9 months and felt like slipping for a sec

[worried878]

I give up on men!  LOL...i was so looking forward to a date tonight in orange beach with this guy i really like.  he is a full fledged workaholic and admits that it ruined his marriage.  it is ruining our relationship as well.  he lives 2 hours away so it is hard to get together and then work always gets in the way...then i have had nuf he will show up at my door step!  he cancelled and i was depressed..do not like to let a guy in my life who constantly disappoints me and i told him this...i have dated a workaholic before..it is a real thing/a problem as they can not put their work down which always makes u feel very unimportant and it is also something u cant really hold against them.  i wanted to get some pills..instead grabbed a beer...then put that down and went to the gym instead!  does anyone beleive there is such a thing as a workaholic/like someone addicted to working?

[PntcBonneSSE]

Oh my lord its too early in the morning... I just noticed all the spelling errors!!! I am sorry!!!

[PntcBonneSSE]

I as well have been addicted to work. I didnt necessarily like it but that was the only thing I did.  I am an office manager, project developer, new client formatting AND I was the only onsite IT tech... I was ALWAYS at work, and when I left work... I was still at work.  I have 4 operations in about a 6 month time and each time I was supposed to take a month off of work... I took a week off of work and even within that week that I was in bed resting I was still on the phone with work helping them, answering questions and all that... HOWEVER no matte how addicted to work I was I MADE SURE that I made time for my girlfriend of whom I loved very very very much and spend the rest of my time wth her.  Granted I was on the phone a lot but she knew that she was #1, and also knew work was important... Sorry I just figured I would add in my story!

[flmagi]

I married a workaholic, it was one of the things I loved about him. He was a hard worker. After we got married, he seemed to want to spend more and more time with me, so he didn't work as much, but he wouldn't do anything around the house....he just stayed in bed. This got progressively worse, but he still wanted the money he used to make and decided to make money in others ways (not good ways). He turned into a lazy, energy sucking bum. I'm divorced now, thank god.  LOL, Just wanted you to know, those workaholics can change......sometimes not for the better.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

And I forgot to ask ..... why do we continually cheer for a box of laundry soap? Roll tide ....?

[worried878]

yey..meeting men/or women and thinking u can change them..or that they will like u so much that they will "just change" is a bad idea and living in a dream world...it is not reality and i agree..thanks for the input

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

And a huge congrats on resisting the pills - i have been weak a time or so lately with my parents health issues ...... but I continue to endeavor to persevere .....we both know that the pills arent the answer to todays problems..........

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Sorry to hear that it didnt go optimally -I was hoping for the best.....also hoping you dont give up on all men because i do believe that I fit in that category. Either that or I have been using the wrong restroom for a lifetime. And if I found a woman that married me and has stayed for 26 years I gotta say that there is someone out there for you.... and that someone will not make or let you feel exposed or vulnarable. As your advice said - just when you least expect it - it will fall into your lap ....At least you gave him a shot and you were both honest about everything. Some things were just not meant to be. Interesting thought about attracting another addict - - that one will take a little more thought. As far as openness goes - you will know if or when to tell a significant other when that time arrives. Wouldnt make it an opening pick-up line or anything. Cant imagine who you would end up with that one!! So have that dish of ice cream and chalk this one up to experience..... Life can be a cruel teacher sometimes..    eagle

[terrified999]

I hate to say this, but men don't lie.  Women just like to think they do.  When you met him he told you he worked too much for you to like. But you ignored it.  You thought you could change him.  We all go through it.  But, it is time that women learned to listen to men.  He is not going to change.  He likes his work.  He likes working.  He doesn't care if it hurts a relationship - he let it ruin a marriage.  You need to believe him.  He is what he is.  

I know it hurts like hell.  But, I was clean 22 years and my first year I found out my father was a child molester.  If I can live through that clean, you can live through this.

He is not the man you want and he won't change into that guy.  But, that is good.  You learned and listened.  So, go find a guy who is available.  Take some time, buy yourself something pretty, a teddy bear and some bubble bath.   Take care of yourself

This is going to hurt.  I won't lie.  But, you can get through it clean.  Just don't pick up anything.  It is very simple, but hard as hell.  Pain is ok.  It won't kill you.  I promise.  

Big hugs.  You are not alone.  We are all here.  I don't know if this will help at all, but the last time I got my heart broken, I spent a few hundred hours playing a stupid video game.  It actually helped.  I spent so much time on the computer that I ended up getting through the pain without any other help.  And you know that time is the only thing that will help.  

You did a great thing by going to the gym.  Clearly, you want to take care of yourself and you are doing it.  That is fantastic.  Just remember that.  You WANT to stay clean.  You can do it.  And stay away from this guy.  He will destroy you.  You will never get what you want and there is no need to beat your head against a wall.  

I think that we women tend to pick men we know aren't right for us because we think that if we can change them, then we are the winner.  But it never works out that way.  

I decided a while ago that I would never date another guy who wasn't right for me again.  I realized that every second I spent with some loser I was missing out on Mr. Right.  I made a list of what I wanted and if the guy didn't fit that list - poof.  I was done with him.  Within one year I met the guy of my dreams and we have been married for 6 years now.  I have never been happier.  But it never happened with all those other guys - the "I will never get married" guy is still not married 20 years later.  The "I promise I will leave my wife" guy is still married.  The "I don't think I could ever remain faithful" guy is still chasing tail and now he is married.  I just never believed them.  But they all told the truth.

