Aa
oxy??? how do i help?
hi, i am very new to this site and have read numerous postings and have been very touched by them. I have a problem, my bf has been on oxy for about say 8-9mnths. for the first 1-2mnths he never told me, then finally did. He quit about a month ago for like a week or 2, he used perks to come off and then eventually nothing and all of a sudden i am not sure when but started again. He does not swallow them he snorts them. He ran out 3days ago and was in the worst mood ever, said the meanest things to me and just lashes out and has a temper, he keeps saying i need oxy to make me happy, to make me have energy and to get out of bed in the morning. when he was out of oxy he wanted coke, he said i need coke at least it will get me going and make me happy. he always needs something, i did not let him do coke and told him no. everytime i try to help him he gets soo mad at me and wants me to leave and wants nothing to do with me. He friends do not help him, they are the ones that made him orginally try oxy! so of coarse his friend gave him hydro morphs when he couldnt get oxy. i dont know much about hydro morphs but he took them for 2days and now he got his hands on oxy 80's. He came home last night and was the meanest person i seen in a long time, but i dont get it cuz he was high on oxy so why would he treat me like that? when he has it he cannot not do it, he will constantly do it even if he doesnt need it, like last night he did soo much he couldnt even stand or make sense, or read or keep his eyes open, he passed out till the morning. It hurts me soo much that he is doing this to himself, and i am soo scared for him..i couldnt stop crying when i would look at him last night and the condition is was in. I have been positive to him ive left him lil notes in his book saying how i beleive in him and hes a strong person and he can do this and it doesnt get me anywhere with him... he just treats me like **** and is always kicking me out, when i try and talk to him about it, or if i cry.. he will ask me whats wrong when he has been the mean and hurt me and ill say your hurting me by how u are and he will just laugh.. its at the point now that he is soo mean to me when he is on oxy and when he is off, before it was just when he was coming off but now its both. why is that? and why only me? hes so nice to everyone else but not me, and i could be just sitting here and not saying anything and he will get mad and start putting me down.. i have done oxy myself with him, thinking that i can understand what it is like and what he experiences and what the with drawls are like hoping i would be able to help more that way, but that didnt work either. he says he needs them to be happy and get going with his day. he will break down and say how he needs to quit and seriously he really does want to but then the next day he will do complete opposite. i just dont know what to do, i am soo scared and it hurts so bad to see what he is doing to himself, can anyone give me any advise on what i should do? thanks for everyones time..
Dear Kitty: I was just sending a note to one of my friends and saw he had written about oxycodone/opiates.
Jimi is absolutely correct! I went through a chemotherapy tx for a full year (Dec. '01-Dec. '02) and after being told I might feel like a have a mild case of the flu for a week or so...yadda yadda yadda) I ended up being laced on 240mg of methadone each day to control all the adverse effects. I self-detoxed from that high a level of pain killers down to 70 mgs of oxycontin/oxycodone three times a day, until march, when the state began "suspending narcotic prescriptions pending final audit" on virtually all pain management clinics and/or doctors.
A person CANNOT just "stay at the same level" with this type of opiate because the body habituates itself to that dosage, then the euphoria or "feeling good" stage disappears. If he becomes abusive when he doesn't have enough of the drug in his system to "feel good," and becomes abusive to you, then if you DON'T tell him to get into a detox program and actually leave until he does, you are in danger! The withdrawals from oxycodone in any form are HORRIBLE, and when that happens you will be the target. Unless he has more money than a Hollywood Cosmetic Surgeon, he will end up either committing crimes to get the money and/or steal anything and everything you have (maybe even your LIFE) to avoid the withdrawals.
It IS possible to beat the drugs on a self-taper program, but I don't think that would work in this case, as he is looking to get "high" which will require ever-increasing dosages, and as the oxy (in any form) is becoming more and more scarce, the street prices are going up dramatically. Adding in the abuse potential from him toward you is a recipe for disaster. All we are is a big bag of water (93%) with a handful of chemicals in it. Once you change the chemicals in that bag, you change the whole person. In this case for the worse. Somewhat like putting a teaspoon of mud in a water glass then drinking it. If you value your own physical, mental or emotional health, you have two options. (1) stay there, and be abused, beaten or killed as this disease progresses, or (2) tell him to get into rehab and LEAVE until he does so. If he does truly love you, he will go into rehab. If he doesn't even try a poke at getting help with his habit, then it's a rather painful answer, but an answer to the "REAL" question of whether he loves you or not.
