Aa
last ditch effort
I think ive been going about this all wrong. I get so angry about where I'm at and what ive done to myself that I try to drop down way to far way too fast. Then when I cant take it nymore, instead of trying to just take the edge off I go nuts and end up right back where I freakin started.
My new goal is simply to sutvive on my scriot alone. Ive told all my sources that if they consider me a friend in any way, that they will ignore my phone calls from here on out.
I also told my sister that my next Dr appt is on Thursday. I am bringing the paper directly to her. She is going to pick up the scripts, hold them, and under no circumstances is she to give me more than what I am supposed to have. Unless I get sent outta town for work.
Please everyone, cross your fingers for me.
I cant live like this nymire. I have no joy, no hope, no drive to do nything. This stupid G** D***ed little blue pills runs my life. And ruined my life. I want my life back. Please........let this be the start FINALLY of something I succeed at. PLEASE
My new goal is simply to sutvive on my scriot alone. Ive told all my sources that if they consider me a friend in any way, that they will ignore my phone calls from here on out.
I also told my sister that my next Dr appt is on Thursday. I am bringing the paper directly to her. She is going to pick up the scripts, hold them, and under no circumstances is she to give me more than what I am supposed to have. Unless I get sent outta town for work.
Please everyone, cross your fingers for me.
I cant live like this nymire. I have no joy, no hope, no drive to do nything. This stupid G** D***ed little blue pills runs my life. And ruined my life. I want my life back. Please........let this be the start FINALLY of something I succeed at. PLEASE
I know it is very difficult to do these drops although I have every faith you will.. when i stopped shooting heroin it was hard i had just given a son up for adoption my mom had my daughter i was homeless.... it seemed my life was over I remember the empty feeling very well.. today my life is very different Just as yours will be when you are done with this taper.. although i have not had contact with my son my daughter did end up living with me again and we now have a Wonderful relationship... There is nothing we cannot overcome.. you have been thru a lot lately and I feel very good for you that You are going to come out fighting for you and yours.... you will never regret it..
I know!! :-(
I now get the Mylan brand patches because you can cut those. Each drop, from 75-50 and from 50-25 was rough, even with the oxy's to fall back on. But now, even a small cut off of the 25mcg patch, say 20%, is EXTREMELY noticable. I think once ive adapted to my amount of oxy, ill just make a few quick drops and get it over with. I have had 24 hours of drug release for soooo long, that is why I asked to switch to the IR's. I neeed to get used to not constantly having drugs activley goin in me
I now get the Mylan brand patches because you can cut those. Each drop, from 75-50 and from 50-25 was rough, even with the oxy's to fall back on. But now, even a small cut off of the 25mcg patch, say 20%, is EXTREMELY noticable. I think once ive adapted to my amount of oxy, ill just make a few quick drops and get it over with. I have had 24 hours of drug release for soooo long, that is why I asked to switch to the IR's. I neeed to get used to not constantly having drugs activley goin in me
Hi BeyondScrewed... I'm really very Proud for you that you will be turning your scripts over and that your sister will be overseeing moneys going out.. You are being ProActive in your recovery.. it is a learning experience and we all go at our own pace. you will be feeling the wd when you drop down to the prescribed amount so have everything on board you will need. you will even out and maybe then you can think about furthering your taper. getting off fentynal is a feat in itself !! You keep looking forward and continue to work on you.. as it has been said this is not a race.. lesa
Good, sounds like you are taking action to set yourself up for success. That's a humbling experience to involve others. It's also a landmark in a new phase of your recovery. You're on the right track, just keep on keepin on.
Sorry - I commented before without fully understanding your situation. Forgive me. You are working hard. I wish you only the best.
Well, if im not holding my scripts, and ive involved others so that i am accountable for where my $ goes, i have no way to use more. I havent, and will not be a thief of anything to support my habit.
Yes I told myself for years that I could just take my rx as prescribed, but low and behold every month I would run out. That's when I decided to get off this merry-go-round and get real with my addiction. Only then can the healing begin. I read all of your posts and I do have sympathy for your dilemma but will the day come when you really quit. I will tell you it 5uck5 having to take the evil oxy for maintenance cause you will need more & more & more to maintain. I wish you luck in whatever you decide, but don't let your addictive brain make the choice for you use the sober part of your brain make the choice. God Bless---Rick
I do not want to pile on, but I will just add my own experience.
I told myself for a long time, probably 2 years, that I could use these pills as prescribed. It was a complete and utter lie I was telling myself. I am a addict and yeah, I had pain and life stuff going on, but I wanted to use. I wanted to USE.
I could never taper, and I had to go cold turkey and cut every last source. Because I wanted to use. I hate the things also, so do not confuse the two. Almost all of use hate the drugs, but we want to use.
Good luck, I will be thinking about ya.
Bryan
I told myself for a long time, probably 2 years, that I could use these pills as prescribed. It was a complete and utter lie I was telling myself. I am a addict and yeah, I had pain and life stuff going on, but I wanted to use. I wanted to USE.
