nasal damage from snorting

[AdamGLINY]

Quick background of myself.. I'm a 27 year old white male, started abusing coke around 18, didn't stop until I was about 19-20.  I started to notice my nose getting messed up a few months into it, but it didn't stop me.  I kicked the cocaine habit but still have snorted things througout the years.  The damage was very visible to me, and even when I used to do it I would get in one of those coke paranoia trips and stare in the mirrors and obsess over what was happening to my nose.  This has caused me ALOT of anxiety and depression over the years.  I go through week long phases of not being able to go out of the house or even look people in the eye because I am worried about how I look.  I have never even told anyone that I have this obsession, because I am too ashamed of myself and think I will be judged by whoever I told.  It also causes me alot more problems than just worrying about how I look.  My sinuses are forever clogged.  I have frequent headaches, pressure and pain near my eyes, and I'm forever congested.  I haven't snorted anything for 60 something days now, and I don't even use any drugs besides my prescribed adderall for ADHD, which I used to abuse but now I take even less than is prescribed for me.  I am afraid to sniff anything.  I had a recent epiphany about my drug use, I violated probation and spent 3 weeks in jail and 28 days in rehab.  I'm clean and loving it, but the anxiety and the other symptoms are holding me back.  Who should I go to with my problems? I'm finally realizing that its time, but I really don't know where to go, everytime I wanna tell someone I lose my nerve by the time I get the chance... Thanks in advance for responses

Adam
Long Island NY

[Map1944]

I think if you told your outpatient counselor you'd feel better afterwards than you think you will

[AdamGLINY]

Yea I am working on finding a psychologist or psychiatrist. I have no health insurance and my medicaid is pending, which is one of the obstacles I've had over the years.  It *****, I'm 27 and I have a way above average IQ but these phobias keep me from getting a job, or even doing the normal things I have to do to get through life.  I'm in an outpatient group, and yesterday in group I had so much anxiety I couldn't participate.  The counselor asked me routinely what's going on with me, and all I could say was nothing.  I wanted to tell him after group, and I tried to mentally prepare myself the whole hour and a half I was there.  When the group ended and I found out I didn't need to drop a urine, instead of pulling him aside I just walked out and went home.  

It really ***** I feel like I'm wasting every day of my life because of this.  Sometimes I feel good and I attempt getting a job or other things I have to do, but every few weeks I go into this depression hole for about a week at a time and it totally throws me off whatever track I may have been on.  I'm glad I found this forum because I've needed to tell someone desperately, and a group of strangers is a good way to start.

[Map1944]

I feel your pain!  I got a huge cavity on my right nasal passage from snorting various things.  I deal with stuff nose all the time too.
May want to try a therapist about the anxiety/depression you get