lost the feeling of well being after quitting opium

[princeprince]

good evening doctor,

i am gaurav. i have been taking opium for the past 5 years(raw opium orally)....it produced a feeling of well being...everything was good....i was the happiest man on this earth when i was taking opium... last to last year when opium was not available i stared taking buprenorphine injections...to not let the withdrawls fall upon. buprenorphine I.V injections changed my life from heaven to hell. i went to a rehab and quitted opium and subuxone injections...

but the things fell apart....my feeling of well being dimished... i was in depression for about a year and still in depression...even i am taking subuxone sublingually but it does not produce a feeling of well being...my life has become hell....my body's reward systems do not function properly....m sick and tired of this life...all the time i think about comitting suicide....please help

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome, This is not a doctor's forum. We are addicts much like yourself who help each other to get and stay clean. We are here to support you.

That feeling of well being you discuss is a false sense of security. As addicts our brains do not produce enough of the chemicals that naturally make us feel good so we turn to drugs. Sadly, they work for a while and then they destroy our lives. I really suggest that you see a doctor and express your feelings. they may be able to recommend something to help you to get well. Best of luck and keep posting.

[princeprince]

Thanks dear....butdoctors insist to take buprenorphine....i don't want to take the pills at this age..i can't be on medicines...i can't accept medicines.. i am a 24 year old young boy....but i don't feel good, delf confident, happy as i was before or while taking opium....when i was taking opium, i was the happiest man on this earth...al my friends loved me... ihad lots of friends and i was most loved and praised.....but nw i am alone and depressed...thinking all the time of taking opium again...

[IBKleen]

You need to find a way to replace that happy feeling because I promise you it will not last. The drugs will turn on you and rob you of everything. Find the things in life that make you happy and learn to live them clean. You can do it.

[princeprince]

thanks dear...but i have been clean for the past one and a half years....i have quitted everything....i am just taking sublingual buprenorphine.. and that also because doctors insisted....but till now i have not found any aim to live after being clean for such a long time

[lulu747]

Hi Prince and Welcome-

I am sorry you are feeling this way...But the reason is that you are not 'clean' the buprenorphine is still an opiate that is very strong.  It just doesn't provide the euphoric high you are seeking.  In order to find true happiness (which is very possible, trust me) you must taper off this drug and live clean.  Living a life of recovery is a beautiful thing.  It won't be an easy road ahead but at the end is the real possibility for true happiness and not opiate induced euphoria which fades and often ends in total destruction and death.
You must believe and dig deep.
You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.
Once you are off the subs and begin to feel again and find new and real happiness this fog will lift.  You gotta hang on.
Keep posting...
Lu

[princeprince]

thanks lulu747....i am ready to quit buprenorphine right now.... i am strong and can bear the physical withrawl symptoms....but mental, i can't...i just cant..
i can endure loose motions, restless legs, tingling etc....but how to avoid depression, suicidal thoughts, lack of self confidence, lethargy, laziness,lack of motivation, tensions.....all mental crab....advice me

[lulu747]

The best way to deal with the mental side is by engaging in a rigorous aftercare regime.  Drug/addictions counselling, NA/AA, smart recovery, church groups, community service organizations- These are a few of your options.  You have to learn how to live again.  And we crawl before we walk, walk before we run, run before we fly.
It is a process and you will have ups and downs.  But the confidence that comes from taking the power back from your addiction and living a life of recovery is priceless.  It is worth every peak and valley.
You must engage in life again- find new hobbies, exercise, eat healthy, and surround yourself with positive people who are sober and living lives of recovery also.
We can all help you through this process but you will also have to find people in your real life to engage with.  It takes a lot of support.  This is something that NO ONE does alone.  The more support, the better.
Lu

[lulu747]

I also just wanted to share something personal with you, in hopes that it helps.  At the end of my using I was put on a drug called Targin.  It contained Oxycontin and nalexone.  I was feeling suicidal the entire time I was tapering it.  But one night I heard a voice come from deep inside and it told me that I had to live again. So I jumped cold turkey.  Within 48 hours of the drugs leaving my body I felt sooooo happy.  I felt the real me returning.  Of course I felt sadness, shame, anger, frustration, guilt- but I never again felt that awful soul crushing depression.
What dose of sub are you on?  It can be a very difficult prolonged withdrawal if it is not tapered properly.  I want you to be successful at this.
Are you getting your drugs from a doctor or on the street?
A doctor taper plan would really be best, combined with counselling and group support.
Lu

