  He can check out this Board first and then develop some type of plan for aftercare.  You're right about aftercare...very important in the recovery.  Many will say quitting is easy but staying clean is the hard part.

Good Luck

Guy
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Avatar universal
He says he is done..he says his mind is made up.But I don't see any after care in his plans at all.I am afraid to let him back.I don't want to go through this again.It is so hard to see what he was doing to himself..to us.I leave for work every morning afraid of what the day will bring..my stomach fill will knots heading home every night because of the same reasons...what will I find??
In taking him back into the home how do I not question him? How do I trust that when he leaves the house its not for that reason? How do we repair the damage thats been done to our relationship? Everything I have read says not to push...not to accuse but to trust in him.Thats so hard for me.
I break down many times throughout the day and all I want is for this to stop..for him to see how much his family cares about him.This is crushing me..all of it.
He now tells me he wants this no more..doesn't want to be that person anymore but how do I convince him to follow through with some type of after care program?

Sorry for my spelling and errors
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Not you but the drugs are talking...I agree with IBK; no way would I let someone who may have an issue take my child out of State....not his fault but to many things can happen; bad things; accident, busted by police, having your son see him cop or worse, shoot up, etc.

Trust your heart and your instincts....we all have them but hardly anyone uses them.

Guy
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Avatar universal
You must never take any kind of blame into your heart.  Your husband is an addict and he will talk like this in order to get what he wants.  He loves you, he just has been overwhelmed with this drug and it has taken him in for awhile.  These opiates are just hell to get over,  it is so doable but mentaly he must make choices that lead him in the right direction,  positive choices,  and he must not take your son when he goes to see his dad.  He is ( if detoxed) still weak, he needs to heal, and it doesn't matter if he has his son with him or not.  He needs time to be alone with himself, perhaps,  but I think he needs to stay home and let you take care of him and love him.  You both can make it through this,  it takes time and determination ,  most of all he has to mentaly want to stay clean  MORE than he wanted h.

Best wishes
Ella
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I feel what you are going thru, my husband has an addiction as well. He is addicted to Oxycontin which i beleive is almost if not as bad as heroin.  He beleives its ok since the drs prescibe this to him.  I tell him the only difrence is his is cheaper since his insurance is paying for most of it.  I feel your hurt because i too cant trust him, he lies, his behavior has changed completely. I too feel betrayed. Every morning I get up expecting a miracle.  Emotionally I am overwhelmed. I have sat with him at the hospital at least twice and not one thank you from him.   As a matter of fact he blames me, telling me how much he hates me nagging at him, how If it werent for me driving him crazy he would not turn to this drug,  I hate the drug because he puts it before anything and anyone. I dont want to leave him because I know what kind of person he can be without this drug, all i can tell you is hang in there.  I know I have learned that if HE does not want to quit, he will not.  No matter how many times he goes to rehab, If he decides he is not ready to quit, he wont. I will Pray for you and your situation since I am in the same place. Keep looking for support, I know I am, I will continue to talk to His dr's hoping someone will hear me.  
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
Hi,

I am so very sorry for all you are going through.

First let me say that it is NOT your fault. He is using that to make you feel guilty and sorry for him. Don't let him do that to you.

I was a heroin addict for many, many years and I did push everything and everyone away for the love of that drug. It was my life. I didn't want to push people away but I had no choice. I did whatever I had to do to get what I needed.

I will (GOD willing) celebrate 21 years clean from heroin this coming September and the only thing that helped me was in-patient treatment, counseling and the fellowships of NA and AA. I relapsed many times, in and out of rehabs and jails before I finally got clean and what I found was that I needed aftercare. I knew how to get clean, I just did not know how to stay clean. Aftercare taught me that.

Your husband needs to get to the issues that caused him to use in the first place. Normal People (whoever they are) don't get up every morning and make the decision to destroy their lives. Addicts do that.

I cannot tell you what to do but I strongly suggest that he does not take your son out of state until he can prove that he is clean and staying clean.

Please stick around here and listen to the members. they are great folks with a good deal of experience.

Best of luck. I will pray for you and your family.
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