wow...yeah, i think so.
you wrote a very grounded, serious and at the same time, loving letter.
the serious issue here is his addiction, you're so right and not that you don't trust him. if we don't even trust ourselves how in the world are others to trust us ?. of course you can't trust him, lying to ourselves and to anybody else comes with our addiction.
he must do it for himself, not for you nor your relationship and nobody can't know if he has reached this line and that's the point here. once he takes the step, you'll be a great support but....how do i say it, newtimes, if he doesn't save himself, then you must save yourself, you know what i mean, right ?
best of lucks here. take care :)
Personally,I think you did the absolute right thing!!
Remember...you were warned about this,many posts ago. Members have told you that
addicts should/need to have one year (at least) of clean time before entering in to any serious relationship. Tell him to get a puppy. If he can raise it and take care of it and love it to pieces,it may prove he's not entirely selfish.
The rest of your post was beautiful~
If he is still using the puppy will suffer also.......
He is not clean he is still in active addiction .This is not where you should be .you need a healthy realtionship
He is not caring for himself right now he wont be able to give you what or need.
It doesnt sound like he would even be ready for a puppy at this point .
Loving an addict is one of the hardest things in the world. If only love were enough to get them clean! I lived it for 18 years. Twelve rehabs, raising 4 kids by myself. All the lies and good intentions, the hurt, the feelings of betrayal. Addiction is a progressive disease. Without serious help, he's only on a roller coaster. And so are you.
Have you tried AlAnon? I did it, and though it didn't give me what I was hoping for, it helped. Life with an addict is a life of loneliness. You end up isolating, making excuses, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. You distance yourself from your family and friends. And remember, you can't help anyone, unless you're taking care of yourself.
You need to take care of you. It's hard to leave someone that "needs" you. But believe me, if you leave, he'll find someone else to "help" him. I still love my ex and I probably always will, but there is no way I will go back to that life of living with active addict. Life can be so much more. If you leave, you'll struggle in the beginning. You'll worry. You'll be tempted to take him back. But remember, only he can fix his addiction. You can't.
All the best. And if you want to chat, message me.
The puppy suggestion was exclusive only to these people; given where they live.
I am a strong person, I was with him because he was caring, kind and loving. I was with him because he was supposedly on his road to recovery on the meth program. I knew within in myself as soon as the signs were there that he was lying or useing I would be out of there. I had plently red light moments where I knew something wasn't right but never had the evidence, so I just let them bank up there till I did. His reaction to me on Friday night only proved my suspisions...if you are honest you can sit there and explain a situation properly, not turn it around to be my fault. If worst case senario I was wrong and i have "trust issues" he should be able to accept that and work on it with me.
Anyway I haven't heard from him yet, i'm not sure I will.
laurel453: You are so right he does have to do it for himself , it's stupid for me to think he would do it for the relationship
avisg: That's excally what I need a normal healthy relationship, I am a normal healthy person, good family, no history of addictions. I am also aware of co-dependence and I also made sure I never lost myself in this relationship or became dependant on him or even have expectations for any sort of future. I knew in my heart that it would be short lived so I valued every moment of it. It just started to loose the appeal abit when he would turn to me looking totally wasted and say "you know I love you baby, you know your beautiful don't you, you know how much I love you"........little hard to beleive when your eyes are rolling back in your head :-)
vicki: I know I was warned, I did value the warnings that's why I'm ok now, I understand whats going on and I'm ok with it. If I hadn't had those warnings I would have given into my gut become an enabler for him.
And we can't have puppys on the island :-( he acually is cabable of looking after his health, I'm sure he could lok after a puppy fine. His addiction at this stage is cheap and access is easy. At this stage.
How sad, you know before he got into drugs he was almost a professional surfer and a sponcered skateboarder. I do hope he finds his light again.
I'll post an update soon
i found the 'syurp' in his shaving kit.....4 bottles of it....again.
his excuse was it's from the summer, i never did it, its just there, in case... like the pack of cigarette i have and don't smoke.
which he does smoke by the way.
It is funny to find yourself in a situation like this.
seemingly accepting it.
like you are his savior.
you will be the love stronger.
really when i met him 3 years ago, In Rome, I am Canadian and I have actually stayed here with him.we Have grown very attached. His family has long ago dis owned him. But he is a great person with many friends.
many shady friends also , who i have met along the time.
I have never fallen so in Love with someone.
i knew he had been in a rehab a year before. But he was off it. he even was peer volunteer speaking out against drugs.
I dont think he injects herion, but i know he must be abusing the syrup to get the feeling.
he smokes pot at least 3 times a week.
i told him If i ever see a drug or any evidence that you have done it.
I will leave. one day after catching him snorting herion.
which are words easily said, and actions harder to do.
he promised me on his knees, I cried for days from the shock and fear of it,and wanted to go home to Canada.
since then about every 6 months to a year. i find that evidence. I get that sinking feeling and i just stare at the evidence, trying to convince myself to really look at the big picture.
its not the first time.
a small bag with white power residue in the wastebasket.
a strange colored syrup hidden somewhere.
he just lies to my face, it's his secret world. he is 40.
I want to have children one day, I don't want them to have a father who could end up a junkie. Its not fair to bring them into this world, risking this, because i love someone.
He has a child already from a past relationship. she left him when the child was 4 because he was completely under.
he has already lost a family.
I am fixated this will also repeat itself.
Now I have ended it.
I feel sick thinking he is going to hurt himself, but I can not picture the future with someone who is so unstable.
Its sad to feel your love was not enough to over ride this stupid addiction.
I wish every girl luck, don't be discouraged in helping your boyfriends.
I've just given too many chances. they have been broken too many times.