relapse.....i do not want to//but i want to???

[worried878]

I was laid off from my job on Tuesday...times r tough....plus my guy is moving and decided he is getting back together with his x/i think...he wont break up but he is staying over there....so to me it is a done deal..he is a puss and wont do the dirty work of saying it is over//so i had to...and i didnt need the stress this week...she found out we were planning to marry next yr and things got intense//she had him arrested for trespassing and he caved///loves the 9 yr old//i am done///wont go there right now..but he is a weak person....a very bad week in general for me..instead of going to my doc///i turned to drinking....gone to meetings every night...cant go down!  gonna see a counseler too..i need to talk..i am gonna explode if i do not!

I lost my job that i had for 9 yrs...I lost him///and i loved him but now i dont know why I did/do/but am letting go....i always come out on my feet/im down but trying hard not to relapse...i havent been posting cos i havent been out of my bed much at all this week til yesterday for a gym trip and today to lay on the beach...did me good tho...and is the reason i am up at this hour//i get depressed and go to bed at 8 pm!   Losses all at once can test us....i love this forum ///everyone is so supportive....i will be ok...but relapse is in my mind cos i am weak/needy....thanks for letting me share

[spacejam1]

I relapsed several mths ago after 10 yrs of being totally clean. Trust me, drinking again only got me one of 2 things, either I went back to my DOC, or I became a full blow alcoholic.
I know for me, that when I feel like using, I believe that that the feeling will last forever. But it will not! It will pas but I have to do somethings. Such as go to a meeting, call someone and tell them the deal, work the first 3 steps, remember where using will get me, ect. All of this things I do and so far I am still clean/sober.
Hate to hear all that is going on with you but using will not solve a damn thing. Hang in there and keep talking!

[IBKleen]

Good Morning Lady,

You have a lot on your plate and I am sorry this is happening all at the same time, or at all.

So, you think using will solve the problem? Or mask it for a bit? I know that YOU know better than that. It is never the answer.

Bottom line...if you decide to throw it all away, I will hunt you down and shoot you myself. I am pretty good with a 38 so don't take that lightly..LOL

Life throws us curve balls and when we have a strong recovery program (not just clean time) we learn how to deal with them. You know how to deal with this without using.

Wouldn't it be great to just take a couple of pills and make all that pain go away? I bet it would and I will also bet that the shame and guilt alone will kill you before the drugs will.

You have been an asset to this community for over a year and a half now and I have seen you help so, so many people. I can't imagine you would throw that all away. Believe me, I understand your thinking but it is your addiction talking and you know that also.

The lady I know is going to get out of bed, take a hot shower, put on some make-up and a nice outfit and get 'er done.

All of the things you are doing are spot on. You went to meetings, you are going to see a counselor and you came here and got honest. It doesn't get any better than that.

Yup, it stinks and the pain can be overwhelming but you have spent all this time learning to deal with these situations when they smack you in the face and I know for a fact that you won't cave on this one.

Funny, I remember when you came here and you were a stubborn little thing...LOL You are one of the few that listened when given a taper schedule and you actually followed it and got clean. I admire that.

Get up and get on. If he is leaving, it is his lose. Now you need to focus on you. Losing a love is never easy and it hurts big time but it is not worth throwing away what you worked so hard for. You got clean for you, not him. Don't let him take that from you.

I truly believe when one door closes, two windows open. There will be another love and there will be another job. I do not believe in coincidences so this all happened for a reason. You may never know the reason why and it is really not important. the important part is that you hang in there. If you hang on one minute at a time, or one hour at a time and then on to one day at a time that is okay. Just make sure you hang on.

And most important, let it all out. When using we mask our feelings. You don't have to do that anymore. You are entitled to feel whatever it is you feel. They are your damn feelings and it is okay to feel them.

Keep talking and doing what you are doing. If you have to sit here all day and dump, do it!

I have faith that you will get through this.

Hugs for coming here and doing the right thing...............