my story

[strugglingnewbie]

this is day two for me and i just need to be vocal and held accountable for my addiction to pain meds.  i'm sick of the chase, i'm sick of the lying (to myself, doctors, my wonderful husband), and i'm sick about being worried about withdrawls.  not really a question in this post - just looking for support.  i've been off and on pain meds for 3 years now.  same old story - back problems, shoulder problems got me into taking them and then i realized how much i liked them and the relaxation of it and i was off and running.  was on norco, tramadol, fent patch (briefly), and this latest go around lortab 10s.  i ran out of pain meds on friday and said to myself this is enough.  yes, i have pain, but i do not have to drugs to control it.  i can just live with it.  i lived with it years before going on the meds and i can do it again.  so, i made an appt with my pcp and told him i wanted off of them and rx'd me clonidine and ativan for just the initial days.  so far it's really helped.  he also said i need to get into a treatment program.  i know i need aftercare, but it's so hard admitting i need help.  i've always been the strong one, smart one, etc and now, i look like a failure (at least in my own eyes).  anyway, just wanted to get my story out there.  thanks for listening.

[strugglingnewbie]

peaceinknowing
i have to say i was pretty amazed when i went to his office and said i want off the pain meds.  extremely understanding and even wants to follow up with me in a month to see how i'm doing.

another little update - it's now been 73 hours since i had my last pill and i'm doing really well.  yesterday was rough more because of the cravings than anything and i can see that is definitely going to be the hardest part for me.

to salsinator, bikerdad, mom, david, peace and lee thank you for the encouragement.  it's really meant a lot.

[leeisgettingclean]

you are doing the right thing, you can do this. you already made it 2 days, the worst will be over soon. Just think a couple more days, then you dont have to chase, lie, and so on, you will be free to enjoy life, life like it was before pills. Good luck !

[peaceinknowing]

I'm very happy to hear that your PCP was as supportive as they seemed to be in your post. I'm almost two months sober from Percocet and I can honestly say that my PCP wanted no part in my recovery and treatment, as he literally closed the door in my face when I went to home in search of assistance with everything. It's always good to hear that other people have been so lucky to get the help they deserve with this.

Keep up all the good work, and keep posting here on the forums. Believe it or not this forum was my saving grace when I first started to post. The more you post while going through the WDs, the more you're enabling your mind to venture off to other things, rather than what's going on physically with you at that time.

[BIKERDAD1963]

Sometimes feeling like a failure is what gets us to do the rite thing. Actually its what always makes us do the rite thing.  The important thing is that you have come clean with the ones that need to know. It makes it easier when you fess up. Especially to your doc. Now he will know not to give you any addicting meds. Good luck and keep moving forward, not backwards

[strugglingnewbie]

i have no illusions.  i know my family knows and i've discussed with my husband about everything, but the amount i was taking.  i didn't have the heart to let him know how truly bad it's been, but when i told him i was going off the meds yesterday he said he was glad.  and he's been rock for me.  i know i need to find some sort of rehab program, but not even sure where to start.  i think i would do better in a one on one situation.  i guess the best step would be to call my regular doc on monday and have him refer me to someone??  or is there another better way to find someone to talk to?

[davidinmt]

You just did the hardest part on getting off any medication...Admitting your situation...your  DEPENDANCE on Rx meds... I have been disabled for 26 years from a car crash...had  so many RX's over the years, they finally were starting to negatively effect my body, my mood, my life.  I finally admitted to myself that i had a drug problem..THAT IS HARDEST PART. Next i got into a medical facility to detox....it was easier to do the detox than it has been to Admit I Had A Problem.
Do you really think your family does not know about your problem???  drugs negatively effect us and change us all! physically, mentaly, and spiritually.
GOOD FOR YOU..YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH TO GETTING BETTER.FIND A GOOD REHAB PROGRAM.  DO IT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
God Bless you and your family.

[strugglingnewbie]

thank you so much for the encouragment.  right now it really is the mental aspect that i have to work on.  one day, one hour, one minute at a time seems the best way to handle.

[mom_of_two136]

Addiction is a disease. Please do not feel like a failure. It is not because you are weak that you can not stop. You have physically changes your brain so it will take time to heal. Maybe educate yourself. There are really great books out there that can help you understand this disease. Have you thought about alternative treatments to help with your pain (chiropractor, acupucture, etc.)? Maybe you are not ready for NA but maybe going and just sitting through a meeting may help. It would really help. Just know you are not alone. Addiction does not discriminate. It happens to all kinds of people and you can beat this and get better but you will need some type of therapy. All kinds of therapy are out there. You need to find what is best for you. Best wishes

[strugglingnewbie]

So far things have been okay.  Not great, but nothing compared to the c/t I went through from tramadol in april.  I was up to a 1200 mgs habit and coming off of it with no help was absolute he!!.  I knew I wouldn't make it this time if the wds were anywhere as bad as that.  Thank goodness for this site though.  I've been a long time reader and I've read everyone's advice and it's made all the difference in the world.

[salsinator]

Congratulations on your decision to get clean.  This is a great place to be for help and support.  Lots of experienced people here who can help you.  I am glad that you went to the doctor for help, so many people here try and do it alone and it's so hard.  The meds should really help.  Take it one day at a time, you should start to feel better after 4-5 days and each day gets better.  All the best.