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husband becoming aggresive
Hi all,
My husband and I have been married since May, and I knew before marrying him he recreationally took rX vicodin, pain meds on occasion. I admit I've have taken a few with him, too. I had no idea how bad it really is, and that he took them everyday, and he drank along with them. He says they help him work faster and get more done at work (auto body shop) In the last few weeks, he has become more and more irritable..he instigates arguments, and gets mad very easily over little things. For example, he bought me a bow (for deer hunting), and I couldn't pull it back due to the draw weig. He pushed me and pushed me, calling me a "sissy," among other names, and yelling. I broke down and cried, and that made it worse.
It's to the point where I'm afraid to apporach him about his problem out of fear that he may scream and raise his voice. I feel hipocritical since I did know he had a problem, but this is crazy. What gets to me worse than anything is that he says,"I'll stop when we have kids." First it was "I'll stop after this weekend." HELPPPPPP!!!!!
My husband and I have been married since May, and I knew before marrying him he recreationally took rX vicodin, pain meds on occasion. I admit I've have taken a few with him, too. I had no idea how bad it really is, and that he took them everyday, and he drank along with them. He says they help him work faster and get more done at work (auto body shop) In the last few weeks, he has become more and more irritable..he instigates arguments, and gets mad very easily over little things. For example, he bought me a bow (for deer hunting), and I couldn't pull it back due to the draw weig. He pushed me and pushed me, calling me a "sissy," among other names, and yelling. I broke down and cried, and that made it worse.
It's to the point where I'm afraid to apporach him about his problem out of fear that he may scream and raise his voice. I feel hipocritical since I did know he had a problem, but this is crazy. What gets to me worse than anything is that he says,"I'll stop when we have kids." First it was "I'll stop after this weekend." HELPPPPPP!!!!!
No, I'm glad you responded...I'm not even thinking about leaving...maybe thinking about what if it got to that pooint, but I guess that's natural...last pm was a good evening, no attitude, nothing...which makes me so much more confused because we have great times, then sh$t hits the fan again!
Yes, I'm on a reliable forum of birth control and NOT thinking about bringing a child into the world to "save him." We are on the same page with that at least. It's a mutual decision to wait, for various reasons.
I'm having surgery on Oct.22, and getting a prescription of 40 percocets. God only knows that'll be a challenge. I only hope and pray that he wouldn't take them, knowing I'm going to be in pain...
Yes, I'm on a reliable forum of birth control and NOT thinking about bringing a child into the world to "save him." We are on the same page with that at least. It's a mutual decision to wait, for various reasons.
I'm having surgery on Oct.22, and getting a prescription of 40 percocets. God only knows that'll be a challenge. I only hope and pray that he wouldn't take them, knowing I'm going to be in pain...
I don't know that just leaving and giving up on him is the best bet. I am sure glad my wife didn't do that the multiple times I tried to quit and relapsed. However, I was getting mine from a Dr. so money wasn't an issue. I would definitely not think about a baby until this is cleared up. My wife and I have a 16 month old, and even though i love him more than anything, he added a huge amount of stress on me and our marriage...which I of course used as an excuse to escelate my drug use.
It all sounds very familiar, getting short and snappy with my wife, being quick to get pissed...just changes that she noticed and I thought she was crazt...until I look back at myself now and can see the truth. Wow, I turned into a different person. I would tell him that you are not willing to live this way and that you are not willing to start a family until he is ready to be a real husband and father. He is being selfish...as all addicts are. Let him know how much you love him and will be there to support him through the tough times. Ultimately, he has to make the decision for himself. At one point in my addiction, I WANTED my wife to leave. It seemed like a good way to have an excuse to escelate my drug use further until I killed myself. Thank God she loved me too much to let that happen. Now we are rebuilding our marriage and it is better today than it has been in 4 years. He isn't a bad person, just an addict that needs help. There may come a point when you say enough, but you obviously loved him very much to marry him, you just have to hold on to that and don't give up on him too quick. Of course, this is just my opinion with no real insight into your situation. Whatever you decide I will be praying for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to watch the one you love destroying themselves.
It all sounds very familiar, getting short and snappy with my wife, being quick to get pissed...just changes that she noticed and I thought she was crazt...until I look back at myself now and can see the truth. Wow, I turned into a different person. I would tell him that you are not willing to live this way and that you are not willing to start a family until he is ready to be a real husband and father. He is being selfish...as all addicts are. Let him know how much you love him and will be there to support him through the tough times. Ultimately, he has to make the decision for himself. At one point in my addiction, I WANTED my wife to leave. It seemed like a good way to have an excuse to escelate my drug use further until I killed myself. Thank God she loved me too much to let that happen. Now we are rebuilding our marriage and it is better today than it has been in 4 years. He isn't a bad person, just an addict that needs help. There may come a point when you say enough, but you obviously loved him very much to marry him, you just have to hold on to that and don't give up on him too quick. Of course, this is just my opinion with no real insight into your situation. Whatever you decide I will be praying for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to watch the one you love destroying themselves.
