Aa
please help me nobody will
***this is an email i sent friend. he replied that he didnt want to get involved instead of rewriting the entire thing which would take ages just assume this was all about talking to you and save me alot of typing. i really do need advice. the message is long so ill add the second half as a comment***
hey man could you please not talk about what im typing to anybody its very personal and you seem like a trustworthy person. please do not tell people about this bro itll most likely **** my entire life up. because **** spreads quick.
**please read all of this and help me** out because im not sure ill be alive in few years if i dont get all help from somebody i can trust like you. youre on top of my list for people i can trust with this because you talk to god and have never done anything that would make me not trust you can keep this between you and me. all my best friends are druggies or drunks now and i cant trust them at all to keep secerets because they open mouths when there ****** up.
i need some advice from you man. soooooo ****** high right now on 240 mg of oxycottin (which is about the same opiate strength of 2 needles full of heroin LOL) and a gram of AK-47. i never use facebook really just felt like talking right now really bad and nobodies on.. im starting to hate getting high. last night i dreamed i won the lottery and spent it all on drugs. im pissed that all i think about is drugs now really. this first time ive ever actually asked anybody any of this. getting is all i ****** care about now. i feel soooooo ****** awesome lol in the past like 3 min the oxy kicked in more lol im suprised im typeing so good cuz i dont feel the keyboard at all. love this **** sooooo much but i hate it because i never have money and my life aint moving foward. should be doing good in college and getting jobs. i ****** faild the eziest class at chaffey cuz i showed up late high all time.
i dont know what to do though ive bleed about 4 times so far when i went to restroom in past week probally because ive fried my liver. its too hard to find heroin here. i need heroin because soon i wont be able to get oxycottin and then im ******. oxy is stronger then heroin. its like 1.5 to 3 times stronger depending on how clean the heroin is and its same kind of high. i CANT FIND H ANYWHERE soon the oxy perscription is out and then itll be only vicodins and ill be ****** miserable with only vicodin. i have no money left for weed which *****, cant get jobs, and i hardly have anything left that i can pawn for money besides my guitar, tv, or xbox and i wont pawn those. but i did pawn my acoustic and my not awesome amp. do you have anyplace where u can hook me up with a job i need money for a car. ***** really much cuz only way imma be able to get back into slanging is if i get car. becuz at this age most people who still are buying know people thatll drive it to their house and i cant. plus when i get my car i can drive to a guy who i know is a heroin dealer and he has no car and is wayyyyy to far for walking.
i hope this isnt hard on you to read because its very hard for me just to say this ive never really admitted i have a problem before about anything.
i really dont know why i am telling you this because i guess because most my friends have a big mouth. i have no medical insurance and i cant afford to see how bad my health really is. i not sure im addicted but i do feel like **** phisically when im not high now and in a nausea / aching muscle way. but not pain or shivers or anything when im not high like hardcore addicts on streets. but i probally am addicted mentally now because i dream about drugs now and i think the longest i can go in a day without think about getting high is probally 30-60 minutes. people would joke around call me druggy in highschool sometimes because i was high so often and i think i am becoming one now.
really ***** because ive lost interest in guitar, and video games for the most part which were my favorite things to do besides getting realy really high. i pretty much stopped talking to girls all together and i want to go find my self a girlfriend but no bodies gonna wanna be with a jobless,
carless druggy.
im not like super deppressed or suicidal or anything. but im just not my self anymore. i have no insurance and cant afford to go to doctor. and im to much of a ***** to ask my mom to take me to a rehab or drug councilor. im not really sure if i need rehab or that stuff. but i probally will soon. ***** because im to afraid to tell my really good friends about this **** they probally would stop hanging out with me if they knew how much hardcore drugs im using now. even my old acid and shrooms connect ditched me cuz he found out that i was used meth and opiates. i really dont touch meth much though or even weed now. i think ive only smoked about 2 ounces since christmas which is kinda alot but nothing compared to when i had the good hookups and people who would buy from me. man im typing soooo ******* much today im soo damn talkative right now. i dont know what the **** im gonna do next though because i ****** up my major in college. absolutely cant find a job. i was going to join the military and i got far into joining but my overdose showed up on my medical records and my expulsion ****** my up too.
