passing judgement

[pleasehelpme115]

I dont usually say much but i have been lurking as my medhelp friends would say and i continue to come across some of the seasoned members being very judgemental harsh and not sesitive to others situations. First off I would like to say i dont care if u have 1 day 1 month 1 year or 10 years, NO ONE has the right to judge anyones situation or talk to them as if they are less then human. I dont care if anyone will admit this but at some point during our addiction we have ALL felt like we were NOT going to make it or had thoughts of how we were going to end our life because thats just a part of active addiction so when we see a fellow addict down and feeling that way we have no right to say ohh u need to get some mental help or u seriously need to talk with someone and then people want to say well were is john doe at why is he not posting please talk to us. well john doe stop posting because he was told things he already knew and it hurt him to b talked to like that even if it was the truth.

[Emily_MHManager]

Hi everyone -

We are closing this thread.  It is a good point to remember to choose your words carefully, and also to remember that this is the internet, and it is sometimes hard to interpret someone's meaning from the written word.  

New or "old" member alike, emotions run high and passions are strong in this community, which is actually a very good thing, but can also cause some hurt feelings, even unintentionally.

We need to make sure that fingers aren't being pointed at specific people, or that others are being talked about in a negative way.  This is a safe and supportive site for everyone.

Emily

                              *** CLOSED THREAD ***
                            NO MORE POSTS, PLEASE

[CRYSTAL614]

the post i was talking bout was the preg mom sd she didnt want to tt her doc and 1 woman said well what do u want support not from me i just dont think that was accepting of her situation and can scare people off from getting help some people need soft handling others dont thats why they say every one is diff

[kyle505]

Just a note...When I first came to this forum, I was immediately informed, as are all visitors, that members can not give medical advice, and any mental/medical-based issues, major or minor, need to be discussed with a doctor. I was also aware that I would be receiving input from recovering addicts, or those in the process of recovery...A variety of people with a variety of personalities and opinions. My choice to be here. As per your last post, I believe that most members think before they post, and depending on where an individual is in their recovery process, sometimes honesty and a solid push is what is needed. I was wallowing in my own BS - I needed a wake up call and that's what I got; it wasn't candy coated, and looking back it was exactly what I needed.
Thanks for your post. When trying to cyber help others we do sometimes get caught up in the moment, however, it is with hope and good intentions that we offer help and support.  

[pleasehelpme115]

All bkitty u know u r my boo. and u r right about your core group because you bama gnarly dominosara and lulu are my support. i was just generally speaking and i need to correct the word bash because the seasoned member DO NOT AND  I REPEAT DO NOT bash ANYONE. AND i have not saw and abuse. its just that i think people need to think before they post and ask themselves how would they feel if someone said the samething to them and this includes myself. i just love to beable to feel all the support and love From my fellow medhelpians. lol

[pleasehelpme115]

Clearly she was NOT a stupid woman. but i say all that to say just respect things that people say because we all have our reasons for keeping somethings personal and every situation is different because my baby was NOT taken from me and she did test positive for oxycodone nor did a social worker even come ask me anything bUt i would NEVER tell anyone that because babys health is important and thats bad advice to give an active addict because they would think its ok. but everyone has made very good comments

[pleasehelpme115]

first let me start by saying that i dont believe that anyone intends on being abusive so there would be no reason to report BUT yes people do need to definatly read things before they click the Post button. and yes i would want help if i were having thoughts of killing myself but several people telling me i need mental help and acting as if they have not been in my shoes would not b helping. or when people continue to post the same harsh responses would not help a person that much either. if someone is suicidal the first thing they need to b told is that is the addiction brain talking and then if people really cared they would b trying to figure what state and city that person is in so law enforcement can b contacted because if someone is really going to kill themself we cannot physically do anything from cyber space. i just think people need to respect what people ask them NOT to do just like the pregnant woman said she was NOT telling her doctor and everyone kept telling her things as if she was stupid and

[WantMyLifeBack2010]

I have been an active member on Med help for almost 2 years...I started out with a different screen name when i was in the height of my addiction...
I must say that in all this time I have come across a few replies to a post that "I PERSONALLY THINK" some should re-read before they click that green box "post a comment"
Sometimes ppl can come across as very harsh, or as I like to call it Brutally Honest....not thinking about that persons feelings....if that PERSON posting says something like "tell me the truth don't hold anything back" Then by all means -Diplomatically-give them YOUR personal stories, or what you know is FACT-Not what you may have heard...but if they are posting for the first time and those word the wrote sound as tho they are  scared or suicide is something they are considering, TRY to type the same words you would "SAY" if they were standing infront of you....they are just like us.... human with an addiction.....
I also think we need to remember we are RECOVERING ADDICTS ...This will be  with us and we must continue to work on ourselves for the rest of our lives??!!!
I think we assume since we've been there, are working on our clean time or working a treatment center we have to remember we all started OUT on here new, scared with LOTS of questions ....hoping that someone...ANYONE would give us THAT Answer becuz we are ADDICTS and WE WANT that QUICK ANSWER just like when we used we needed our DRUGS NOW!!! not 5 minutes nor 5 hours...RIGHT NOW....
That is ALL part of working on ourselves even after we are complete with wheat ever it is we used to get clean....
just as you wrote:  " the ones with little clean time act as if they know it all and that if someone doesnt do it their way then they wont get better"  

I ALWAYS try and write "THIS IS WHAT WORKED for ME"....or "This was advice given to me when I was where you are, I hope it helps you as it did me"?

and as far as the DOCTOR thingy I have been through my SHARE of them ....i told the Very doctor that was prescribing me large quantities of Roxy's and Percocets " I am scared I am loosing control with these pills,...can you PLEASE help me".??? Sure he did....he DISCHARGED ME and said "go stand in line at the methadone clinic because I  will NOT treat you any longer"!!! BAM what a SLAP in the face so yes, todays doctors are very very fickle...even the one I have NOW...I am scared to MENTION "I feel as if the Xanax I've been taking for 11 years now especially with me detoxing/Tapering off My methadone...well I'm still having more anxiety than ever before" ....
I'm so AFRAID she'll accuse me of abusing them or the posibilty of doing so and discharge me or decide I need to be tapered off them as well??
So yes it is scary to assume we can talk to the person we rely on for help???