Scared2death --- is a very appropriate screen name for you --- and with good reason. If you are like most loving wives you will tend to blame yourself ---- Please do not do this --- I am saying this from a guys perspective --- and you are being manipulated. I hope you have the strength to get out of this (what I consider to be) abusive situation --- It is a no win for you ----- you are on the road to sacrificing yourself to another persons addiction and leaving before this gets any worse may the only option you have ----- Hope you have some place to go. Doing something like this may also serve to cause him to reconsider just what he is doing to himself and to you. He definitely needs help but so do you if you stay in the situation. I wish you all the best and pray for you.
oh, and let me clairfy that in my 1st post, when I said he pushed me, I meant not physically, but just kept telling me you can do it, and don't be a b@#$% about it, you're being stupid, etc.
All of this makes perfect sense to me now. I do want to point out, I haven't taken/encouraged the pill taking for awhile, but do realize (and have made him aware that I KNOW) that I have in the past. Sunday he slept until 1:30pm, where when he used to be up at 8. He crashes on the couch or chair as early as right when he gets home, or as early as 8 pm. He might sleep until 11 pm or so, then wake up and come to bed.
I'm very hesitant to initiate sex because of this. I know it's not me, but I guess it's natural to think that and not want to feel "rejected."
I should also point out that he has a problem with dark liquer. He has wrecked 3 VEHICLES, beginning in high school up until last year, none of which were in his name. He has gotten a DUI a few years before I met him, which will be paid off the end of this year. As you can imagine, the pill addiction mixed with the drinking makes it that much more difficult. I had no idea that rX pills can be anhwhere fro 4-12 bucks a pop! When he was single this probably wasn't an issue for him, but now it's my money, too.
I'm very hesitant to initiate sex because of this. I know it's not me, but I guess it's natural to think that and not want to feel "rejected."
I should also point out that he has a problem with dark liquer. He has wrecked 3 VEHICLES, beginning in high school up until last year, none of which were in his name. He has gotten a DUI a few years before I met him, which will be paid off the end of this year. As you can imagine, the pill addiction mixed with the drinking makes it that much more difficult. I had no idea that rX pills can be anhwhere fro 4-12 bucks a pop! When he was single this probably wasn't an issue for him, but now it's my money, too.
It sounds like he is overdue for an intervention -- but that will take courage on your part and you will probably need help to do one. Without a family support for you this sounds like a what so many on this site have gone through ----- It may get a lot worse so please protect yourself and I hope you will put off having a family until he is clean. Bringing a child into this will not make the situation better --- only be an excuse for him to increase his addiction. I hope you will go to Al anon meetings and find out the best way you can help yourself and him. Everyone on this site wishes you the very best ----.
The pills will defintiley kill your sex drive and can cause impotence. They are replacing a lot of the feelings, and it can make it hard to become excited about/during sex which leads to problems.
None of this is your fault and like the girls above said....dont take them with him!! It will only make matters worse. The bad thing here is that it doesnt seem like he wants the help. An addict has to want the help in order to get clean. You can not push it. It wont hurt to try to talk to him and make him see that he is hurting you...his wife....by all of this. Maybe that will open up his eyes to his problem. Best of luck to you and we are all here for you!
Yes it does cause impotence...SO PLEASE dont' think this is you...none of this is about you....I agree with lisa...Please dont' take them with him again..One --he will use that against you, and two...you dont' want to become addicted to them, it is not a life you want...
r2r
r2r
Thank you so much for responding. I needed to talk to someone other than family. Me and my parents are pretty close, but I don't want them to think less of my husband, therefore I haven't elaborated. This may sound silly, but can this addiction cause sexual side effects? He has had trouble lately (about within the same time frame as mentioned) of impotence. Of course, as a female, the first thing I think of is, it's my fault.
Well, the irratibility comes from his tolerance to the drugs. When you become tolerant to a certain dose, you need more and more to get high and actually "feel good'. So that is probably what is happening. If you can, try to talk him into getting help and DO NOT take them with him. That will only make it harder for you to proove to him he needs help. I took Oxy Contins with my husband, and he died from them. We started out with percocets every now and then for fun, and it ruined our lives. So please be careful. We are here to help so please let us. He needs to see and understand that he needs help. He won't want or get help unless he feels he needs it. No matter what you say or do, he needs to believe he has a problem. All you can do is tell him how you feel and how things are going and what he is doing to you. Maybe that will help him to see what is happening. He does need help. I pray that he realizes it.
Good luck and please keep us posted..
Lisa
Good luck and please keep us posted..
Lisa
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