figuring out what you want to do and then being told you cant go into that career REALLY *****. i was working out and running and even quit drugs for like a month so i could be clean for tests. now im like 2 times fatter then i was cuz pretty much sit around and eat when im at home. the navy told me i couldnt get in just because i have ADD and took medicine for it for 10 years the other **** didnt disqualify which makes makes me sooo damn pissed. cant even keep my eyes open much longer took too much tonight. im on 3 oxycottin 80 mg which cost about 40-50 bucks for each pill and is the strongest opiate i know of (more then heroin and morphine). if you were to take just 2 at once way i do you'd probally die lol i have a ridiculous tolerance. im on a g of ak47 too so this high high would probally cost $130-$170
and the high would last you 2 hours maybe 3. getting high is soo ****** expensive when upgrade from only weed. im soo ****** lucky i get it so easy lol i get it free. mom has had strong opiates for 11 years cuz she has a bunch of desieses that add up to making her in as much pain as a cancer patient which is why she gots the strongest perscribeable pills there are that you can get high off of. so she has thousands of dollars worth of pills in cabnits and shes downgrading to ******* vicodin because her doctor died and no other doctors are gonna give out oxy to her. i dont know what to ****** do man.
do you know any places that or hiring or even temporary job?
hey man could you please not talk about what im typing to anybody its very personal and you seem like a trustworthy person. please do not tell people about this bro itll most likely **** my entire life up. because **** spreads quick.
**please read all of this and help me** out because im not sure ill be alive in few years if i dont get all help from somebody i can trust like you. youre on top of my list for people i can trust with this because you talk to god and have never done anything that would make me not trust you can keep this between you and me. all my best friends are druggies or drunks now and i cant trust them at all to keep secerets because they open mouths when there ****** up.
i need some advice from you man. soooooo ****** high right now on 240 mg of oxycottin (which is about the same opiate strength of 2 needles full of heroin LOL) and a gram of AK-47. i never use facebook really just felt like talking right now really bad and nobodies on.. im starting to hate getting high. last night i dreamed i won the lottery and spent it all on drugs. im pissed that all i think about is drugs now really. this first time ive ever actually asked anybody any of this. getting is all i ****** care about now. i feel soooooo ****** awesome lol in the past like 3 min the oxy kicked in more lol im suprised im typeing so good cuz i dont feel the keyboard at all. love this **** sooooo much but i hate it because i never have money and my life aint moving foward. should be doing good in college and getting jobs. i ****** faild the eziest class at chaffey cuz i showed up late high all time.
i dont know what to do though ive bleed about 4 times so far when i went to restroom in past week probally because ive fried my liver. its too hard to find heroin here. i need heroin because soon i wont be able to get oxycottin and then im ******. oxy is stronger then heroin. its like 1.5 to 3 times stronger depending on how clean the heroin is and its same kind of high. i CANT FIND H ANYWHERE soon the oxy perscription is out and then itll be only vicodins and ill be ****** miserable with only vicodin. i have no money left for weed which *****, cant get jobs, and i hardly have anything left that i can pawn for money besides my guitar, tv, or xbox and i wont pawn those. but i did pawn my acoustic and my not awesome amp. do you have anyplace where u can hook me up with a job i need money for a car. ***** really much cuz only way imma be able to get back into slanging is if i get car. becuz at this age most people who still are buying know people thatll drive it to their house and i cant. plus when i get my car i can drive to a guy who i know is a heroin dealer and he has no car and is wayyyyy to far for walking.
i hope this isnt hard on you to read because its very hard for me just to say this ive never really admitted i have a problem before about anything.
i really dont know why i am telling you this because i guess because most my friends have a big mouth. i have no medical insurance and i cant afford to see how bad my health really is. i not sure im addicted but i do feel like **** phisically when im not high now and in a nausea / aching muscle way. but not pain or shivers or anything when im not high like hardcore addicts on streets. but i probally am addicted mentally now because i dream about drugs now and i think the longest i can go in a day without think about getting high is probally 30-60 minutes. people would joke around call me druggy in highschool sometimes because i was high so often and i think i am becoming one now.
really ***** because ive lost interest in guitar, and video games for the most part which were my favorite things to do besides getting realy really high. i pretty much stopped talking to girls all together and i want to go find my self a girlfriend but no bodies gonna wanna be with a jobless,
carless druggy.
