malpractice???

[gia1234]

Well, I have my last script and can't afford to get any more and REALLY want and know I need to stop taking this sh*t. I've heard some bad things about the long term effects of vicodin, wondering if they're all true. My doctor had me on a number of things...tramadol, somas, xanax, vicodin es, mezcline.... I'm wondering since he has never run ANY tests to check my liver/kidney function, if I have any damage. I don't have ins so can't just run to a dr at any time. Plus I'm broke as hell. Wondering if I should just go to the free clinic right before I quit and tell them about the problems I've been having. Then maybe they can run tests. And since I didn't know about long term damage, or even that I could get addicted, I'm wondering if I should try to sue my doctor. I feel like this is his fault. Instead of fixing the sources of the problems I have or referring me somewhere else, he just kept giving me pills. Anyone know anything about this?

[bandnmom]

I think every1 should stop being so judgemental and remember how hard it was to admit to yourself or anyone else for that matter that you have an addiction problem. Everything comes in steps and right now she is just starting. Instead of being mean maybe congrats and we are proud of you!!

[abadaddict525]

I understand how you feel, I felt the same way when I first realized I had an problem with the pills. I was more angry though that after I reached out for help the same DR that was giving me the pills wouldn't help me out. Ultimately I had to realize it was my decision to take the meds and abuse them. Part of recovery is accepting responsibility and it doesn't sound like you are doing that.

It is okay to be angry, but direct your anger at the real source... YOU!!

I wish you the best of luck in getting clean. Keep posting and listen to all these wonderful people giving you advice!!!

[checkmeout]

perhaps some folks here a being a bit rough on you.  i don't know... it's only natural to be angry at someone who you feel has enabled you.  i never had a scrip, but i sure was pissed at my dealer during the detox.  fact is it's not your dealer's fault.  you kept going back.  I refer to your doc as a dealer because he sounds like any other street pharmacist to me.  if you ate vikes for that long and never realized you could get addicted you're not the sharpest tool in the shed.  but i suspect that's not really the case is it?

[traveladdict]

It was my fault I became addicted and it is my fault I stayed addicted. It is also my job to get and stay clean.

[Buddy832]

If the truth will set you free....what will it do for this.....my father recently passed away in a hospital from pneumonia, after being prescribed the following meds for 16 years--- daily average -- Vicodin @ 750 mg. 12-14 tablets.  Ativan-- @ 6-7 mg daily..... And last but not least, he wasn't a doctor or drug shopper.  He used the same physician and same pharmacist for the entire duration........I should mention he began taking the meds 6 months after his triumphant battle of colon cancer.....in other words this journey of pills was not because he was terminally ill.......he was terminally destroyed by them......

[marcatj]

hey girl, if you know the b.f. will be supportive, you might wanna tell him.  i betcha it will make the load a WHOLE lot lighter... it is so much harder going thru it alone...

feel good hun...

mj

[checkmeout]

i'm in agreement.  doesn't seem like you should need anything to put them down.  just desire. and perhaps a few hot baths and some ibuprofin.

[gia1234]

Thanks. That was very helpful. I won't get on the sub stuff. I probably don't need it. I'm going to watch tv and relax. My bf gets home soon and doesn't know I'm on this site. He knows I take pills but I haven't told anyone (except my friend on this forum, who told me about it) I'm quitting. I should be back on the site tomorrow after 4 pm central time. Or Monday after 4pm. Unless I tell my bf, then I can go on whenever. I should tell him anyways. He'll back me up and help me too.

[marcatj]

... i also wanted to add, i DO understand your frustration.  had i never been prescribed it, i would not have become a pill addict.  i would never have sought it out "on the street..."  and yes i'd heard it was addictive, but so are alot of other things i never became addicted to.

so, i do agree with you.  we're not totally to blame for our addiction.  we didn't really KNOW what was going to happen...

but we are responsible for our recovery.  which is the only thing we can do something about.  and is where you are now...