I took my last oxycodone on March 30th, and it was VERY tough. (even with my doctors help) but I did it. Jimi KNOWS what he's talking about! Your b/f needs help! But not from you, other than to support his efforts should he decide rehab, he needs to bring this to a qualified doctor or clinic. It will only get worse, not better, and you can't "fix" him no matter how much you want to, or how much you try.
WHATEVER you do, PLEASE don't allow him to continue to abuse you. I don't mean to cause any dissention, but the abuse is a part of his character and the narcotics only amplify it. People always they this person or that person has a "drug problem." They don't. The drug abuse is a symptom of some other underlying condition, just like when you have a cold, your nose runs, you run a temp, your eyes water and burn...yes? Well those are not the real problem, they are just symptoms of a cold virus in your blood. The same with narcotics...IF he decides to go for rehab, he needs to see a GOOD cognitive therapist, and find out what the real root problem is, as the abusive behavior (and the pills) are SYMPTOMS of a larger issue.
I pray everything will work well for you AND for your b/f.
One Love,
Vin
Jimi is absolutely correct! I went through a chemotherapy tx for a full year (Dec. '01-Dec. '02) and after being told I might feel like a have a mild case of the flu for a week or so...yadda yadda yadda) I ended up being laced on 240mg of methadone each day to control all the adverse effects. I self-detoxed from that high a level of pain killers down to 70 mgs of oxycontin/oxycodone three times a day, until march, when the state began "suspending narcotic prescriptions pending final audit" on virtually all pain management clinics and/or doctors.
A person CANNOT just "stay at the same level" with this type of opiate because the body habituates itself to that dosage, then the euphoria or "feeling good" stage disappears. If he becomes abusive when he doesn't have enough of the drug in his system to "feel good," and becomes abusive to you, then if you DON'T tell him to get into a detox program and actually leave until he does, you are in danger! The withdrawals from oxycodone in any form are HORRIBLE, and when that happens you will be the target. Unless he has more money than a Hollywood Cosmetic Surgeon, he will end up either committing crimes to get the money and/or steal anything and everything you have (maybe even your LIFE) to avoid the withdrawals.
It IS possible to beat the drugs on a self-taper program, but I don't think that would work in this case, as he is looking to get "high" which will require ever-increasing dosages, and as the oxy (in any form) is becoming more and more scarce, the street prices are going up dramatically. Adding in the abuse potential from him toward you is a recipe for disaster. All we are is a big bag of water (93%) with a handful of chemicals in it. Once you change the chemicals in that bag, you change the whole person. In this case for the worse. Somewhat like putting a teaspoon of mud in a water glass then drinking it. If you value your own physical, mental or emotional health, you have two options. (1) stay there, and be abused, beaten or killed as this disease progresses, or (2) tell him to get into rehab and LEAVE until he does so. If he does truly love you, he will go into rehab. If he doesn't even try a poke at getting help with his habit, then it's a rather painful answer, but an answer to the "REAL" question of whether he loves you or not.
I took my last oxycodone on March 30th, and it was VERY tough. (even with my doctors help) but I did it. Jimi KNOWS what he's talking about! Your b/f needs help! But not from you, other than to support his efforts should he decide rehab, he needs to bring this to a qualified doctor or clinic. It will only get worse, not better, and you can't "fix" him no matter how much you want to, or how much you try.
WHATEVER you do, PLEASE don't allow him to continue to abuse you. I don't mean to cause any dissention, but the abuse is a part of his character and the narcotics only amplify it. People always they this person or that person has a "drug problem." They don't. The drug abuse is a symptom of some other underlying condition, just like when you have a cold, your nose runs, you run a temp, your eyes water and burn...yes? Well those are not the real problem, they are just symptoms of a cold virus in your blood. The same with narcotics...IF he decides to go for rehab, he needs to see a GOOD cognitive therapist, and find out what the real root problem is, as the abusive behavior (and the pills) are SYMPTOMS of a larger issue.
I pray everything will work well for you AND for your b/f.