im not like super deppressed or suicidal or anything. but im just not my self anymore. i have no insurance and cant afford to go to doctor. and im to much of a ***** to ask my mom to take me to a rehab or drug councilor. im not really sure if i need rehab or that stuff. but i probally will soon. ***** because im to afraid to tell my really good friends about this **** they probally would stop hanging out with me if they knew how much hardcore drugs im using now. even my old acid and shrooms connect ditched me cuz he found out that i was used meth and opiates. i really dont touch meth much though or even weed now. i think ive only smoked about 2 ounces since christmas which is kinda alot but nothing compared to when i had the good hookups and people who would buy from me. man im typing soooo ******* much today im soo damn talkative right now. i dont know what the **** im gonna do next though because i ****** up my major in college. absolutely cant find a job. i was going to join the military and i got far into joining but my overdose showed up on my medical records and my expulsion ****** my up too.
figuring out what you want to do and then being told you cant go into that career REALLY *****. i was working out and running and even quit drugs for like a month so i could be clean for tests. now im like 2 times fatter then i was cuz pretty much sit around and eat when im at home. the navy told me i couldnt get in just because i have ADD and took medicine for it for 10 years the other **** didnt disqualify which makes makes me sooo damn pissed. cant even keep my eyes open much longer took too much tonight. im on 3 oxycottin 80 mg which cost about 40-50 bucks for each pill and is the strongest opiate i know of (more then heroin and morphine). if you were to take just 2 at once way i do you'd probally die lol i have a ridiculous tolerance. im on a g of ak47 too so this high high would probally cost $130-$170
and the high would last you 2 hours maybe 3. getting high is soo ****** expensive when upgrade from only weed. im soo ****** lucky i get it so easy lol i get it free. mom has had strong opiates for 11 years cuz she has a bunch of desieses that add up to making her in as much pain as a cancer patient which is why she gots the strongest perscribeable pills there are that you can get high off of. so she has thousands of dollars worth of pills in cabnits and shes downgrading to ******* vicodin because her doctor died and no other doctors are gonna give out oxy to her. i dont know what to ****** do man.
do you know any places that or hiring or even temporary job?
Hey,
I understand how hard it is to stop and get sober, and most importantly actually stay sober. I am trying to get sober from oxycontin and I take similiar amounts as you do. Like you said, it is so addicting and so expensive. I hate how it has total control over me I spend so much time worrying about getting it, doing it, and making sure I have enough for the morning so that I don't withdrawal. You say that you have a lot of stuff from your past and currently in your life that you need to deal with and that this is one of the first times you've actually opened up about it and talked about it. That is so important, because as addicts, it's easy to repress feelings and escape from them by getting high. I have pushed down my own stuff for so long and used drugs to help me block out everything and avoid dealing with anything. I'd say if you can't go to a therapist or a rehab due to financial reasons, then you should really take advantage of getting a sponsor. Do you know what a sponsor is? If not, it's another recovering addict that you meet at a meeting and they guide you through working the 12 steps but you call them everyday and just talk to them and they give you advice. They have time sober and have experienced everything you are going through and their advice is so great, they can guide you through early sobriety and pick you back up to your feet. And it's free lol. I think it would be so beneficial to go to a meeting (call the local office and they will find someone to give you a ride, part of the program is giving ride to, "newcomers" as they call it) Anyways if you introduce yourself as a newcomer at a meeting plenty of people will come up to you and introduce themselves and just be there to talk, give advice, or just listen, and most likely they've all been where you and I are at now. I don't mean to preach NA or AA this is just a suggestion and I thought it might help because it is all free and it's just a bunch of people who have been where you are at now, and just want to help. Hope this helps a bit, good luck.
