Depression due to P.A.W.S. and your experience

[s10sittnondubs]

I have been feeling very depressed the last two days.  My heart has been racing for all of my clean time so far, I checked my pulse today and it was 112 bpm!!!  I just feel like I miss all my friends and that it just won't ever be the same I guess, because it really isn't.  I don't know, I am happy for quitting ct off of everything and at the same time I feel bad for myself.  I guess it is guilt, shame, anger, mainly at about me, and I just don't know why.  I know I can't change what happened in my past during my entire addiction but I feel like I might, jesus its killing me to even say this....to maybe be able to do all that stuff again, to be able to sing again and go back to school and get my degree in college.  I just don't feel like I can do it, like I failed the first time and it just won't be the same and its scary as hell, its bringing tears in my eyes, I am mad because I had so much control I thought and I was living a lie to everyone, and I can't make it better to any of them that I let down by being caught up in doing drugs.  I am still here though and call I can't use, because I promised myself and in the past 2 years of trying to at least graduate which I promised to do and get my liscence back I promised to do I did that too and now I have quit everything and to get my life back my last promise.  Is there a non-narc drug I could take for a month or two for depression or is P.A.W.S. one of those things that never goes away...If you tell me I have to deal with it I can take it heck I've already done the impossible in my mind and that was to completely detox.  Anything would be great guys, I'm in the dumps right now.

[desperate1111]

some sort of after care would be nice. its just not an option for me.

[worried878]

I liked the PAWS part 2 article....if u experience any type of withdrawal symptoms at all then paws can get you...but it does not last forever...an addiction specialist said 1- 1 1/2 years for most if u do not continue to use or relapse...it is very real for me and i have episodes of it at 3 months...had i known that there was more to this than physical wds...i would have definitely thought twice about abusing   or would i have?  good question!

[desperate1111]

thats been my biggest gripe, depression, no motivation and no energy. i started prozac as soon as i quit "the pills'' and its been 4 months now. i would just sit for hours, did whatever i had to get by and nothing more. after talking to ppl on the forum i excersised more, got more active, got off my tail and changed my attitude towards quitting 'the pills'. i have to tell you its made a difference in me. i know we are all different and what works for one doesn't always work for everyone. i keep saying this over and over i love the way i feel when i wake up of the mornings. i'm out of the fog and out of the past.

[kiki661]

Hey well bout ur depression thing, I know how u feel, i am on Cymbalta cuz i was oh so sad.. I mean i felt like i lost all my druggy friends too but later realized their not my true friends, i just got high with em.... u WILL feel better soon but maybe u can try taking an anti depressant it sure helped me !

[puranx]

i dont get paws and truly dont believe in it for the majority...i do however get what i like to call life...which is ups and downs like everyone else.  I have a friend who used 15 80mg oc a day for over a year, 90000 in debt from it. He got of it all cold turkey over a year ago and never once suffered from paws. I did however ask him about it a month ago and he didnt know what it was and i explained it to him, low and hehold he got depressed one week for no reason. I should have never mentioned it. If you dont know about it, it wont effect you. Mind over matter. I think we manifest alot of our own bullsh1t to behonest. Just ride it out one day at a time and when you feel crappy come post here as much as you can. It seems to help those suffering from it.

[ladyboop]

Sounds Bad!! I hope I do not get that!! Sorry you are are going through this...

                  Lady

[s10sittnondubs]

Anyone's stomache still ache on day 10???  I had the worst bouts yet with my stomache last night during rem sleep.  The pain was so bad it made me dream about it then wake up clutching my stomche wanting to cry out...took immodium and the cramps are still coming through this is the first time I could still feel them through the immodium...owww....oww.....oww it hurts to sit up, I think I might need to lay down...

[s10sittnondubs]

Thanks guys, I feel better this morning just real tight and anxious... I would be on my morining jog/run right now but it is raining adding to this gloom...ahh at least sleep was ok last night.  My doctor used to own his own pharmacy so I know all about there perks with the drug companies and to get more inventory for cheaper.  I really think I need an anti-depressant even though I'm in the same bout as your brkn about promoting drugs period now.  I will being doing a lot of research today to see what would be best.  

[before6]

I felt the same way with my addiction in high school. When I went clean I felt like my whole life was going to end, like all my friends and all the 'fun' times I had were going to end and I dont even remember high school! I dropped out for 3 months and still managed to graduate on time. I went to college and was still on it and dont really remember college either. I felt like I had failed and had wasted my time and my money... but after about a year I realized that it really WAS for the best to quit what I was doing. Unfortunately there are things I relapsed with, but it doesn't compare to the drugs i was doing back then. I am now trying to be clean from everything completely, but I just wanted you to know that I completely understand how you feel and how guilt and anger towards yourself can be a terrible feeling. Keep your head up!!

[broknbck]

Sorry you are feeling so down in the dumps.

As much as i hate to promote drugs. I did take Cymbalta . My doctor started me on it before i quit and it doesn't make you feel high or anything. Just noticed after a couple weeks i was feeling much better about things. If i didn't take a pill one day, i would be grouchy, and fly off easily. so i did have to wean myself off. Just open the capsule and pour a little out each day until its down to like nothing. no withdrawl or depression.

i was on it for about 6 months. Also the doctors get perks if they up the strength after you start taking it. Don't go along with it. Stay with the smallest dose.

or you can try eating good energy foods and buffing up with exersise.? Just a thought.

hope you are feeling better. don't worry about school and all. sometimes we aren't realistic about our goals. maybe that is really not what you want?

[s10sittnondubs]

After reading that its good to know I'm not crazy after all.  I guess I need to start going to more meetings than my one a week after I quit going 4x a week.  Anyone have any suggestions on a non-narc to take, some names as I am not familiar with many...

[confused456]

or go to my friends list and go to Greatgreebo's journal!!!! TONS of awesome info on it!!!!!!!!!!

[Jacqui805]

Look at the bottom right of your screen....Under    Most Viewed Health Pages.... you'll see "PAWS part 1"

[s10sittnondubs]

Actually you know when you type in something in the tag box and it brings up related stuff nothing was there for P.A.W.S. maybe its under post accute withdrawl symptons???

[sadinmichigan]

PAWS is a crappy thing..I suffer from it too. It does come and go..I don't know how long and what you were addicted to but that seems to be what happens when we have used drugs for so long..You should ask your dr. maybe some anti-depressants for a short time would help..I myself haven't done that yet but I am thinking about it..I really just don't want to take anything..
You need to allow your self to put what you have done in the past.....right where it belongs..in the past. Forgive yourself..Guilt will eat you alive and it is a very unproductive emotion. It's ok to be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. I felt that wall of guilt hit me too..And really doing everything without drugs is pretty hard at first..I understand what your saying..Most of us didn't intend on becomming drug addicts..(i actually don't know of anyone who wanted that) **** happens..You have to move forward from here..Only remember and think on your experiences enough to keep you clean and remembering why you want to be clean..You can do all the stuff you want to do..This too shall pass...it really will and you will feel better..

[Jacqui805]

I can relate man....couple of times it had me feeling suicidal... it will pass, eventually, but you could try an antidepressant as if you like...an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) will allow more serotonin to be available at the neuronal synapes.

[confused456]

It will go away. A few of us have had it and it SUCKS bad!! There is hope but you can go to the Health Pages and I think it is in there now...the info about it.