I could never taper, and I had to go cold turkey and cut every last source. Because I wanted to use. I hate the things also, so do not confuse the two. Almost all of use hate the drugs, but we want to use.
Good luck, I will be thinking about ya.
Bryan
My doctor has told me about other patients who have confssed similar things to him. He cut them off. Or so he said. So that's not really an option
COMMUNITY LEADER
The best thing here would be to talk to your doctor and let him help you with a taper plan. That way you can be monitored. Your safety is the first concern here.
Nursegirl, me and my wife are seperated. Right now i am staying with my parents. They are great but are too far away from my son to see him as much as i want. My sister lives 2 minutes away. That is why im moving in with her.
Vicki, thank you for understanding that i am wsy too far gone to jump right now. I have never, not once, in the 7 damn yearsvthat ive been an opiate addict have i taken only what i was prescribed. So if i can pull that off this week it will be a majir step for me.
1. Thank you both again soooo much. I feel like you actually care about me and you dont even know me :-) seriously, when im havin a really bad day and i think about.........well you know. I grab my phone and get on here to read andit makes me feel better.
2. Ive more to say but am tired and typing on a phone. Ill check in tommorow during work, and post more when i get home to my laptop. Good night
Vicki, thank you for understanding that i am wsy too far gone to jump right now. I have never, not once, in the 7 damn yearsvthat ive been an opiate addict have i taken only what i was prescribed. So if i can pull that off this week it will be a majir step for me.
1. Thank you both again soooo much. I feel like you actually care about me and you dont even know me :-) seriously, when im havin a really bad day and i think about.........well you know. I grab my phone and get on here to read andit makes me feel better.
2. Ive more to say but am tired and typing on a phone. Ill check in tommorow during work, and post more when i get home to my laptop. Good night
Okay! I've got it straight. I'm NOT giving you a hard time on purpose; I'm just wanting to understand the plan and I've got it now. I agree with taking just what's rx'd to you. You take waaaay too much right now to jump!
I know you want this and I know it's a mess at home. We're here for you and I can help you with that taper when the time comes. You know, just taking as prescribed is going in the right direction. It's all a process. It's not a race but a marathon, as we're fond of saying...AND I understand about the secrecy right now.
Do your best and it sounds like you've got some great support with your sister and brother in law. Try to get some sleep...
I know you want this and I know it's a mess at home. We're here for you and I can help you with that taper when the time comes. You know, just taking as prescribed is going in the right direction. It's all a process. It's not a race but a marathon, as we're fond of saying...AND I understand about the secrecy right now.
Do your best and it sounds like you've got some great support with your sister and brother in law. Try to get some sleep...
Ok, gotcha. Thanks for the clarification.
Just keep posting here. I wish you well, but think you're going to struggle a bit (just being honest).
If I may ask, why are you moving in with your sister? Is your wife coming with you too? If not, what does your wife think?
Just keep posting here. I wish you well, but think you're going to struggle a bit (just being honest).
If I may ask, why are you moving in with your sister? Is your wife coming with you too? If not, what does your wife think?
Sorry, iill try to explain. Starting immidiatly i am only going to take what is prescribed. That is the beginning of the taper. When my body adjusts to that, i will continue to taper off of the patch. It was at 75 now down to 25 but once it got to 25 i began to falter. Now am getting back on track. No, my wife knows i get scripts, but doesnt know nything else. If she did.......ut would be very bad for me
Does your wife know all of this? Why would she take your son if you're in w/ds?
So, obviously, you plan on continuing your narcotic pain management, with the plan of taking everything as prescribed, right? Is that forever, or just until you are "ready" to start tapering? When will that be (taper)? You're just not being real clear on the whole plan...kind of throwing out vague things here and there.
Obviously, in addition to your doc, you were getting meds elsewhere. This is going to be rough for you, bud.
Wish you the best.
So, obviously, you plan on continuing your narcotic pain management, with the plan of taking everything as prescribed, right? Is that forever, or just until you are "ready" to start tapering? When will that be (taper)? You're just not being real clear on the whole plan...kind of throwing out vague things here and there.
Obviously, in addition to your doc, you were getting meds elsewhere. This is going to be rough for you, bud.
Wish you the best.
Thursday is when rx is refilled. I'm not makin excuses to use. I'm not getting high. I'm just taking enuf to b functiinall. If I wanted to get high id be choppin up lines and smokin the rest. Ive used so much beyond my script for so long, I'm just settin my goal right now to be just taking my prescribed amount. I know many think its time to just quit....,.but C/T from 200-300 mg oxy is just something I cannot handle right niw. I don't think I can handle it at all.
vicki-my script is 25mcg fent patch and 120 mg oxy. Although I think Dr may take patch away. I don't want to "use" I don't want to take nything at all. Buy if I go into full blown w/d my wife will take my son from me. And if I have to continue to swallow some pills to prevent that from happening......I would swallow glass to prevent that.
vicki-my script is 25mcg fent patch and 120 mg oxy. Although I think Dr may take patch away. I don't want to "use" I don't want to take nything at all. Buy if I go into full blown w/d my wife will take my son from me. And if I have to continue to swallow some pills to prevent that from happening......I would swallow glass to prevent that.