I understand how hard it is to stop and get sober, and most importantly actually stay sober. I am trying to get sober from oxycontin and I take similiar amounts as you do. Like you said, it is so addicting and so expensive. I hate how it has total control over me I spend so much time worrying about getting it, doing it, and making sure I have enough for the morning so that I don't withdrawal. You say that you have a lot of stuff from your past and currently in your life that you need to deal with and that this is one of the first times you've actually opened up about it and talked about it. That is so important, because as addicts, it's easy to repress feelings and escape from them by getting high. I have pushed down my own stuff for so long and used drugs to help me block out everything and avoid dealing with anything. I'd say if you can't go to a therapist or a rehab due to financial reasons, then you should really take advantage of getting a sponsor. Do you know what a sponsor is? If not, it's another recovering addict that you meet at a meeting and they guide you through working the 12 steps but you call them everyday and just talk to them and they give you advice. They have time sober and have experienced everything you are going through and their advice is so great, they can guide you through early sobriety and pick you back up to your feet. And it's free lol. I think it would be so beneficial to go to a meeting (call the local office and they will find someone to give you a ride, part of the program is giving ride to, "newcomers" as they call it) Anyways if you introduce yourself as a newcomer at a meeting plenty of people will come up to you and introduce themselves and just be there to talk, give advice, or just listen, and most likely they've all been where you and I are at now. I don't mean to preach NA or AA this is just a suggestion and I thought it might help because it is all free and it's just a bunch of people who have been where you are at now, and just want to help. Hope this helps a bit, good luck.
Its good to get your feelings out in the open. Talking to people who knew you BEFORE the drugs is better. It sounds like that is the case with your friend.
What I did was send the people I trust a link to my post (on this website) so they understood where my mind was at. I suggest you do that with your mom/friend. Just understand that people that want nothing to do with you may have some trust and anger issues with you. Thats common. If you are serious, I'm quite sure your mom may help you. Tell her how you feel, or write to her when you are sober. My breaking point was my 1st day of withdrawals. Those are the times you can really get your feelings out there. Now Im almost at a week, clean, and it gets better, Hang in there!
What I did was send the people I trust a link to my post (on this website) so they understood where my mind was at. I suggest you do that with your mom/friend. Just understand that people that want nothing to do with you may have some trust and anger issues with you. Thats common. If you are serious, I'm quite sure your mom may help you. Tell her how you feel, or write to her when you are sober. My breaking point was my 1st day of withdrawals. Those are the times you can really get your feelings out there. Now Im almost at a week, clean, and it gets better, Hang in there!
Warender~ You're not in a good place...and your "friend" not wanting to get involved must really hurt !!
You can keep writing and posting here...that's not a problem at all. You might check with social services in your state for referrals to a rehab. At this rate,you're really going to hurt yourself with the amount of drugs you're taking in~~
Vicki
You can keep writing and posting here...that's not a problem at all. You might check with social services in your state for referrals to a rehab. At this rate,you're really going to hurt yourself with the amount of drugs you're taking in~~
Vicki
And I will admit you got a heck of a mess and plenty of roadblocks that appear to be limiting your options. But you have to start somewhere..This is a good a place as any..
There is a private messaging option at the upper left of the page. See "inbox?". Click that, and take it from there. And patience. right now is early. Their will be more people showing up during the day. Once a conversation gets started, your liable to have a number of individuals talking with you at one time..But patience..And you can speak freely in here. This is probably one of the best places to communicate any of your concerns and get honest feedback..Trust is not an issue. This place was godsend for me and many other's. It can be for you too..
is there anyway i can like just talk to any of you guys (not over phone) and just talk becuz this is first time ive ever came out with any of my real emotions and this websites nice but when you say something it takes 30 min for a reply and i have horrible trust issues with people so i never talk about anything personal with my friends we mostly just talk about movies and drugs and stuff. usually drugs. there aint no way be able to get a shrink or rehab most likely but i would love for somebody to just help me out whose been through this before and talk with me. i dont want a real 6 year university shrink person to talk to me none of them would understand how i feel they never failed every elementary, jr. high, high school and college class they took like i did, they never got what im pretty sure is an addiction, and they probally know nothing about how i feel other then what they readed in a book.
does this site have a IM thing somebody could talk to me alot over. i have alot more problems then i could type into a 8000 character box. probally the biggest of all my problems are one of my best friends murderd which i feel was partly my fault, my bipolar skitzo dad who abandoned me, and having horrible self esteem basicly my entire 20 years of life.
does this site have a IM thing somebody could talk to me alot over. i have alot more problems then i could type into a 8000 character box. probally the biggest of all my problems are one of my best friends murderd which i feel was partly my fault, my bipolar skitzo dad who abandoned me, and having horrible self esteem basicly my entire 20 years of life.
