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Avatar universal

please help..

hi, i'm very new at this but i have no where else to turn too. my boyfriend that i have been seeing each other for 10 months now and he is addicted to pain killers. i believe Oxy's are his main view. he snorts them 3 times a day. i don't know the dose but its so obvious he's high on them and tries to hide it from me. i've been battling this with him for 6 months. he's been telling me lately that he's quit but he's still lying to me and to himself..he's been addicted to Oxy's for 10 years, he's told me in the past. he's 28 now. anyway, i'm just done fighting with him about this, i feel like i've givin up. i'm tired of being lied too. when i did confront him everytime about him using pills he got all defensive and made me feel like i was stupid and crazy. so i just stopped and now i pretend nothing is wrong. but i know this is the wrong thing to do. i want so much to help him, he told me once before that he wants to quit but i'm begining to feel he doesn't want too cuz he's still hiding it behind my back.
please help me, any advice will be grateful. what should i do?
thanks,
kayla.
6 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hi!  welcome to the forums!  

  I think you already know that addiction is an illness, it gets into your system and hangs on for dear life.  Your bf is an addict so unless he realizes this, admits it and then makes a conscience decision, a commitment to quit, then he will not do so.  It has to be for himself that he quits, he can not do it for you, his mom or dad or sibblings.   I know he does wish he was free from the drug but he has to want to do the hard work of withdrawl, it isn't easy but it is doable.  Others will come with their advice/help and please know that my habit was lortab.  Others on here have detoxed from oxys tho and please read thru the others posts, there is alot of info and help if he decides to quit.  As much as you care about him, this is something he has to admit to and determined to quit.  Look in the Health pages for the Thomas Recipe and god bless.

Ella
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am going thru the denial with my hubby. I am also going thru the wondering if I am I crazy and is he telling me the truth. Some days I am so sure, some days not so sure. The most important thing I have learned here and from others is to always trust my gut. "It" knows something is going on even when his lies make ABSOLUTE sense to the point where I doubt my ability to tell what day of the week it is.  

One thing I can advise you is to get your finances in order and safely out of his reach. Only you will know when you are done but in the meantime you MUST take care of yourself. I am learning that when I spend a lot of energy on playing nancy drew to find out what he is up to or to to try to prove myself right (even just to myself) I am only hurting myself. When ever I get on a kick to 'find out' I have noticed that I start to feel physically ill... maybe from the stress. And I am trying to accept that no matter what I find out it still wont change a thing. He will only get help when HE is ready and I will only leave when I am ready. On another board someone said when the fear of staying becomes greater than the fear of leaving we will take action.
Helpful - 0
877402 tn?1241569071
I myself have been fighting addiction for a long time since i was 19 , I am 26 now and have been threw cocaine, heroin, amphetamines, and pain pills any kind as long as i could snort them.!! Well in feb 09 i quit doing pills because of incarceration (traffic) it was the longest 2 weeks going threw w/d's and being without any support at all i would have rather died then go threw it again well i made it and now its been recoving from amphetamines mostly i just crave the energy and its hard because i love to just go go go but that includes headaches body aches and anxiety so i been clean 14 days now of it and i feel like **** but i am managing no if he wants to quit bad enough he will but if it hurting your relationship then maybe you guys should just break up for a min open his eyes if he loves you then you never know GOOD LUCK I AM DEEPLY SORRY ....
Helpful - 0
882970 tn?1549208689
Sad to say but you need to threaten to leave him over this- it should be enough for him to want to stop using. If that doesn't work- you need to leave anyway because that means he really doesn;t want to stop at this time and things can and will only get worse....
I hope  he wants to help save himself and your relationship... but otherwise no matter how hard you try- nothing will help.... we are sick people and can not change unless we want too.
If he wants to stop- please be as supportive as possible- offer to care for him and be there for him because he is not going to be happy for a few days.... hopefully things work out for you...

Good luck...
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
well...he is the one that has gotta do the work and when he is ready he will...when he looks for help then he will be able to start getting his act together...he has gotta do it for him and not for u..he is lucky to have u tho  (
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thank you so much for taking your time out and giving me the advice i was looking for. you all are truly helpful indeed. i am only 18 and its a little scary dealing with your partner and his addiction. but i will do everything i can to stick with him and support him because i love him. one day i just hope he realizes what he's doing and i will be there when that day comes. everyday i tell him i'm proud of him being sober and give him a kiss on the cheek, even tho i know he's still snorting them. is that wrong? when i say that i hope that one day he'll wake up and say "wow i have someone who believes in me, i know i can do this"
Helpful - 0
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