[marcatj]

honey... i just read this after i read your other one..

again - at your current dose, please don't take a w/d med... you don't need it.  you absolutely don't need it.  i wouldn't put any more cra p in your body to get off 1-1/2 vik's a day...

with support, you can totally do this without a replacement drug.  i think you can anyway... just think about it, hun...

and keep posting.  as everyone said, we're posting - altho some of it may sound harsh - truly only to help you.  because most of us have been way worse... and want to stop you so you never get in the positions we did... it was really, really ugly.

[wait2long]

I went through the same anger process as you at first...i think its fine to a point, i think its the beginning of realization for some people, it was for me, as long as you know and admit you have a problem NOW. and also realize you do have to take responsibility for your own actions and recovery, it was a hard stage for me to get through also. i knew i had a severe problem, and i suspect my doctor knew also...when i had finally had enough of living the addicts lifestyle, i decided to make an appointment with him and come clean with him about my addiction (mind you, he had been my docotr for over 4 years!) and ask for some help or what was available...he basically threw me out of his office and then i got a letter in the mail within days telling me he would no longer treat me for ANYTHING. so he kind of left me out in the cold with no help and not a clue of what to do next, thats when i knew i was f*&%ed...but i got on the internet and started doing research and reading and learning about anything on addiction i could find, which in turn led me to methadone (BIG MISTAKE) for 10 months, then to suboxone maintenance, i had to find my own way, no one was there to help, and in my state doctors are not legally bound to help you with addiction, they can drop you flat on your face if they want anytime they want, even if they suspect any form of abuse, they will send you a letter stating they will no longer treat you, time to find a new doctor, which is hard to do once you have already been dropped by one, because they all KNOW why you were dropped (i live in a VERY small town)
it was up to me to "fix myself" and no one else, but it sure was hard to accept that, to accept that i had done this to myself knowingly and willingly... its still hard for me to come to terms FULLY with this part, i get so upset that i did this to myself...Good luck and i wish you all the best...

[GoingToMakeIt]

Welcome to the forum. All of us get touchy sometimes. Please forgive us. Some Drs really do say that you can't get addicted if you take as prescribed. I have seen this before. There is a very fine line between dependence (Our bodies needing the meds) to addiction where we will bend the rules to get the meds. This is oversimplified but true. If you are new here I ask you to put the bad things and any hurts aside. Give us a chance. You will see past this and realize we are all here to try our best to help and encourage each other. Remember as addicts, we look thru addicts' glasses. We don't mean to jump to conclusions, but we do. It is human nature.  I am sorry you were mislead by a Dr.
   The point now is to get off them, if that is what you want. There is a ton of experienced people that can give you tips and helps to get you out of this predicament. Again, Thanks for joining us.
   I don't know about the 'EYE' though. I feel like your looking inside me. :-)

[kimmiek]

Im still taking them.  Some mornings I cant move too well with out one.  I hate where Im at cuz I have a lot of pain, and when I take an extra one it makes me extremely tired. But Im getting to a point that  I have really bad sciatic nerve pain and neck pain even through the meds.  So, I feel like Im totally scr@w@d because if I get a higher dose, Im eventually going to have a harder withdrawal.  Like I said earlier its a crummy place to be!!  Dont know what to do except make the best of everyday and be the best I can be!  

[dyblue]

   I didn't think 3 or 4 codiene sulphates a day wasn't bad compared to 6 vikes It's all relative .  There is always someone worse off then ourselves that would be classified as addictive thinking in my book. I have strong opions on the subject as you can see and those legs thats withdrawl my dear.  It does magnify your pain many on this forum know it all too well.  Your body begin to justify use then your mind follows it's a real slippery slope so don't fall why wait till you get to 25 people have spend alot of money  and it can happen to anyone no one is better then anyone else but the first step is be honest and accountable .before you lose your life.  or your mind.   and all your cash.

[gia1234]

Thanks. Sometimes I just think maybe people answer the forum too quickly without asking enough questions about the person, ya know? So, are you off them or still taking them?