One Love,
Vin
Well i will tell you from Experience that the aggressive behavior he is is bein towards you is directly from the Narcotics. Some people the narcotics will alter their personality or moods to be very aggressive. It did for me. That is just a side-effect of the drug that happens to some. But listen to what everyone is telling you, you need to get out of this relationship. He is showing no signs of wanting to be with you and you should be with someone that cares about you and will treat you right. He just plain and simple is acting like he doesnt want you. Im sorry for this as you sound very nice and sincere and he is bein an a$$hole. Why do you want to be with someone that is like this? I get it if you guys were really good in the beginning and all, but just cause he was like that in the beginning he is NOT like that NOW. So you gotta act for whats going on in the NOW. Leave his A$$.. Seriously, you need to take care of yourself because he will keep being destructive and you will suffer DIRECTLY from this. Please do as we are all saying and ditch the p r i c k .. We are all here for you so keep us informed.. But please watch out for yourself..
thanks everyone for the advice and time you gave me!! i really appreciate it... its not gettin better these last 2days have been rough and bad and right now he is not even home and has been gone since 10 this morning.. its getting sooo bad that he is taking soo much he cant even stand nor speak, he gets soo messed up and atleast before he was sooo nice when he had oxy, now he is soo mean that i will be in the house and his friends will be here and he will start saying bad things about me to his friends... :( ... this is sooo tough already and i just dont understand it anymore, i am nothng but nice and try to be supportive and as much as i know i should walk away i just cant, i dont know why i cant i just cant....
Its very possible that he is just plain abusive. These traits dont typically come out in the beginning of a relationship but now that he feels safe that you love him he is letting it come out. His addiction is a added danger, one you shouldnt take lightly. Abuse is about power and control but the drugs are making him lose that control over his actions and behaviors. Unfortuneately you cannot change him if he doesnt want to change so you need to take care of yourself. Regardless of his reason for being so mean he needs to know that you wont take it. Spell it out, loud and clear, that you will not tolerate this lifestyle anymore. Its Ok to let him know you would do anything to help him get better, but not at the expense of your emotional and physical health.
If you do this and he promises to change, get him on this site and reading. There are so many people in here that understand and will be supportive. But again, only if he really wants it.
Good luck
If you do this and he promises to change, get him on this site and reading. There are so many people in here that understand and will be supportive. But again, only if he really wants it.
Good luck
Hey Kitty I'm jimi, your b/f has become so dependent on these opiates (oxy/hydro/codeine) there just keeping him from feeling sick. Now it sounds as though he is taking them to get high and they are altering his mood which is a very serious and dangerous thing in itself. If he continues on this path of self destruction one of three things "WILL" Happen 1, if he's lucky he will end up in the psychward in a hospital 2, jail, and the third, is death by opiate overdose "respitory arrest" where he will either end up in a coma or pass (die). Believe me I am an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician)
with the state of NY and se and hear about this alot!!!!. He can live with this monkey on his back and think he's a superman but sooner or later one of the three scenarios I just named Can and Will happen and thats Never a good thing. You need to find a al-anon meeting in your neighborhood and attend it as soon as possible without him knowing because it sounds like he's becoming a danger to himself and others and I don't want him abusing you. By going to al-anon (you can google it) you will find other people who are experiencing similar situations "and they will become your friends indeed" If he continues to abuse you LEAVE him don't walk, Run!!!! "Tough Love" and hopefully he will get into a detox/rehab program (in house would be best) that specializes in opiate withdrawal and rehabilitation which will help him restore his life back to normal. Maybe there is a Phoenix House in your area they have a fairly good proven track record for helping addicts that Want and Need there help. You and your b/f have my <3 heart <3 felt Prayers and Blessings. PS please remind him he is playing with a "wretched" demon (addiction) and the only way to survive this fight with this most unholy "wretched" demon is to get help and get a it as soon as possible because he can't do it alone. Please keep me updated with his progress.
<3, Faith, Prayers and light...
<3 jimi (little wing) <3
with the state of NY and se and hear about this alot!!!!. He can live with this monkey on his back and think he's a superman but sooner or later one of the three scenarios I just named Can and Will happen and thats Never a good thing. You need to find a al-anon meeting in your neighborhood and attend it as soon as possible without him knowing because it sounds like he's becoming a danger to himself and others and I don't want him abusing you. By going to al-anon (you can google it) you will find other people who are experiencing similar situations "and they will become your friends indeed" If he continues to abuse you LEAVE him don't walk, Run!!!! "Tough Love" and hopefully he will get into a detox/rehab program (in house would be best) that specializes in opiate withdrawal and rehabilitation which will help him restore his life back to normal. Maybe there is a Phoenix House in your area they have a fairly good proven track record for helping addicts that Want and Need there help. You and your b/f have my <3 heart <3 felt Prayers and Blessings. PS please remind him he is playing with a "wretched" demon (addiction) and the only way to survive this fight with this most unholy "wretched" demon is to get help and get a it as soon as possible because he can't do it alone. Please keep me updated with his progress.