didnt know you can call people at NA for a ride i will try that but im sure rehab/sober living would be only thing to fix me because my home is filled with hundreds of pain meds at a time usually because my mom is sooo unhealthy. so even with NA when id get back home its always gonna be opiates here. whats worst is all of my friends are stoners and drunks and stuff so i cant go live with any of my friends that i know well enuff that would be willing to let me crash at thier houses. its like being a coke addict and coming home to a ton of coke everyday trying to avoi that. its not like i can ask my mom to leave ya know? its her house. and her locking up her medicin would most likely be hazardous for her becuz he pain is so bad sometimes she can barely stand and its hard to watch if she locked meds up shed probally be in too much pain one day to be able to turn the key / lock code and grab them and im a really good thief id probally get around lock anyways. i already know lockpicking.
lol dav this person talking is me i wrote that email to friend who wouldnt help me. but you must have missed that i wrote i have no money or insurance and in order to get a councilor/therapist/shrink you need need like $60 for an hour session or so. im not worried bout proffesionals telling people i was worried bout friends telling people. but in order to get a shrink or rehab any of that id have to ask my mom to help me afford it becuz i dont make any money. and i cant drive to an NA meetings becuz i no got liscense. and id have to tell my mom and telling my mom would probally lead to prison time knowin her. part of why i sent friend this email last night was hoping maybe i could get him to give me rides there but its not close and hes trying to be a pastor so i think he wants nothing to do with me so i dont get him into drugs most likely becuz i got him into weed when we were kids which led to his parents not letting me hang with him anymore. he probally thinks id get him into oxy too
I have felt how you feel. You need to try and find some help and the best help I know is other recovering adddicts. They get it. They will help but you need to help yourself too. I am worried about your liver. My brother was addicted to Adderall for a couple years and then took his life. Ultimately, drugs and alcohol will rob you of your freedom. Getting sober is hard, staying sober for me is a wonderful decision I make every day. Once you are sober for awhile you WILL remember the things you once loved liked guitar, girls, video games... whatever it may be. Life does return to you after some uncomfortable time. You just have to take it slow and it is very hard to do alone. If you call an NA or AA hotline they may send someone to pick you up and bring you to a meeting. Sounds like you are young. Keep coming here for support. You will find it.
Is this "you" with the problem? I just looked again and saw where you stated you sent this to a friend so I got this backwards. One other thing. You speak of your worries about your problem being exposed should you seek help thru a counselor or whoever. There are confidentiality laws which protect you on that. No one has the right to desiminate anything you speak of without your specific approval. Find a counselor..
Need to comment to him about this really neat website you found..This place. See if he will look and then realize this isn't a hopeless situation.There are quite a number of people in here right now dealing with similar amounts of oxy and counting clean days as we speak.
.Finding an addiction specialist or counselor won't be a bad idea.. Biggest thing I see in the words is the love for the high he keeps dwelling in...Thats going to be a big roadblock..He needs to get away from focusing on that and start focusing on getting out of this hole he finds himself in..
.Finding an addiction specialist or counselor won't be a bad idea.. Biggest thing I see in the words is the love for the high he keeps dwelling in...Thats going to be a big roadblock..He needs to get away from focusing on that and start focusing on getting out of this hole he finds himself in..
i was really high so the numbers and statistics i had really arnt all correct i know that looking at it completely sober atm. i make bullcrap statistics alot. but i really do need help and i want somebody willing to be willing to just let out all my thoughts to. ive held all my problems in whole life cant afford to do that one more day. im not suicidal tho dont get wrong idea. anybody who i can just talk to who has been through something similar. i have far more problems then that email had. thats just what i was comfortable telling him.
*part 2*
im basically ****** and gonna get kicked out house soon cuz mom doesnt want me here soon if i dont get act together because i cant get a job and aint accomplishing anything not even a ****** drivers license. no money in our house for rehab even if i was ask for it. but i dont think im super addicted just maybe a little if at all. i NEED advice on what to do and the only reason im asking you and not my close friends or family because im sure if knew what ive become they would never look at me the same. i know this because when i had that bad OD day at school i noticed how much people started looking at me differently. i dont want to become the families biggest drug addict and yelled at being called the **** up of the family cuz thats what happend when i got expelled for being high and suspended for the od it took a long time for them to look at me differently and i know if was to tell my family i have a drug problem id probally just get kicked out and disowned and if my close friends found out i would probally have soo many less friends. its hard enough telling you and this is just through a text but i kinda want somebody to talk to about this for help figuring out what the **** im going to do. please do not tell people about this bro itll most likely **** my entire life up.