I promise.  It will all be ok.  

[driftersgal]

hi, worried:  to answer whether or not to share your addiction--that is completely up to you.  If the person you're serious about is the type of person who is compassionate and understanding, AND you feel comfortable sharing, I say go ahead and tell them.  I would also stress, though, how long you've been clean, and if you're involved in any support groups in your area, just as added reassurance that you have no intentions of using again.  Keep up the great work, and don't let this one guy ruin what you've already accomplished!

[dominosarah]

I think we are attracted to men that have some of the same qualities we have at the time.  You dont want to be alone and at the same time you dont want to get to close.  Maybe that is why he is a workaholic........maybe he has some hidden pain going on so he works like a fool to take that pain away.  Just a thought!!!

Would i tell someone about my addiction??  If the relationship felt right i would.  I really believe it takes a special man or woman to stand by us.  Our addictions have made us what we are today.  If they can accept us for that then they are worth checking out.  When you least expect it it will happen.  My relationship here started out with 2 people being bored one weekend......decided to go to a county fair of all places!!!  That was 5 yrs ago!!!          sara

[worried878]

for me it is usually like a bad case of pneumonia tho!  when i least expect it!

[j34]

For sure the nice hard body and some duck tape for the mouth??? lol.Just kidding around worried of course I like the same.ya caring makes us vulnerable,but a few people tell me that is what helps us grow. Like I am a weed or something lol. The person of who is deserving of you will come into your life when you least expect it.  

[worried878]

and another question?  if i started dating someone seriously..is addiction something u would share as part of my past with this person?

[worried878]

i agree...totally not worth it....i do hope one day i can handle my emotions well enough to be able to have a relationship and not feel stressed about it....avoiding it is not the answer forever..perhaps the right one would not make me feel "exposed" and "scared"   perhaps i am just not far enuf into my recovery to tackle emotional pain as of yet

[worried878]

Not afraid of being alone anymore...divorced for 15 years...not sure i want to grow old alone tho...my divorce was tough on me and i guess i am allergic to pain!  my first boyfriend/married at 16 and divorced at 33..only a couple of serious relationships since...probably why i used..physical pain i withstand well..emotional i dont do so well so i distance and stay out of relationships as a rule...i am not very approachable on a sexual level people tell me....tons of guy friends and girl friends as well...just dont get close too often and perhaps i am emotionally unavailable and attract the same type?  no good at flirting at all...just me and say what i think which is not always what a guy wants to hear!  LOL
I am a pro at being alone and that is not so good sometimes...financially i do need someone i guess to retire and all but if it werent for that i dont think i would care...friends are the world to me...or perhaps i hide cos i am not as tough as i seem on the outside and when i care i care deeply...but i think we all wish someone was around on rainy days and mondays????

[jt808]

hey im not gona tell u what to do about ur relationship seeing that i dont no this guy and his situation but its not worth losing what u have worked so hard for so only u can truly make that decesion but let me tell u dont keep em around cause ur lonely or just cause ur settling or whatever the reason u deserve beter and shold be a high priorty in the man/women in ur life. work is important but it sure as hell isnt everything. so stay strong. dont give up.

[j34]

Come on worried you have come to far for that. I was too with somebody who I felt alone yet I was "together" with.FEAR of being alone that what was my problem, still is, you got any suggestions??? lol

[worried878]

And...ROLL TIDE ROLL!

[worried878]

I am going to remember that and brush it off my shoulder..brush him off my shoulder!  seems like i attract emotionally unavailable men like flies..and it is something i dont want to do anymore...this is the first attempt i have made at a relationship since i quit as i knew i culd not handle the stress they always cause me...like the rejection and disappointment...seems like i almost expect it.....not going there again...if he shows up on my doorsterp he can sleep there!  LOL

[kim715]

I'm sending you a great big hug,and a gallon of your favorite ice cream.Comfort food for the womans soul.Us girls have to stick together.LOL You just remember you are a wonderful,beautiful,strong person and you deserve to be appreciated.  Much love...Kim

[worried878]

I know...i need to stay away from people who leave u disappointed....never thought about the narcistic but i guess it is true..i dont get it...i work because i have to to pay my bills and do the thimgs i love to do..just dont get it

[kim715]

So proud of you for opting to going to the gym.I think sara is right too.It might be time to rethink this relationship.You've told him once how you feel about it and he admits it already cost him a marriage.Like any addiction,he has to be the one who wants to change it.You shouldn't have to deal with it affecting your life in a negative way though.You deserve better then that.I think if I were you I would put my cards on the table with him and tell him in no uncertain terms things can not continue on this way.I'd give him one more shot at making things work and if he continues to do the same things,then I'd move on.You will find someone who is deserving of all that you have to offer.

[persnick38]

Yes, there is definitely such a thing as being addicted to work. It's no different than any other addiction - it consumes your life and ruins relationships, etc. I think that those addicted to work don't ever look at it as an addiction though b/c they think that it is a good thing to be so dedicated to work.

You deserve someone better than this - someone who will make you as much a priority in life as you do him. Don't let a man take away all of the great work you have done.

Way to go on avoiding the temptation and doing something healthy instead!

[Tuck24]

Good girl going to the gym....although a beer don't sound half bad right now. Anyway, workaholics, just as domino said, its all about them. They are very narcisistic people. And Amen 10356, people can be.