[kimmiek]

Hi - sorry if i was too harsh with you earlier.  I do remember at the very beginning of taking pain meds I would say to my doctor at almost every single visit "I dont want to get addicted to these" that was over 3 years ago.  She would always reply with "Im not going to give you enough to be addicted.  Addicts will do ANYTHING to get these and your not doing that" "Im only gonna give you what you need to control the pain" Which I do have and I cannot function with out some relief.  I started out with that doctor at a dose of 4~7.5/700 per day, built a tolerance to 4 ~10/325's a day and lots and lots of physical therapy, and chiropractor visits.  They also gave me muscle relaxors (which I hate) and tramadol.  I was able to get 90 tramadol and 120 vic 10s per month.  Then they sent me to a pm doctor and I now get 3 per day 30mg time released hydros with only 200 tylenol.  Its called a compound cuz they have to special make it at the pharmacy.  I sometimes take it too fast and have to taper at the end of my script.  I KNOW Im physically dependant, but I always struggle with wondering if Im an addict.  I have bad pain, but I like feeling better, so Im not sure.  I just never felt angry at the doctor about it~I thought that they were just trying to help me? This is sure a SH*tt* predicument were in, isnt it???  But at least its good to know that your not the only one in it.  Were all in it together on some level.  I guess thats comforting and it should also help us to leave any judgementalness aside.  Again, sorry if I came off that way.  

[gia1234]

2 years straight. about 5 years on and off. So, it magnifies the pain? There are some days I can't even walk down the stairs unless I take one. Maybe I need some withdrawl meds. I thought 6 a day wasn't much compared to some other people who were taking like 25 a day!

[dyblue]

     Well it starts out with dependence then when it turns into addictive behavor ie not taking them for legitimate reasons example would be in my case for emotional pain by staying in a dead marriage yes I had pain but the codiene helped my heart and emotional pain .  Not saying that it always  leads to addictive behavior but 6 vikes aday honey that a very powerful narcotic, my doc wouldn't give me that one I've tried it and it made me feel real good stronger then codiene thats for sure.  I'm getting out of the marriage and I  won't be needing to dull myself anymore.  When you take them  for mild to moderate pain  it always leads to dependence then you need more and more for it to work then nothing works.  Six vikes a day thats a lot try to taper and quit trust me I'm just taking codiene and it's bad .  Be  honest with yourself try anything else but narcs they screw with your head and soul. Nothing good can come from it. but more pain because the pills magnify the pain 10 over time How many years you been taking it.  Blue

[gia1234]

I really think it's more psychological than physical for me. I could just take ibuprofen for the physical things. Right?

[CinCee]

Addict = physical AND psychological
Dependent = physical only

[gia1234]

What's the difference between an addict and being dependent?

[gia1234]

Thanks. I don't think anyone is realizing (except bandnmom) that I have admitted to having a problem and that means I take responsibility for it. I'm getting out of this forum for a while because I Probably don't need to focus on suing my dr, but on me. I just feel bad for all the other people's addictions he feeds. Perhaps if more drs got sued, they would think twice before telling a patient and a friend that you can't get addicted as long as you take them as directed.

[dyblue]

  nobody makes you feel like **** but you., this is what I'm talking about..  I'm in withdrawl as we speak , but I'll get through I was only taking 3 codiene a day for 5 years.  You don't sound like an addict to me just someone who became dependent it happens.  Happened to me too.  Sorry you are so sensitive but I'm speaking from experience and I wish I was A doctor I'd have some dough.  Good luck sorry I'm very blunt need to work on that one, I'd make a lousy councellor too.

[CinCee]

You are at a dose where a taper is totally doable.  The best way is to cut by 10 or 20% per day every 4 days or so.  If you can do it, it is almost symptom-free.

If I were you, I would try to get something for sleep.  A benzo or even Ambien (long-acting).

You can do this with a sleep aid and a taper and not get mixed up with anything else.