i just need somebody to give me advice and your gonna be a preecher and your not 2faced so im more comfertable asking you for help on what i should do.
now that ive ****** my major completely and probally wont get into in awesome universities. i probally want to be cop next. its closest thing to military ill ever get to. but the problem is if i go to rehab itll show up i was a drug addict and ill never ever be able to get alot of the careers i have any interest in.
if i go see somebody about this like a therapist or drug counsilor. itll show up too and that **** me over also. and the nearest narcotics anonymous meeting place is way too far for me to get to and unless i tell my mom about this problem aint no way im going to be able to get to that meeting place. i cant afford to tell my mom because i cant handle that guilt plus then shed know i was stealling thousands of bucks worth of pills from her and knowing her shed take legal action and thats prison if they bust me
so im asking you what should i do man? i feel completely stuck i cant just quit cold turkey i feel ****** horrible without getting high off weed or oxycottin and all i think about is drugs now. as soon as these curent bottles of oxycottin run out ill have to use less mg pills that have tylonal in them so id have to take like far more pills to get high and when you take that much tylonal itll can cause liver failure and knowing myself ill end up feeling sooo ****** that ill end up takeing those pills anyways and my health will get worser ever faster.
this is first time in my life i havnt been able to figure out what to do for myself about myself. i feel like ive reached a dead end. i know im going to be miserable for rest of my life if i dont figure out what to do quick and if i keep not caring about anything or anyone but getting high im probally not gonna be alive in like 5 years or less. tired of feeling like **** and having to take 3 pills every several hours just to feel happy and avoid feeling like a piece of sick human trash. when im not high 1 minute feels like hours and everything reminds me of drugs. i wouldnt even be able to type this if i wasnt high. i have to be on at lease half a gram of weed or 30 mg of pills to not feel completely ****** miserable. it would really really help me if you could help talk me through all of this because im not sure i really have any other options. and i know if i do nothing and dont at least talk about it to somebody ill probally and up overdosing or being homeless or something soon.
im gonna have to sell so much of my stuff soon for oxy if i cant find a heroin connect soon heroin is way cheaper not as strong but its 1/5 the price for a high. and if i dont get a connect for heroin quick status having to pay for oxycottin would cost me around 200-400 bucks a day just to not feel horrible. i wish i never touched hardcore drugs man. i wish i stuck to weed. if i knew where my father was i would ask him for help because he was much more understanding then my mom. but i havnt seen my dad since i as 8 and i saw him 2 times when i was 8 he abandoned me at 4 and now hes nowhere to be found. only people i have in my family left is my mom brother, and aunt everybody else is dead and none of them would understand this. life ***** doesnt it?
when we knew eachother i hadnt even tried opiates. 8-13 months ago i started this ****. i really have lost track though because time and date fade away when you hiding in your room all day everyday because your way too high for your family to see you and way to high to walk to a friends house without probally having a heart attack. opiates drain all the energy out of you when you high on em and youd probally drop to floor after half a mile of walking as much as me. you can still think well on them though. the reason i think i like them so much is because it makes you feel like your floating, while having a full body orgasm, and makes you feel like your jesus. no amount of physical harm can make you feel anything. and it makes me not feel any emotions. your a godly zombie that can still kind of think. but this **** turns you into a slave fast. then again most people whove done opiates have never been as high as i get everytime i use because most people have no way of getting a $150 2 or 3 hour high.
im going to end this message here because you probally wont want to read much more this is probally realy depressing for you to read. but please dont just read this i need help and your the first person if ever reached out to because your gonna be a pastor and ive never seen you do or heard you anything that would make me not trust you. just dont tell anybody about this i dont want to be labeled a drug addict for rest of my life and if you tell others about my problem ill be so screwed reputation wise and my brother would quickly find out and tell my mom and then id be homeless;
im basically ****** and gonna get kicked out house soon cuz mom doesnt want me here soon if i dont get act together because i cant get a job and aint accomplishing anything not even a ****** drivers license. no money in our house for rehab even if i was ask for it. but i dont think im super addicted just maybe a little if at all. i NEED advice on what to do and the only reason im asking you and not my close friends or family because im sure if knew what ive become they would never look at me the same. i know this because when i had that bad OD day at school i noticed how much people started looking at me differently. i dont want to become the families biggest drug addict and yelled at being called the **** up of the family cuz thats what happend when i got expelled for being high and suspended for the od it took a long time for them to look at me differently and i know if was to tell my family i have a drug problem id probally just get kicked out and disowned and if my close friends found out i would probally have soo many less friends. its hard enough telling you and this is just through a text but i kinda want somebody to talk to about this for help figuring out what the **** im going to do. please do not tell people about this bro itll most likely **** my entire life up.