It may not matter but I like to understand and I don't. I don't get the Thursday thing. What you said is confusing. So, I'll ask the question:
What are you getting on Thursday? How can you get an rx when you blew through it this month??
So, you'll be off the patch? Off the long acting Oxy? And just taking the Oxy by mouth?
I'm not trying to push you on this, I just like to know the score so I can hold your feet to the fire! LOL
What are you getting on Thursday? How can you get an rx when you blew through it this month??
So, you'll be off the patch? Off the long acting Oxy? And just taking the Oxy by mouth?
I'm not trying to push you on this, I just like to know the score so I can hold your feet to the fire! LOL
I don't know. I've been following our posts, and (sorry) but what I'm reading is a bunch of excuses to use. And things like telling your sources to ignore your phone calls? You planning to make calls to your sources?
I've said this many times - based on my experience, life serves up hundreds of reasons to use every single day. You are mired in them; collecting them; listing them.
It's hard to detox - to stop using. Right now your head is in control and is keeping you a part of your addiction. You are believing your own BS. How can I say this? Because I did the same for 15 years.
I've said this many times - based on my experience, life serves up hundreds of reasons to use every single day. You are mired in them; collecting them; listing them.
It's hard to detox - to stop using. Right now your head is in control and is keeping you a part of your addiction. You are believing your own BS. How can I say this? Because I did the same for 15 years.
The reason its Thursday is cause this months script was blown thru long ago. So right noe I'm doin what I can to get by. Also I owe someone and a few people owe me. I want MY script. My amount. And I want to be even with everyone. Actually if I don't get paid back I don't care. Just as long as I'm str8. I see what ur saying, but im doin what I can. I just want to start right. I know ive said all this b4. But now its not just me. And if I have to ill get my mother involved. And father. Etc etc etc.
That's right! So you have a lot of great things to accomplish! Above all, don't let YOURSELF down...
I'm kind of giggling about Thursday being THE DAY. Today could be THE DAY, also. Couldn't it?
Do you see,what I'm getting at?
What exactly is your reason for not doing this RIGHT NOW? What exactly are you taking right now?
Just trying to help you out... :)
I'm kind of giggling about Thursday being THE DAY. Today could be THE DAY, also. Couldn't it?
Do you see,what I'm getting at?
What exactly is your reason for not doing this RIGHT NOW? What exactly are you taking right now?
Just trying to help you out... :)
Vicki, u are absolutley correct. I have to square up and set some things right out of my next paycheck, but afer that my finances are also going through sis. I'm not saying that she has to handle all of my bills, but she will know and see where my $ is going. I make above average income and I PROMISED my son a vacation to the beach in florida nxt summer. A promisr that I will keep if it kills me. I fully admit I am too weak to do this on my own. But Thursday is do or die. Actually its do or rehab!!!!!
I don't think it's pathetic at all. One of my dear friends, who found herself addicted to Percocet told me the same thing. She was thrilled when she found out her gallbladder had gone bad. She told me she would actually fake injuries to obtain meds. She knew it was time when she actually contemplated harming herself (burns, cuts) to get a script.
I think it takes a brave person to admit those kinds of things. You know what you have to do, just a matter of doing it. Please just stay true to yourself, as others have said even having someone give you the correct amount isn't a foolproof plan.
You have my support as well.
I think it takes a brave person to admit those kinds of things. You know what you have to do, just a matter of doing it. Please just stay true to yourself, as others have said even having someone give you the correct amount isn't a foolproof plan.
You have my support as well.
You know that I know your deal...I can see and I understand what you're trying to do here. You have my support AND prayers! This is going to be hard for you and your sister! Really, really hard...what I picture is you taking what she hands out and then sneakily getting "extra" on your own!
I hope not...and I'm rooting for you! You're going to have to check in here several times a day so you stay accountable,OKAY??
I hope not...and I'm rooting for you! You're going to have to check in here several times a day so you stay accountable,OKAY??
Nursegirl, thank u. I am aware of opiate induced pain and no doubt I suffer from it I'm sure. And I kniw I can deal with my pain without drugs. And to be titally honrst, ehen they found the problems on my MRI I was almost happy cause I knew it meant that scripts were comin my way. How pathetic is that, huh?
I have done 4 different rounds of P/T, 3 different chiripractors, 5 spinal injections......
I have accepted that its just time to man up n deal with it.
as far as my sister, I am going to be moving in with her shortly. The pills will be in a safe that only my bro in law has access to. She is the most amazing sister........and shr had issues of her own. I hope by living with her I can help her with some of her workload around thr house. Its time to stop procrastinating, stop saying its too hard. Time to get my life back
I have done 4 different rounds of P/T, 3 different chiripractors, 5 spinal injections......
I have accepted that its just time to man up n deal with it.
as far as my sister, I am going to be moving in with her shortly. The pills will be in a safe that only my bro in law has access to. She is the most amazing sister........and shr had issues of her own. I hope by living with her I can help her with some of her workload around thr house. Its time to stop procrastinating, stop saying its too hard. Time to get my life back
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