<3, Faith, Prayers and light...
<3 jimi (little wing) <3
Im afraid his addiction is causing him to behave like this .But should not be taking it out on you. I can understand it a little when he is suffering from w/ds but usually when an addicts high they are nice to everyone. It sounds like he hates himself and what hes doing but cant stop doing it. I think hes trying to make you hate him too. I was doing the same as i hated myself so i thought everyone else close to me should hate me too. But whatever you do dont take oxys with him. Dont get yourself a habit, its only double the trouble. Maybe if you left for just a few days it would give him a fright, but you cant keep letting him do this to you no matter how much you love him. Tell him if he doesnt stop it you will leave and if he doesnt stop then leave. Dont make false promises to him as if you do this he knows he can do what he wants to you but you still stay there. So if you say your going to go, just go. Im so sorry for the situation you are in but when we are in the grip of addiction it can make us bad people. I hope everything gets better for you. Show him this site, itll maybe show him that it can be done. Good luck and pm anytime you need to talk.....James
thanks everyone for you advice and help... see tho he knows its not right and wants to quit but i guess he just doesnt want it bad enough.. and getting people that care about him and doing like an intervention, he would kill me because he does not want anyone to know. what i just dont understand is why is he so mean? like having the drug and being on the drug, wouldnt that make you happy then? and since he has been on oxy again he doesnt come home untill he has to.. he use to always come home straight from work or come and pick me up and we'd go do erronds together. but now he just doesnt come home till late, it is as if he cant stand me, do you think that is what it is? i dont really know how oxy makes people so thats why i am asking, also he doesnt stop lien, he will say he is doing this and actualy he isnt he is doing something different, he cheats on me when he combines liquor with his oxy and of coarse if i am not around.. i just dont get it.. its driving me crazy and hurts so bad.. has anyone done this to someone or had this happen to them?
Your b/f is an addict.. but thats obvious and we wont keep beating that issue. But heres the thing, i had a problem with oxy as well but it was caused due to be a chronic pain patient and abused it to be totally out of pain as well as being high. then it was about being high and liking myself when i was high. but heres the thing, after everyone that REALLLY cares about me told me that they LIKE me better when im NOT high. and the reason why he is doing it is because he has self-esteem/low self-worth problems. I have the same problems and have been talking them out with a psychologist (pain specialty though) and talking with people that care about me to help me see what i really am, even though i know myself i dont think i am worth anything. he is having the same problem i can say with 100% certainty as what he is saying why he "needs them". Unless he can get more people tat care about him to have sort of an "intervention" to him so he knows what hes doing hes not gonna change by keep bein around the people that enable him. I had to break connections with those "friends". i still struggle now due to pain and life changing issues to use and its hard to not use. but if he wont change you need to leave him because he WILL take you down too.. So bottom line is if you cant get him to see the damage hes doing then you need to leave him.
Go to alanon and get help for yourself you are suffering to. You have to make sure you don't let his addiction start to control your life. As much as you care you can't engage in enabling behavior as it actually will only hurt him. He won't stop unless he is ready but you don't have to play a part in his using either. Write down how you feel and keep a journal and if you see yourself writing the same thing over and over then that means you need to take some steps to change your own behvavior. You can't control him but you can take charge of how you deal with this.
Hey Kitty, I'm really sorry about the position you're in. Unfortunately the only thing I can say is that he won't stop until he's ready to. He's an addict and his behavior is controlled by his addiction. It sounds like you've tried to get him to stop and it hasn't worked. I don't know why he's mean to you but I imagine it's because you are safe and also that he's just really angry at himself. Seeing you probably reminds him that he's messing up and he'd rather not deal with it.
I'm sorry to have to say this but it may be that you have to leave him. Maybe your leaving will be what gets him to straighten up. Maybe not. Either way you shouldn't have to deal with it.
I'm sorry to have to say this but it may be that you have to leave him. Maybe your leaving will be what gets him to straighten up. Maybe not. Either way you shouldn't have to deal with it.
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