[Emily_MHManager]

Hi there -

I just want to reiterate what sandstone27 said about reporting posts you think are abusive. On the right side of every post, if you move your cursor there, a red Report will appear, and you can choose Abuse to report it.

We promise we will check it out.

Emily

[bmdad]

I know what post you're talking about the girl that was pregnant. I personally didn't feel that anyone was bashing her. She was being told what can happen if you go cold turkey while pregnant. It was stuff that she needed to hear. She said that she couldn't tell her doctor. You know what? She could of. She wanted to know what would happen if they did end up her or her baby did test positive once she delivered. She had people who work in the medical field tell her what could happen and why she should inform them. You have to realize that when it comes to addiction we have all  lived in denial for a long time. Us as addicts need to hear the cold hard truth about what can happen if we continue doing it "our way". If our way worked we wouldn't of ended up on a forum seeking help. If we sit and and sugarcoat everything we will all continue living in denial. People come to a forum to seek support and advice. Many times someone's advice is their opinion. That's the great thing about a forum. We get many different opinions from many different people. How helpful would this forum be if we all agreed on the same thing? It wouldn't get us anywhere. What do you think would happen if we just sat back and told everyone what they wanted to hear? The truth is, addiction kills and it kills everyday. We can't just sit back, pat each other on the back all the time and each other that everything's going to be okay. We have to make each other realize that our way is what got us where we're at. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be sensitive but there are times where someone needs to hear the truth whether they want to or not. It may just save their life. If my sister would've heard the cold hard truth, she may still be alive.

[Bkitty]

You know I love ya though!! :)) We supported each other too. (((Hugs)))~Bkitty

[sandstone27]

Hi, I agree with scriptnomore - I've been around for a while - I left for a bit and then recently came back.   I do see some "tough talk" every once in a while, usually when nothing else has worked.  But I rarely see anyone being verbally abused or "bashed".  If you think it's a problem, because you're right that it shouldn't happen, you can always report the poster - that's what the report button is for on the right side of the post.  The Moderators will decide if the post is appropriate or not.  

With regard to pregnant Moms, the only real advice we can give them is that they talk to their OBGyN as soon as possible about their drug use.  This is a hard and fast rule at MH.  We can support them, tell them what they can expect, etc., but that's about it.  If they DON'T tell their doctor, their situation is going to get far worse.  

Sandy

[Bkitty]

All due respect,,,I am just curious about something,,If you come across another member that is suicidal what would you say to them? The thing is we dont know really what is going thru their mind at that moment. All we see are the words typed. We dont know if they have a plan to actually do something. Basically we dont know what level of "suicidal thoughts" they have. When someone types that they are suicidal we should never ignore those posts. We dont know if the intend to act on it. For safety reasons we really need to suggest that they get help. It is a cry for HELP.

I have not encountered any other members that have bashed anyone,,,I have seen other members showing tough love. If you have a member posting 1000x a day  that they cant do this or still stuck in the same behavior you may see a member show a lil tough love,,,I believe its because they genuinely care and are trying to help its just that the "nice" way isnt working. We cant see the members that post,,we only get a glimpse,,we cant hear the tone of their voice or see their expressions.

For me,,the members that are in the "infancy" stage of their addiction are just as valuable as members with a lot of clean time. We are all addicts as you say whether day one or day 1000. I have seen new members come to post everyday and they really care about other members that are new as well,,the kinda group of and support each other. I had a "core" group that supported me initially as well as we all were beginning the detox process together. We supported each other and posted all day and night to ensure that member was supported and felt loved and cared for. I have to agree with the "veteran" members though,,,I tried it "my" way once before and ignored all their advice and well,,,here I am 2 years later. This time I tried it their way and well here I am,,,90 days later. ~Bkitty

[Sarah11212]

I do see some brutally honest talk once in a while, as I too myself have given it a time or two but honestly, I don't see anyone being bashed.
I do think some are more sensitive than others. And to be completely honest, I needed ppl to help toughen me up during my detox as I feel it is more mental than physical.
But I certainly am not seeing anyone being bashed.

[CRYSTAL614]

I READ THAT SAME POST AND FELT THE SAME EXACT WAY WHAT IF SOMEONE WOULD OF ACTED LIKE THAT WHEN THEY ASKED FOR HELP

[pleasehelpme115]

Another thing i have noticed is that some addicts with a little clean time act as if they know it all and that if someone doesnt do it their way then they wont get better and all of us addicts need to remember all it takes is that one weak moment or trigger to b right back in active addiction. i read this post about a woman aNd she was pregnant and she asked up front NOT TO B JUDGED OR BASHED and what did a lot of people do judge and bash her. she said she could not tell her doctor and EVERYONE knows that its one of the hardest things to do is tell your doc and loved ones for fear of rejection. kudos to those who were able to easly tell their partners and fam but u guys have no right to judge those that have not made it that far mentally and the reality is that some of us have no choice but to beat this alone and bashing will not change that. feel free to openly add on or comment. everyones opnions r valid and we r all adults so we may not agree with one another but will will respect each other