CIK - I could NOT agree more with you. psych.. listen to her. She knows what she's talking about.
Have you considered talking to the Dr. about all of this? And unless you have any real health concerns (heart, etc.) going C/T off the painkillers isn't going to kill you. Uncomfortable, yes. But it's doable.
BUT I have to ask again - what about all the other meds you are taking? Is your Dr. on board with what you're trying to do here?
We can ALL relate to that "resisting water when you are thirsty" bit. But if you don't push thru THIS time....you will end up here again and again.
You are at a critical turning point....and that is why we say "cut off ALL your sources"....cause if your addict brain "knows" you have a way to get pills...you will get pills.
It's also why we say to share your addiction with someone that is in your daily life that can hold your feet to the fire and make you accountable.
The aftercare support is crucial as well.....if I remember correctly you were at 72 hrs at 8 a.m. today.....that's when it's the very hardest....and if you can get past this most difficult time.....you won't have to do it all over again.
The power of choice is ours......and some of us never make it back....
hope you will re-direct your thoughts and P.U.S.H. (pray until something happens)
Im seriously at the point where I want one really bad! Idk what to do or how to make this feeling go away! Its like resisting water when your thirsty. Ahhhh I hope I don't give in! I keep thinking I can get by w just one! just one that's all. But everytime its "just 1" yet it slowly builds up again! I feel so helpless & guilty that Ive made it this far & now could rouin it if I really wanted to. Well hope to talk soon!
I think I can do it..really I think. Its been since sun night/early Monday since I took one last half. So shouldn't things be getting better now? At this point im more tired yet my minds clearing up (the legs cramps come & go now..oh but when they come its awful) the not being able to eat which then makes me sick on my stomach are about the worst. I got off early today & while im at work im not depressed or anxious but I guess that's bc im so busy. Now the "scared/fear" sets in. like I said this happens in the evenings too. So again like I said..its was sun night/early Monday..my last dose (half of 5mg hydrocodone) does anyyyyyone know how much longer its gonna take for this to be just uncomfortable not debilitating? I thought by now id be done & ok..it didn't go passed 5 days last time was the leg cramps and a little bit of mood issues by the 5th day (yet this is my 3rd or 4th) Any ideas? Hate the one day I get off at lunch I have to sit around and feel like crap in the summer & do nothing! ahh
Good advice from "Im Done"...also, to be honest hon, this isn't the time to decide to keep secrets, this one is nothing to fool around with. I know you're still struggling with even being able to call yourself an addict...that's okay...it may take some time...but this isn't a battle meant to fight alone. If there's any secret in your life that you SHOULDN'T keep, it's this one.
People say here all the time, and I think it's a great saying..."our secrets keep us sick". That's very true when it comes to addiction. You don't have to shout it from the rooftops, but it would be great if you can find one person to tell the whole truth, not the watered down version others know. It will be freeing. Just keep thinking about it.
Psych... girl.. this is something you HAVE to do with your Dr. on board throughout the entire process. Given all the other meds you're taking, you want to be as safe as possible. Please don't put yourself at any risk in an effort to get clean. You want to do this properly and effectively. I get that you're in a "rush".. I remember that feeling. But please be careful, okay?
I want to see you feeling better, but I want to see you doing this as safely as possible.
I couldn't agree more with both ariley13 & kyle505 -- They are covering two different angles of this. You must be prepared to do absolutely everything it takes to get & stay clean. That's simple fact. Nothing else will work. You have to really want it.
What ariley13 is referencing is opiate-induced Hyperalgesia: This might really help you to understand -- a Wiki link explaining it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opioid-induced_hyperalgesia
You can do this if you want to, my friend! We're pulling for you.