i just need somebody to give me advice and your gonna be a preecher and your not 2faced so im more comfertable asking you for help on what i should do.
now that ive ****** my major completely and probally wont get into in awesome universities. i probally want to be cop next. its closest thing to military ill ever get to. but the problem is if i go to rehab itll show up i was a drug addict and ill never ever be able to get alot of the careers i have any interest in.
if i go see somebody about this like a therapist or drug counsilor. itll show up too and that **** me over also. and the nearest narcotics anonymous meeting place is way too far for me to get to and unless i tell my mom about this problem aint no way im going to be able to get to that meeting place. i cant afford to tell my mom because i cant handle that guilt plus then shed know i was stealling thousands of bucks worth of pills from her and knowing her shed take legal action and thats prison if they bust me
so im asking you what should i do man? i feel completely stuck i cant just quit cold turkey i feel ****** horrible without getting high off weed or oxycottin and all i think about is drugs now. as soon as these curent bottles of oxycottin run out ill have to use less mg pills that have tylonal in them so id have to take like far more pills to get high and when you take that much tylonal itll can cause liver failure and knowing myself ill end up feeling sooo ****** that ill end up takeing those pills anyways and my health will get worser ever faster.
this is first time in my life i havnt been able to figure out what to do for myself about myself. i feel like ive reached a dead end. i know im going to be miserable for rest of my life if i dont figure out what to do quick and if i keep not caring about anything or anyone but getting high im probally not gonna be alive in like 5 years or less. tired of feeling like **** and having to take 3 pills every several hours just to feel happy and avoid feeling like a piece of sick human trash. when im not high 1 minute feels like hours and everything reminds me of drugs. i wouldnt even be able to type this if i wasnt high. i have to be on at lease half a gram of weed or 30 mg of pills to not feel completely ****** miserable. it would really really help me if you could help talk me through all of this because im not sure i really have any other options. and i know if i do nothing and dont at least talk about it to somebody ill probally and up overdosing or being homeless or something soon.
im gonna have to sell so much of my stuff soon for oxy if i cant find a heroin connect soon heroin is way cheaper not as strong but its 1/5 the price for a high. and if i dont get a connect for heroin quick status having to pay for oxycottin would cost me around 200-400 bucks a day just to not feel horrible. i wish i never touched hardcore drugs man. i wish i stuck to weed. if i knew where my father was i would ask him for help because he was much more understanding then my mom. but i havnt seen my dad since i as 8 and i saw him 2 times when i was 8 he abandoned me at 4 and now hes nowhere to be found. only people i have in my family left is my mom brother, and aunt everybody else is dead and none of them would understand this. life ***** doesnt it?
when we knew eachother i hadnt even tried opiates. 8-13 months ago i started this ****. i really have lost track though because time and date fade away when you hiding in your room all day everyday because your way too high for your family to see you and way to high to walk to a friends house without probally having a heart attack. opiates drain all the energy out of you when you high on em and youd probally drop to floor after half a mile of walking as much as me. you can still think well on them though. the reason i think i like them so much is because it makes you feel like your floating, while having a full body orgasm, and makes you feel like your jesus. no amount of physical harm can make you feel anything. and it makes me not feel any emotions. your a godly zombie that can still kind of think. but this **** turns you into a slave fast. then again most people whove done opiates have never been as high as i get everytime i use because most people have no way of getting a $150 2 or 3 hour high.
im going to end this message here because you probally wont want to read much more this is probally realy depressing for you to read. but please dont just read this i need help and your the first person if ever reached out to because your gonna be a pastor and ive never seen you do or heard you anything that would make me not trust you. just dont tell anybody about this i dont want to be labeled a drug addict for rest of my life and if you tell others about my problem ill be so screwed reputation wise and my brother would quickly find out and tell my mom and then id be homeless;
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