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just help lady

so here i sit at my laptop again...feeling sick as heck.i'm going insane with these cravings right now.i gave up the cold turkey.couldnt do it.i tried and i'm trying to taper,just enough to get by little by little.this is disappointing to me because i want to quit so bad but cant clearly..mind you i'm still fighting.doing the best i can.part of my problem is that i have a co-dependant who isn't helping much.we're yelling at eachother constantly and fighting over every little thing.both trying here.i myself have a tiny bit more wilpower.but sometimes i try to be the one in control.but truth is i can say no easier but it's not fair at all when i'm in a weak moment...he feeds off me and it.i try to stay away from him,walk away, heck i even pretened to be sleepy so he can go away and quit seeing if i'm okay.i'm so frustrated with all this.i cant believe how hard it is with someone else...i mean i guess it would be harder but i never imagined it would be this bad.not sure where i'm going with this.i just needed to vent to some people who know how it is.i'm just trying to make it throughout the rest of the night.
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1416133 tn?1351123217
Is he trying to quit with you?  That must be tough.  I remember my husband, he was trying so hard to be there for me, to support me in whatever way he could.  But it was just me going through it.  And I will say there were times when I had to walk away from him too.. and be left alone.  It was good to know he was there if I needed him, but at the same time, there were moments when I needed to be alone with my pain, especially early on.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for both of you. :(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
lol he says he wants to quit every night then morning comes and i can tell right away what the days gonna be like.usually by 3 or 4 o'clock in the afternoon,he's asking me how i'm doing.i of course yell in disgust that i was fine.then the craving hits...and i have to try and fight it.i understand it's hard for him too but i think he knows when to strike.i wish he was't an addict too that way he could at least hold me while i cried or had fits.then there's times when it just hurts to move and i break into a sweat.i have no energy and i just wanna crawl into bed.but undoable since through this all i'm trying to be the best mom i can be.and trust me my lil guy knows whats up.he knows.he feels it from me.we're very close.i love my lil guy to death and i do this for him too.or i'm trying to.
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1416133 tn?1351123217
I think that's wonderful.. your little guy will be a good motivator for you to keep going.  And don't let yourself feel bad right now about not feeling like you're being a good Mom.  What you're doing now is the BEST gift you could ever give him.  YOU.  It's that simple.  He needs you to be present in his life, and that's exactly what will happen when you become sober.  It won't happen as fast as we'd like (it never does) but with sobriety comes patience.  You'll see.  :)

So are you saying he hasn't really quit and it's just you right now?  Oh boy, now that is tough.  And I yelled at my husband ALL the time.. poor guy, how he put up with me, I'll never know.  But if he is still using, don't envy it.  We both know it's no way to live and what you're doing now is finding your way back to life.  And there's no reason whatsoever to envy those that are still using.  Don't forget that, okay?

But if he has quit with you, well then you're both going to take it out on each other for a while.  It's normal.  Anger was a big part of my early withdrawal.  It startled me actually, since I've never been an angry person.  But I have to say it helped.  The anger was a good way to release the early emotions.  As long as it's done productively, and without violence, or hurting someone, let yourself be angry.  Getting sober means learning to deal with our emotions and finding new coping skills.

So how is the taper going otherwise?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
honestly i dont envy him.i dispise the fact that he does use.he smokes weed and people have different opions on it,but it does becomes costly,so that is a huge problem for me especially when we're low on cash and all he thinks about are his smokes and his weed.and yes the darn percs.i have hate for them now aswell especially when we need stuff and the drugs come first.i have alot of anger right now.i too amm a quiet calm woman for the most part and i feel like punching holes in the wall.i don't of course.i hate arguing in front of the baby.it's not fair to him, so i try my best to be calm.the tapering has gone from 15 a day to 5 a day.which seems to be helping.the cold turkey thing just wasn't working.i couldnt handle the pain,withdrawls,anxiety,restless leg syndrome etc.and the anger.the worst..    i was getting so bad i wasnt even eating anymore.plus everytime i did eat,i threw it up.i've lost so much weight it's not funny.i'm withering away.i feel so unhealthy.i just want my life back.thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me,i needed this tonight.i feel alot better.
Helpful - 0
1416133 tn?1351123217
OK well that is a problem.  And something you'll need to deal with, but for now, just try to focus on getting well.  Once you're feeling a little stronger, you can tell him how you really feel about all of this.  And maybe, once he sees that you're serious and watches how committed you are to this, it might just be the push he needs to do this for himself.  But one thing at a time, okay?

And good job on the taper.  I admire that as it was something I didn't do - not so much because I couldn't, although I suspect it would have been hard for me, but only because I didn't know any better at the time.  But tapering is supposed to be easier on the body and should help lessen the severity of withdrawal.

Just keep going and don't let his behavior get to you.  This is about YOU right now, and about your little guy.  Remember, it's so much easier to get through this if you don't overwhelm yourself.  One thing at a time makes everything possible.  :) (oh, and start thinking about what kind of aftercare that you think will work for you - it's imperative that you find some form of aftercare.  I don't think I've ever read one story of someone who successfully quit without getting some kind of aftercare (sheesh, have I said the word "aftercare" enough here?  lol).  But it's a must!)
Helpful - 0
4790101 tn?1359223637
My wife and I decided to give up a 10+ a day Vic habit because it was killing our marriage and we've been married only 14 months... With a decrease in libido on my end and the unpredictable rants on her part (love ya honey!) we were heading for divorce very soon. After talking it out 10 or so days ago, we decided that the pills were the center of our problem and we were going to kick them together... one week apart from the other! A good theory since one would be well enough to take care of the other during the worst of it... then the tables would turn and the other would quit. Sounds good no? Well, It worked out just O.K... not the perfection that both envisioned. She went first and I waited on her every need for 7 days while I continued on my merry poppin' way and that made her jealous that I wasn't miserable as she was... It was tense, but I saw her spirits lift as I started kicking...EVIL WOMAN! Ha! In the end we bonded over our pain and resumed a great understanding for each other and the things that our addiction had taken away from us... She is on day 12 and I am on day 5 and life is getting BETTER!
Helpful - 0
470217 tn?1360565361
That's an awesome story. It's a good sign you have your sense of humor!
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470217 tn?1360565361
You have a lot on your plate. Good for you for finding a way to taper rather than just giving up when ct didn't work. I can so relate to disliking being in withdrawals while parenting, but you're doing awesome and your son is lucky to have a mom who is so determined to be present for him. Keep up the good fight!!!
Helpful - 0
470217 tn?1360565361
Ugh-I wrote "BlastedB" in the "to" line of that first reply but I think it didn't take, I guess. Second one was for sweethoneytina. It's hard to know sometimes which site features work when I post from my phone.
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