if i wake up tomorrow

[monkeyonmyback33]

If I wake up tomorrow, which I pray I do, I will never touch another vicodin again.  I took 19 Norco 10/325 today and I feel respiratory distress.  I do not feel it is necessary at this time to panic or go to the hospital.  The funny thing is I am not even high, not even close, nor was I at any time during the day.  I realize the seriousness of this and I am not trying to make light of it in any way.  I just want to write down my promise to myself, to this group of wonderful people, to my daughter who needs me, to my family who loves me, and to a man I have deeply disappointed; I am DONE.  Not with life, but with these opiates.  Tomorrow is day 1 for me and I can't wait to say day 2, 3 ,4, 5...  I am a little afraid to go to bed.  I told my husband to keep his eye on me tonight.  I have never been so in fear for my life.  I remember night when I did so much cocaine that I thought my heart was going to explode,  but the reality of death has never been so near.  So, God I pray and I promise that if I may live to see my beautiful daughter tomorrow I will never do this to myself, nor my family again.  I am ripping this monkey from my back and stomping him into the ground for good.  I have a doctor's appt.  thurs. to get my refilll and I promise I will not be going to get a script of Norco.  I DO have legitimate pain and I hope that I can manage it other ways and I still hope to find the root of the pain, but I WILL NOT be using Norco to fight this battle.  Norco has taken my spirit and I WANT IT BACK.  I am taking it back with force.  I am not looking back; I am moving up and on.  Tomorrow is day 1.  God, please let me live to see it.  Wish me luck and anyone out there... please say a prayer for me... I think I need it.
Namaste,
Naomi

[AJRC323]

I've never had Suboxone, so I wouldn't know if 1 would be enough after dropping off of 19 =O Try taking 2 Subs today (one when the withdrawals hit and one at night) and see how that goes. If you need to taper a bit so it's easier to stop suddenly, have your husband lock them up and distribute them during the day. My parents had to lock mine in a safe. It *****, but it's probably the best way.

[violet_rain]

How did last night go? Post and let us know if you're ok!

[salsinator]

Good Luck today.  You mentioned having suboxone - that will help a great deal.  Are you taking these under a doctors order, or just on your own?  Either way, start with the lowest dose you can and feel OK.  After you are stable on the sub - talk with your doctor about a plan - if an option.  Getting off the sub after long term use of those can be tough - been there, done that.  Feel free to reach out for help, that's what we are here for.

[sunshinedaydream3]

good luck, i feel ur pain

[Trying_hard19]

Monkey.. you can do it .. So that you know, I took 250mg of Oxycontin the day before I went cold turkey..  

Fear of detox is worse than detox itself. You need to be vigilant about not using, and realized that detox is actually your body cleaning up the mess you made.. So while you will be sick, you don't have to be upset by it.

Many people here have gone cold turkey.. I found it very motivating.. it has made me never want to use again..  I am a big believer that detox is the bill you pay for the abuse, and paying the tab is important..

Anyway.. I have been where you are, too many drugs, angry at myself, promising that this is the last time..  If you mean it tomorrow, go to your doctor and tell him/her what your about to do..  Then Git it done..

[cmb_yea_13]

I know how you feel. I have a different addiction, but I always do it to the max then say I wont do it again. Then something else triggers me and I do it anyway. It's a crappy neverending cycle. I hope one day we are all truly able to jump off this hamster wheel we call addiction. Stay strong.

You'll be in my prayers!

[violet_rain]

I wish you all the Best!

I've taken my share of Norco today as well... everyday I say tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Well.. now I mean it. Tomorrow has come... and it's today, it's right now.

I'm so done with this I could just scream.

It feels like every time I want to tapper down or just not take any pills something terrible happens. I get the flu, the kids get the flu, there's a death in the family, I have to fight with the school district, I tried to do yoga and hurt myself, I ate some chocolate and now have pain all over from the tip of my head all the way down to my feet...

And I don't care anymore.. I'm so done relying on these stupid little pills.. I just want to be ME again. I swear it's been so long.. I dont' even know who that is any more.. and I think that's the scary part!

Monkey.. you'll make it though the night... I'll say a little prayer for you.. I wish you all the best tomorrow! I'll be right there with you... message me if you want to talk!

[monkeyonmyback33]

I have suboxone, that is my plan and i am sticking to it.  One a day of something is better than 19.  I will deal with getting off of those when the time is right.  I have tried the subs and they help me a lot.  They are the right choice for me and my situation at this point and I am confident that I will too get clean from them.  It will be a lot easier to go from 1 to 0 than 19 to 0 (like you said that would be brutal)  Life is brutal when your own these damn things (or should I say when your off of them for more than like an hour) and I am done with this life on Norco.  Thanks for your reply I don't get many of those for some reason???  I DO wish I had the balls to go off cold turkey or to stick with the taper program I am supposedly on, but it isn't working.  I have a pain condition that makes it 100 times harder to deal with daily living without relief, as well as plenty of other conditions!  Thanks again.  
naomi
seriously if you pray... say a prayer for me please:)

[Frivolousz21]

you won't die...

but that is a scary moment when we chase the high and get that messed up

good luck sweetheart

[GermanBrew]

Not trying to make light of your situation but i have been there where it feels like your heart may stop beating if you fall asleep and now your "high" has transformed into fear.  You nailed it on the head have your husband watch over you for the night and good luck with the detox.  Taking 19 today than none tomorrow will be brutal.  Best of luck from a fellow former sufferer.