[motye51]

Hey and welcome.....I to took the suboxone for a long time (roughly 7 years).  I know exactly what your describing b/c I too, still don't feel right in my skin.  I have been clean now off of opiates and the subs for a little over 6 months and somedays I have to force myself to do everything, some days are not so bad.  I remember reading on this site that it can take up to a year before we get that "normal", "well being" feeling back..What I can tell you is that 6 months is better feeling than 5 months was, and 5 months was better than 4 months, etc.... It is getting better, but slowly.  I guess I'm a bit late (and a dollar short) but are you currently taking suboxone?  Or did the rehab help you to get off of both?  And how long has it been since you've had everything out of your system?

[princeprince]

dear lu....i appreciate ur answer....i am taking 0.4 mg buprenorphine      (without naloxone). yes i am getting it from my doctor....

the most embarrasing part of our country is that doctors prescribe buprenorphine rather than providing good counselling....that is the worst part of it...
the doctors are not laying stress on tapering it....rather they just lay emphasis on the alternate drugs...like tramadol and bupin...provide a way of getting it out

[princeprince]

thanks dear...its been one and a half year that i have been taking bupin...
I quitted it for about two months...then again the feelings of depression and all that mental illness came upfront....then the doctors advised to start again with bupin and taper it slowly....see that bupin is an opiate and it harms much more as compared to opium....so one thing is still stuck in mind that instead of having chemical stuff, taking of natural raw opium is much better...

[Jinx_777]

i feel your pain.  india is a very spiritual country isn't it??  i am stuck in the middle of the usa and have only seen the beauty of your country through movies like eat, pray, love.  in that movie she went to india to seek balance in her life.  could you do something like that??  have also seen a detox documentary that was in india and was very interesting.  i guess i am saying that you have options that many of us don't have.  you live in a VERY spiritual place.  i would try seeking the help of them.  
you won't begin to heal until you are completely rid of the drug.  then your brain has to learn how to function again on it's own, without the help of drugs.  pure opium?? wow.  this is a first for me.   you are NOT alone.  many, many of us are fighting the fight too

[scarlett_lettered]

prince~I feel the depression (good descriptive by the way,exact!)and I have tried all the nasty psychoactive drugs the doctors have to bring back to balance my brain chemistry.  They don't have the solution, but will never admit it.  Once I self-adjusted my brain to feel euphoria there was no real going back.  I guess the idea is to create a new you surrounded by things and people that are important on paper anyways to a clean "natural" self.  Half of the clean and natural is just not true with all the artificial stuff we take for natural or healthy.  I hope to someday forget what it felt to be totally happy and just be satisfied with this "repaired" contrived "moonie" life.  Ironic is when someone who really has no hands on knowledge looks down upon me as if I am bad or not whole.  I think you are correct addressing this forum as doctors since I don't believe many of the posts are coming from where they claim.  May actually be role playing professionals of a sort saying "this week I am 8 days recovering from Heroin again". I liked my part last week better; I was 6 months clean".  There are real people peppered in here it's just the subversiveness where the end justifies the means that I don't trust.  Doctors wanting to demonize one drug in lieu of one they prefer to give you that may be even worse.  Anything that is to be taken forever must be questioned. Last thought of mine after 12 years free of Cocaine and now struggling with opiates, I may enter a 3 day "detox" using Ayahuasca in South America.  This clears the Opiate receptors of the brain.  In theory, I may feel like I did before I did ANY brain self-enhancement.  I know the feeling of constant disappointment with daily reality.  If I wasn't such a coward I would have offed myself long ago, this reality is not MY reality and it does suck big time.  I eat to live I never want to live to eat for example.  Going to meetings to hear other "moonies" talking about such mundane stuff.  There has to be a Heaven, after such dull crap here.  I hope you find you again without becoming one of them.